The good dad.

Sometimes, we appreciate our husbands when they do what we want them to do, when we ask them to do something and they do it. That's a good thing, we like that.
As mothers we particularly like it when our husbands do what we tell them. I mean ask them, we don't *tell* them to do anything, do we ? That would be dreadful, imagine *telling* your husband what to do...as if! So, we, as mothers, know our children and we naturally know what is best for children because we are the mother, there's even a saying, isn't there? "Mother knows best"
When I was raising Dan, Jordan and Sophie, I was alone, so of course I did things my way and if I say so myself look at those people! Didn't they turn out just as perfectly glorious as it is possible to be? I did that, me, just me. I'm good.
Now I have these 3 little boys and naturally I know that I can do it, I know how to raise them and do a good job but hmm,this time, I'm not doing it alone and even though I have been with H longer than I was ever on my own I still find myself looking at my life and feeling quite surprised that here he is, doing what he does and doing it so beautifully and quietly and without much a-do.
Then, we have days where he will do something without consulting me ( I know! Imagine, he is a brave and fearless man) and today was one of those days. We were at the park, it was Joshua's birthday celebration and we had cake and played and just as we were thinking that maybe we could leave and go home and sit and stare at a wall, as older parents like to do sometimes, Jordan decided that he would take Joshua on the lake, in a canoe!
Thanks Jordan.
Jordan has one son and this was an exciting plan! Hoorah! So there we were, Jordan with his one son and H with his 3 and a little tag-a-long called Alfie, I say little but he isn't, he is a sturdy fellow, the same age as Elijah, in fact he was in Eli's class at school. back when Eli went to school and even though he doesn't go to school anymore, he still has friends! It's a miracle and I suspect that the lady who comes to do the home educuation checks will be surprised and even a little unbelieving when we say " actually, we do teach Elijah at home but he has FRIENDS, real ones that aren't animals or imagined " and when she looks at us askance we shall say PICTORIAL EVIDENCE! Take *THAT* you unbeliever. Oh, I digress.
So Alfie was with us and there were 4 boys and 1 Howard and all 4 boys were jumping and doing that little boy thing "PLEASE! PLEASE! can we go in the canoes? Can we? Huh? CAN WE DO IT?" and I, in my maternal wisdom tried to explain that this wouldn't be possible, would it, how would 4 little boys fit in a canoe with one daddy? Another day maybe, we'll do that another day.
H though, said , well look, lets think, we can go and ask how long each session is and maybe we can swap out and everyone will have a turn, it's £4 each person so that's £20, that's pretty good, we'll do it, it'll be fun, everyone will have a turn and off they went, while I did what I do so well, which is get the camera ready and sit in the sunshine recording it all.
I sat in the park with Mel, who also could not get into a canoe, and I had my camera ready and was intrigued when I saw that all 4 boys and H were kitted out with their life jackets and paddles or whatever they are at the same time. Isaac has yet to get the confidence to try these things alone and wherever H is, there will Isaac be also. Alfie is not our child and so we knew he would also be with H because you can't decide with someone else's child that he can BE A MAN and TRY! Hmm, so how's this going to work then? And then I realised what was happening. H and Isaac and Alfie were going into the 3 man canoe, the larger, more boat like vessel that is roomy and sturdy. That's good.
Seth, who has more confidence in himself than I have ever seen in a person in my life, is always 100% sure that he a) can do it and b) will do it better than anyone else who has been canoeing before and so we knew that he could do it and also that he would do it as well as many other people.
So that's OK then, H, Isaac and Alfie and of course Seth are set, lovely.
What's this?
Look....Wait! WAIT! There has been a MISTAKE! H!!!! HHHHH! This thing that is happening! Is this WISE? And H looked at me and nodded because yes, it is wise.
Elijah is climbing into a canoe.
On.His.Own.
Elijah Henry with the clumsy thing, with the inability to walk from one side of the room to another without tripping or falling or just throwing himself down to see what happens. The whole 'if there is something to fall in, under, over or through, Eli will do it. Always. If there is a puddle, Eli will find it, if there is mud, he will fall in it, if there is dinner, he will drop it, a drink, spill it. That Eli.
This is when I turn my back and walk away, or hold my breath and watch through squinty eyes and every time. every single time, I kick myself for doubting H.
I watched that little man grab the oars or paddles and off he went, straight towards the bank and a clump of trees ...and then steer away before he went into them, I saw him look for Jordan and paddle right out to the deep bit, say Hello to Jordan and Joshua and then paddle away, then he did a couple of trips to and fro and then headed back. He wanted to get out, enough and 10 minutes for a little chap is more than enough when you are 7 and your arms get tired and you are absolutely the captain AND crew of your vessel.
I know what is best for my children and sometimes that means I know that I have to step back, swallow that smothering instinct and let H do what he knows is best for his children.
He's a good dad, is H.
When these boys are men and we look at them, we will say " We did that" and I am pretty sure it will feel every bit as satisfying as saying " I did that" I can say without doubt that a child can be raised successfully by one parent but truly, now I am living this life, this one where my children have two parents who know what is best and who do what they know their children need, the difference between doing this alone and doing it together is unbelievable and I know that this is by far the best way to do it.

There's none so queer as folk. ( and an update!)

