Are you ready for this?

My Photo
Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Some bragging and showing off, you just have to make time for.

Know what I mean? My heart is sad when he leaves.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Dashing through the......well, not snow that's for sure!

someone is BOUND to stop us doing this soon...cram 'em in Elijah!! What one you 'aving next Seth?

The calm before the storm!! I am sweating and puffing, Christmas is over and somehow I am relieved but now we have tonight and tomorrow to finish packing. HAHAHAHAHAHA! FINISH??? When do we start? I don't think we believed it would actually happen and so here we are, faced with the most fantastic sense of wonder and bottom clenching fear ...and 36 hours to perform miracles.
I have tried several times to post a christmassy sort of blog but none of us have felt very festive, we had a great time but are more looking forward to the new house and more room and all the good things we hope are coming our way.
The above are a few pictures that show we had some fun and even though we seemed not to actually hit any shops, e.bay and grandpa and some pretty impressive organisation ( and repeatedly finding things I had bought months ago, hidden and forgotten about) there was an obscene amount of gifts with no tree to put them under!
Lunch was at grandma's with 32 people, memories and family in abundance and now it is all over for another year.
Tomorrow is the pantomime, and then we are off to our home with delusions of grandeur and hopes a plenty.
I hope you miss me while I am off line ( still looking as though it will be Jan 11th before we are back in the land of the keyboard and cyber friends) I shall miss feeling surrounded by friends checking in and saying hello...feel free to leave messages, I am certain I shall sneak in whenever possible.
In the next 2 weeks or so my Isaac will be starting school full time ( it seems he hadn't at all grasped the idea that this was happening and is so afraid of the idea)....he is horribly sad at no more nursery and insists that he will be going there, in his light jeans and England t-shirt..oh dear, I feel we are in for a fight with his black trousers and school shirts, lets not even mention long sleeved sweatshirts, nasty mean things that they are, and black school shoes YE GADS WOMAN are you trying to terrorise the poor boy? We're not mentioning P.E, at all....I think we'll let the school tell him about that and let me in on the answer. He has become modesty itself, hides behind doors to change.....*sigh* Oh and we are in ( I think) week 8 or 9 of a band aid on the finger. HE cut his finger and had to have a band aid...he has always been terrified of them, this time he had to have one as it was a he insists that his finger is still badly, even though we show him every time the stinky, grimy, buckled band aid needs changing that his finger is healed he still holds his breath until a new one is put on. Not helped by grandpa bringing boxes of fabulous bandaids with spiders, bugs, frogs, scorpions, ants and the word 'bloody' on...can you imagine???? more christmassy tale, Auntie Julie bought Seth a gift.....a remote control farting bottom. He was HORRIFIED!!! He went scarlet with shame and embarrassment! Hid his head and said " Oh, I don't want that" --snatched with incredible speed from his hands by Isaac, who delighted in sneaking up on everyone and farting ( remotely of course) in their ears and then almost dying with the joy of it. Ain't christmas grand?!?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!! See you in about 2 weeks!!

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Pin them's the day!

( sometimes, those christmas pictures don't quite turn out the way you'd hope...this one, however seems to depict exactly how I feel at 7.41pm on this Christmas eve!!)

Today is my most favourite day of the year.....too late to worry about anything you might have done or couldn't do, but full of excitement and wonder.
Also marvellous on the motherhood side, a mere whisper of Santa's name and I am almost guaranteed immediate obedience, I say almost because we have Elijah, who at 2 1/2 doesn't quite understand the bribing aspects of Christmas eve yet, so still glories in all things naughty and Elijah-like.
It is very loud here, and very, very messy and I am looking forward to my most favourite time of this day when the beastie boys are bathed, wearing new pyjamas, have put out snacks and treats for Santa and reindeers and are snuggled in bed. Clean, tidy house, presents under the tree and peaceful magic all around.
My Dan is driving down tonight, he will arrive around about 3am, I think I am most excited about that than anything else, all my children here for Christmas, no-one having to rush away. Tomorrow my whole family will be at mum's, parents, siblings, in-laws, nephews and nieces.....dinner at grandma's, heaven.
I wish for all of you as much wonder as I am dreaming for myself.....I hope this Christmas is happy, peaceful with as many heart moments as we can all stand.
Merry, Merry Christmas.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

But Thanta won't know......

