Glum. Also, Gloomy.

I can't help but think, these days about all the things I don't like about being a mother are actually all the things I will miss most when these little boys are grown and gone ( ooh hard unswallowable lump in throat)

I don't remember my older kids smelling as awful as these little ones, good grief how can such beautiful and splendid creatures smell so horribly 'off '? I swear I bathe them regularly, their hair is washed, I even manage to rub Johnson's bedtime lotion on their faces arms and necks ( I do!! I tell them it's because their skin will get all dry and itchy if I don't so they let me, I think they might catch on soon and the evenings where I can sniff and delight in that heavenly little person smell are numbered.) The thing is, they are such busy boys, bike riding, running, wrestling, jumping, fighting busy boys and they sweat treacle. Really smelly treacle.

Can you stand little boys' fingernails? How do they do that? Even after days and days of rain, being trapped inside they STILL manage to get black plasticine under their nails? Do they sleepwalk and go and dig up on the allotments with their bare hands or what? Elijah still loves to cuddle and I adore that, he sits on what's left of my lap and he puts up his little sweaty hand to play with my ear or just feel my cheek and I am torn, torn between sheer heavenly bliss and ' dear life what has he been doing with that hand?' It smells like a dead thing, oh, love him stroking my face but that hand has been somewhere really, truly revolting and .....I suck it up ( not literally you understand, even my motherly love doesn't go that far) because soon he won't sit here and stroke my face, when did Daniel stop asking me to give him a kinkly back? When? I don't remember him stopping, one night I am standing next to his bunk bed scratching his back gently while he says " ha! I love kinkly backs" and the next he is 6' 3" chasing criminals and belching 'BOLLOCKS.'

Also..when did Jordan stop curling up on my lap and twisting my hair? He did that every day, every day and now.....well I'd like to see a 6' 5" lanky git try to curl up on my lap, just for the laugh. He still kisses me and hugs in the best squeezy way.

I can't remember Sophie ever cuddling me, she was a kisser and she still kisses but she didn't have time for all the cuddling business, not when she could be climbing out of a window or teaching the cat to swim.

I sit and stare at this house sometimes and feel such a sinking, hopeless feeling as I wonder why I try to make it nice, piles of videos, discarded socks, right now there is a car park on my fireplace, I looked at it earlier and sighed and thought about how, later, I will clear it...then Seth picked up one of his new cars and Elijah told him which 'group' it belonged to, quite clearly this is not a mess, it is a carefully sorted game.





It's important and I am so aware that time passes so quickly that before I know it, they will be grown.

I can't imagine how it will feel to have a tidy house. No toys to step on, no socks to pick up. The one thing that I never tire of is sharing a bath with polar bears and dinosaurs, bath time is seriously play time, toys are chosen so carefully and such fun is always had, there are times when the lifelike bugs and creepy crawlies make my heart stop as I go to step into the shower, but then they make me laugh!

I get so irritable when they are having water spitting competitions and dive bombing, the endless mopping up of puddles, when do they stop doing that? I don't remember, perhaps they don't, perhaps they just lock me out so I don't see....seems no matter how old they are there are always puddles and soggy towels to pick up.

I know I ought to take a picture of this room, right now as I sit in it, praying that we won't get any unannounced visitors because there is no way we could scrabble for 30 seconds and make it look tidy, nope not a chance. I am resigned and have accepted that when the boys are at home, this is it, the rain keeps us in ( although they did get out twice yesterday for bike rides and again this morning) Computer and TV and old, old Movies, cars and more cars, blankets and snacks, drinks and *sigh*

We have a house inspection on monday, what fun that will be! At least I know everything is clean, it's just horribly untidy in this room....I will do something about it at the weekend, probably.

I was so excited about these holiday, way back in May and June when we had sunshine, I couldn't wait for days at the beach, picnics and water parks. We've got the water alright, gallons and gallons of it. When we venture out and just let the boys ride and run and play, we then have to deal with the mud, the splatters, streaks, clumps of thick mud all over them and their clothes.

This just isn't fun, for any of us. It makes every day seem endless, tempers are short, everyone feels so low and miserable. When the sun shines, when washing blows on the line, when little boys wear shorts and sandals, life is glorious, we NEED sunshine and this endless rain and greyness is just soul destroying. Glum. That's the perfect word for this feeling Glum. We are all Glum and also Gloomy.

I am so glad we have things in the near future to look forward to, if I didn't have that I suspect life would be very grim indeed. Hoorah for Boston! ( is it still quite nice in October, in Boston? Is there a glimmer of hope that maybe I will be outside in short sleeves and stay dry? Please lie if needs be, give me that little dream!

I can't write anymore because the stupid level in this room has hit hurt level, you know when your head is about to explode because you have to keep listening to crap like 'HE IS TOUCHING ME!' and "MUM! MUM! He LOOKED at me again" for the love of sanity GET ME OUT OF HERE!