Are you ready for this?

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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

more pictures, because I am excited!

This is the dining room...big enough for table and chairs and toys too...great cupboards for all the puzzles and a shelf for a pretty lamp.

this is Jordan's room and the balcony .

The boys rom with some seriously jazzy carpet....ha..try and get stains to show up on that floor boys, I dare ya! ( see a bit of extinguisher on the wall there? I've already told the boys how they scream if children touch them!!) Shelves for upstairs- going- to- bed- reading- books and quiet toys.

The kitchen ( one side of it anyway!) with a beautiful floor.

and one of the bathrooms, because there are TWO ( did I tell you that?) and I opened the cupboard doors to take pics because the very idea of having cupboards to put the towels in is so thrilling for me....

My dears

WE shall have chandaliers!!! In our new home!!!!!

beautiful old town house. Living flame fireplace, original wooden shutters, courtyard.....

Look at this glorious hallway / stairway, this is the kind of house I have dreamed of......

( and a power ranger already on the floor!!!)

It used to be a childrens' home so on each floor there are super duper fire extinguishers. ( alarmed so if they touch them, it will scream, as will I)

This is the way into Jordan's own room, his own entrance, he has a balcony. The owner was there when we went to view and said that the room underneath the balcony is a 'spare' and so she would let us have it too! Its a huge room that has been used as an art workshop...we will use it as a store room and extra utility room.
The kitchen is brand new, beautiful real wood floors..... and we have a DINING ROOM!! 4 huge bedrooms......

And guess what?!?! GO ON!!!!

TWO BATHROOMS!!!! Huge bathroom with bath, toilet sink and store cupboards...and another one with walk in shower, toilet and sink. TWO TOILETS!!!!!
The rent is pretty much the same as here and it is right in town, literally a spitting distance from everything we ever need, even Isaac's speech therapy.
We move 3 days after christmas.....YIKES!!!!!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Unimportant non-bloggy things I find myself minding.

It's increasingly obvious to me, that the older I get, the less tolerant I become about those little irritants that when young, we scarcely notice. My list seems to get longer as the days go by and my patience gets shorter.

I have always loathed hearing people eat, this hasn't lessened with age. Why can't people eat with their mouths closed? WHY? I have always been very happy with the fact that somehow I have children who eat beautifully ( although my sister tells me that this isn't a fluke, she says she is, even as a grandmother, afraid of eating anywhere near me as the reaction is so frightening should she slurp or chomp that she would rather wait til she gets home or eat with her head in a bucket)

I dislike men with long fingernails and wet looking sisters and I can describe a certain type of man in 2 words and guarantee that every one of us will immediately know the cringeablity level...."dribbly mouth." Don't go there, don't speak to me because a bit of that dribble might get sprayed my way and you won't like me if you spray on me.

Uncles who make that ' phwoarrrrrrrr' noise when hugging you. It is not endearing, it is Creepy. Very creepy.

Husbands who get an idea in their head that they think is fabulous but isn't, like buying a fishing / hunting jacket even though he will never go fishing / hunting. And then wearing it.

Or, thinking that somehow growing the bit of hair that still will grow will make it look 'fuller.' It doesn't H.....I am beginning to be a bit scared of you, you look as if you might develop a dribbly mouth and start saying 'phwoarrrr' when hugging your niece....please let me cut it - PLEASE LET ME CUT IT!!

Twitchy legs.

My mum and dad going away. How selfish, don't they know that they should be at home, always, just in case I want them for something? You don't stop being a parent just because your child is 43 and has grey hair. What kind of parenting IS this that you feel able to disappear for days on end and leave your empty house sitting there looking abandoned ?

Car heaters that don't work. Damn thing.

Never being able to just get on with one task without having to do at least 5 others first. Need to put washing in, have to put last load in dryer, have to take washing out of dryer, have to find basket to put washing from dryer in, have to put away clean and folded laundry to empty basket, have to tidy all clothes drawers that have been half emptied and dumped on floor to find one t-shirt......

Wet bathroom floors. WET BATHROOM FLOORS ! WET..... BATHROOM...... FLOORS.

Being bored because people haven't updated blogs and I am trying not to find great things on e.bay. Give me stuff to read bloggers, you know who you are , off you go.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

One of life's moments.

In MacDonald's today I had one of the moments that come along too rarely. One of those moments that make you remember that life is a hoot and worth getting up for and that people are just great ( mostly).
Saturday lunch time and we were on route to skulk around the outside a fabulous huge town house that has come up for rent and is a mere £25 a month more than this sweet little sardine can we are presently living in. Right in the middle of town where H can simply walk out of the front door and be in the midst of all things busy, walking distance from school, toddler groups and everything we could ever need . All this and LOADS OF ROOM, thick old walls that will soak up noise from rowdy teenagers and hurtling little ones. We have an appt to view on tuesday but wanted to skulk and imagine and dream a bit before the official stuff begins. Heaven, but I digress.
So, rather than go home we drove to Maccy D's which was heaving and the drive through was so long I could have whisked up my own fries quicker than waiting, so I parked and went in.
Not too bad inside but bad enough to have time to stand back and people watch a while.
Whilst waiting for my order ( 2 kids meals, filet of fish and a cheeseburger, not all for me of course or unfortuanately which ever way we choose to look at it) I watched a somewhat scary lady go up to order, the judgemental and lower class part of me decided that she was a lesbian, spikey, short hair, tattoo of girl's name on forearm,( though could have been her own name of course) at least 5 hoop ear-rings in left ear - I couldn't see the right one, several pieces of metal through eyebrow and attired in a football shirt and jeans. Quite a formidable sight all in all. Oh and she wasn't skinny.
She went up to order ( right in front of me) and said
" 2 cheeseburgers, large fries and coke, please" then she turned to the lady next to her and said with a sigh " Oh if people only knew just how hard I have to work in order to keep this figure" and swept her hand from her head to her thighs.... then " Better make me a strawberry milk shake too"
I think a part of me fell in love with her spirit, right there and then, some people are just a gift to be near.

I just got these quotes in an e.mail...some of them are justfabulous.


Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the hell happened.-Cora Harvey Armstrong-
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. -Helen Hayes (at 73)-
I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. -Janette Barber-
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. -Lily Tomlin-
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car. -Carrie Snow
- Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends. -Laurie Kuslansky-
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. -Erma Bombeck-
Old age ain't no place for sissies. -Bette Davis-
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. -Rhonda Hansome- The phrase "working mother" is redundant. -Jane Sellman-
Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows. -Jennifer Unlimited-
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. -Charlotte Whitton-
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. -Caryn Leschen-
I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once. -Jennifer Unlimited-
If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine-
When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow! -Kathy Buckley-
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde. -Dolly Parton-
If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. -Sue Grafton-
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.. -Elayne Boosler-
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinem-
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission. -Eleanor Roosevelt-

Thursday, November 24, 2005

The thankful list.....

Which won't have even half of the things I am thankful great is that ? To be aware that there is no way to list everything you are grateful for? I'm thankful for that.

I'm thankful for spell check otherwise you'd be reading a list of things I am garteful for.

I am thankful to be a mother of 6 treasure and joy.

I am thankful for parents who have lived a life that I can be in awe of, for growing up knowing I am loved and even now I am grown up, still know I am loved. Who taught me what true riches are.

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I am thankful for friends who love me, even when they know me.

I am thankful, that through babies eyes I can remember that snow is exciting, not a nuisance.

I am thankful for 10 years of being a single parent so that these years of being married to a man who loves his children and who shows he loves me, are extra special and not taken for granted.

I am thankful for a roof over our heads, the ability to feed, love, nurture and protect my children.

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I am thankful for the national health service and peace of mind, even in times of sickness and worry.

I am thankful for little boys who sing grown up songs in tiny voices and big girls who teach tiny boys cute songs.

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and how to dance without reservations.

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I am thankful for words not pronounced properly.

I am thankful to be free to worship and speak what is in my heart, unhindered.

I am thankful for much and grateful to be aware that I have much to be thankful for. I hope I can remember more often, that the list is so long I can't finish it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I've done them.....

and I love them!!

Parents of teenagers understand why many animals eat their young.

So, my few days away have been full of thinking and heart searching and I'm glad I took some time to think before blogging, I don't think much, as a rule, I am one of life's reactors....something happens and I let my heart rule my actions, do it and think later. This time, I didn't. I truly believe that in the most important times, I am more guided that I allow myself to believe. So many times I have found myself in situations that would be expected to knock me sideways and yet I find that in those times I am at my most calm.
I'm going to write about what happened at the weekend, because that's what this blog is supposed to be about.
Everyone with small children knows about the dripping tap syndrome, that high pitched whining that penetrates your barin until you are about ready to give in to any demand no matter how outlandish just to get the noise to stop. I'm so way past that' giving in' that I suspect I could win an olympic gold medal for whine ignoring. H would maybe get the silver.
The mail man came with some parcels, which is usually time for such excitement with the boys, the wouldn't care if it was a parcel filled with pooper scoopers, they would ooh and ahh and say "let ME see"...but come on, it's nearly christmas, santa has been e.baying and so parcels are strictly no go for little boys eyes .... even the trendy hoodies for the big people have to be opened away from little eyes because the littler the eyes, the bigger the mouth!
So, mummy hid in the bedroom, door locked and was vaguely aware of the handle rattling and " let me in"s......only when the noise changed did I take note and stop and prick up my ears....
Surely not, second listen- and yes, indeed I could hear Jordan's voice, really loud Jordan's voice saying " you want some back? Come on....give me the chance"
Sort of immobilised for while I realised that I should get out and see what was happening and then immediately wished I hadn't.
Jordan had H pinned against the wall by his neck..his fist pulled back and about to slam it's way into my husband's face. As soon as he saw me, he stopped, stood stock still, arms by his side ... which is when h took over and it was plain to see that he was beyond rage...and something in my heart cried for him when I saw that although he was furious, and humiliated, his attempts to even move Jordan ( who is, remember 6' 5" tall to H's 5' 8") were futile.
I stepped in and in that miraculous, but not natural, way managed to be completely calm and move H away.
It seems that H, who was washing the dishes while I was hiding power rangers, was half watching the handle rattling and working on his silver medal, he took in that my gold medal was in the hat and carried on with the dishes. Jordan, who isn't aware that whine ignoring is an art, decided that he was going to save the day and came for Seth...picked him up and threw him on the sofa. Seth was unharmed and unworried but the papa bear in H came out....he went into the front room and saw the Seth throwing ( hmm maybe another olympic sport?) and told J to stop....Jordan answered back and it seems all hell broke loose.
My immediate response was the expected one, poor Jordan, bad H, until ( in my guided calm and watching mode) I witnessed, almost in a documentary on the animal kingdom way, Jordan almost puffing his chest and pretty much going for the kill in order to topple the leader of the pack and take over the throne.
It is one of the most difficult parts of having 2 sets of kids having to remind the big ones, time and again that WE are the parents. It drives me ( and H ) insane that these teenagers ( who know it all without ever actually having had learn any of it) constantly try to parent our babies, we can be right there, in mid conversation with one of the little boys and Sophie or Jordan will try and discipline them.
MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!! If I want them to sit still, or be quiet, go to their room or get dressed I WILL TELL THEM. If H hates them jumping on the sofa, splashing in the bath, spilling dinner HE WILL STOP THEM! Worry about what you're doing wrong you pair of sleeping, farting, mess making, back chatting, pleasing yourself slormers.
Now it does drive me crazy but they are all my kids and so I get on with it and long for the day when H And I actually get to be the parents..... I think H must be seething and gritting his teeth much more than he lets on.
I had to imagine how I would feel if Rob ( H's son) had ever even raised his voice to these little people and no suprise to say that I would have shown considerably less restraint than H has all these months.
I have had a few days of seeing things through my husband's eyes... a new experience where my children are concerned and I must say that he's looking pretty good in the picture.
I understand more why so many animals push their cubs out into the big wide world when a new litter come along and failing that, why so many see no other option but to eat their young.
It's been a pretty good few days in that these big people, who feel they are all knowing and all wise thought that when H was out of earshot could add some fuel to the fire and get me on side...only to discover that I was very clear about how I feel towards any acts of mindless violence but actually, if pushed, would have to agree that it is time for them to both understand that H is my husband, he listens to me, he loves me and he would lay down his life for his sons.... we are raising these boys together and although we love them ( Jordan and Sophie) too, they don't have a say in how we raise the little ones, they don't have the right to discipline them or tease them, it doesn't matter a jot if they don't agree with any decisions we make regarding these boys, tough luck, keep your opinions to yourselves.
H and I have been married 6 years on sunday...they have been incredible years filled with more trials and 'excitement' than I ever would have envisioned....if we look back at the things we have been through we both take a deep breath and then a nervous chuckle..... we are in awe fo having made it through this far. The future looks sort of good and we are both excited about the way the boys are growing and learning. It will be a joy to raise them and we look forward to the day when we can just do it our way without quite so much 'help'and interference. I also look forward to the day when I am a grandma and can visit the children of my children and tell their parents how to do it...feed the kids with sugar, hand out really loud toys and go home!!! Oh revenge will be so sweet!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Normal service about to be resumed...but not today!