On a hideously traumatic dash to Marks and Spencers the day before yesterday, where grandpa and H dithered about whether paying £2.79 for some chicken thighs to make a chicken curry ( well, obviously...would hardly be a lamb curry would it?) weighing them in their hands and declaring that £2.79 seemed a bit steep.....clutching onto my last bit of patience ( barely) I hissed that the choice was chicken thighs from lovely M and S who are perfectly entitled to charge a bit more because merely walking through the foodhall makes me feel a bit grand, buying there makes me feel on a par with Martha Stewart ( is she still posh?) or beans on toast because wild horses wasn't going to drag me into another store with Isaac the human siren.
Isaac was supposed to be in a neighbouring store with Jordan who was buying treats for the sweetie table, his money ran out though and it wasn't nearly long enough before I heard the tell tale whining tone of the new Isaac. I am, lately, a bit disgruntled with the speech therapist who has taught my sweet yet silent Isaac to talk, and talk, and talk......and demand.
He enjoyed a brief stroll around the glittering store and then saw.......oh my gosh.....apparantly he has wanted, his whole life, that very police outfit with hat complete with working light and siren. How lovely, we'll make sure Santa knows. Seemed a good response and one that usually works on most kids the week before christmas. Not my Isaac.
"Oh..oh but OH maybe Thanta don't know which one is right?"
"He won't know mummy, I want buy it RIGHT NOW"
"Thanta won't know..... Thanta won't know, he don't know lith thtore, what he don't know, I want it mummy..mummmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy...I want it....."
ONE AND A HALF HOURS ( well maybe not, but certainly long enough for my brain to bleed and my normally festive self to start wishing it was february, otherwise known as suicide month in England as it is so bleak and so miserable. Yes, February suddenly seemed inviting to me) He doesn't appear to take a breath in his onslaught of whining and demanding and efforts to make me understand the importance of his needs and desires.
I tried to grasp onto the kindly and knowing smiles of elderly ladies who were finding the snatched snippet of his pleading quaint, and I smiled, at first, letting them remember the days when their children were questioning Santa's competance. Eventually though, my mouth took over and I found myself at almost a bellow saying " well then you just won't get it will you? Isaac, we will tell santa, we will tell him the police is suit is in Marks and Spencers and has a hat with a siren and a light ( and pray for extra patience or a week long bout of deafness because we all know treasures like that have to be purchased in threes, one each. Three wailing hats. With flashing lights. ) We will describe it in minute detail and Santa will use his discretion and decide if you get it or not...if he gets it wrong or you don't get it, well, it will be because you drove your mother to near insanity while she was trying to get daddy and grandpa to pick up the damn chicken thighs already and pay £2.79 for them for the sake of all that's supposed to be curried.
You know what this all means, don't you? Yes, it means that mummy had to go again to the place that is hell, this time of year , drive around and around in circles and try and park and then grab the last two--- ARGH TWO!!! Police suits and flashing helmets..Eli has a slightly different one, do you think he will notice? Do you? Please tell me he won't. Unfortunately, the playsuit doesn't have handcuffs...I was kind of thinking they might come in handy, 3 pairs of handcuffs, 3 naughty boys...tada! Problem solved.....darned toy manufacturers, never get it right, give us the noise and don't give us the handcuffs. Obviously made by males , while their wives and mothers of their children run around buying hearts desires and feeling their brains ( and ears) bleed.

..... oh and Isaac just glanced at the picture on this blog...he noticed that this is NOT the suit he saw...he was very quick to say " Nat nithe suit, I want the one we thaw the thtore..not nat one" ... no pulling the wool over his eyes is there?!?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


With just 8 days to go we have the ALL CLEAR! The house is OURS.

TWO bathrooms.....Chandaliers......lovely fireplace...and heavenly heavens, a fabulous pre-school that Elijah can go to on the very next street. Santa can have the day off for me next week, I have everything I could ever ask for this year!

Monday, December 19, 2005

I NOT wearin' nat girlie dress.

So said my Isaac when faced with the shepherd's costume for his nursery nativity. Even when offered bribes of hard cash and bars of chocolate he steadfastly refused to risk his masculinity in any way. Not a surprise and not the end of the world, I'm pretty sure that those shepherds of old would have loved to be clad in a dude skin sweatshirt and jeans with sturdy boots.
Let me tell you though, my boy sang. Really sang.....not face forward and proud like most of his 4 year old classmates but I could tell he was loving it, faced slightly towards the backdrop ( hoping against hope this would mean no-one would notice he was singing) and twiddling with the zip on his sweatshirt he SANG..and my heart sang right along with him.
I thank the X factor, he loved this show and loved 2 of the singers Shayne and Chico, he wants a leather jacket and a microphone and says he is going to be Chico...and I think he was living his dream today. My Isaac is coming on just fine, he is my star.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

nearly there.....

I am beginning to look forward to that time that comes before all things big and nerver wracking where you say to yourself " well , there is nothing more I can do" and let fate take over. I'm nearly there, as far as christmas goes I have maybe one or two small bits to pick up and then the rest ..well if we haven't got it, we'll be going without! I think, actually, that this may turn out to be one of the nicest and more memorable christmas times we have ever had, we haven't worried a bit about any of it, we have covered all gifts without any stress and somehow have come up with some really cool ideas that I hope will bring goosepimples and teary eyes all round. I have told the older boys to buy one present for the whole family, which has thrilled them and saved a huge amount of time and money and dearest Sophie has bought all her gifts and wrapped them already. Grandpa bought an entire stock of power ranger SPD toys and dressing up outfits for the boys as well as underwear and PJs .....even the first one turned up yesterday with exactly the gifts I suggested for Jordan and Sophie, the first time in 16 years they will have had his gifts on christmas day, what a shame he then told them what he had bought!!
As for the move, well there are one or two more things I can do and then I will have to trust to the good Lord to ensure it all falls into place, the christmas post is throwing everything out of whack and delaying everything so much I am about to explode at the frustration of it all...I think we are all feeling the strain....I am going to sit and look at the pictures this afternoon to remind myself why we are putting ourselves through all this hassle and worry, it feels as though we have forgotten just how great it will be to live there and have been swallowed up in the red tape and headache side of everything.
My bedding arrived today, oh my goodness it is perfect! I found some curtains a week or two ago and this bedding goes beautifully with them..we are going to be posher than posh and grander than grand...I am saying no more until I have it all in and pictures are taken. I feel though, that there is a very hig chance of being overtaken with delusions of grandeur and simply recline waiting to be pampered.
Ah, the chickenpox, Seth is being a trooper, we have to count his pox spots 3 times a day and marvel at how many pustules he now has ( 87 at last count) we soothe and cream and blow ( yes, blow, he stands and says " blow them" and we do...isn't parenthood a marvellous and humbling thing?) I think we have reached the point where he has as many spots as he is going to get and luckily none on his face....tons on his head and his groin is a veritable dot to dot of itchiness, his bum is pickled and Isaac thinks the blowing of bum spots is more hysterical than anything he has yet witnessed in his 4 years and 4 months. I am happy as long as the bum doesn't feel obliged to blow back just as I am bent down with face level, you can never tell with 5 year olds.
Isaac has one itchy spot on his cheek, I am praying that his is a rogue spot just come to keep Seth company because I am pretty sure I am way too low in the compassion and patience stakes to deal with Isaac and chickenpox, he is in melt down with this one itchy blob and hates the cream to stop the itch-yet whines for it every 10 minutes only to wipe it right off with Lellow ba as soon as it's on the spot, he won't allow calamine lotion because it doesn't soak into his skin. If I am forced to try and leave the house and he is housebound, oh dear heavens, lets not go there! Pray for me people....please!!!
Gramma made the boys some pillowcases..they made snuggly beds on the floor and watched the muppets, and took a nap, awww bless
Image hosted by
which gave them loads of energy just as grandpa thought he would take a moment to relax in his room and watch some football.....
Image hosted by