It's 2am and I am sitting here with a sad little Isaac curled next to me. He has toothache, horrible toothache that has had him running up and downstairs in an effort to escape it. He has bizarre teeth that have had me worried for as long as I can remember, they look hollow! Tiny sharp little teeth that look as if they have nothing in the middle, beautifully white but obviously not as they should be. We have tried getting him to the dentist and he fights, with every ounce of strength he can muster. Holds his jaws tightly shut with his hand over his mouth and he kicks, and fights and if he could scream without it giving Magda the nice dentist a good view, he would.
Because he hasn't ever complained about pain, we have sort of, well no actually no sort of about it, completely allowed ourselves to cross our fingers and hope that these empty little pearly whites will just fall out without a problem and new strong teeth take their place. No such luck.
It has to be said that I have been the healthiest of people in this house....Lawks, you can imagine what that says about the rest of them can't you? There has been an extraordinary illness in our home that has knocked them all for six, the usual snot and coughing but along with that came a leg ache, everyone of them ( including H ) has woken in the night with crippling leg pains. Isaac has just begun to be better, albeit with a cough that is sticking around, Eli has so far escaped it, Seth and H are still wiped out.
It's been a long week, so it has.
My Isaac seems to be settling after some tylenol melts, Ibuprofen, a warm wheat pack on his cheek and some warm milk. There is a dentist in town that uses sedation, I think we will have to try and get him in there and let them knock him out to get a look at these weird little teeth that as tiny as they are appear to have the ability to send him nearly crazy with pain.
I am such a wuss when it comes to my kids in pain. I always want to run away .....hide my head and pretend LALA LALA, with fingers in ears that nothing is going on. When I make myself accept that I have to do something, the next step is to be grumpy and WHAT? HOW? try and grump them out of it all.....BAH! But when I can see that this is real, not some piddling little graze that could have been avoided if they'd just stop bloody climbing and jumping, well then I am quite nice.
I like it that all our boys are happy for either H or I to comfort them, they have no preference. I tend to be the medicine giver, the wound dresser and back patter, H is the snuggle for hours and not even tut or sigh waker upper. Such patience. If I am awake I can stay awake all night and be fine. If I get woken up....uh oh, Florence Nightingale I am not. So they always wake H.
We always woke our dad, always. Mum is almost completely deaf in her left ear, so she would sleep on her right ear and well, that made for a great nights sleep! Once or twice we would try and wake her, more for entertainment purposes really because she would, if we managed to rouse her a little, say the most extraordinary things, like
" Mum! MUM!, Mummy, I have a tummy ache....MUM!"
" yes, you take that end and I'll take the other....PULL!"
Not much help. So we'd walk around dad's side of the bed and touch his shoulder and he would fly awake. He always knew what to do. " Awwwww darlin', have you? Poor you, go back to bed, lie on your left side, curl your legs up and stay still, your tummy will get better in a minute" and it pretty much always did.
I bet my mum tells everyone her kids slept through the night from 2 weeks and never woke up from then on.
Sometimes I think H is a bit soft on the old waking up at night thing. I was a tough old cow with Dan, Jordan and Sophie, I NEVER had them in bed with me, sleep has always been precious to me, my bed is my haven....so if they woke I would calm them, settle them and always put them back to bed as quickly as I could. H is always guided by the boys, he will sit downstairs with them all night if they need it, he will lie with them and have them on his lap all night and I have never heard him get grumpy or irritable because he is uncomfortable or his legs have gone dead. I am in awe of his patience and so never say a word about toughening up, I can't see how anyone is harmed by his softness, what memories these little boys will have when they grow up, remembering how they were snuggled and loved and comforted every time they needed it. I am sure they will, in turn, make splendid parents because I hope they will want to pass on such security and love to their children.
I was very wise to marry a man like my dad, he is so like my dad it scares me sometimes, who'd have thought there could be two men like him in the world?
What that means is that I get to be the funny one at night....cool. Sleep on mothers of the world, I think we do our fair share in the daytime don't we?
There is something quite glorious about watching Miami Ink with a 6 year old at 2.30am. He thinks the women with tattoos all over their bodies are a bit freaky too and OW! I don't get the tattoo thing at all. I am mesmerised by this show though, some of those tattoos are out of this world, I just think a nice framed picture that you can put away when you get sick of it is a much better idea.
We just saw a lady who had her deceased husband's face tattooed all over her arm. He died when he shot a policeman, drunk and out of control he shot the cop and then was shot dead by other policemen. She is so young and I can't help but think of her future, sure to meet another love at some stage, now she has this huge face of her cop shooting, dead husband for ever on her body. ( he wasn't the most attractive of men in my opinion either sadly.)
Just doesn't seem like a good plan to me but oh well, it takes all kinds I suppose.
Then there are the fathers who think that having their kids tattooed all over their bodies somehow proves they are a good daddy.
*sigh*
One man had a huge tattoo to show his love for his Auntie, who is a very old nun. He felt sure that old auntie nun would be stoked to see how much he loves her by getting a big old permanent tattoo all over his chest. I suspect she would have been much happier to see him in a nice suit carrying some scriptures and going to sing with her in church, what think you?
Anyhoo, looks like my little tooth monster might be relaxing a bit, we might try and get some sleep. Night night.
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So, we went to the dentsit at 9.30am. The boy jumped into the seat, opened wide and sat, mouth WIDE open without flinching while she drilled ( without ANY kind of anaesthesia!!) and filled and poked and prodded, received 2 stickers, much praise from Magda and cousin Ben ( who is a dental nurse at the practice and was 'specially sent to help Magda to ensure Isaac felt a little more at ease) and smiled his way out, feeling very proud of his new white filled tooth. This boy will never cease to amaze me, we were all ready for a trip to the childrens dental clinic but he said he wanted the one he has been to before and he didn't let us down.
Here's hoping that all is well now, last night was heartbreaking, to see him sucking on that sore tooth and the tears, those silent tears plop plopping all night. Great news that the rest of his teeth are great, the front ones have been worn down and are a bit soft, 2 bottom ones are wobbly and the rest are perfect. Phew.