My Photo
Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Monday, November 26, 2007


I wonder if I can start taking the diazepam NOW? Yes? That seems like a fantabulous idea to me. I need them, desperately in fact. Not for my sake you understand, more for the safety of those around me. I am surrounded by people who have no idea how close they are to getting a slap, or punch or just their heads ripped off and thrown to the wolves.
Excuse me while I rant, but honestly either I am REALLY good at hiding just how annoyed I am at being the ONLY person to be doing a damned thing towards this bloody holiday, H is on another planet or he just doesn't give a toss.
Guess which one I think is the correct answer. Yes. You're right.
H's contribution to the whole thing is to make sure I know he wants it and to tell me, when it's too late, how I COULD/ SHOULD have done something better.
He has this little thing where he likes his family to think we are living a whole different life than the one we are actually living. If asked if we need any help....of COURSE not, my goodness, imagine that, its all organised, haven't had to give it a thought, which in his case is true.
Thanksgiving is for H, do I give a stuff about cooking enormous turkey dinners 4 weeks before I have to do it again? Pttttttttth. H needs it, the plan always used to be that H did thanksgiving and I do Christmas. Somewhere along the line, that stopped and I do both , this year, oh what a laugh we had when the turkey was off....what a hoot to have to go out and but bits of turkey that ended up costing as much as the whole big one. Hysterical, even funnier when grandpa called to ask if we had enough cash for the whole shebang and Haha, of COURSE we do, it's all covered, don't give it another thought.
If there were anyway I could back out now and give up on the whole idea I would, no kidding I would. Should someone offer me my money back, I'd grab it. Wth both hands.
I really hope it WILL be worth it. I hope that my gut feelings are wrong, that when we are there it will STILL be my holiday, it will STILL be me who gets to do it all. I have a sneaking suspicion that I might become less front line. I hope that I don't become as invisible as I used to be when we lived there.
I hope that my wishes are heard and I tell you now, if we have ONE occasion where it is suggested that I stay behind with a child/ the children because it is late, there is not enough room in the car/van/ peoples' lives for me, there will be a scene of such magnitude I won't need to blog about'll read it on the news!
I say this because when Isaac was very little and he screamed a lot, a WHOLE lot, I took him, one day, for a short walk to calm him down. When I got home, everyone- EVERYONE, grandpa, H, H's brother, his kids, H's first son and Seth had gone. Hmmmmm where on earth? 2 hours later they came back with a doggy bag ( of their leftovers) they had all been for lunch and assumed that I wouldn't want to go because Isaac was so unsettled. Not one person had mentioned a possibility of lunch out before I went for my 15 minute walk, it is as though they waited for me to leave and then said QUICK! RUN! she'll be back any minute LET'S GO!!!
Unforgivable at the time..unforgotten til this day , shall I tell you why? Shall I???
Yes, exactly.
So, when my guts twist at the thought that at some stage of this holiday that I have all but killed myself to arrange, organise and pay for, on my own, I will be made to feel like an annoying tag along. It is not without good reason.
I can tell myself how far we have come since those days back in the land of the miserable and homesick. We have come a long way but not as far as I would like. I am so afraid of being made to feel shitty again that I over control and don't give H or anyone a chance of screwing up. I don't ask him to do anything for fear of him not wanting to do it and show me he cares.
I don't give him the chance to organise anything because I might want to kill him if he lets me down.
If I continue talking about this my head my explode, it is the way it is, 10 days and we'll be there. If only I could just shut my head off and find £150 under my pillow.
Shall I tell you what has made my whole life brighter? What has given me DAYS of teenagerish giggling and snorting?
I was reading this blog and she has complied a list of gifts women really WOULD like for Christmas, as opposed to a sweater, or frying pan etc.
Well, in all innocence I clicked on it and oh my goodness, there is a thing on there called an OMiBod ( or something) a personal massager ( you get my drift, it is not for the aching necks among us) that you plug your iPod into and it vibrates to the beat of your tunes. For heavens sake.
Not only that but because I was already there, I had a look ( or 12) at some of the other items. Can you believe there is one that you plug your cell phone into. Yes, your cell phone, when your cell phone rings, you get a buzz. It has a handy 3ft freedom flex. WHOOHOO 3ft to wander around ( do the ironing perhaps?) while you wait for your cell phone to ring. Well, how sexy would that be, let's face it? Wires and phones and waiting for the phone to ring, maybe one time you wouldn't mind a wrong number, or 23.
I would be waiting a long time. The only person to call me on my cell phone is Sophie, to yell and shout and tell me her woes. What would I do with that? Tlak about contra-effective, RiiiiiiiiiiinG oooooohhhh, Ugh Sophie....blargh.
Would I be lying with my cell phone in one hand, my landline in the other and keep calling myself? Hang up, call again......does it all seem like a lot of hard work to you?
Should a telesales person call, what then? " Oh,'re breaking up, could you call me again ( please) would s/he then think you were way more excited about the thought of the personal loan than most other customers?
That traffic cone thing? Should I feel pride that this an English invention? What kind of minds are thinking these things up? Are their lives lacking something perhaps?
I think I may have spent way longer thinking about this than is probably sensible but honestly? It has been such a source of light relief for me, it has made me laugh for days.....I know, I should definitely get out more!
All kinds of stuff to do today and I don't feel like doing any of it. Maybe I won't. PPPTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHH, now, where's my cell phone?

Labels: ,


Blogger noname said...

Lol, I read her blog, too. The cone was a new one to me. Still a bit puzzled over that one.

A lot of my family do that to me, leaving me out of or leaving all the burden of on me. Mike's pretty quick to stand up and make sure my feelings or I'm accounted for. Most of the time anyway. I really hope you aren't left out again. What a horrible thing.

2:50 pm  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Amanda's cell phone fell out of her purse in the car, maybe it's there? I had to drive it all the way to her school today! Oh and she calls me crying about one thing or another too.

I didn't feel like doing anything myself today! I still need to take your big envelope to the post office too! Bad me. :) I will get there though! :)

Oh and that Mother's Day, that stinks!

2:35 am  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

This post sounds like something my mum would have written (if she blogged or hell, even if she had But, seriously, she has always said that vacations aren't vacations for mom. Everyone gets to sit back, let mom do all the planning, preparing, arranging, etc and then when you reach destination, it is mom who still has to see to meals (whether it be cooking them, choosing, whatever), cleaning up, chasing kids, same ol' stuff just a new location.

I don't know if men just don't get it or if we women take over and essentially let them get away with doing nothing. And I understand your thought behind just doing it yourself to spare your feelings (I do that a lot too. if he doesn't do it, it will hurt my feelings, so i just do it and then well, he is off the hook and feelings are spared.).

I am so sorry that you had to endure that crap back when Isaac was a baby. That was just rude of them to do that, and of all days, on Mother's Day. I can understand your hurt and the fear that you will face the same thing. But, this time, Helen, put your foot down, speak up and be heard. Do not sit back and let anyone walk over you. You are an amazing person and you shouldn't be left to fade into the woodwork. And, if it gets crappy, then call me can come hang out here and I would dote on you ;-)

I've always said if I believed in reincarnation (which i don't, so it's all hypothetical), I want to come back as a man!

And, im heading over to check that blog out as soon as I am done here...bc that just sounds too funny! The things people come up with. With all their spare time, i have some dishes and laundry they could tend

4:03 am  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home