Image hosted by
never mind was worth a try, but you'll learn, never try and snag some peace and quiet..they can sniff out a need for rest from a 100 yards.

Friday, December 16, 2005

They're coming to take me away ha ha......

Hang on grandpa, your hat's great, if I can just snap the arm of mummy's glasses it'll be perfect

So, shall I share with you this weeks happenings or will you read and mutter aloud that I am making it all up because this doesn't really all happen, not in real life, all at one family, mine.
You know I am going to tell you so come close, get comfy and read on......
.well........this morning how we laughed when we were greeted with the sight of Seth with the inescapable evidence of


Ha ha ha ha ha......little pustules of itch popping up all over the place, marvellous, lets say it will take him a week to get well, scab over and be cheery again...just in time for christmas, phew. Then we can safely lay huge pots of cash on the fact that the other two will get it too, in fact this very evening Elijah has the first signs of his spots, so at least we'll have two of them wellish for Christmas...who knows if or when Isaac will get it. It does mean that we will have to have one of us here at all times ..pppttthhhhhhh. They miss the christmas parties at school and nursery and we miss those last few days of having spare time to finish up the final bits and pieces PPPPPTTTTTTTTH.
The real humdinging bit of tell the internet news that has my mind blowing superfarts is this...after a super impressive bout of temper on monday my husband tells me that he hasn't taken any of his meds for TWO WEEKS, none of his blood pressure meds, none of the blood thinners, anti clotting, don't have another heart attack , keep it all ticking and pumping and calm meds.....what, pray tell, was he thinking? Was he thinking, at all, about anything?
The fact that he made this decision, that could have had him drop dead in a blink, has me so angry, so weepy and frustrated and sick that I can scarcely voice my thoughts. It is telling enough that it has taken me 4 days to even mention it.
I steadfastly refuse to be one of those women forced to mother their husbands....I am not putting his tablets next to a cup of milk at bedtime, I am not going to ask 3 times a day if he has taken them. I have told him, until I am pretty sure he understands, that such a move is beyond selfish, if he thinks so little of us that he can take such a risk then it would be a total waste of my time to battle with him. I have made sure he understands just what a huge risk it is he took...he didn't tell me until he had begun to take them again but he is having a hard time....his body is not feeling good and his mind is having an even tougher time. He is also being faced with not an ounce of sympathy but hard facts about how he is facing this because he chose not to take his meds and that actually he is incredibly lucky not to have gone into heart failure. Or died.
Jordan is also truly sick, he is actually sleeping at his work because the damp and mould have got into his lungs. His breathing capacities are less than half and he can hardly catch his breath, he has been hit with asthma after years of being free of it. I've watched him this evening gasping for breath with a nebuliser and I am so mad...but relieved that the end is in sight.
Still having stupid hiccups from the agency but I am told that these are merely formalities and all will be's just getting horribly close now.
Pass me the Nyquil I'm off to oblivion!

Thursday, December 15, 2005

This and that and a bit of hysteria, almost.

I've often heard it said that moving house is one of the most stressful times to endure....tell me about it! Today I am at the stage where I can feel a physical lump of hysteria that is swelling out of all proportions somewhere between my breastbone and my almost reaches it's screaming way to my throat and then retreats, knowing that there are more hiccups, trials and loopholes to get through before it can wend it's insane way right the way out and enjoy a rollicking good yowl around the neighbourhood.
The removal van is booked and paid for, many young and testosterone pumped arms and backs are promised for the lifting and carrying of heavy items...of course enthusiasm and good cheer doesn't necessarily come along with the arms and backs but we'll take what we can, nephews, several.. brothers in law, two, father and father in law and a husband, a couple of more or less grown up sons and pretty much a promise that I shan't have to lift a single thing myself, I shall be able to be a pointer and decider, which sounds simply marvellous in theory doesn't it.
13 days. Too exciting to imagine but we are still waiting on the final OK...again we are told that it will be OK and no problems are forseen but....ahem, pardon me for a moment
cut the bloody niceties and just tell me the house is mine will you?!?!?!?
The boxes are coming along nicely....we packed some lovely things this week.

Image hosted by

oh look, this one is actually waving at me....
Image hosted by

Image hosted by

I just wish I had been quicker with the packing tape, the buggers keep getting out and it's almost impossible to get anything done when they are free.

