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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Friday, February 08, 2008

Not sure what THAT was...but I didn't like it.

Last night, when I was so gloriously and deeply asleep something happened that scared the beejeebers out of me. Every now and then I stop breathing, this has been an issue for years, it's apparantly a stress thing, I am beginning to think it may be something more, lately as I wake up ( always in a terrible panic) I feel as though my throat is burning, last night I woke up, on all fours, literally gasping for breath, I just could not get any air into my lungs, in fact I thought for a moment there I was dying. Throughout the day today I have felt the same kind of feeling, although not as intense. I think it might be a sort of acid reflux thing, acid is seeping up and then I must sort of breathe it in and choke.
I really know that I have to do something to help myself, I know it, can see it and yet I still keep doing this to myself, the medicines I am on can cause acid and indigestion etc, the food I eat is not always good food, sometimes it is and mostly it isn't.
I am tired of snoring, I wake myself up doing it. I hate being a weary aching person. Until now the idea of dieting as well as dealing with everything else was just too much.
Inside I am beginning to have a reserve of energy, I can feel it. As the sun begins to shine and the days are brighter I can feel a real lifting of my spirits.
I still have a while to deal with some big issues, still have some ends to tie, some of it will be difficult and hopefully some things will just resolve themselves. I do feel though as if I will soon be able to think about myself more. I think I must be exhausting to be around which makes me feel uncomfortable near people. I look forward to that being over and being able to enjoy life again.
H and I have begun to do our budget living again, a set amount out every week, when it's gone, it's gone. It's great to be done with all those incredibly expensive projects for a while, we really need to get some money back in reserve, I have learned how much calmer life is when you're not living from week to week, robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I haven't entirely given up on getting at least some of that deposit money back from blasted landlady. I wish I could just let it go and stop thinking about it, but it is just such a lot of money to us. All in all she has £1010 of our money and the longer she hangs on to it the more angry I get about it, all those years of handing her money, on time, never late, now she has us holding our breath waiting to see if she is even going to give us the absolute minimum she owes us.
( listen to me, no wonder I have acid stomach and such like, I am eating myself from the inside out with it all!!)
It does feel rather nice to be able to wander into town again, not have to drive everywhere, it feels REALLY good to stay in my PJs while H walks the boys to school. Life is on the up, let's hope it gets there quickly!



Blogger justLacey said...

When you first started to describe it my thought was acid reflux. Licorice is supposed to be good for it and ginger too. The dr will tell you to lose weight, but my mom almost disappeared and still has it. Also try not to eat for a few hours before bed. I know that helps also.

8:56 pm  
Blogger A said...

Give me this wretched womans number and I will call her. What a evil woman! You deserve that money, and I have half the mind to fly halfway across the world to give her a peace of my mind!

3:40 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

I totally agree with a!
Not only do you deserve that money, but I'm quite sure that her withholding it is causing some added stress that manifests itself in health problems.
How lovely it would be to have that money burning a hole in YOUR pocket instead of her frittering it away on useless nothing.
I reckon she owes you interest on it too - but no sense trying to draw blood from a stone. Hopefully she gets a healthy dose of guilt, that will plague her until she gives you what you rightfully deserve!

5:31 am  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

Lacey's suggestion of not eating for awhile before going to bed may help. Also, sleeping on an incline may help. At any rate, hope it gets better.

That landlady is awful. I really hope she does give you back at least some of what she owes you.

11:00 pm  

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