Hardly been able to put him down since......

The past three weeks have seen me joining my husband and boys at church, just for the final service. I have been feeling as though I am missing out, rather than feeling as if sundays mean a 3 hour break and some peace and quiet I found myself aching when I dropped them at the church doors. In a quiet and still way my heart has been healing and these few weeks of being a family on sundays have been a soothing balm to my soul.
Today was the nativity by the little people...great excitement in the house as Seth prepared to be dressed up and huge excitement at the fact that mummy would be there to see him. No excitement at all from Isaac who had been given the prized costume most desired by mummies.....and steadfastly refused to even look at it straight on, forget wearing it. No beaded waistcoat for him, no velvet sashes or glittering hats....it's not light jeans and it's not a short sleeved t-shirt and it's hard and scratchy and DON'T SHOW IT TO ME!!!!!!!!!! He didn't care that he would be the bearer of chocolate coins that he and he alone could eat, if only he would wear that costume that was just MADE to look spectacular with skin his colour....it's not light jeans and it's not a short sleeved...yeah yeah, you get the picture. Thankfully Elijah ( although owner of incredibly holy name) who is heathen extraordinaire, is a year too young to have been included, next year I am sure he will don a tea towel and bathrobe and be the most stunning shepherd the church has ever seen, this year, he got to sit with mummy and daddy. For about 4 minutes. Amazing how LOUD little people can be at the wrong times isn't it?
Eli sits with auntie Leah, every sunday, unless she is away or ill. We hate it when she is away or ill......when he is with her he falls asleep every week and snoozes through the whole hour. Occassionally, he stays awake and very quietly looks at a book. Not when he's with me though. Leah teaches the 4-5 year olds so she was at the front with them and the boy was with us. After 4 minutes of fog horn like disgust at having to be with me and not Auntie Leah, I took him outside, got his stroller and blanket and stood at the back until he went to sleep. He did fall asleep, blisfully quickly, but rather than disrupt the service again I stayed at the back.
Dearest Seth, he is so little. He looks so tiny next to other children his own age and my heart was so touched to see him stand up and sit down and sing his little heart out. I could scarcely take my eyes of his divine little face but at one stage I managed to and what I saw made my whole soul burst into grateful and overwhelmed tears.
I took my eyes away from the Seth Meister and glanced towards my husband, who was now a few rows ahead of me.....and I saw his neck craned as far as it would go and his face lifted up and he was mouthing the words to the song the children were singing and encouraging the tiny Seth boy to sing until he burst.
I think I have waited my whole maternal life to see such a sight. Having raised the big 3 alone and taken them week after week, month and year after month and year to every church service, every school assembly, every single activity known to motherhood, on my own, to find myself watching this shy man I am married to give not a fig who saw him mouthing words as over the top as any childrens' television presenter for the deaf...well be still my heart and make me a space at his feet.
My husband is a giant in my eyes today.