I left H to organise the phone and internet which he did this afternoon, it actually made him feel a little more appreciative of me I hope...he got to feel like the pied piper, it is guaranteed that the moment you get the phone in your hand in order to speak to anyone, especially in connection to a business call, these little people will follow you. No matter where you go in search of 3 minutes of peace and the chance to pretend you are a sane and reasonable adult human being, they will follow, making sounds. Loud and penetrating sounds that render you completely stupid and incapable of remembering what you need or even who you are speaking to and you become one of the once pitied or loathed, or even both, group of people who punctuate every sentence with " Oh excuse me...PUT YOUR BROTHER OWN!!" or " Pardon me for just a moment .... don't...ah AH AH .....DON'T YOU DARE THROW THAT!!! I'm sorry, what was that you said? oh oh....hang on a moment... GET DOWN YOU'LL BREAK YOUR NECK!"
Serves them all right for going home before my kids go to bed. I hope their heads ache when they get off the phone too, it's only fair after all.

We might be without a phone or computer for 11 days...ELEVEN DAYS...can you imagine? I shall be forced to go to the library and write shorthand versions of my blog, we get 30 minutes online....yikes. we can keep the same phone number though, even though we are switching companies. Very kind, I love my phone number it is the easiest number to remember, whenever I tell anyone my phone number they immediately rave about how cool this number is and it really is, and we get to keep it. Splendid.

Grandpa is here from sunny California...he brought 3 big cases with him, I think his carry on bag had his clothes in and the rest was treats and suprises for us....grandpa's are pretty glorious on the whole and this one is one of the best. He has been adored and followed and climbed on all day...the boys are touchingly unable to believe he is actually staying and have been checking with him often that he is really going to still be here in the morning and at christmas and in our new house and after school. We are very happy that he will be here, for all of it.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Acherlee.... he look like a girlie.

Apparantly, Isaac thought this when he watched Seth's nativity in school me he looks like a divine angel. He put his foot down about a halo, there are lines that just may not be crossed, not even at Christmas. Dance, he will. Wear an angel frock , no problem....sing anything you ask him...certainly, tinsel on head...absolutely not. Ever.

Oh and today....this angelic child, my sparkly frocked angel....just discovered that a liquid shoe polish can write really well on white kitchen units. It was a blue shoe polish, not that it matters. Grandpa will be here in 40 minutes.....I so wanted him to see a tidy house, just the once, just for 5 minutes perhaps.....some things are not to be, I suspect that grandpa won't notice anyway, it is a year since he saw his boys, he would very likely think blue shoe polish numbers were a sign of brilliance. We love grandpa.

Monday, December 12, 2005

A nod's as good as a wink, to a blind horse.

So, some pretty good news on the house front, although still not the official nod from the agents yet ( sheesh, you think that Sally the agent dealing with us would forego days off wouldn't you? Days off ? What for ? What can she possible want to have days off for in mid december? WHAT?) Anyway, a phone call from my fairy godmother told me that she and Sally have had words and are firm friends, both agreeing that naturally, I am the best thing to happen to chandelier boasting town houses in sought after areas, to be trusted with beige coloured carpets and parking permits. Fairy Godmother and her accountant ( another sign of the times, fairy godmothers have accountants, would never have happened in Cinderella's day but what can you do? They call it progress but I'm not convinced myself.) have proven worthy and able and although, as yet, due to christmas postal services ( bah humbug, cards bah bah, how many trees have had to be chopped down in order to stop important mail arriving promptly? What's wrong with anyway??) the written evidence has yet to arrive on Sally's desk, I saw with my own eyes that we are stated, in writing, as " suitable applicants, with suitable and satisfactory references and guarantor" Not sure I think 'suitable' is a suitable word for me, and it is me, not 'we' in this case as everything is always done in my name....'marvellous' would be good, 'glorious' even better...but I'll take suitable for now.
Fairy Godmother also tells me that Sally likes me. Hoorah. That's probably not a requirement for renting but it all helps in the grand scheme of things and as soon as she calls us to say we are the new tenants for the big old house with thick walls and lots of space, I shall jolly well like her too.
So, if a nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse, I think I can almost safely assume we are good enough for this particular rental agency. Hip Hip hooray!
Oh and guess what. Fairy Godmother has a son ( not entirely sure that was done in Cinderella's day either, what IS the world coming to?) in fact she has 3 and all are a bit gorgeous, the eldest is called Orlando, here he is....

Image hosted by
Well, I say here he is, I looked him up on the web. This is a picture of a grown man, it is, isn't it? I am aghast to tell you that I was his nanny. Yes , his nanny...he was 4 days old when I started to look after him and he didn't have stubble, or hair of any kind really, definately not the prickly facial kind..but he did have those eyes and so I think I am confident in saying that this, indeed, is he. He used to like the teddy on the nappy liner box, he smiled at it a lot when having his nappy changed. Nowadays, he likes music, he has just had a record released and has been signed by a record company. I WAS HIS NANNY!!! Tomorrow night he is playing HERE which I'm told is a big deal....his group, the MACCABEES are playing on tour with someone called Ben Folds, the fact that he is sold out at all venues tells me I should probably know who Ben Folds is, but I don't. If he hasn't played on Ballamory or with the Wiggles then shoot me I'm out of the loop.
Honestly the things that life can throw at you, who'd have thought it? Just think, when he is a massive star I can tell the world I changed his nappy and he was a teeny, little, almost page boy, in emerald green dungarees at my first wedding. In fact why wait til he is a star, I'm telling you now. My claim to fame, you heard it here first. I am very old.

Hardly been able to put him down since......