I've been hopeless at updating this week, the flu thing hit hard but hooray! the corner is turned and I can feel that the poorlies are leaving...what a relief.
It's been a week for learning and thinking too and I hope that in a day or two I will have my thoughts straight enough to write them down.
We're having thanksgiving in England this week...H has been homesick and it just seemed a great idea to throw ourselves into something happy ..... I am going to try and make it all as authentic as possible, pumpkin pies cooked and frozen ( from scratch too, thanks to Jennifer and her great recipe!) green bean casserole and sweet potatoes with our turkey...all this on a thursday, almost a shame that the boys have school as normal. I even found Oscar Meyer bacon at the store today....maybe H will feel at home a bit on thursday.
So, flu be gone and hopefully back to normal tomorrow. Yippeee!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Not sulking....

...truly I'm not, but popped my neck out whilst coughing.... am being helpless and whiney. Am rather enjoying it.Could become helpless,whiney person quite easily. Am not enjoying the pain though. Did enjoy splendid aromatherapy session with nice oils and warm smelly thing on neck. Worn off now. OW.

Saturday, November 19, 2005


I'm kind of sad today. Not the best day for family life. The pressure of always being the strong one, the reasonable one, the in the middle one, is more than I feel able to deal with, but I will. Again. This time.

The window to the soul.and a couple more...

Thursday, November 17, 2005

And the Blog God smiled down.....

You know those mornings when you wake after a great night's sleep, the sun is shining and the children are happy and calm? Along with the huge feeling of smugness and more than a smattering of disbelief comes the blogger's panicky feeling of how this is all very well but what the jiminy will I write about today? Sweetness and light is all very well but it's a dull, admit it." Woke up, took the kids to school and nothing really happened but it was nice" Boring.
Waking up and being unable to breathe I was a bit miserable and the thought did cross my mind that even though it was marginally more interesting than nothing happening, if I were to try and squeeze another entry out of my prolonged and miserable 'only a virus can't help you but get some rest' malady, I would be at risk of reading comments like " For the love of cough syrup get over it woman"
Or " I'm losing the will to live, we've heard about it since last tuesday shut the croaky voice up will you!"
Even when I found myself sitting on the floor in a self pitying, can't get through another day heap, with snot and tears running all over the place and sweet H rubbing my back saying " oh dear" and wailing that the very thought of actually , you know, having to put knickers on and comb my knotty hair when my scalp feels as though its half ripped off, and then having to do a school run was just too much and could I not do it please? I knew that something new would have to come my way in order to be of any interest today.
Hoorah the Blog God heard my plea and answered my request for new adventures.
Bloody gas was out, H had searched high and low for my purse for the card and couldn't find it. Hmmmmm, pretty sure I dumped it on the I searched high and low and it really wasn't anywhere. It might be in the car, I'll pop out and look, in my pyjama's, because it's early and no-one will see. Nope, not there....ho hum.....shite, whoops! I'm going to - OUCH my knees- that really hurt my knees and my hands and oh no I am going to HIT MY FACE ( and let me tell you that I really DID have time to think about all this, why in the name of band aids I didn't have time to actually do something about it is another mystery I suspect will never be solved ) and somehow, I managed to fall on my knees, scuff my hands and then very slowly, though not at all gracefully, I scraped my chin the length of the path.
round two of H rubbing my back while I wailed about how I fell over and still can't find my purse and ...then it gets boring, I'll spare you.
The most splendid thing about days that start this hideously is that they have to get better..and after the car wouldn't start and missing the mail man it did indeed get better. By 6 o'clock it was so much better that we were eating delicious lamb chops cooking in rosemary jelly and tomatoes, crispy potatoes on top., fresh carrots and green beans. Smashing.
AND I have my new camera it's glorious and I am rather tentatively learning what it is capable of...I am doing a project that is promising to make me feel so completely brilliant and clever ...I am already so proud of it, I can't wait to show it off but I will wait, til it's done, then I'll show and tell! For now, here is just a taster.......
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Meanwhile, back at the farm.....

