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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Superwoman, indeed.

Well, where did THAT come from? I am a jittering, weak bowelled wreck today. We are moving in a week, I have done so little that I suddenly feel as though it is all beyond me. I know we'll do it. Of course, we always do don't we? I just can't quite think where to start. When I walk through the house taking it all in ( and I HAVE done that a lot...oooh look, that won't take long to pack, but don't do it etc) There actually is very little that can be done. This week ( when else?!) I must get some boxes for the kitchen stuff, that's the big deal, the kitchen and all that STUFF. Food and pans and plates, stuff and more stuff and we will be taking it all , I am very done with throwing things away and giving things away, I have to give away ( or sell, please) a beautiful leather sofa that makes me happy to just look at, but it will not fit, not even if I cry about it or cross my fingers, it won't. It has to go. I keep telling myself that it's a small price to pay, it's a sofa. Just a sofa. It's just that we have had to keep dumping things and freecycling, giving away and selling and it's like my soul is being chipped away.
I work hard on making my home beautiful, we don't have tons of money and so I have to weedle and watch, search and save and when I do it , when I secure a 'find', bring home that hard worked for piece of home, it is a part of me and I am so happy to have it. Then we move, start again and I have to leave a little bit of me behind. Such nonsense when I read back what I am writing.
9 times in 8 years, this is the 10th. Hell.
I do keep getting a thrill at the idea that it IS only a week. Just one more week, new beginnings and all that jazz. When it's done this time, ( please Lord) it is done, I am absolutely unpacking EVERYTHING this time, books in bookcases, videos and toys, clothes and all the trappings of home, unpacked, getting a place to live. I almost can't wait, we just have to get through that one day, that one hard day of lifting and loading, driving and unloading. Just that one day.
The new house is on a street that is going to be difficult to get a big van outside of, all those little things that I know we will manage, will be able to sort out but are crowding down on me in a stupidly claustrophobic way and making me want to howl and run, far away, just until the 29th when it will be over and done and I can drive home and it be there, finished and organised. Then I can play and froo froo, fluff it up and make it beautiful and smell good ( oh to have a home that smells good again!)
Just get me through this one last week. Please.
Thank goodness for the Eli boy being full time at school, what a difference it all makes when we have 8 clear hours to get things done. I bet if I put my mind to it, I can do the kitchen tomorrow. It's not as if I plan on cooking much this week, cooking whatever is in the freezer, throw it on a plate and don't anyone dare complain week, that's what we're in for. So nothing stopping me packing most of it all up tomorrow. Is there? Ha.
I am torn between moving all our stuff out and walking away, you know, what the hell don't owe her etc and moving all our stuff out and then just cleaning enough that it looks nice and I leave being the bigger person. Honestly 50/50 on this, my head says " hells teeth woman what are you thinking? Leave it to her to clean", my heart says " you have never yet been able to leave a mess, why start now, let her see that you have pride and integrity"
Will have to let you know what decision I make in the end because I think it will be one of those on the day decisions. I do know that oven cleaner will not enter into the mix, neither will carpet cleaner, we did that 4 times over when we moved in, that's more than any house or landlady deserves! Just a vacuum and floor mop and whatever cleaning fluid we have to hand, I suspect I shall have a quick whip around and leave it looking acceptable.
Blogs are marvellous things, I was so despondent when I started this post and look, have talked myself round until I am sure it can be done and am once again convinced that I am superwoman. Yes, indeed.
Oh and just when you think it is all hopeless.......clean out your handbag, because you just might find 2 cadbury's cream eggs in there that you can't even quite remember buying. Suddenly life is looking up.



Blogger LosingSanity said...

Just the thought of all the packing and moving makes me feel tired. I have that to look forward soon, myself. I know I should be packing some of that odds and ends stuff that will not be missed over the next few weeks, but I just can't bring myself to get started.

I think part of the problem you are facing is the fact that so much of the packing is already done bc you never unpacked stuff from this move. So you feel as though you should be swamped with packing and the reality is, most of it is done. So, relax, take a deep breath and know that you will get it all done.

I hope that everything goes well with your move! I am sooo sorry that you have to get rid of your beloved couch. I still remember the excitement you had when you found that couch. I remember the pictures you posted, the delight that you experienced. It's too bad that it won't fit. Can Mel and Jordan use it? I am sure the next family who has it will enjoy it, too! And hopefully you are able to find a beautiful piece of furniture to replace it that makes your heart sing!

11:58 pm  

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