The past three weeks have seen me joining my husband and boys at church, just for the final service. I have been feeling as though I am missing out, rather than feeling as if sundays mean a 3 hour break and some peace and quiet I found myself aching when I dropped them at the church doors. In a quiet and still way my heart has been healing and these few weeks of being a family on sundays have been a soothing balm to my soul.
Today was the nativity by the little people...great excitement in the house as Seth prepared to be dressed up and huge excitement at the fact that mummy would be there to see him. No excitement at all from Isaac who had been given the prized costume most desired by mummies.....and steadfastly refused to even look at it straight on, forget wearing it. No beaded waistcoat for him, no velvet sashes or glittering's not light jeans and it's not a short sleeved t-shirt and it's hard and scratchy and DON'T SHOW IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!! He didn't care that he would be the bearer of chocolate coins that he and he alone could eat, if only he would wear that costume that was just MADE to look spectacular with skin his's not light jeans and it's not a short sleeved...yeah yeah, you get the picture. Thankfully Elijah ( although owner of incredibly holy name) who is heathen extraordinaire, is a year too young to have been included, next year I am sure he will don a tea towel and bathrobe and be the most stunning shepherd the church has ever seen, this year, he got to sit with mummy and daddy. For about 4 minutes. Amazing how LOUD little people can be at the wrong times isn't it?
Eli sits with auntie Leah, every sunday, unless she is away or ill. We hate it when she is away or ill......when he is with her he falls asleep every week and snoozes through the whole hour. Occassionally, he stays awake and very quietly looks at a book. Not when he's with me though. Leah teaches the 4-5 year olds so she was at the front with them and the boy was with us. After 4 minutes of fog horn like disgust at having to be with me and not Auntie Leah, I took him outside, got his stroller and blanket and stood at the back until he went to sleep. He did fall asleep, blisfully quickly, but rather than disrupt the service again I stayed at the back.
Dearest Seth, he is so little. He looks so tiny next to other children his own age and my heart was so touched to see him stand up and sit down and sing his little heart out. I could scarcely take my eyes of his divine little face but at one stage I managed to and what I saw made my whole soul burst into grateful and overwhelmed tears.
I took my eyes away from the Seth Meister and glanced towards my husband, who was now a few rows ahead of me.....and I saw his neck craned as far as it would go and his face lifted up and he was mouthing the words to the song the children were singing and encouraging the tiny Seth boy to sing until he burst.
I think I have waited my whole maternal life to see such a sight. Having raised the big 3 alone and taken them week after week, month and year after month and year to every church service, every school assembly, every single activity known to motherhood, on my own, to find myself watching this shy man I am married to give not a fig who saw him mouthing words as over the top as any childrens' television presenter for the deaf...well be still my heart and make me a space at his feet.
My husband is a giant in my eyes today.
Image hosted by

Saturday, December 10, 2005

A Post which serves no purpose.

I have to write this post, for no other reason than the experience was so perfect that H and I found ourselves driving in the wrong direction just to get a second glimpse.
I was waiting outside the post office today for H to finish an errand and noticed a young man waiting outside the supermarket. 'Hmmm', I thought he doesn't look best comfortable, rather like he had ripped a page out of a trendy magazine , one showing his favourite rap star at home and hastily popped out to the nearest trendy clothes shop and bought every item his hero had been wearing in the picture. white track suit, thick gold chain, baseball hat, training shoes with laces undone, big heavy rings on too many fingers and a dog, on a should have been a mean looking staffordshire bull terrier but it wasn't, it was a border collie. Shame.
Mr wannabe rap star was standing sort of close to a stroller, a black 3 wheeler with leopard skin trim and a tiny baby in it. He wasn't close enough to be associated with it but as no-one else was nearby I felt sure that he probably was 'in charge' as even in this sleepy part of the UK it isn't the most sensible idea to leave a new baby outside a shop unattended, especially is there is a bright pink handbag slung over the handle of the pram.
While still waiting for H I was treated to the sight of the mummy. When I saw here and saw that she was, indeed with the track suit wearing, wish it was at least a rottweiler, border collie owning rap star, all became clear. I knew immediately that the baby was called Keanu, if it was a boy....and can't begin to imagine what she is called if she is a girl...suggestions on a post card please.
Mummy was wearing high heeled white boots, fur trimmed of course , with large numerous buckles, tucked into these jeans were skin tight low rise jeans with a rather touching, yet not repulsive, amount of 'I just had Keanu but can wear my jeans again' belly showing ( honestly, the youngsters of today, they'd do well to wear a vest in this weather but there's no telling them, is there?) She had on a belt that was studded ( and white of course) and a white bomber jacket. At the top of this fashion statement was a hairdo that almost defies description and had me wishing for my camera with its super zoom lens. The under neath of her hair was very dark, and straight and the top was white. Not blond, white, crispy white and perhaps dreadlocks and was sort of ringlets of hoping the wind isn't too strong because these things will snap and blow off.
It was a treat to see her grab onto Keanu's pram and totter off with her white track suited boyfriend. Such a treat in fact that when H came out of the shop I had to drive down the road in the wrong direction so he could see for himself.
Oh...I know what the baby was called if it was a girl......Beyonce. ( pronounced Bay-on-say. No other name would work.

Friday, December 09, 2005

It's beginning to look a lot like.....

