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Ok so this will be one of those entries where I vent what makes me want to scream...purely so that I can function without hitting someone. Mainly, in this instance the someone I am married to. When we met I had 3 children, never hid, it, didn't rosie it up..told it how it is, 3 kids all with varying special needs but even that is beside the point, I was a mother. I am told that one of the appealing things about me is that I am a good mother, my children come before me and are equal to my husband, there are times when he comes first and others where their needs will come first but come what may you can pretty much depend on one or the other coming before me.
H has the hardest time with me and my older children, he tries to hide it with Dan, after all he doesn't live here and so doesn't ask much of me. He mostly tries to hide it with Jordan but is pretty crap at it and if I do something for Jordan or with Jordan on his own there is an atmosphere...too bad I pretend I don't notice, I think my son is so close to being out on his own that if he needs 2 hours a week for me to go shopping with him, he'll get it, sometimes I take one of the little ones, usually I don't, I won't worry about this because it is important enough to me for my child to have memories of time we spent together when he is older and bogged down with the dreary stuff that happens when you grow up.
H doesn't make even the slightest attempt to hide that he hates me doing anything for, or with Sophie....she is my child, she is school and as yet has no job of her own, it is MY job to feed and clothe this child...she is now a young woman and is still growing ( and my, how she grows) I have very very little spare money ( we'll get to that in a minute) and right now my daughter is bursting out of everything she owns, I am embarrassed at how she looks, she has clothes held together with safety pins. Today, Jordan asked me to take him about 10 miles away to buy some clothes, he works up to 60 hours a week and I am thrilled that he can pick up his pay and spend it on whatever he likes, he gives me money for his food and the rest is his. I took him and was gone 1 hour and 50 minutes...Seth came with us and while we were out we saw in a great shop a bargain bucket with buy 3 items for £20, most of this stuff is originally priced at £40 each so this was a WHOOHOO find, Jordan paid £10 and I paid £10 and we bought Sophie 3 pairs of trousers for £20, 3 pairs that cover her bum..don't show her underwear and that SHE LIKES ! Lets give that a massive whoohoo.Now, I am tempted when it comes to Sophie to do anything with or for her on the quiet, but then I wonder why I should do anything good that makes me feel sneaky, so I don't I tell H and nothing is done behind his back, I refuse to be one of those women who say " don't tell" or " he'll never know" I hate that, it's asking for trouble. I am a poor liar and glad of it. But let me tell you, when I have to look at that 'face' the snotty poker face and get the silent treatment it absolutely brings out the devil in me....no, no, it WANTS to bring out the devil in me.....I could be a shrew, I could smack that look right off his face or at least give him a reason worthy of it. Instead, I am very calm ( how marvellous of me) and I say things like " I mind very much being made to feel guilty for giving time to my older children" tonight the reply was. " yes, not nice is it?" Bizarre reply and one that brought me one step closer to whacking him with a frying pan...wonder why that image is one that is used to so often in comedy?
Ahhhhh I am going to like this blog......I shall rant and rave and smile sweetly at the objects of my frustration as if I have not a care in the world....until one day perhaps the worm turns.