For my sister, because it could always be worse.

So, bored then with my skin that is just as it is and not going anywhere ( which is good, we need skin, when all else fails it holds us together after all!) I found the lump, the ugly, so ugly and red, bulbous thing up my nose, found so innocently, once found it began to hurt because OUCH I knew it was there and nothing THAT big and ugly could possibly not hurt ( and understand that if it were possible, you know I would take a picture, nose hair and all, this is a worthy of blogging with pictures lump, I kid you not) Watery eyes and itchy nose, I knew I had to get it checked out. Lumps are not good, ones that look like this one really should be seen by someone who knows.
Can you believe the things that can go through your mind in 24 hours when you have an ugly lump somewhere?
Anyway I went to the doctor who, it must be said, was not nearly impressed enough with this lump. Which is not life threatening in anyway ( quite literally this one IS all in my head, right between my eyes!) I have a deviated septum which is horribly inflammed and swollen and the icing on the cake? Cold sores, a veritable bunch, like grapes. I am so grateful that this is up my nose as opposed to all over my face! It is not a pretty sight. Also, itchy up the nose.....very hard not to sit with my finger up there scratching and picking, when the scabs come, I will be unable to resist the urge, beautiful.
So, New York is not happening, oh dear...it's BOSTON! Boston in june instead of New York in July, it just seemed a better idea, less intimidating and because several of the girls in the group live in Boston we get guided tours, first hand knowledge on what's best and where everything is.
I am so excited about the trip I almost keep forgetting that H and I have our trip to London first.
Meanwhile, whilst my life is picking up and things of great happiness and excitement are happening, my sister called this evening to tell me how, no matter how dire life may seem, it is always possible to find someone worse of than yourself and in this instance, she is so very right.
I might have a plague of sores up my nose and a swelling the size of my brain...but she, poor thing has been called to serve as a Camp leader person for young women, lovely hormonal teenagers aged 12 - 18, when they go on a church camp, with blow up beds, probably rain and every hissy fit kind of hysterical drama you can imagine ( and quite likely, many we would never be able to imagine)
Maybe it's just my experience with teenage girls has been so nightmarish ( and part of me is shuddering at the idea that all kinds of freaks are going to be sent here via google now having actually typed the words 'teenage girl'.) but the only reason I can think of for any adult being asked to accompany a big group of girls that age, on a camping trip, is as a punishment for some heinous sin committed in the long distant past. I hope I have been good because that penance is one I hope never to have to pay. Ever.
My skin seems not to be improving at all, even though I think I am feeling better ( the sun and fresh spring air always helps, I am part cat, I am sure of it, show me some sunshine and I can feel myself stretching and soaking in every ray) I am more able to motivate myself to clean and organise, heaven.
I am still sleeping in the most extraordinary way, no rhyme or reason to any of it, for instance, this evening because wednesday is NBA ( Not Basketball Again) night, I took myself upstairs at 6.30 for a hot bath and to read my book. I fell asleep and woke up just before 10pm.
The mornings are tough for me because I can't fall asleep until late ( last night was 3am because I was obsessing over the nose lump! ) so it helps that H takes the boys to school so I can go back to bed and sleep. I have decided that I have to stop worrying about doing that, I think that sleeping is helping me feel better, I obviously need to sleep and fretting about whether I am wasting time doesn't do anything constructive. I am getting things done, when everyone else sleeps, I can work without being interrupted, concentrate on what I am doing because there are no other distractions and if this is what works, I'll go with it.
I think, accepting that depression and this skin complaint are just a part of who I am sort of helps and in feeling better, I hope to actually BE better. I am eating good food ( and glory be, that granola? How much hard work is that stuff?) I am peeing with such frequency that I have managed to half decorate the loo, ( how so? I hear you ask!) Because I keep the paint and brushes in there and when everyone is asleep I just paint a bit more, never knew such a tiny room take so long!)
So, tumour like thing is not a tumour, sun has been shining, a trip or two to look forward to and I do not have to take hormonal 12-18 year old female people camping, life is, it must be said, pretty darn good when I think about it.