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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Twitching and other such nonsense.

Well, so much for that! It's sod's law that if I write about how well something is going, pretty sure it quickly goes to hell in a hand basket and indeed it did. The very day after I wrote how well Sophie was doing and how well we were getting on, she blew up in a most spectacular way. It ended with a physical fight between her and Daniel which was horrifying, she fought, he restrained and it was a miserable and horrible time.
The good that came from it though is that I went with Sophie to the Dr and she laid it all on the line, told the Dr how miserable she was, how out of control and sad she felt and how she could tell she was doing things that were wrong but she felt as though she had no control over herself.
The Dr has referred her to a psychiatrist for a diagnosis, she did mention bi polar disorder which is what I have felt so sure is what she is suffering from. She has had her meds changed and has 2 weeks off work to allow those to kick in.
I am so hopeful that she can get help and eventually have some kind of stable and happy life. It is awful to see her going through what she does and it is completely exhausting and frustrating to have to pick up the pieces and patch everything over for her as she threatens to destroy herself. Hope is a marvellous thing and I cling to it.
I had my second therapy session this week and at the end of it she told me that I don't need her, that her services are to help people cope with the stresses of life and that I am coping, that I seem to have all the answers and there isn't anything she can help me with. That's very flattering but actually I didn't want her to help me cope, I wanted her to help me let go of how scared and sad I am all the time, I didn't feel sufficiently impressed with her to explain that and thought that if she felt she couldn't help me, the chances are, she can't.
I am trying ( again) to help myself, small steps in eating better. H bought me a power plate for Christmas and it is fantastic, it exercises muscles, increases blood flow and bone density. As well as working on slimming and toning it has been miraculous in getting rid of my restless leg syndrome, 5 minutes, lying with my calves on the vibrating plate and it shakes those twitched right out.
It is so funny to use, I was under the impression that somehow I would just stand on it, turn it on and it would tone and work my muscles....oh my goodness, you have to stand on it in a certain way and it HURTS! It truly feels as though you have exercised for an hour after just 2-3 minutes. It is invigorating though and I love that I feel I will continue to use it, rather than sit trying to make myself get up and do it and ....not.
Very touching story about how I found it and H bought it. I have been looking at and reading about power plates for a few months, trying to decide if it would work for me or if it would join the rowing machine under Sophie's bed. I have a friend who sometimes asks me to sell things for her on Ebay and we were having one of those chats, with me saying how I don't sell on Ebay anymore because it's not worth all the hassle by the time they take their fees etc. She told me she had one of those ' machine things that you stand on and it vibrates' and I half heard her but didn't really listen apart from saying I didn't think I could sell it for her.
A few days later, Sophie and I were out in the car and it was a light bulb moment, I got Sophie to call and ask what the machine was called and to ask if it was one of the old type machines with a belt thing on it. I was so excited when she said it was a power plate asked her how much she wanted for it and decided that I was going to buy it. I told H that I was going to buy it and asked him if he wanted to give me some cash towards it for Christmas. He jumped at the chance to not have to try and think up what to get for me and the plan was agreed on.
A few days later, on boxing day, I told him that I would give him the rest of the money to give to Launa when he got to church, we were staying home with coughs and colds, bless his heart he said " Actually, I went 'round there on Christmas Eve and paid for the whole thing for you. He also bought me a couple of little presents for Christmas. He done did good and I didn't have to slide into a fit of 'poor me misery' at all over the holidays. So I already loved it before it began to rid me of my twitching and painful restless legs.
I'd write more but my head is too heavy for my neck tonight, poor old neck, I wish there was a way to lay it on the power plate and shake it better but I'm afraid it would shake what brains I have left out of my ear and then, well then what?



Blogger Julie Q said...

:) Very sweet of H.

And Yes I agree, you mustn't shake your brains out. ;)

I hope Sophie gets the help she needs Helen.

2:36 pm  
Blogger Tired Mom of Six said...

I hope Sophie finds some peace, Helen. She (and you) deserve(s) it!

And thank you for making me smile...keep writing my friend. Reading your thoughts is a total vacation from mine. :)

2:18 am  

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