........we're MOVING!! Whoohoo!
Grandpa arrives on wednesday and it would just be awful if he were to come all this way to be met with a panic about packing, so H, Jordan, Sophie and I have been pack -pack- packing everything we won't need it's a bit echoey around here!
We are leaving the front room looking lived in and splendid and the rest is getting wrapped and packed and some of it is being dumped and thrown. The school received bags of clothes that I have had to accept are never going to be worn by the 2 outfit Isaac and why would we drag it all to our new I hope they funds were boosted at the school Fayre this afternoon!
The boys, naturally are having a blast with the plethora of boxes and I find myself reciting " remember it's enormous fun- remember it's enormous fun" when faced with a wall of kicked over and jumped on boxes or a box with a head poking out when I really want to see 'stuff ' you know, like books or videos, clothes or toys in them. Elijah is becoming more and more like a Lemming...whilst they are known for throwing themselves off cliffs when in an overpopulated area, he is settling for hurtling off any pile of packed boxes he can find ( and there are plenty) He isn't a bit put off by the times he over estimates the landing spot and hits a wall, or underestimates and falls on his bum with a crack ( HA! Actually I wrote that meaning the sound 'crack' but as soon as it was written I saw the pun, couldn't have come up with that if I'd sat for a week trying to be witty!)
One of the things I adore about moving is the therapeutic discarding of crap. Even though we seem to have a tendency to move every year, we have an incredible gift for collecting stuff. Today we took 2 full loads to the tip, what a marvellous and cleansing sort of Saturday to have. I have every intention of indulging my Hyacinth Bucket tendancies in the new house and shall insist that we not allow house room to tat. Tasteful and pleasant shall be the theme ..for the first week at least.
We are also living from our store cupboard and freezer, buying only the necessary fresh foods we need, milk, bread, fruit and's quite exciting to see what meals we have been able to concoct without buying very much, so far we're doing pretty well.
We drove by the house yesterday and showed Isaac how near we are to the town...his words were " Oh HEY! I go to town on my own, it's right there, I just go out and get my stuff without you" ARGH!!!!!! Lots of chatting about how boys never go out without telling mummy and daddy where they are going etc.....It is exciting though to be so close to everything.
It's strange not to be decorating for christmas though, we have a tiny fibre optic tree and that will have to be it for this year! Good job we are spending the day at Mum's house where there is a discreet and silent battle going on about who will decorate what...mum and Jane are both fiends when it comes to making the place look festive, Jane has come armed with platters and gold organza while mum has peacocks and hand made tableclothes at the ready, both are sure they are in charge and it is going to be fascinating to see who wins on the day! ( my money is on mum who Jane takes after, but lets face it, mother is the queen of winning without ever seeming to put up a fight and it IS her house after all!!) we shall be resplendant with peacocks and gold threaded table cloths....I am slightly miffed that the arty farty decor gene passed me by, every year I buy hoards of pretty bits and bobs to make a centre piece but somehow whatever I try we end up with a heap of pinecones and baubles looking nothing like attractive, I figure that at some stage I HAVE to accidentally make something beautiful, sod's law says so I think.
So, on that nore it's time to climb over some more boxes and open a few more to see if I can find Elijah, I'm sure he was last seen heading for a pile in the hallway.......

Thursday, December 08, 2005

'Tis the season......

To be Jolly....fa la la la la la la la BAH!
More of the Christmas woes.....happy me and Merry shopmas to you. I'm sure that it used to be 3 or 4 days before Christmas that I would dread having to go to the shops....why is it that suddenly there is nowhere to park and no hope of ever just popping in and grabbing a loaf of bread? I have noticed that that yule tide tempers are here early and we're still in the single figures of December. Actually I exaggerate, it's perhaps only my yuletide temper that is here already, I found myself wishing ill on the elderly mini driver sneaking into the last 'parent with child space' at Sainsbury's. She didn't have her child with her and she sure as eggs didn't have her mother with her , whereas I had both. I was covered both ways in parent and child categories, me, mum and Isaac, I deserved that space and the lone old lady didn't...... honestly it probably would have done her good to have got a bit of exercise.
My festive fury was soothed considerably though when I met with my Sister Julie to meet my Sister Jane from the coach that was delivering her and her babies from Utah . ( Well, from Gatwick airport anyway)......Sweet baby girls, Izzie and Lily, who live too far from grandma, papa, aunties, cousins and Cadbury's chocolate buttons. They are going to have to endure having faces kissed and little bodies squeezed by women they don't know for the next three weeks. Somehow enduring trolley rage and traffic seems insignificant next to the sheer bliss of having family around. Later this week Jane's sons arrive...on Christmas day we will all be at mums house, all her children and their children and a few added extras joined to our family through marriage. My brother won't be there..he is master of the humbug brigade. Bah Bah Bah to you, only son of my parents, you won't know what you're missing. His grown up sons will be there though, the humbugness skipped a generation, hoorah.

By this time next week Grandpa will be here from California, dear grandpa who will in turn be climbed upon, power rangered and loved to within an inch of his sanity until January 10th. Glorious. He has been collecting treasure for weeks to bring with him, Kraft mac n cheese for his boys, cinnamon gum for the girl of the house, socks for is beyond exciting when grandpa comes bringing with him the missed delights of the U.S. but if he arrived with nothing more than his wicked grin and tales of his somewhat naughty childhood ( I often say that Elijah has a tad more of grandpa's' spark than I would have agreed to but between you and me it is always said with the utmost delight!) he would be just as welcome. He is adored by all in the household.

For every mind numbing and temper fraying nonsense we might be faced with at this time of year, there will be several memory making, heart warming life moments....ain't life grand?

Image hosted by

Oh...what did cheer my shopping soul today was having a delicious old man come behind me in the queue at Sainsbury's...he just began to unload his shopping when the till lady said " Oh I'm closing sir" he looked and said " Not now, not right now, surely"
"Yes, I'm afraid so, it's time for me to go home"
In a splendid and booming voice he bellowed " ugh, you old bugger" and strode off to join a new queue. There is something infinitely uplifting about an old person who swears with such relish, may I be one of them one day.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I believe..... Angels, fairy God mothers and all things miraculous......we shall have our house. Hoorah.
I am a bit weak with relief and thankfulness...even though the absolute yes isn't written in stone yet, I am sure it will happen.Now we have to welcome grandpa, do christmas, pack and move....easy if you say it fast.
Anyway, what is pride or dignity compared to chandaliers and TWO Bathrooms? Pttttttttt to it.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Crumpled heap of helpless me.

