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Like a coiled spring... or a mad woman.
I went out this evening, I felt that I probably shouldn't because I am on the edge. I am beyond weary, with my 3 hours a night sleep and my heavy bones. I am not having too much fun although I can say I don't feel as though I am in the doldrums as such. I am particularly emotional and quick to take offence, not to mention short tempered with idiots.
I was about to drive away from the school today and hadn't yet moved, so I knew that I hadn't cut in front of this man who for some reason, known only to his stupid self got level with my car and was obviously yelling at me.
*sigh*
What to do? Apologise for what? Breathing, being alive.......WHAT?
No, what I did was stare right back at him and say " Oh shut up!"
All better, drive away and make sure he was behind me while I stuck to the speed limit ( and just under) and let everyone I came across out and wave them all on, it took an extra 10 minutes to get to the main road....there rude idiot, betcha wish you'd just driven away and shut your stupid mouth don't you?
I keep reading various things where parents state how worried they are that their child is autistic, parenting boards and blogs and such and just lately, because I am so weepy and internally ( for now) confrontational I feel slighted. I take this personally as though these loving and worried parents have shut me in a room and are yelling in my face "I HOPE MY KID IS NOT LIKE YOURS!" I know they aren't. I know they are just hoping that their child is ' normal' and won't have to face the trials that we face with delicious Isaac. Yet still, it hurts.
So, I went out ( did you remember I started that train of thought forever ago?) and we had a fun evening at Gemma's house, a few women and me. We were having fun and eventually the photo albums came out, what fun.
Julie ( my sister) had one photo album and was chatting about the people in one picture.
" Oh that's Eddie and his girlfriend or whatever he is..they are gay"
Stab!stab! OW my heart.
Shut up, bite your tongue.
Then she made a couple more comments along those lines and my tongue ( and heart ) escaped my control, I lost it.
I sobbed and when I cry,my voice is loud and I quite strongly voiced my opinion that as a mother of a gay son I hated hearing such comments and when I was subjected to such talk felt the desire to smash heads against walls. Gah.
I said , more than once that gay people are PEOPLE, there are good gay people and bad ones, but they are people and as different as you and I.....when I hear
"those gays" or " he/ she whatever it is" my blood boils and my heart breaks.
When I hear those things from someone who loves me and knows my boy and who LOVES him.....well it hurts even more because it is so damned thoughtless, not at all a personal attack but just a thoughtless quip, random words not thought through. I just wish people WOULD think.
Did I make those kind of comments before it mattered to my heart? I know sometimes I can say things that are hurtful without realising it, who do I hurt when my mouth runs away with itself?
We had some of those stunned moments where no-one is quite sure what to say and then it was fine.
I should have stayed at home. Sorry Gemma.
I was about to drive away from the school today and hadn't yet moved, so I knew that I hadn't cut in front of this man who for some reason, known only to his stupid self got level with my car and was obviously yelling at me.
*sigh*
What to do? Apologise for what? Breathing, being alive.......WHAT?
No, what I did was stare right back at him and say " Oh shut up!"
All better, drive away and make sure he was behind me while I stuck to the speed limit ( and just under) and let everyone I came across out and wave them all on, it took an extra 10 minutes to get to the main road....there rude idiot, betcha wish you'd just driven away and shut your stupid mouth don't you?
I keep reading various things where parents state how worried they are that their child is autistic, parenting boards and blogs and such and just lately, because I am so weepy and internally ( for now) confrontational I feel slighted. I take this personally as though these loving and worried parents have shut me in a room and are yelling in my face "I HOPE MY KID IS NOT LIKE YOURS!" I know they aren't. I know they are just hoping that their child is ' normal' and won't have to face the trials that we face with delicious Isaac. Yet still, it hurts.
So, I went out ( did you remember I started that train of thought forever ago?) and we had a fun evening at Gemma's house, a few women and me. We were having fun and eventually the photo albums came out, what fun.
Julie ( my sister) had one photo album and was chatting about the people in one picture.
" Oh that's Eddie and his girlfriend or whatever he is..they are gay"
Stab!stab! OW my heart.
Shut up, bite your tongue.
Then she made a couple more comments along those lines and my tongue ( and heart ) escaped my control, I lost it.
I sobbed and when I cry,my voice is loud and I quite strongly voiced my opinion that as a mother of a gay son I hated hearing such comments and when I was subjected to such talk felt the desire to smash heads against walls. Gah.
I said , more than once that gay people are PEOPLE, there are good gay people and bad ones, but they are people and as different as you and I.....when I hear
"those gays" or " he/ she whatever it is" my blood boils and my heart breaks.
When I hear those things from someone who loves me and knows my boy and who LOVES him.....well it hurts even more because it is so damned thoughtless, not at all a personal attack but just a thoughtless quip, random words not thought through. I just wish people WOULD think.
Did I make those kind of comments before it mattered to my heart? I know sometimes I can say things that are hurtful without realising it, who do I hurt when my mouth runs away with itself?
We had some of those stunned moments where no-one is quite sure what to say and then it was fine.
I should have stayed at home. Sorry Gemma.
Labels: stupid and yet thoughtful.
posted by The other me | 10:28 pm
6 Comments:
I would embrace having your children (and your company) at any time. I'll settle for having any of your wee ones marry into my family at any time :) Wouldn't we make wonderful co-nanas?
I do think we tend to not realize how thoughtless and hurtful our words can be until we've 'worn those shoes'. I do it, without even thinking, and certainly withtout meaning to. And then it'll hit me and I feel so horrible. I hope today's post didn't offend you. Just now wondering about that. If it did, sorry.
Aw, I'm sorry. I too think people don't think. I had a friend who is in a bi-rational marriage, with a bi-rational son tell me that another friend exclaimed to her how all the kids in her daughter's class were *whisper, whisper* bi-rational.
So friend A says "um, hello. My son is birational".
The answer back: "well, you can't TELL."
Like somehow that makes all the difference. People are insensitive idiots sometimes.
Hugs! It is thoughtless but it doesn't make it hurt any less, i am sure. Maybe now, they will think more consciously before they speak. People say things without even thinking of the consequences. I know i have done it myself. I immediately feel like an ass afterward.
Sorry you had such a rough day. Hope tomorrow is better!
No, Helen, you shouldn't have stayed home! Maybe your friends needed to hear that. I'm afraid I keep quiet too often, not because I'm embarrassed by my sister, but because I'm scared to speak up.
Speaking of my sister, she and her girlfriend are coming for Thanksgiving! I'm positively giddy and the kids can't wait. When I was talking to another family member about it, they said, "Well, I wouldn't have them in my home." *Sigh*
i don't think people intentionally try to hurt others with those types of comments. they probably don't even mean them "literally". we are always afraid of what we don't know personally and sometimes we just say stupid things. we love you and prescious isaac and dan. i hope you feel better soon. stress is so debilitating. i hate it.
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