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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Monday, July 28, 2008

Things I want to do.

Occasionally I get the jitters and feel I want to burst forth into life and do stuff.
Today I feel like that...tiny weeny little sparklings of enthusiasm to be something more than I am, to embark on new things.
So here is a list, maybe this time next year I will dig it out and see if I did any of them. Be warned some of these things will be dull, some ridiculous, some surprising and some, forgotten because by the time I get around to actually writing the list they will have dribbled through the holes in my mind and be lost, possibly forever.

a) Learn to quilt and then quilt, like a mad lady, all kinds of quilts but especially splendid memory ones. I long for evenings filled with me making beautiful quilts and squinting at swatches and squares of material and visualising their magnificence

b) Play the piano, this has been a lifelong desire, I actually feel so sure that I can already play ( and I can sit and plonk in a pleasing way) What stops me getting on with it? A fear that actually I can't play and then I will be sad that I was wrong. Also I can't read music, at there's something I would need to learn first and I am lazy.

c) I just deleted this one because I want it very much and as I was typing it seemed ridiculous and I can't have that, so what I intend to do is actually work on it, begin to make it happen and when it doesn't seem ridiculous I will tell you, I promise. It is a life changing and exciting plan and one that has been hatching for a long while. Intrigued? Very good.

d) Change Sophie's life.
I began today and although it is sure to be a long road, I know we can do it. I am seeing tiny steps she is taking on her own and so we decided that we would encourage her, it will either work or it will come back and bite us so hard we'll bleed.
Today, after a long discussion with H last evening, we told Sophie that if she gets a job, she can live here.
She can pay us £50 a week keep and she can turn the dining room into her own room, she can do with it what she will. When she has a job. We told her that this is a plan that will be up to her, it will be reviewed every 3 months, she cannot bring people back here, she will be responsible for her room and any behaviour that will be detrimental to the family will mean an immediate change of our minds, she must not speak to us with anything but respect, no more yelling and threatening behaviour. ( which I am almost loathe to say has been missing, hate to jinx that!) This is for many reasons, firstly for me because I cannot live another day with the uncertainty, I hate to see her floundering and afraid to get a job because she is afraid of what that may mean.
She has applied for and is following up on, job applications, we wanted her to have an extra incentive to find one and work. She will have to furnish the room herself and prepare for when she moves out, so buying her own bed, TV etc will ( we hope) encourage a feeling of worth and a desire to look after what she has.
She needs to feel as though she belongs, I want her to now that she has to play the game, that she can belong as long as she keeps doing her part.
She is here anyway, I can't see how that will change, we decided that she may as well know where she stands and hopefully see that this as a chance for her to be happy and work her way up to moving out on a good footing.
When I told her today I told her just how nervous I was to even tell her what we decided for fear of having it all backfire on us. She reacted just as I hoped she would and also immediately asked if she should go and thank H...I told her that words mean little to him and that we would both much rather she show us she is grateful by the way she behaves and use this chance we are giving her.
One step at a time, to help her change her life I just have to go one step at a time ....she had a Drs appt today, that she made and arranged, I reminded her that she should ask for a refill for her meds at the same time, she replied that she did that last week and it is waiting to be collected when she (or I) have the money for it. HUGE. ENORMOUS! She did that without a single reminder. Joy. I will find the money so she doesn't have to go without, I hate to risk any chance of a good thing being ruined.
Oh now I forgot what else I was going to list, hopeless, get off on a tangent and forget everything else. Maybe it will come back to me...maybe it won't!



Blogger sarah said...

things sound promising. if you put your mind to it you can do it. I love to quilt. It is one of the ways i relax.

I will pray for sophie as i always do.

10:01 pm  
Blogger Rachel said...

I love to quilt, too. We can do it together! And I can also teach you to read music and play the piano. How's that?

So glad to hear that Sophie reacted the way she did. Hope it works and you all are amazed at her progress.

10:05 pm  
Blogger Jenn said...

My left foot can play the piano - blindfolded. Oh but I cannot quilt. I like to admire them, and when I see all the work that has gone into them, I am amazed - quilts are rather impressive. But I cannot even sew a teeny tiny bit.
The decision to rent out your room to Sophie is one that I pray is the beginning of accomplishing that goal on your list. I think you can and have already changed Sophies life.
I am terribly intrigued about goal 'c'. You've piqued my interest and then cut me off with a promise of life changing and exciting. Please does it have anything to do with....Oh I won't say - are you intriqued now to guess what I'm hoping?? LOL
I love you Helen!

10:36 pm  
Blogger Cathy said...

No big woop on the piano. I took lessons until the teacher asked me to have my acrylic nails removed. Oh no! No way, no how! Kept my nails and never went back! That should teach her ;)
I think the fact that Sophie will feel like she has a place that can call her own (the dining room) and not always wondering where she will go, will make all the difference! You are truly a wonderful mom.
So, are we going to be in laws of what?

1:37 am  
Blogger MamaTink said...

Great List Helen. Funny...I just did the same kind of thing on my blog this morning :) I truly hope that it works out with Sophie. Like Cathy said, maybe knowing that she has a safe, reliable, accountable place to come back to will help her set things straight.


1:08 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mother is an amazing quilter. She absolutely loves it and I love the gifts she has made for the kids. :). You *can* do it and I cnanot wait to hear all about it. I made a quilt for Chris while we were dating. It is sitting right next to me right now (it was his sickly blanket, lol). I am not great at it. :).

I am VERY intrigued. Cannot wait to hear all about it.

You rock Helen. Truly you do. You already do so much and are so wicked awesome!

6:33 pm  

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