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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

You'll get your reward on heaven, they say...

And sometimes you don't have to wait that long.
I have been asked to teach the babies at church, they would be very cross if they heard me to refer to them as babies because they are BIG boys, they are three, Noah, Matthew, Jared and Nathan. They don't wear pull ups and dey dot bid beds wizz Thomas bed and Cars quilt and they are SO big boys. But they are babies.
Christ said that he loved the children best and admonished us to be as little children. Every time I work with these little people I see why that is.
Todays lesson was about how Heavenly Father and Jesus love us. I took in with me a big canvas bag filled with toy animals, toy jelly fish, real fruit, a mirror.
We took things out of the bag
" A COW!"
"I want nat shart!" ( killer whale) one exciting toy after the other,we were having such fun and I got carried away and pulled out a bear, with growling face and sharp teeth....ROAR!
Noah may well have built the ark but that bear made him lose it completely. BAD mister Helen. ( which is who I am apparantly) Oh dear, it took poor Noah a very long time to recover and the bag no longer held any joys or excitement, just deep fear and flinching.
I showed them the mirror and said that if they looked in there, they would see someone that Heavenly Father loves very much, who could that be?
They had no inhibitions, not a trace of doubt, no embarrassment, just an absolute belief that they are loveable and perfect.
We really should be more like them.
Last week was my first week teaching the littlest ones, they cried and hung their heads and this is all so new to them, used to being in nursery where they play and have snacks, big boys now they sit with us and sing, and they have a lesson that is 40 minutes long ( that is a REALLY long time for 3 year olds, and an even longer time for a teacher if she isn't fully prepared, you cannot wing it with babies, they can cause chaos in a 3 minute lull!)
It took me a little while to settle them and by the end of the morning they were all happy.
Today, 2 were away and 2 came into church.....both these little boys saw me and I heard " Air she IS! Mister ELLUN!" and such excitement and joy, so happy to see me and no matter how bad the morning had been ( and oh my, this morning was a BAD one) life suddenly became brighter, if we could all just be so excited about learning.
These little boys remember what we did last week and they long to carry on, they jump and squeal when they know the answer to a question. When our lesson was over we went to the main meeting and as I settled my boys I heard again "HEY! Mister ELLUN!" Sweet Matthew who is so earnest and eager and careful to be right.......I adore these little boys.
I didn't adore Isaac today, I mean this week, actually the past month. I ran out of compassion for the troubles he may have had with moving, I am weary of fighting him on every damn thing. He has really pushed every limit lately and says no to everything, he stands rock still and refuses to get dressed, undressed, eat his dinner, pick up his toys, listen.......he does this smirk and just says NO.
Last night bathtime came and went and he missed his bath, this morning I ran a bath and asked him to get ready and jump in.
NO. He was determined not to do it, I tried everything from reasoning to yelling and he just ran away, stood still, ran away again, screamed NO NO NO NO NO. I asked H to come and help, because I am hormonal and my head is liable to explode or just spin in an exocist type frenzy.
No H. Now, H is the epitome of helpful, from monday to saturday he is there, hands on, doing it, organising it, cleaning it, working with the boys, for some unexplained reason on sundays he is on a whole different planet.
Occassionally I am organised enough to have church clothes ironed and ready on saturday night. Usually I am not, I am always organised enough to have he clothes washed and dried and ready for ironing but inevitably sunday morning comes along and there are 4 white shirts to iron, trousers to press, whatever I am going to wear. Snacks to prepare, lessons to pack up. Kids to feed.
H who gets up at 5am every day if not earlier, sleeps in on sundays, he then wakes up in time to shower and eat and dress himself.
Every sunday my irritation at this out of the ordinary behaviour increases. I never say anything because he is so great the other 6 days, I never have to worry about anything, if I have to go it I go ut, he does everything here, he walks the boys to and from school, he gets up with them every day and allows me to sleep whenever I need to. Sundays are the exception and I really can't understand why it irks me SO much.
I stand and iron the white shirts and without fail I am reminded of the day when, about a week after we were married, having ironed a whole stack of work shirts for H, he came over to me and asked if he might show me how to do them properly.
Yes, he really DID that and he is still here, without an iron shaped inprint in his forehead, so stunned and appalled was I that he would dare to suggest such a thing.
Because I allowed that occassion to pass without voicing my dissaproval, it comes back to me every sunday morning while I stand and iron the damn shirts that I hate bloody well doing and how DARE he show me how to iron a shirt!! If I want to iron the sides first and the collar last I will and lets see him try and make me do otherwise, except, I do it the 'right way' every week....collar and shoulders first, sleeves ( don't forget the cuffs need doing extra well to make them sharp) back next and then the fronts. Every week I hear his instructions and bloody well follow them, which makes me mad at him and even madder at think he even remembers daring to 'teach' me how to iron a shirt??
So, hormonally challenged and annoyed that he is calmly going about his restful sunday morning routine, having been through the sunday morning hell of shirt ironing, I am now faced with Isaac who is making my time to get myself ready shorter and shorter, I can see I am going to have to go unshowered, no make up on and flustered if he doesn't get in that lovely bath and get CLEAN.
I ran out of patience, ideas and sanity and I picked up my fastidious and clothing obsessed 6 year old and I put him in the bath IN HIS PYJAMAS and his SOCKS and OH MY HELL THE WORLD CAME TO AN END!