I am having a bad day. Red tape is winning over dreams and deperate needs. We have been told that in order to move into our house we need a guarantor or 6 months rent up front. It doesn't matter that we have proven we have have the means to pay rent, no matter that we have great references.
I cannot bear the idea of staying in this black walled sardine can. I am tired of being made to feel like the lowest of low. There is an answer out there somewhere. It's just finding it without letting go of any more self esteem or dignity, I don't have any of that to spare.
Sometimes, being in charge is too hard.
I have no complaints about what life has dealt me and I really believe that all in all I have made the best of everything that has come my way. There are just some days when screaming BOLLOCKS! Is the best idea I can come up with. Today is one of them.
The day wasn't helped along by a visit to the dentist. Why is that having given birth 5 times with no pain relief I simply cannot lie in that slippery blue chair without tears pouring down my cheeks?.....could be the bib that is clipped round my neck I suppose, taking me back to those glorious days of being able to weep at the drop of a hat over anything and everything, though it's much more likely to be the sodding great needle shoved in my cheek / gum / soul and the relentless drilling and scraping and the feeling of having your very life in the latex gloved hands of a man with a strong european accent who is poking several sharp instruments in the tenderest parts of your mouth. Could be the added humiliation of having a young slip of a thing with bleached hair vacuum the spittle out of your mouth ( And I am convinced it is part of the dental assistant's contract that there must be a minimum of 3 suctions of the uvula to see how hard and how often they can make someone gag , I always keep my eyes closed but I swear I can feel the dentist and his Barbie girl give each other the high 5 every time I heave, which in itself an achievement with all that metal shoved in my mouth.) Do they have bets on how wide they can crank a jaw before it pops out of joint or how long they can keep it cranked open before a pathetic soul weeps in pain?!
So physical pain and emotional degradation in one day.....calls for an overdose of chocolate I think, after all, nothing like an added dose of self loathing to finish the off the job is there?

Sunday, December 04, 2005


I feel as though I am in some kind of bizarre christmas vacuum. Every time I go out and see the hoards of people going insane with spending and hoarding with still weeks until christmas I feel so apart from it and so withdrawn I'm not sure I am me. I have always been a go over the top christmas person, my kids would have piles and plies of presents but something in me has changed. I don't know when or why or even how but I am a new me.
I want to see into peoples' hearts, hear the whispers of their dreams and I want to grant wishes. I don't mean cars and houses, not even world peace ( although marvellous were it only possible ) I don't want to be a genie. I want to bring moments of absolute joy.
I was stuck in a God forsaken store yesterday, one of those catalogue stores where you don't even get to look at lovely shiny things that cost too much money, just a catalogue and then line up for 3 days to order it and another 4 days to wait for it to shoot down the conveyor belt into the sweaty and weary hands of a worker who looks as though they have lost the will to live but can't quite manage the energy or inclination to throw themselves under a bus.
I was in a meandering line, doing what I do best, which is watch people. I could feel myself twitch and the urge to scream " GET OUT AND SAVE YOURSELVES......NONE OF THIS MEANS ANYTHING!" became almost unbearable. How many plastic toys that will be broken by new years ever can we buy? How many ugly ornaments are needed? I do however,love to see people find a gift that they KNOW is perfect, that they know will bring that weepy grin to the face of a loved one.
I wanted Buckaroo, for 3 years I wanted it , needed it, dreamed of it. I didn't get it and I was sad, I know now, because I am a mother, why I didn't get it, hundreds of tiny bits that will get lost and broken or trodden on in bare feet...but somehow, that was the one thing I desperately wanted.....I did get it actually, when I was married for the first time. All those years later I felt that heart warming sigh of joy when I opened it and THAT, to me is what christmas is about. Seth wants Pokemon things, I think they are ugly, serve little purpose and he has never watched pokemon- but santa will find him one or two because it's that kind of magic that makes a childhood complete.
The kind of gift giving I hate is seeing someone in a store pick up a revolting plasic cube containing 2 lilac candles (that we all know will smell like toilet cleaner) a cheap looking ceramic / glass holder and wrapped in scratchy silver ribbon and say " Hey look , I'm getting this for Doreen, it's only a quid".
Image hosted by

Don't buy it. Doreen will have every right to find a hole to shove that ugly thoughtless present, hopefully it will a hole on, or about, your person . I would rather people not give me anything than something that has so obviously been nothing more than a ' this'll do' gift.
We have a family member who is so spectaculary bad at giving gifts that it is the highlight of our year to ask each other what we were given. It is fabulous, in that list somewhere there will be several 'free with' gifts, a pack of cars for the 4 year old that came free with a readers digest book, with a big old label on it saying " this is not a toy, do not give to child under 12"
Or a pair of size 9 mens slippers to the one lady in the family who has the tiniest feet this side of china. The thing is, he doesn't have to give anyone a present but he it sort of balances it all out, not to mention the sheer joy we have from swapping 'what did you get' stories. We love the free with 5 gallons of petrol ones best, marvellous.
The most important part of Christmas giving is this. Ask your kids ( even if they are grown up) what they had for Christmas last year. They won't remember, maybe one thing or even two but they really, really won't remember. Then try and remember how much you spent. When did you finish paying it all off? How sick did you feel about paying for it?
Then ask them what they remember about christmas. They will remember all sorts of things, mine always talk about the sweety table, a table so laden down with treats that it could be called obscene, on christmas day thay can eat what they like, as often as they like, when they like. They are never told 'enough' and no-one says "no" --just on christmas day.

