Bah HUMBUG!

I feel as though I am in some kind of bizarre christmas vacuum. Every time I go out and see the hoards of people going insane with spending and hoarding with still weeks until christmas I feel so apart from it and so withdrawn I'm not sure I am me. I have always been a go over the top christmas person, my kids would have piles and plies of presents but something in me has changed. I don't know when or why or even how but I am a new me.
I want to see into peoples' hearts, hear the whispers of their dreams and I want to grant wishes. I don't mean cars and houses, not even world peace ( although marvellous were it only possible ) I don't want to be a genie. I want to bring moments of absolute joy.
I was stuck in a God forsaken store yesterday, one of those catalogue stores where you don't even get to look at lovely shiny things that cost too much money, just a catalogue and then line up for 3 days to order it and another 4 days to wait for it to shoot down the conveyor belt into the sweaty and weary hands of a worker who looks as though they have lost the will to live but can't quite manage the energy or inclination to throw themselves under a bus.
I was in a meandering line, doing what I do best, which is watch people. I could feel myself twitch and the urge to scream " GET OUT AND SAVE YOURSELVES......NONE OF THIS MEANS ANYTHING!" became almost unbearable. How many plastic toys that will be broken by new years ever can we buy? How many ugly ornaments are needed? I do however,love to see people find a gift that they KNOW is perfect, that they know will bring that weepy grin to the face of a loved one.
I wanted Buckaroo, for 3 years I wanted it , needed it, dreamed of it. I didn't get it and I was sad, I know now, because I am a mother, why I didn't get it, hundreds of tiny bits that will get lost and broken or trodden on in bare feet...but somehow, that was the one thing I desperately wanted.....I did get it actually, when I was married for the first time. All those years later I felt that heart warming sigh of joy when I opened it and THAT, to me is what christmas is about. Seth wants Pokemon things, I think they are ugly, serve little purpose and he has never watched pokemon- but santa will find him one or two because it's that kind of magic that makes a childhood complete.
The kind of gift giving I hate is seeing someone in a store pick up a revolting plasic cube containing 2 lilac candles (that we all know will smell like toilet cleaner) a cheap looking ceramic / glass holder and wrapped in scratchy silver ribbon and say " Hey look , I'm getting this for Doreen, it's only a quid".


Don't buy it. Doreen will have every right to find a hole to shove that ugly thoughtless present, hopefully it will a hole on, or about, your person . I would rather people not give me anything than something that has so obviously been nothing more than a ' this'll do' gift.
We have a family member who is so spectaculary bad at giving gifts that it is the highlight of our year to ask each other what we were given. It is fabulous, in that list somewhere there will be several 'free with' gifts, a pack of cars for the 4 year old that came free with a readers digest book, with a big old label on it saying " this is not a toy, do not give to child under 12"
Or a pair of size 9 mens slippers to the one lady in the family who has the tiniest feet this side of china. The thing is, he doesn't have to give anyone a present but he does..so it sort of balances it all out, not to mention the sheer joy we have from swapping 'what did you get' stories. We love the free with 5 gallons of petrol ones best, marvellous.
The most important part of Christmas giving is this. Ask your kids ( even if they are grown up) what they had for Christmas last year. They won't remember, maybe one thing or even two but they really, really won't remember. Then try and remember how much you spent. When did you finish paying it all off? How sick did you feel about paying for it?
Then ask them what they remember about christmas. They will remember all sorts of things, mine always talk about the sweety table, a table so laden down with treats that it could be called obscene, on christmas day thay can eat what they like, as often as they like, when they like. They are never told 'enough' and no-one says "no" --just on christmas day.



They remember the trip to the PANTOMIME that grandma and papa take us on, everyone goes, a veritable bus load of family yelling " It's BEHIND YOU" , raucous laughter, clapping and singing and bags of homemade sweets.
They remember the things like everyone having super hero pyjamas, even daddy and Jordan on christmas eve. No-one remembers the 'stuff' unless it was a hearts desire, Seth's wish last year was a ring tailed lemur ( stuffed of course, like Santa would give him a real one!) took some doing but my lovely friend who lives near a zoo in the states went especially and bought one for us.


It is marvellously liberating to feel this way.....I know that my nearest and dearest will have a fantastic christmas because we have found some hearts desires, I am giddy with excitement about 2 of the gifts I have to give this year...we are holding the traditions, we are making the memories. Feel free to join this club, the don't sweat it and don't panic and don't spend a fortune club. Membership is free and peace of mind is the loyalty reward.
Oh, if any of my family should read this blog my wishes and dreams are simple, 2 huge soft luxurious, tan coloured leather couches, a new minivan that cleans itself and doesn't cough, or die, at traffic lights. A weekend at a 5 star hotel with my husband but no children. A removal company that will pack, pick up, deliver and unpack everything to my beautiful new home . Simple yet specific I think. Do you see? I am even thoughtful enough to take all the wondering and possibility of getting it wrong out of your hands. Just don't buy me any lilac candles wrapped in silver ribbon. Don't.