H came then, of course, and he rescued Isaac, just as he had come down from the ceiling, just as I had helped him take OFF the WET PYJAMAS and OH MY SOCKS ARE WET I HATE WET SOCKS I DON'T WANT MY SOCKS WET ( well should have taken the damn things off 20 minutes ago and got into the bath the 1st, 2nd even the 7th time you were told!) He was just about to actually get IN the bath and daddy rescued him, that was the end. I crumpled in a weeping heap of frustration for about 3 seconds and then I finished off Isaac's tantrum. Rather splendidly thankyou.
Eventually, when I was bathed ( can't waste lovely, warm, bubbly water) and dressed and miraculously all 3 boys and H were dressed too, without my having to help or answer the 13 'where are my sunday shoes' questions (hurriedly shhhhhhed by H,) shoes were found without my help ( imagine!) I sat the boys down and heard myself telling of how when I was little, if my mum or dad asked or told me to do something, I did it. There were consequences to being disobedient and we learned very quickly that doing as we were told was very much the best way to go.
Seth listens well to discussions like these, I can see his head taking it all in and more often then not he really does change how he does things. Elijah spends a lot of time saying things like " I am a dood boy aren't I mummy? I dot inna barf didn't I mummy? I not a naughty boy am I mummy" Isaac, is a closed book. He fidgets and smirks, he climbs and plays and we have to wait and see if he took any notice or not.
He went to bed tonight without a battle (which hasn't happened since before we moved) he has always loved going to sleep but this move has thrown him for a loop, it's been tough.
Last night he fought so hard that eventually I told him he had to stay down and I wouldn't ALLOW him to go to sleep, he sat outside the front room, in the hallway yelling for a story ( which he missed because he wouldn't go upstairs at storytime, physically carrying him will not work, it is a waste of time and energy, he is set in a routine he has to do certain things or he is so distressed we are in for hours of misery)
we had to keep explaining that he had the chance and blew it, that he could either go to bed or sit out there on his own. ( praying for the patience to see this through and not just put him out on the doortep in a cancer reseacrh bag and let them take him away to sell for research money)
After 2 hours ( at 10pm) he walked into the front room, asked nicely for the flashlight ( he takes a lantern AND a flashlight, hot water bottle and a drink) and said he was ready for bed. Sometimes we are reminded that Isaac has autism when it might be easy to forget.
Mostly I get Isaac, I know how his mind works and we tick along beautifully together, he is my sweet boy and I love to have him come with me when I go out. Other times I have the worst time with keeping my temper in check, 2 hours is a long time to have to keep your cool and watch him go through this process. Today was not a good one to begin with, thank Heaven for those little people that made me feel as though I did something right.
There's a lady at church who has lost a huge amount of weight, she looks great and when I saw her the other day we had such a lovely chat about what she did and how she is still doing it.
She told me that she had a load of clothes that I was welcome to and I thanked her because I am so sick of my same old same old boring raggedy Annie look. ( unkempt even)
She brought them to church today and they really are lovely clothes, she works and so they are clothes that I can wear every day as well as out if I actually ever go anywhere.
I sorted through them when I got home and was so thrilled with them but's not much fun being the recipient of someone else's FAT clothes.
The acid reflux, near death experience seems to have scared the greed out of me for a while, I have embraced my slimfast and salad diet with open arms and closed mouth. I am enjoying the feeling of not eating for England and wouldn't it be great if I don't get to wear Sally's lovely and much appreciated Fat clothes for long?
The weather has cheered up, sunshine always lifts my spirits, I am looking forward to spring and all that holds. Mel is feeling better and will hopefully be home from the hospital tomorrow. No ultrsound so baby is still a mystery to us, we're getting used to the idea now ( but I bet no-one would say no to the chance of knowing!) Such a worry this sickness has been, such a precious baby, we are so relieved that s/he is still where s/he needs to be.
Very good, ready we are for the new week, wonder what it holds.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is it people think men are so much more wonderful when they do the things we have HAD to do for years on our own? I'm not buying it and it pisses me off that Jave sleeps in every weekend when I am the first one to get up every day of the week.

11:38 pm  
Blogger noname said...

Mike isn't home much but when he is, he's generally quick to let me sleep in or sometimes even cook supper. When he's been out on disability, for months at a time, injuured, he tries to do the same thing. Let me rest. He's quirky that way but I must say he's been on the recieving end of a few venting blowouts from me before. BUT, he was like this before, just not as often.

I hope Isaac can settle back into a routine soon. I can only imagine what that's like for you. I have a hard time adjusting to change and have been known to flake out over it before. My heart goes out to you both. :)

11:57 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

I'm so glad to hear Mel is doing better -- I've been wondering about her.

I'm in the same boat as you regarding DH's. M. is so helpful most of the time and I know I have it SO much better than most, but sometimes I HAVE to vent. I feel guilty about it, but it has to be done.

Hope Isaac settles into a new routine quickly.

1:07 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Working with the little ones sounds like fun Helen. :)

So glad to hear Mel is feeling better. I was so worried!

And sorry to hear about your rough Sunday morning. :( I had my own melt down on Saturday. Sometimes it is good to remind the family that we are human and we can only be strecthed so far before we break.

12:19 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

have just been looking through your old posts and found them addictive. need to get back to work, but I'll be back.
good luck

katie c

2:53 pm  

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