Image hosted by

They remember the trip to the PANTOMIME that grandma and papa take us on, everyone goes, a veritable bus load of family yelling " It's BEHIND YOU" , raucous laughter, clapping and singing and bags of homemade sweets.
They remember the things like everyone having super hero pyjamas, even daddy and Jordan on christmas eve. No-one remembers the 'stuff' unless it was a hearts desire, Seth's wish last year was a ring tailed lemur ( stuffed of course, like Santa would give him a real one!) took some doing but my lovely friend who lives near a zoo in the states went especially and bought one for us.

Image hosted by
It is marvellously liberating to feel this way.....I know that my nearest and dearest will have a fantastic christmas because we have found some hearts desires, I am giddy with excitement about 2 of the gifts I have to give this year...we are holding the traditions, we are making the memories. Feel free to join this club, the don't sweat it and don't panic and don't spend a fortune club. Membership is free and peace of mind is the loyalty reward.
Oh, if any of my family should read this blog my wishes and dreams are simple, 2 huge soft luxurious, tan coloured leather couches, a new minivan that cleans itself and doesn't cough, or die, at traffic lights. A weekend at a 5 star hotel with my husband but no children. A removal company that will pack, pick up, deliver and unpack everything to my beautiful new home . Simple yet specific I think. Do you see? I am even thoughtful enough to take all the wondering and possibility of getting it wrong out of your hands. Just don't buy me any lilac candles wrapped in silver ribbon. Don't.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

A horror story..and something really fluffy. know those times when you experience something so hideous, so horrible and stomach churning that your legs crawl and you find yourself singing a hitherto unknown doo doo dooooooo song whilst jigging about hysterically? I had that today.....
Jordan has been sick, coughing and spluttering but otherwise quite cheerful and well. No worries then. Today he said he was really sick and just wanted to sleep and not go to work...maybe I will worry, he doesn't do sick and he always goes to work.
Our playroom / laundry room is a nightmare, it is damp and mouldy and last year I didn't like it but we muddled through and scrubbed and did what we could and complained to the agents. We waited...and we waited, scrubbed and waited. 3 months and some builders came and knocked several holes in the walls. And left.
Tum te tum, twiddle my thumbs.....complain and ask and plead for the work to be finished, 3 more months, vents cover holes, paint walls ( which took a WEEK to dry the walls are so damp) and they left.
Beautiful summer, clean walls. Summer ends and almost overnight.......

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

No kidding this took 2 days to get like this, I e.mailed the pictures to the agents who got right back to me and promised immediate action. 2 weeks ago.
So, back to Jordan. this morning I went into his room and EWWWWW I honestly heaved, the smell was horrendous. Dirty bugger said I, clean this room. Hmmmm, thing is it IS clean and he is clean and so what IS it? He has been leaving his window open and when he gets home from work at midnight it is FREEZING in there, so this evening I went to close the window. Worse smell, hideous smell, stench actually. Can't stand it, must find it, must remove smell. I moved his bed..........wanna see what I found? Are you sure?????

well, I found this......
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and this......

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

and a sock that was so wet it was dripping......I am so horrified because if H hadn't found the glorious new house we would feel so stuck in this horrible lung rotting place.
I am singing the praises of whatever made H walk down that road that day, I am sure it wasn't an accident.
I hate dirty things I really do. I am freakety freaked about this and have scrubbed and washed and rescrubbed, I have put a lovely smelly candle that makes his room smell like apples and cinnamon, I have stripped the bedding and put lovely fresh stuff on. And I am scratching and itching and wishing I could run to the new house with it's clean walls and no mould.


Oh and the best bit? I got a letter today from the agents acknowledging our notice to leave saying they have been trying to contact us to arrange a time to come and assess what needs Not on the house phone, mobile or e.mail..perhaps someone shot the pigeon, nothing's safe these days.
They are wondering when they can come and check out the problem and fix it. NOW they ask, after all this time......
Ooooooh couldn't you just swear sometimes? I shan't though, I shall think of my new house and breathe deeply ( trying at the same time to actually not breathe too deeply in case I breathe in poisonous spores and die.)
And the something really fluffy

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Can you stand it? Can you?...can you actually SMELL it if you really concentrate?

Friday, December 02, 2005

Snotty sweet singing son with somewhat simple sounding mother.

My sweet Elijah.... here

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Things that make it all worthwhile.....

I'm a sucker for reality shows and " I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" is one of my favourites... and this year we get to look at Sid Owen.....would you just look at that grin? Every bit of footage we see he is smiling and laughing, I have a true girlie crush on him and that smile melts me every time!!

I went into town today on more new house errands and of course, my sidekick Isaac came too, and sometimes it's as though time stands still and I am able to see the true importance of things I was overwhelmed by just how splendid little people are, how fabulous would it be to feel the need to and urge to run and jump, everywhere you go? Kids have such an abundance of enthusiasm for everything, even going to buy a loaf of bread is such a joy to this boy, as long as he can come with me he couldn't care less where I am going, he skips and runs and comes back and skips and runs the same stretch of pavement again..several times! I love it when I see the greatness in something so everyday and ordinary.

Isaac loves the computer and Elijah loves Isaac, when it's Isaac's turn on the computer Eli-oh will get his chair and sit right next to him saying " me thomas tank" " I-luk...get me singing" and Isaac finds him what he wants, they will sit for an age looking at e.bay and exclaiming over the power ranger stuff " Oh Oh !! Look at thith one mum, SPD!!" " Hey mummy, its a lellow one!" this evening it was music, Isaac was finding songs and deciding if he liked them or not, suddenly he squealed.... "MUM!!!!! Ley singin 'bout ELI!!! Listen..LISTEN.....a song 'bout Eli!
OLD MAC DONALD HAD A FARM..ELI..ELI..OH!!"Priceless. well worth it, as Jordan used to say.