The good dad.

Sometimes, we appreciate our husbands when they do what we want them to do, when we ask them to do something and they do it. That's a good thing, we like that.
As mothers we particularly like it when our husbands do what we tell them. I mean ask them, we don't *tell* them to do anything, do we ? That would be dreadful, imagine *telling* your husband what to do...as if! So, we, as mothers, know our children and we naturally know what is best for children because we are the mother, there's even a saying, isn't there? "Mother knows best"
When I was raising Dan, Jordan and Sophie, I was alone, so of course I did things my way and if I say so myself look at those people! Didn't they turn out just as perfectly glorious as it is possible to be? I did that, me, just me. I'm good.
Now I have these 3 little boys and naturally I know that I can do it, I know how to raise them and do a good job but hmm,this time, I'm not doing it alone and even though I have been with H longer than I was ever on my own I still find myself looking at my life and feeling quite surprised that here he is, doing what he does and doing it so beautifully and quietly and without much a-do.
Then, we have days where he will do something without consulting me ( I know! Imagine, he is a brave and fearless man) and today was one of those days. We were at the park, it was Joshua's birthday celebration and we had cake and played and just as we were thinking that maybe we could leave and go home and sit and stare at a wall, as older parents like to do sometimes, Jordan decided that he would take Joshua on the lake, in a canoe!
Thanks Jordan.
Jordan has one son and this was an exciting plan! Hoorah! So there we were, Jordan with his one son and H with his 3 and a little tag-a-long called Alfie, I say little but he isn't, he is a sturdy fellow, the same age as Elijah, in fact he was in Eli's class at school. back when Eli went to school and even though he doesn't go to school anymore, he still has friends! It's a miracle and I suspect that the lady who comes to do the home educuation checks will be surprised and even a little unbelieving when we say " actually, we do teach Elijah at home but he has FRIENDS, real ones that aren't animals or imagined " and when she looks at us askance we shall say PICTORIAL EVIDENCE! Take *THAT* you unbeliever. Oh, I digress.
So Alfie was with us and there were 4 boys and 1 Howard and all 4 boys were jumping and doing that little boy thing "PLEASE! PLEASE! can we go in the canoes? Can we? Huh? CAN WE DO IT?" and I, in my maternal wisdom tried to explain that this wouldn't be possible, would it, how would 4 little boys fit in a canoe with one daddy? Another day maybe, we'll do that another day.
H though, said , well look, lets think, we can go and ask how long each session is and maybe we can swap out and everyone will have a turn, it's £4 each person so that's £20, that's pretty good, we'll do it, it'll be fun, everyone will have a turn and off they went, while I did what I do so well, which is get the camera ready and sit in the sunshine recording it all.
I sat in the park with Mel, who also could not get into a canoe, and I had my camera ready and was intrigued when I saw that all 4 boys and H were kitted out with their life jackets and paddles or whatever they are at the same time. Isaac has yet to get the confidence to try these things alone and wherever H is, there will Isaac be also. Alfie is not our child and so we knew he would also be with H because you can't decide with someone else's child that he can BE A MAN and TRY! Hmm, so how's this going to work then? And then I realised what was happening. H and Isaac and Alfie were going into the 3 man canoe, the larger, more boat like vessel that is roomy and sturdy. That's good.
Seth, who has more confidence in himself than I have ever seen in a person in my life, is always 100% sure that he a) can do it and b) will do it better than anyone else who has been canoeing before and so we knew that he could do it and also that he would do it as well as many other people.
So that's OK then, H, Isaac and Alfie and of course Seth are set, lovely.
What's this?
Look....Wait! WAIT! There has been a MISTAKE! H!!!! HHHHH! This thing that is happening! Is this WISE? And H looked at me and nodded because yes, it is wise.
Elijah is climbing into a canoe.
On.His.Own.
Elijah Henry with the clumsy thing, with the inability to walk from one side of the room to another without tripping or falling or just throwing himself down to see what happens. The whole 'if there is something to fall in, under, over or through, Eli will do it. Always. If there is a puddle, Eli will find it, if there is mud, he will fall in it, if there is dinner, he will drop it, a drink, spill it. That Eli.
This is when I turn my back and walk away, or hold my breath and watch through squinty eyes and every time. every single time, I kick myself for doubting H.
I watched that little man grab the oars or paddles and off he went, straight towards the bank and a clump of trees ...and then steer away before he went into them, I saw him look for Jordan and paddle right out to the deep bit, say Hello to Jordan and Joshua and then paddle away, then he did a couple of trips to and fro and then headed back. He wanted to get out, enough and 10 minutes for a little chap is more than enough when you are 7 and your arms get tired and you are absolutely the captain AND crew of your vessel.
I know what is best for my children and sometimes that means I know that I have to step back, swallow that smothering instinct and let H do what he knows is best for his children.
He's a good dad, is H.
When these boys are men and we look at them, we will say " We did that" and I am pretty sure it will feel every bit as satisfying as saying " I did that" I can say without doubt that a child can be raised successfully by one parent but truly, now I am living this life, this one where my children have two parents who know what is best and who do what they know their children need, the difference between doing this alone and doing it together is unbelievable and I know that this is by far the best way to do it.