Aren't these tummy bug things supposed to be 24 hour deals? What is happening? Actually, the details- you don't want to know.
The need for fresh air was so great that today I took my hacking cough and monstrous sized hernia to the bank to find out why they have snagged £278- yes £278 -in charges in 10 days!! Can you believe that? It was a snowball effect that has gone charge was justified because I always forget one direct debit that comes out on the 1st...then because they took that charge out it messed everything up and in their wisdom ( sorry, greed) they took TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY EIGHT POUNDS!! That's $482.66 US. $575.52 Canadian and 1.421.39 Lituanian Litas.
Oh look she paid £3.47 to paypal, because we took £70 out in ridiculous charges the £3.47 isn't in there so we'll charge her £38..HA HA HA HA HA the £10 for the TV license isn't in there so we'll grab another £38( and not pay the license fee naturally) and .............
For the love of greed I have stared at the online banking screen in horror for 10 days and today felt that maybe, just maybe, if I sat in a little room and looked helpless and let the kind lady ( who you know hasn't the authority to help but will talk to a man who may) hear my bubbling and whistling chest and make a huge effort not to cough so she knows that I care for her health and would hate for her to feel this poorly, that somehow, someone might see just how bloody absurd the whole situation is. She did...I really believe she could see, and naturally she would help if she we have to wait and see if the man in head office cares a rat's arse or not.
In our time of trial, our moments of sickness, not health ( how clever that with our anniversary in a few days we are honouring our sickness and in health, richer and poorer vows so beautifully) I find that H and I have had a few very moving moments of closeness.
We are incurably polite, my husband and I, I can honestly say that he is not a fart and laugh kinda guy.....I would lay money on the fact that he DOES fart but not before me ( probably because he is never qiute sure if it's my turn ) not in front of his wife, not in my presence. How galant and gentlemanly is that? I, in return have never farted in front of him, well I say never, whilst pushing Seth out a few escaped but we don't talk about that, so it doesn't count. I can't quite lay claim to holding them in anymore. Not after this week..neither can he.....and in a bizarre and somehow base way I find I am touched and feel closer to him.
I've said before that our computer is in the hallway..smack bang in the hub bub of it all, to get to anywhere you have to walk past the computer. I was sitting here minding someone else's business ( blogs are the eyes to the world, an invitation to know the nitty gritty of everyones' lives, look at me, in one entry I have told you both my financial ruin and my family's bowel habits, bloody marvellous I tell you) anyway out shot H from the sitting room and stiff legged and red faced he parp parped and bum whistled to the toilet. It wasn't something that could be ignored really so I felt the least I could do was cheer when he made it in time. He says he has had his money's worth from his MP3 player this week and has had it full blast at every turn so as not to be subjected to the sounds his digestive tract have subjected the rest of us to.....maybe I should put one on my christmas list.
As for me...well, thank the kind creator, that, although I have been crippled with sweating, shivering flu , a throat that has made even me reluctant to talk and a cough that is so violent it has burst a few blood veins behind my eyes...I haven't had diarrohea. The very idea of what I might be writing about if I had makes me shudder ( because you know I WOULD write about it, don't you, are you shuddering too?) I have, however, been totally unable to both cough until my lungs burst and hold onto flatulence at the same time, I challenge anyone to manage that. So, I have coughed from both ends and enjoyed a feeling of such abandon that I might just carry on letting 'em rip once I'm better. Nice to have a decision to make that is all mine, I shall cherish it and give it great consideration.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The very grumpy turtle...and a little something else.

Once upon a time there was a very grumpy teenage mutant ninja turtle who lived in a somewhat untidy house ( as you see in the background) with doors that never seemed to get closed in the kitchen and shoes in the middle of the floor. He wanted his mummy to put the power rangers on the TV for him but was reluctant to ask nicely........
watch what happened next....The turtle's mummy thought he had perhaps invented something rather splendid for fellow turtles with runny noses.

And the little something else.....

I had occassion to fill in a legal form for Sophie ...on it I had to fill in her National insurance number, they get this when they turn 16 so she only received hers recently. She brought me the card and as I looked at it I was so struck by the irony, so overwhelmed by the hilarity that it took my breath away, what was even better was the look on her face when I managed to gather myself to explain why I found it so funny...the reason for my mirth was the fact that the last 3 numbers, as plain as day, almost ( in my eyes) were they BOLD and I nearly saw them pulsating...... 666 ..... I kid you not.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Reading with Elijah

Elijah was reading his book today...he saw
A Pingwing.
A kickin
A fockalile
A peacwock
A beesom
A faminglullow

Any guesses???

A Penguin
A Chicken
A crocodile
A peacock
A bison
A flamingo
Alas, he no longer says Geewaft for Giraffe, my heart mourns- but we will read about the Faminglullow as often as I can get away with it, oooooh I could eat him on a biscuit!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

you know when.....( this one's getting longer all the time)'re really sick, not a bit sick or feeling mildly poorly but really really, no way I can even pretend to be brave sick? That's me..... poor me, I have been hot, cold, sweating, shivering, aching, coughing, heaving. Thump thump...that's the head, the ears are sort of screaming and that's without the actual screaming, the screaming that Elijah has decided is hysterical and hey, cool, that gets a great reaction, mummy's eyes sort of swivel in her head and her face goes even more purple. Funny how mummy clutches her belly every time she coughs...oh that'll be that fist sized hernia she decided didn't need repairing after all, only now its a double fist and it hurts, really, a big lot.
HA HA HA!!! Look at her now, one very fat eye, all full of pus and weepy looking, just what I need! Things can't get any worse can they? At least there's always that.
EXCEPT THEY CAN!!!! I am drowing in everyone else's PUKE. I don't like puke. I know no-one does, but I only have to think the word puke and I heave.....I was kind when H puked and didn't have time to shut the door " Oh dear...are you ok?" ( please Lord let me stop hearing that.....)
"Can I do anything ?"( please say no..or even say nothing because if you actually try and answer me I know I will hear more puking and I might have to run out of the front door and leave you, probably for a week, at least.) I wonder if his feelings were hurt when I maniacally sprayed everything around him with Dettol disinfectant spray?
Ahhh at last, other sick people in bed, sleeping and I can sit and just be quiet and drink my lemon and honey and swallow my cocktail of lovely drugs......what's that? WHAT? Uh oh.......My Isaac is throwing up.....yarghhhhhhhh Lellow Ba has got it...." come on baby, let mummy help you" ( oh, oh..hand right in it, don't throw up, there's not enough room for 2 pukers at the same time, wait your turn like any self respecting mother would do) Stand and hold little head and wipe stringy spitty mouth while my Isaac pukes, a mother's love is remarkable isn't it?
Phew, at least he didn't wake up enough to notice that Lellow Ba got switched and the long discarded Pink Ba ( "I not girlie, I hate pink Ba"........the hell you do, you loved Pink Ba til someone told you it was a girl one, pink ba is lovely I am keeping pink ba and telling it that you love it too and SEE? Where would we be in the dark with no pink Ba when Lellow Ba is full of puke?) Thankyou pink Ba and washing machine and drier that will have Lellow Ba clean and dry before my Isaac wakes again. Of course you know that means that I now have to stay up for at least an hour and a half so I can put Lellow Ba in it's rightful place. ( excpet I fell asleep and Isaac was more than puzzled by the Pink Ba " where my LELLOW Ba? I hate Pink Ba..I not girlie!!")
At least I know that Eli has had the bug, H has had it, Seth has been a bit quiet and icky but not actually puked..dare I hope that tomorrow I can bask in my flu like, pink eyed, barking cough illness ....... I'll let you know.
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7.42am a little update, where a picture speaks a thousand, these are a few of my favourite things.......
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And question of the day is it that even though, not a even a tiny bit of life giving breath can find it's way up my blocked nostrils, the smell of puke and liquid farts can-- and is?!? BLECH! ( and yes, liquid farts would definately be in the sort of thing I don't want to read in a blog, yet somehow it so describes what children do when they say they are better and simply MUST eat now....and then, well you see that they aren't better and you wish you had gone with the feeling that dry toast ought to be the only thing they should eat)
But rest assured, anyone wringing their hands in fretful angst for us....we are never so poorly that we can't be a teenage ninja mutant turtle ( wearing Power Ranger pyjamas) and playing with a batman. Better than chicken soup..and considerably safer.
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Saturday, November 12, 2005

Guess what me got?!?

