Twang.

That's my heart strings, we have a country and western fest going on right now with my heart strings being twanged to a fairly natty beat.
Sophie came today and she ate, slept and then she cooked US dinner, she babysat while H and I did what we had to do on a saturday afternoon.
When she has eaten dinner she asked me to drop her to the house she is staying in and then wait for her to get changed, then take her to work. She had helped us so I did that for her, it also means I get to see where she is sleeping this week.
TWANG! I drove up outside a regular house, but it was a family house, with lit up windows and clean cars outside, I could see into the sitting room and it was tidy and warm, with white net curtains at the window, she is safe this week. I can't tell you how that feels, although you can be sure I will try my hardest.
It feels like relief and guilt, it feels like happy and heartbroken.
Relief because, well she's safe and she is in a home that is good, that has parents and children, that has allowed her in and is wrapping its arms around her. Guilt because she can't be here. She will ( I can but hope) be a good girl there and help out, she will show respect and ( I hope) adhere to any rules that they put down. She is friends with the daughter and I hear that she is a good girl ( from other people) Stupid pride that has no place her, what must this girl's parents think of me, as a mother? How could I turn away my own child? I've been there and done that, then I got to see what those parents had been subjected to, I hope they never see what Sophie is capable of.
Happy because to be able to go to bed and sleep knowing that she is safe and warm is priceless. Heartbreaking because if only she could learn and grow up, she could have that here, with HER family.
Then we have Mel.
She is hospital with a UTI, so poorly and shaking, in pain and just miserable. I am so glad she is being so well looked after and I took Jordan to visit her during his break today, I stayed just a minute or two and then left to sit in the car and read while Jordan spent some time with her. I was so weepy as I left because this tiny little person is so precious to us all already that the thought of anything happening to him / her is unbearable. We have these babies and carry them, hardly giving a thought to the miracle that is happening, without any thought as to how we do it, we manage to grow these babies and give birth to string healthy little people. It is possible these days to save babies born as young as 24 weeks ( and Mel is just 24 weeks) with technology these tiniest of babies can survive but nothing does the job as well as a womb, as a mother just going about her business and keeping that baby inside.
The Drs have told Mel how serious this is, she really is quite sick and so far the anti biotics aren't helping her get better, she will be in hospital until as late as tuesday, she went in yesterday at 2pm. I am sure that all will be well, but so easily it could have been worse and even though we haven't met this little person yet, we don't know if it is a boy or a girl but it is as loved as it could possibly be.
( Who can help but wonder if they may do an ultrasound and see what that little stinker kept hidden last time?!)
The baby has a great heartbeat, is kicking and strong......Mel is having all the care she needs, all we can do is pray and hope and trust that all will be well.
I went to the shop at the hospital to buy a magazine and a drink for while I waited in the car and another lady and I stood side by side looking at the shelves and politely allowing each other space........only to hear "HELLO!" It was my sister! Ha, imagine that, she was there with her husband who had a painful foot, must call and see if he is better now, so funny that we had been standing next to each other all that time without realising it.
Oh, also, when I drove Sophie to get changed we had to drive past the old house, I collected our wheelie bin that we left behind and saw that the lights were on, so it looks like landlady has been there and left a hallway light on. I wonder what she thought as she walked through that spotless house? I wonder if maybe she has any heart ( and I think she must have as she showed a bit of it when she let us move into the barn) and I wonder if HER heart strings got a twang of conscience? Oh I hope so! I am giving her a week longer to send us some money and then I will write and ask her where she invested that money ( which is almost certainly nowhere!) I will suggest that we allow the investment compnay decide who should have that deposit money and failing that, the courts, I just hope that now she has been to the house and seen how we left it, she will have fleeting visit from the human kindness fairy and a smack around the head from the 'pay them their money you heartless old bag' pixies.
Meanwhile we are all continuing to enjoy our new home, I still paddle about in my bare feet and sighing with pleasure at the kitchen. I can't walk up the stairs without my heart saying a thankyou, I never walk into our room without being enveloped with a feeling of peace. Can't put a price on that can you?