FREEZE!

I am in awe of the way little people have such trust in us as parents. Even though I have been a mum for 20 years I still stand still when I think about how huge this responsibility is.
I love and envy a child's ability to just fall asleep, when tired, wherever they are with that truly remarkable surity that if we are close by, all will be well.

Watching a child sleep is heaven to me because they do it so well...real letting go of the world and total peace.

I actually feel a bit of that with H, if I am particulary sad about anything or worried I don't tell him, partly because usually there is nothing he can do and chances are, God love him, he will say exactly the WRONG thing and it seems so unfair to put him in that position, mainly it is because he actually doesn't need to do or say anything, I always go to bed so much later than him and I crawl in next to him and just listen to him breathe and feel better.
Sometimes I creep into our room and find him on his knees next to the bed praying...how calming is that sight to me? I don't think if I were to see him lift a souped up SUV with his bare hands he would look more powerful and strong than when I see him, with such humility, praying.
I just love the fact that grabbing my trouser leg can make Isaac feel safe in his world, Seth is able to face all that school may challenge him with as long as I see him wave through his classroom window and wave back.
I sometimes feel sad when I look at my hands, they used to be such beautiful hands that a photograpjer once asked to capture them, now they look like butchers hands to me! But every night the boys ask me to stroke them when they lie down in bed....they love me to stroke their faces until their eyes get too heavy to open, nice hands, gentle hands...lucky me.
Of all the trials in this world I will never stop being grateful that I never had to face life without having been a mother.

and lookee here...its the assembly pictures, my Isaac was a STAR! He walked in and was smiling.... of course he couldn't wear his yellow hat because then he would have stood out( !!) but he smiled and he sat with Louise and Nicky, he stood when the other children stood and he didn't cry......he didn't get on the stage but sat very close to it with Nicky and he was SO proud, he earned a pink iced doughnut for being so brave!
HA! my boy is the tiny dark head not on the stage....
oh and Elijah? we had to keep dragging him OFF the stage, had to rescue someone else's hat and block him from escaping into the limelight!! Sod's law!


I was also reminded of another childhood joy this morning, the old "if it itches scratch it" theory, to a child what's the problem in scratching that itch, no matter if you are dressed like a giant turnip, or on a stage in front of your peers and their parents, if your bum itches, reach back there and give it a good old scratch, if your drawers are stuck up your bum, hoick them out, comfort is of paramount importance to a child.
I also love the way they all walk into the hall and search for their parents..necks craning and the grin of all grins spreads across their face when they see you are there to watch them. A line of little people grinning and saying " It's Me! Hey! hey! Mummy! Daddy! I'm HERE!" you couldn't buy that experience, not for all the money in the world could you?