A video camera!! be warned there will be more of these but they will get better!!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Unimportant bloggy things I find myself minding.

I mind when I click 'next blog' and come across something so revolting that it is etched in my mind for way too long. Like a photograph of an old man ( and not an attractive one at that) with an open mouth full of ...well it was a body fluid , and his own at that. Now who does he think will be interested in that? I was freaked out by the fact that his blog was next to mine in the world of blogs that day. Creepy, sick and ewwwwwwwie to the extreme. Blogs should be interesting and funny, moving and inspirational, sad or thought provoking......sick people please don't write blogs if it means I might happen upon you with the next blog button. Especially don't put pictures up. Really, don't.

I mind that some people have set up jazzy looking blogs that have NO next blog vain is that? How selfish to erase the option to visit the next blog when I am bored with yours? Don't do it, leave the button in, I don't want to read blogs with pink kittens and text language that makes me bad tempered, I want to jump to the next blog that will have correct spellings and cosy talk about families and leave you behind. Next please.

I mind when great blogs don't have comment sections, I want to tell you that I have been there and read you and think you are fabulous - because then you might visit me and read me and tell ME I am fabulous too, I like being told I am fabulous, it makes me happy and I am kinder to my children and even find it within myself to ignore the fact that they are trashing my house, or being loud, I even ignore the fact that they are shouting BUM and FREAKAZOID every 3 seconds because fabulous people are above petty tantrums. Open the comments up people.

I really REALLY mind mean spirited people who feel they somehow have the right to visit blogs and leave comments designed only to hurt. GO AWAY! It's not kind, it's not clever and you won't make new friends.
Image hosted by Get a life. Be happy.

I mind it when I click and find a blog with a great title....and then see the rest is in chinese or spanish....Why write the title in English if the rest is going to be out of my depth and make me wish I was chinese or spanish.....meaners.

I mind when I find a great blog with great music and fabulous graphics and feel stupid because I have no idea how to do that stuff and it's not even worth asking how because the instructions will be so far over my head I still won't be able to do it and then I will not only feel stupid but will actually look stupid for asking and still not being able to do it. If you are clever ( Stephen, for example) come to my house and do it for me, or don't tease me with what IS possible on a blog and leave me feeling inadequate. Please.

I mind it when writers of great blogs have a life and don't update every day..EVERY day. There isn't anything more important than entertaining and enlightening me, leave the rest of your life unattended and update your blog, yes that means YOU....... leave me a comment telling me I am fabulous and then skidaddle back to your own blog and give me new stuff to read and pictures to look upon.....well? what are you waiting for! GO!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Three score years and ten.

My dad is, has.
He is 70 years old today. It's a bit of a shock that my dad is 70...he still works part time for a garage that repairs body work on cars ..he drives the courtsey car to the customers and picks up their bashed in car. He still runs around after people who need him and is endlessly engaged in good works.
He still thinks he has to look after all of his children even though almost all of us now have grey would imagine that if your kid has grey hair you'd be safe in assuming that even if they aren't capable of getting things right they are more than old enough to live with the screw ups wouldn't you?
He is sort of impressed with my e.baying habits but is still a bit convinced that somehow it's all a bit dodgy and somewhere amongst the glorious fun and bargainess of on-line auctions there must be a catch or 12 he settles for being impressed with my dealings and very, very occassionally when a thing is just too good to miss ( like the miraculous leg cream that will banish all cramps) he will call me and I'll bid for him.
He will do anything for his children, he perhaps won't be cheerful while he is doing it and he may even grumble after he has done it, but he'll do it because he loves us.
He loves my mum and we all know it, but he finds it incredibly hard to believe she knows what she is talking about. He knows when she is tired so much better than she does and has been known to stand up, turn off all the lights and tell her she needs to go to bed.
Funny how he knows when she is tired, even when she thinks she isn't, knows when she needs a doctor, ( or miraculous leg cramp cream) even if she thinks she doesn't, yet hasn't, after 47 ( or is it 48?) years of marriage learned that she is a bit feisty and gets really fed up when he tells her how she feels......
I think that part of why I married H is because he is so like my dad. If you can learn to accept and then live with, the fact that romance just isn't part of the deal, sweet and tender murmerings are only going to happen if you watch the Hallmark channel and turn the volume up at the slushy bits, accept that those off the cuff comments are more likely to make you want to choke him than make you choked with emotion ( such as saying "has someone been stripping paint? Why can I smell paint stripper?" when actually everyone else could smell delicious beef stew!! or " who's had the fly spray out?" after mum had just put on perfume) know that you can walk around in a bin bag and he won't notice ( or care)... then men like these are the ones to marry because they are so loyal and love their families with every ounce of their being ( they just have no idea how to say it!!) You can be sure they will be with you through thick and thin and everything they do will be because they think it is best for you. ( note I don't say because it is best for you, only that they think it is best for you!)
He tells us when our car needs taxing, our cars have round tax discs stuck in the front windshield as visible evidence that we have paid our dues... while I was taking the boys into school one day he noticed that my tax disc was a year out of date ( actually, in my idleness I had just put the new on in front of the old one. One of the boys had just switched them around when I wasn't looking!) When I went back to collect the car, his brother was outside, pointed the disc out and I switched them over and have to drive around the block to get back to my road and when I turned the corner..there he was, in the MIDDLE of the road, gesticulating wildly..of course I knew what he wanted and rolled down the window, scarecely slowing down I yelled out the window " It's OK one of the buggers swapped it!" and drove by. I still snigger when I try to imagine what that must have looked like ( some mad old fart with road rage yelling and waving at a seemingly impatient woman intent on hit and run)
Anyway dad, happy birthday.
Three score years and ten...not sure what it means when you hit that landmark, is this counted as bonus time from here on in?
Thankyou for the ability you have to cheer me up....every time I get down thinking about my grey hair I think of you and tell myself that it could be worse because at least I don't have CHILDREN with grey hair!
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Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Everything comes to (s)he who waits....

