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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Sophie, the good bits.

So she is doing so well, I am enjoying so much about her and she is happy, happier than she has ever been.
She was paid this week and that's a huge thing, she is paid once every 4 weeks which is SUCH a long time in between paydays. Her money goes into one of my accounts, which is good because she is truly terrible with money, really REALLY terrible! This month she was paid a lot of money, she owed a lot because she will not learn that when she borrows money, she has to pay it back and that SUCKS!
We have a trip planned, just she and I, one that she knows she has to prepare for, she has to save, she has to get a passport, she has to pay her own way. When she was paid on friday ( yes, just 2 days ago!) I helped her work her money out, pay her debts, I took some money for her trip and she had a good amount left, enough to split into 4 and have plenty to last each week until next payday, also enough to pay for her passport.
Today, TODAY just 2 days after she was paid, she asked me to give her some of her trip money. That means she has spent every single penny that could have lasted her 4 weeks.
Now my dilemma is this......she now has 4 weeks until she is paid again, I KNOW that she is going to nag me to death because she knows I have that money ( which is HERS) and she is going to want to use it, she will beg and plead and tell me that NEXT month she will pay it ALL. Well, guess what, she can't. She has spent the passport money, that means that she cannot even apply for her passport for 4 weeks, which leaves only 5 weeks until we go on our trip, the one she says she is so excited about, just she and I. There is no guarantee that the passport will even arrive in time if she waits until the end of NEXT month to send off for it. When I give her back the money I have towards her ticket ( and I will, it is her money, she earned it, I will help her save it if that's what she wants but the next time she aske me for some of it I am giving her the whole lot back and the trip is off, she will not have the money or the time to get her passport to go on the trip.)
I know that the trip will be the best thing she ever did, I know that it is worth her going without now so she can see the benefits of saving and going without......but she can only know that by doing it, learning it and enjoying it.
I am in a quandry because she will gain very little from having it handed to her on a plate, I so want to just go ahead and step in but how does that help? I do not have the money to pay it all, if I did, I don't know if I would. She deserves the trip, we would both benefit from all the fun and experiences we would have by going away together without the boys or H. I just can't seem to get her to see that if she really WANTS that, she just has to go without now. Maybe she hasn't been in work long enough, maybe she has been without for too long to feel ready to sacrifice yet, perhaps I should postpone the trip with her until next year when she has bought her new clothes, had her hair done, been out and had fun.
I do know that if she doesn't come and I go alone, she will be SO sad...but will that then nudge her towards sacrificing next time?
I am tired of having to teach her all the time, I just wanted to have some fun with her, without strings for once in her life.
I think, tough as it will be, when she blows this and doesn't save what she needs to save I will have to go without too, she will then be responsible for both of us missing out and live with that. I don't think I can go without her ( to stay with other friends) because that would be too hard a lesson for her. Enough that she misses out, she doesn't need her nose rubbing in it by seeing me go away and come back having had a blast. I just wish she would listen, although it's already too late I think.
She bought some beautiful clothes, tasteful and flattering and I loved seeing her all dolled up to go out with her friends.....she just blew a huge amount of money on one night out, everything she had left, now what? I know I'm not about to listen to her whining for 4 thankyou!

I will play it by ear this week and then decide, it's almost reassuring that she hasn't turned into Ms perfect overnight, seeing her show some flaws makes me think she is still human and Sophie , I think after so many years of watching her make such wrong choices, the mistakes she makes these days are almost refreshing and SO not heartbreaking, just annoying, which I can live with.
Here she is last night as she went out, I won't tell you what time she came back but she had 3 hours sleep before she had to go to work, sall steps I suppose and she did get up and go to work at least!




Gorgeous, isn't she? Pain in the arse as well. Some things may never change!



Blogger LosingSanity said...

She is so beautiful!

I hope everything works out and she realizes the need to sacrifice a bit to have things she really wants. Although, I must admit, I still have trouble with that at times, myself.

You may be right about her needing some time to spend on herself, get things she wants and then she will be ready to plan for longer down the road. Either way, she is doing great and I just know that makes your heart sing!!!!

11:48 pm  
Blogger sarah said...

she beautiful. she will learn. she is young yet. took me till 24 to fully understand money doesnt grow on trees. hang in there

12:29 am  
Blogger Cathy said...

I think that she went without for so long that she needed this one time to spend on herself.

I also think that she has confidence in herself knowing that this time she will earn it back. She loves her job and now loves that she can buy her own things with her own money.

C'mon Sophie...we are all pulling for you. Paaaaleeeeesee

1:09 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

I totally agree with Cathy! It happens to even the most responsible of people - when they come into money after not having it for a long time - there's almost always a spending spree. I think I'd be surprised if she didn't spend a big chunk o change at least once.
Keep believing - There are wonderful things in store for Sophie! Tell her she can buy twice as much on your trip if she can save up what she needs first!

4:58 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Jenn and aside from that she is still just a kid. I can think of many times I went to work on 3 hours of sleep, even in my 30's when I wasn't married. She really is just acting her age now and that is a good thing. How much is a passport?

9:54 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

P.S. I have to confess that after not working and having my own money for so long, I have gone out and blown too much (after I pay my bills).

9:55 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Rome wasn't built in day right? :) I do hope you get to go on your trip, but, if you don't, perhaps Sophie will learn a lesson.

She is looking more and more beautiful!

2:27 pm  
Blogger Jackie said...

Helen - I so hope you get to have that trip with Sophie! It will be a wonderful experience for you, for sure!! I'm glad to see that moneywoes are the "big" problems wiht Sophie now, though...really glad to see it!

6:32 pm  

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