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Crumpled heap of helpless me.
I am having a bad day. Red tape is winning over dreams and deperate needs. We have been told that in order to move into our house we need a guarantor or 6 months rent up front. It doesn't matter that we have proven we have have the means to pay rent, no matter that we have great references.
I cannot bear the idea of staying in this black walled sardine can. I am tired of being made to feel like the lowest of low. There is an answer out there somewhere. It's just finding it without letting go of any more self esteem or dignity, I don't have any of that to spare.
Sometimes, being in charge is too hard.
I have no complaints about what life has dealt me and I really believe that all in all I have made the best of everything that has come my way. There are just some days when screaming BOLLOCKS! Is the best idea I can come up with. Today is one of them.
The day wasn't helped along by a visit to the dentist. Why is that having given birth 5 times with no pain relief I simply cannot lie in that slippery blue chair without tears pouring down my cheeks?.....could be the bib that is clipped round my neck I suppose, taking me back to those glorious days of being able to weep at the drop of a hat over anything and everything, though it's much more likely to be the sodding great needle shoved in my cheek / gum / soul and the relentless drilling and scraping and the feeling of having your very life in the latex gloved hands of a man with a strong european accent who is poking several sharp instruments in the tenderest parts of your mouth. Could be the added humiliation of having a young slip of a thing with bleached hair vacuum the spittle out of your mouth ( And I am convinced it is part of the dental assistant's contract that there must be a minimum of 3 suctions of the uvula to see how hard and how often they can make someone gag , I always keep my eyes closed but I swear I can feel the dentist and his Barbie girl give each other the high 5 every time I heave, which in itself an achievement with all that metal shoved in my mouth.) Do they have bets on how wide they can crank a jaw before it pops out of joint or how long they can keep it cranked open before a pathetic soul weeps in pain?!
So physical pain and emotional degradation in one day.....calls for an overdose of chocolate I think, after all, nothing like an added dose of self loathing to finish the off the job is there?
I cannot bear the idea of staying in this black walled sardine can. I am tired of being made to feel like the lowest of low. There is an answer out there somewhere. It's just finding it without letting go of any more self esteem or dignity, I don't have any of that to spare.
Sometimes, being in charge is too hard.
I have no complaints about what life has dealt me and I really believe that all in all I have made the best of everything that has come my way. There are just some days when screaming BOLLOCKS! Is the best idea I can come up with. Today is one of them.
The day wasn't helped along by a visit to the dentist. Why is that having given birth 5 times with no pain relief I simply cannot lie in that slippery blue chair without tears pouring down my cheeks?.....could be the bib that is clipped round my neck I suppose, taking me back to those glorious days of being able to weep at the drop of a hat over anything and everything, though it's much more likely to be the sodding great needle shoved in my cheek / gum / soul and the relentless drilling and scraping and the feeling of having your very life in the latex gloved hands of a man with a strong european accent who is poking several sharp instruments in the tenderest parts of your mouth. Could be the added humiliation of having a young slip of a thing with bleached hair vacuum the spittle out of your mouth ( And I am convinced it is part of the dental assistant's contract that there must be a minimum of 3 suctions of the uvula to see how hard and how often they can make someone gag , I always keep my eyes closed but I swear I can feel the dentist and his Barbie girl give each other the high 5 every time I heave, which in itself an achievement with all that metal shoved in my mouth.) Do they have bets on how wide they can crank a jaw before it pops out of joint or how long they can keep it cranked open before a pathetic soul weeps in pain?!
So physical pain and emotional degradation in one day.....calls for an overdose of chocolate I think, after all, nothing like an added dose of self loathing to finish the off the job is there?
posted by The other me | 6:16 pm
5 Comments:
Oh honey... ((HUGS)) You need a new dentist!
Can your FIL help at all? Is a guarantor the same thing as a co-signer?
FIL would..but he is in the states so he can't. My dad would, but his pension isn't enough to satisfy them...to ask anyone else is just somehow more than I can stand right now.
I just have to swallow some pride and think harder....things usually turn out for the best so I'm sure it will this time too.
I'm going to keep positive thoughts for you Helen. I hope something comes up!
Nice timing they've got to tell you all this 3 weeks before you move! Oh Helen, I so hope that you are able to get this new place. Can you get a bank loan or something? 6 months seems awfully excessive - the most I've ever heard is 3 months in advance, and that's rare - usually it's just 2 months - first and last.
I hate the dentist - no matter how "nice" and "gentle" they claim to be, they are nothing more than overpaid torturers. I have a strong gag reflex too.
hang in there, things will work out. You are right...they always do. I have to believe it myself as well. Must have been a bad day all around, as it was a bad one for me too.
As far as the dentist...i have heard that keeping your eyes open during all that, suppresses the gag reflex. Not sure if it works, but worth a try.
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