But darn it if the satisfaction isn't there!
When I was a single mother, aged 26 with 3 littler than little people I somehow found some comfort in the thought that one day, I would see that my prize was greater. When I would watch the first one swan off with whichever new woman he had found, in his ever newer car, back to his own brand new house.. I would look at my babies asleep ( always so much more rewarding somehow!!) and tell myself that all was well, that I had the real treasure and was infinitely more blessed, richer and would be happier.
I wasn't happy for such a long time but let's face it the odds weren't good and on top of the extraordinary circumstances, the first one was just such a, hmmmmm, he was a hard to find exactly the right word here...a - why don't you read on and give me a name in your comment? Anyway he was such a one of those.
I have to tell you that he was a bit gorgeous, to look at I mean....he is tall ( 6' 3") dark and incredibly like John Travolta, which, in his day, was gorgeous in my eyes but today is more than a bit smarmy and embarrassing in a ' what was I thinking' kind of way. He was funny, really funny and often had everyone for miles in uproar with his antics....but he hadn't a clue about the time and place and so often got it wrong, again in his youth that was endearing, today it is hideously cringeworthy ( hoorah for only hearing the tales second, third or even fifth hand) He is clinging on to his youth for dear life and is often seen in supertight Adidas shirts and leather wristbands ( H, I adore your polo shirts and slippers, even though you don't read this blog may you telepathically feel the love vibes ).
So, I found my sweet and naive self without said gorgeous in my eyes and funny man raising 3 delicious children, all of whom had varying special and frightening needs. The first one lived 150 miles away and the plan was that he call often and visit every other weekend......he did for a while, once or twice and then, well we were told that we just had to understand that he had a life to live and accept that he had important things to do and he would be there when he could. He could be there when nothing more exciting was happening.
My children were so little and had been so hurt already that I had to make it OK for them , I would tell them again and again that daddy did love them but something had come up and he wasn't going to be there, he would be back to see them soon know the kind of thing.
Every christmas when I did it all, when I wept every Christmas Eve for 10 years because there is just nothing quite so lonely as putting stockings on babies beds, on your own and then sitting in the front room looking at the mountain of presents secretly bought and hidden over the months, all by yourself, the lights on the tree all swimming in a blur of the self pitying tears, I would wish that he could feel just a bit of the misery....I would imagine a day when he would have nothing and I could smirk and say "good". ( Not very christian but incredibly human desire I think)
Every time I told my children that he loved them, as much as he is capable of loving anyone, I longed for the day when I wouldn't have to, when they would be old enough and secure enough to see and judge for themselves how things were. The thought of that day helped me through many a miserable moment.
When I would have the appointments every monday with child psychologists and recount the week's terror and the revelations from the boys, when I would meet with teachers and social workers, doctors and health visitors, every time I would listen to these little people in their pain and fear and then sit, on my own with their words screaming through my brain and try and include him in what was happening, only to be told he couldn't hear it, didn't believe it, to shut up and leave him out of it, I would long for the day when it was my turn for the good stuff.
Every single parent who ever lived through the innocent and naive hero worship of their children, for an absent parent, must surely have known real hatred. To grit your teeth and say words that will soothe your child, to pretend to be excited with them when a visit really looks like it will happen. To gasp in admiration at a toy that you would never have the money for and is everything they hoped for when actually you're not very sure if the food will last the week, these are the things that we know are the real gifts, we make ourselves feel better when we reassure ourselves that we are giving what matters but bloody hell, if it doesn't hurt at the time. There is nothing you want more, when a little voice says " Oh my daddy bought it for me" than to yell " yeah, whoppydoo , the arsehole hasn't given me anything for your food though"
or when they tell their friends that he took them to a theme park scream "but I was there when you puked last week..remember? remember??? " But you don't, you say how lucky they are and mustn't daddy love them to have bought / done that and you pray, really pray that you get to be there when the bastard gets his dues.
My time has come. My children have seen the light, I never had to tell them, or show them or make them see how really ineffectual their dad is , I just had to wait ( a long time) for time to tell it's own tale, give him enough rope etc etc.
They laugh about him, if they talk about him at all. They never call him and try not to speak to him if he calls, and I get to see the look on their face as they roll their eyes and gesture their boredom while he prattles on about nothing. This evening he called and asked what they were doing for christmas......Jordan said
"Christmas? Oh hey, everyone is SO excited, everyone will be here. Jane is coming from America, all the cousins will be here, we're all going to be at grandma's house for dinner..its' weird because NO-ONE cares about presents, everyone is just excited about all the other stuff, the decorating, the whole family being here, being's going to be the best time ever."
PAYBACK TIME! And how did I feel? Sad......I knew that he felt it. He has a girlfriend who is, quite frankly, a lunatic, they hit each other, often, they scream at each other, always, and they break up, with boring regularity. He also has another child by his 2nd wife, he is now 6 and isn't allowed to see his daddy after an incident that he should never have witnessed, so although he has 4 children he may as well have none.
There is no satisfaction in any of this for me.....yet somehow I don't feel cheated. I still know that things could have been so different if he had put his children first. How much better if they were able to love him and be proud of him instead of finding him amusing and sad. I pity him, along with every other parent who never manages to grasp the vision, the knowledge that the children they bring into this world are the treasure. There isn't anything bigger to catch, nothing more rewarding worth chasing, there will never be anything more worthy of pursuit than a family. I saw my prize many years ago....... and it's value increases every day.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Fun....the real stuff.

You know when your kids are little and you look at the mess they make ,that feeling where you just long for the day when they are grown up and don't get so bloody dirty all the time??? Yeah, right Jordan!!

Also a couple of pics snapped of the big one with the little ones......they clung to him and never left his side until bedtime, only going to bed when he had promised that he would sleep here, for real, promise, he means it...really.!

