Well that's that then.

Today was the day!
The discovering of Nana's baby, boy or girl. Such excitement was there last night, Mel couldn't sleep and Jordan couldn't sleep and every time I almost went to sleep I'd think again about seeing that little person on the screen and get to know it a bit more, so then I would wake up again. Because it's all SO thrilling, this Nana business, being a step apart from it, without the weeing and the heartburn, no puking or burping ( actually, much burping but that's just me, can't blame an innocent fetus) Watching my gangly great boy hold the tiniest babygro and see him melt a bit because he is going to be a DADDY! Girl or boy?????
I keep forgetting that I don't already know it's a girl and I have bought pink and made girlie things, then I drag myself back to earth and tell myself that they didn't have THE ultrasound and I DON'T know what this baby is.
Funny that from the moment it began, this baby was what it was, no wishing or praying, no hoping or sending pick or blue vibes would change it, it is what it is and not by any accident.
SO much discussion about whether to find out or not. Knowledge or surprise? Which is best?
I had 3 of each, 3 stretches of nine months with wondering and hoping, feeling sure and then not having a clue. Suspense and such excitement when that moment comes and someone will declare It's a BOY....Oh..a GIRL! Twice a boy and once, just once those 'It's a girl' words. Shaking legs and spinning heads, unbelievable high as you try to take it all in, this new person and that incredible joy, exquisite joy.
The great thing about not knowing what you are having is the thrill of knowing you are so close to finding out, that the excitement pushes away a huge portion of the fear. Whenever I walked into the hospital to have my babies I would smell that hospital smell and my bowels would turn to water, such was my fear ( except with Daniel, ignorance was such bliss) with Jordan and Sophie, the idea of knowing at last whether this was a son or daughter....would help, take away that terror.
3 times, I found out, when the possibility of knowing was there, I grabbed it, I WANTED to know, NEEDED to know.
Of course, with Seth we were told that he was a girl, 5 times...right up until the day before he was born it was a girl. Phoebe Ygnacia ( after H's mom, phew for Seth then!) pretty dresses, pink sunhats, the whole shebang. Whoops!
Then with Isaac and Eli no doubt that they were boys, sad for 2 weeks that there wouldn't be a girl baby with H, I so wanted a dark skinned brown eyed baby girl and call her Ruby, it was not to be and now we thank the Lord for that, we think that we have exactly what we can deal with. A teenage girl when I am galloping towards 60? Oh dear.
So, today was the day.
Early appointment and I just made it in time, just as I arrived they called for Mel and we went in.
I will never tire of seeing those miraculous sights on the screen, flesh of my flesh, evidence that God exists and that generations will continue, knowing that this is a real person and we can catch a glimpse long before we should. Wonderful.
We saw that little head, beautiful arms, little hand on top of the head. Eyes and lips, tiny cheeks and perfect feet. Sleeping. Curled up and peaceful and still.
Tucked down in mummy's pelvis, facing backwards. Tiny heart fluttering and little sleepy wriggles as unaware, the sonographer measured and captured such perfection and beauty.
Patience as we sat and watched, waiting for the moment. At last....now was the moment, breath held, straining to see on the screen........there it was, that place that we needed to see.....with the umbilical cord RIGHT BETWEEN IT'S LEGS! Little stinker, fast asleep with it's gender covered and NOTHING was going to wake it up, move it, get that cord out of the way. S/he slept.
Oh such disappointment all 'round. We wanted to know so much, so badly and we had such fun planned, buying pink or blue, just knowing and being prepared. In truth, with shame, we forgot for a moment that we had seen and been told that this was a perfect baby, strong and healthy. Gah......stupid sonographer, naughty baby, pppppptttttthhhhhhhh.
The shopping trip was a flop because we are bored with cream stuff and green stuff, we want PINK or blue....just to KNOW!
But we don't, it will be fine. There is talk of a 4D scan at 28 weeks, even then we may not see. No matter, before we know it we will have that little person here with us and all this frustration will be behind us. When we see that baby, will will feel as though we always knew that this was exactly who s/he is. This will be a story to tell at a 5th birthday party, the way we remind Seth how he fooled us into think he was a girl. He laughs so hard when we tell him that story, he tells us he did it on purpose because it was such a funny joke.
I couldn't pick up anything blue, I just forget that I don't know this is a girl. I am particularly bad at guessing the gender of babies, I got it right with Dan and that's it, I am always wrong. I should probably be making blue things and looking at sailboat onesies. I adore baby boys, when I see this baby I will be thrilled and head over heels.
( but I really hope it's a girl,right now, for a moment)