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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

And let's hear it again!

I keep thinking about how I should remove the Hallelujah chorus and then well if things don't just keep getting better and even more deserving of a rousing chorus or 3, so it stays today and who knows, maybe even tomorrow!
Dan is here today and that alone is enough to make us all feel a bit like praising the Lord and singing, he just brings the sunshine with him, even his farts make the boys laugh.
We were walking through town and Sophie did one of her horrendous phlegmy coughs, the ones only smokers do that make you hod your breath and beg inwardly for them not to spit.
I shuddered and inwardly begged her not to spit ( which is an outright lie, I said very loudly "Don't you DARE spit!" ) and Daniel said
"Lovely Soph...now, let me hazard a guess, you're single, right?"
( he makes me laugh endlessly)
Then he said " Sophie you are so embarrassing at times" and we had no idea why he'd said it until I glanced over at him to see he was walking along with his shirt tucked in his boxers and his jeans hanging low. He looked like some poor simpleton let out for the day with the faint glimmer of having heard that baggy jeans showing your underwear was fashionable.
There is little more satisfying than having your children make you laugh, a lot.
Then he did something that was so Daniel and so gobsmackingly gasping.He went into a n Electrical store and he bought
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and also a fantastic cinema system...for US, OUR house!
42" of shiny big telly and all sorts of bells and whistles.
I shook for over an hour because 'stuff' isn't something we do. We are bargain hunters and make do-ers. If I were to admit to materialistic longings it would be for a posh fridge freezer, nice car and oh my, how my heart has yearned in a shameful way for a big TV.
I can't quite explain how it feels to have 2 of my hearts desires but to have been given them with such incredible joy and pride by the 2 big boys is something else.
All of this is great and glorious and yet, the day got even better.

I have long been thinking about my life and what to do with it. I have been depressed and felt better, sunk down and lifted up. I have also learned something.
There is no point in going somewhere unless you want to go there. If you go somewhere because you want to get away from where you are...it will end in tears.
H has been unhappy for a long time too. As time passes he becomes more withdrawn and more quiet and heaven knows, I love me some quiet but lately we have needed to poke him to see if he is still with us, so quiet has he been. We travelled to LA last december because I knew he needed to go home for a while. It was a success and he loved it, I loved it, we all loved it. Then we came home. To everything we left behind. Which then seems much worse than when you left it behind and had a lovely time.
Oh dear, that was so hard and it hurt for weeks....so we thought about what we must do HEY! Lets do it again then!
So we've been saving and planning and I have been sinking more and more into panic mode.
It is possible to do it of we do nothing else, if we live with the house as it is and the car falling apart, with the same make do and grit your teeth recipes. I have been feeling that we are causing ourselves more slog for 3 weeks fun than it was worth..but I was ready to do it for H.
Today we had a chat ( I know, 2 conversations in a week..what is going on here?) The long and short to fit is, we are not going to California in December. We are staying here and using the money to make life better right where we are.
H has a plan ( which in itself is wonderful, everyone needs a plan) and it will involve him being busy and using his brain, he will be filling his days with learning and working towards a goal. I am so thrilled.
Since we left the bran we have both been so sad, so void of purpose, living in that hideous house with it's stink and misery, moving here was wonderful and holds so much promise but we have been so poor it has been the only house I haven't worked a bit of magic on. There is none of 'me' in this house.
Now I know that I can make it ours, make it a place that lifts our spirits when we walk in. I cannot wait to get started.
H is eager to get going on his plans and to see him so enthusiastic means more than any trip could ever mean. I am so glad that I don't have to worry about the tickets or the flights, the money or the coming home to face what we left.
I am excited to chase away the misery that we have felt here. When we've done that, a trip would be great, I will look forward to it but for now I am so happy to be staying home and making it exactly where we want to be.
Hallelujah indeed.

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6 Comments:

Blogger MamaTink said...

Isn't it great when everything just starts falling into place? I'm so glad you and H are looking forward to something, and that whatever that something may be, it's enough to bring the sunshine back.

10:33 pm  
Blogger Jenn said...

I love it when a plan comes together.
Make that house your HOME.
The TV was fantastically amazing of Dan - not only was it something totally frivolous, but it means so much more because he wants you to have it. He is genuinely a real treasure. Hallelujah to you, for raising your children to be loving, generous and thoughtful.
Hallelujah to H for having a goal in mind and making a plan. I hope it's just the pick-me-up you both need to be able to sit back and relax and just be. happy. at home.

11:10 pm  
Blogger Jackie T said...

YAY Helen and H!! And SWEEETTTT TV..that alone will make you never want to leave your house! I hope that your plans come to fruition and I can't wait to see pics :)

12:30 am  
Blogger Erin said...

I hope it is okay I nominated you on my blog
http://chemmom.wordpress.com
It sounds like things are going great for you.
Erin

3:04 am  
Blogger G said...

How much do I love your posts? LOTS!
I am so glad that you've been blessed with two sons who love you so. What a wonderful thing to be able to look at those and see the love they were given with. That is fantastic!!
I am sorry that H has been so down in the dumps. I hope that this plan will have him feeling more pepped and you as well.
Thinking of you and sending the hugest of hugs.

12:29 am  
Blogger Stetch said...

I'm so glad you've got a plan. I think H needs a new job and/or hobby, perhaps? He must feel unfulfilled...it's got to be hard being away from the place where he grew up, and his dad and all...and not have something with real purpose to keep himself busy with. Good luck!

11:06 am  

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