And this is an example of how Dan is different to everyone else in my life....this morning he asked if I would cut his hair, so I did...and half way through he said " HA! Only a mother could do what you do.." when I asked what he meant he said " look at you, you are cutting my hair, cooking breakfast, clearing up and getting the boys ready for school....ALL AT THE SAME TIME!" See? No-one else would even notice, it's what I do isn't it? But Dan sees and he says what he sees....I love this man!

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Doing the happy dance.

My Dan is back from his holiday in Budapest, he has another week before he has to go to work so he is coming down here for a day or two. There is little I love more than seeing him with Seth, they have had a special bond from the day Seth was born, I shan't tell Seth Dan is coming but just soak in the joy when he sees his big brother.
Dan is being sworn in as a special constable next week, I know I will be shamelessly proud when I see him in his uniform. I am endlessly amazed that he is the way he is....he was always completely delicious when he was younger and was never any trouble but he was SO lazy, such a he is just so hard working, full time manager at the restaurant and now he will spend his days off working with the police force. When did he grow up?
Can't help but think, every time I look at him...... " I DID THAT!!" Clever, clever me!

Friday, November 04, 2005

It's always such a joy.....

When others somehow make you feel you have an abundance of intelligence just by opening their mouths!
We have a system whereby we can avoid utility bills, a key for Electricity and a card for gas, I love it, just charge them up and plug them in and you're all juiced and ready to rock and roll, bathed in light and warm and toasty. Never a bill to be seen and no worries.
I love it, except when I forget to charge the damn things and just at the worst moment I hear the PEEP PEEP " plug the key in lady or you're going to be in pitch black darkness in about 10 minutes "( because it never peep peeps at a nice sociable hour only ever when it's dark, raining and inconvenient). Normally it's alright, as the clever key and card have an emergency amount on them so you can use that and wait to pop out and recharge and all is well. Sometimes though, I use the emergency and tell myself I have plenty of time to recharge, and so tonight, after a day of run, run, chase my tail and run, dragging shopping and kids and you name it up the steps and in the house, I had my comfy don't let anyone see me clothes on and my lovely new slippers with sheep on
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( actually , another quick tale, I said to H " I love these slippers, they are so squishy and warm I almost want to make you try them on so you can share in the heaven" Without so much as a blink he replied " and I might just DO that in the privacy and intimacy of our bedroom" Hmm, maybe you had to be there, doesn't seem so funny in print but I had a mouthful of orange juice that I managed to snort out my nose it was so hysterical at the time!!) I was mid putting Eli to bed, trying to calm the painfully loud Seth and Isaac and heard that dreaded sound.
Anyway I was darned if I was getting changed or even putting shoes on so I asked Sophie to come with me and she could jump out the car, in clothes and shoes...and charge the key.
Sophie " Ugh , there's no hot water either...does the gas need electricity to work? " ( ?!?!?)
" what?!?"
"well, does the gas need electricity to make hot water? Shall I check the electric meter and see if it has already run out?"
If I hadn't been in such a bad mood I would have had such fun with her but all I could muster, after staring at her for what felt like 3 hours with my mouth all sort of gormless and agog looking was...
"Sophie.....THE BLOODY LIGHTS ARE ON! But qiuck, check the meter anyway, maybe we're experiencing a miracle!!"
I enjoyed my feelings of superior brain power all the way to the Co-op, in my slippers and all the way home again, in my comfy sports trousers that have never been anywhere near anything the least bit sporty but would still be fabulously comfy if they were ever to be put to the test, right up until I had plugged the key in and discovered that I hadn't used the emergency at all and could have waited until tomorrow to recharge it. DUH!
Oh and we had plenty of credit on the gas too...blimey Sophie takes after her dad, I KNOW she doesn't get it from me!
And for a warm and fuzzy moment, click HERE

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Pooh bum wee willy knickers and for a real laugh, Armpit.

Samuel and Thomas are here for tea ( actually Mac donalds, sometimes you just go with what works) Noisy. Very noisy, and unbelievably lavatorial. Thomas and Samuel are twins and Seth's age and although I am aware that anything bottom or pooh like is beyond hysterical, I don't think my somewhat prudish ears were quite ready for such an onslaught. 5 little boys ( because Elijah is quick and isn't one to be left out) all in absolute uproaring hysterics because they just can't quite believe how many different conversations you can include the afore mentioned words when there are so many of you. Isaac is thrilled with it all and is joining in as best he can with little homemade songs about armpits, whispered in case anyone hears him.
By far the funniest thing is if you happen to say " up your" or "smells like" before mentioning pooh or bum.
Now I missed all this with Dan and Jordan as they were so traumatised that anything remotely lavatorial was a bit scarey and by the time they understood it was a joke in most 4 and 5 year old boy cicles ( girls are so much more refined from the get go) they were too old to get their money's worth. Anything to do with Willies ( I'm sorry but you're just not getting me to call it a penis, I can't, the very word gives me the willies) was so off limits unless they were telling me some new horror they endured, so just lately with Seth and Isaac's endless reference to said apendage, I have to admit that I was very deep inside feeling sick and frightened.....with silent pleadings that somehow someone hadn't got to them while I wasn't looking and making them obsessed. SO..far from horrified at such common and rude language I am really so incredibly relieved that Samuel and Thomas are leading the way and showing Seth and Isaac to be mere novices in the pooh bum willy knickers department , they have a way to go before they are as adept in the armpit stakes though, my Isaac can even make up songs.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Things I missed the first time.

I've been thinking so much about how different life is this time around, both with my marriage and my 3 children.
Many times I wish I could turn back the clock and change some things I did, or didn't do...we can't do that but in many ways it does feel as if I am getting a second shot at it all.
The first husband and I were ridiculously ill equipped for marriage. We were young, not only in years but in knowledge and experience. I take my hat off to all the grown ups who shut their mouths and let us get on with what was obviously a disaster in the making.
When I married him it was with a still broken heart from being so sensible in not marrying my true love, we could see that there were some very basic differences in our lives that might cause trouble later on and so we parted and went our separate ways. I regretted that move so many time over the next 18 years or so.
I met the first husband and thought that it probably wouldn't get any better than that and even though I was aware he wasn't the love of my life I married him. I really did have a moment where I decided it was absurd and told him so but he cried and my simple and naive heart told me that if someone loved me enough to cry at the thought of not marrying him, he must love me very much and would never do me any harm......Lesson one, take time to get to know who you are wasn't long until I discovered he cried over films, little house on the prairie and not having a new car.
When I was raising my first 3 children I thought it was up to me to mould them into good people. I really thought that the whole onus was on me to teach them everything they needed to know. What an exhausting and futile time that turned out to be.....I only have to see these 3 people now to understand that they are who they will be, yes of course we have to help them understand the very basic right and wrong of humanity, teach them not to fart in public or pick their noses at the dinner table but honestly there are so many things that we all have to learn for ourselves.
It's a great tool to teach them to clean up after themselves and teach them skills that they will need and use in their adult lives, but this time, with my 3 little people, I know that they won't be damaged or turned into slovenly monsters who care not for anything if pick up their toys. There are times ( when I can see quite plainly that it will work ) that they earn stickers for tidying, helping with dinner, cleaning picking up, there are also times when I can see they have trashed the whole place, they are tired and bad tempered and I can either begin a 3 hour battle to get them to obey or I can let them snuggle and watch power rangers SDP while I pick up the aftermath of fun.
I have seen that a totally helpless and floppy backed teenager can become a houseproud and fastidious man. I have seen the 'don't make me have a bath I might dissolve and never get out alive' 10 year old become a grooming machine, I am still waiting for the miracle to occur with Sophie, but that die hard optimist in me feels sure it will happen.
I wish I had known the first time to soak in every second of deliciousness when they held my hand...this time when a little hand creeps into mine as we walk down the street I hold my breath, I breathe in that feeling and I hold it in my heart because I can't remember when Daniel stopped holding my hand. I can't remember when Jordan stopped curling on my lap and playing with my hair, I don't remember if Sophie ever fell asleep on me ( I can't remember if she ever actually slept at all when she was little!!).
I wonder if I ever stopped cuddling them to vacuum or dust? Can you imagine? I don't now, I really don't. I will sit in complete chaos and not give a hoot if one of my little people want to snuggle.
I get frustrated when they make a mess and there are days when I could weep with annoyance at the things I know don't matter, it would be stupid of me to pretend I sail through my days humming and la la-ing with glee... I'm just so happy to have the experience of seeing that these things pass and so does their childhood. I am grasping every moment this time and it feels good.

I don't have too many regrets about the first marriage, I'm glad I did it because I have the 3 children that came from it.
I wish I hadn't wasted as much emotion on the things I couldn't change...maybe I knew he was playing away and that's why I worried about it so much, worrying didn't stop it happening and having seen from the sidelines that no matter if he is with a thin person, a fat person, a career woman, a party animal, a sweet and gentle soul, a bitch of the highest order, a housewife, a plain Jane or a stunner,( and he's been with them all) he cheats. It wasn't me, it was him, he was going to do it, he still does it.
With H, I completely accept that he is who he is, the difference is I see him working at being better at who he is. I see him teaching his children the things he knows are important and even though at times I wish I could change some things, I know that to try would be nothing more than a waste of my time and energy, just as he knows that I will never be the frilly blouse wearing quietly spoken flipperty gibbet he envisioned marrying in his younger days ( can you picture me in a gingham frilled blouse and a swishing skirt?! Heaven forbid!!) I can look at him with his bald head, in holey old jeans, snot on his shirt ( not his of course) chocolate handprints on his legs and be overwhelmed with love for him, the fabulous thing is, I also understand that it is entirely possible that he can look at me in my tired clothes, with my overstretched and wobbly belly, crazy hair and also feel that love. Marvellous.
I learned so much the first time and lets face it, isn't that what life is all about? Learning and doing and trying your best? Grasping the very best out of what you're dealt and getting strength and experience from the things that hurt. If you them use that strength and experience to help someone else along the way then I think you can hold your head up and pat yourself on the back.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Do you know what I saw?!?!?

You'll never guess because I'm still not over it myself!
Seth had an eye appt today ( still improving eye sight, no more stingy drops!!) because he was lat efor school we had to walk through to the office to get him in as the gates are locked. Along the little lane are 2 classrooms, sort of aside from the main school that are used for the brabd newbie kids in reception class. Seth was in one of these classrooms last year and I loved to look in and see him in his uniform working and playing and looking a bit tiny. My eyes were drawn in because these littlest of school people are just so darned cute and I love the smooshy kind of awwww feeling I get when I look at them.
" Oooh, " I though, there's Louise ( My Isaac's beloved nursery teacher) " wonder what she is doing in there"
Then I had one of those moments where your eyes see something but your brain doesn't quite take it in because it's not quite right, you know, when you see your doctor at the supermarket and your eyes see it but your brain tells you it isn't so because we all know doctors don't shop, eat or go to the toilet.
I saw my Isaac, in the big boy school, sitting at a table, as large as life PLAYING with the pop together constuction toys. My ISAAC in school, PLAYING! Not chewing his blanket, not huddled in a corner, not hiding behind Louise or Nicky. PLAYING!!!
My head shot back for a double take and I froze, I grinned, I almost wept.....I just stood and grinned and stood and watched and then glorious Mrs Lovely Teacher who was Seth's teacher last year, who is also the special needs co-ordinator for the school gave me a huge grin, a thumbs up and then the " get the hell out of here before he sees you" signal.
He did it, my boy, on his first introductory visit to school ( I just love the whole nursery deal that helps these little people transition from nursery to school so effortlessly) shone, he played with glittery water ( WATER!!! ) he laughed and when Louise had to go out for a moment she came back in to see my Isaac TALKING to the student nursery teacher.
They were bowled over, he astounded us all and we are all completely and utterly thrilled.
He will go to school one morning a week until Christmas, he will go to assemblies and music lessons at school and in January he will wear his uniform ( can you imagine the joy in his being told he gets to wear the same clothes every day 5 days a week until you he's 16?!? He thinks life won't get any better!)
He still didn't eat his snack and says he still won't do P.E because he is too ' fraid bout nat'

I can't begin to imagine why he found this whole new experience so safe, undaunting and exciting, I don't even care. He was happy, he had fun. What more can we ask?
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