Things I want to do.

Occasionally I get the jitters and feel I want to burst forth into life and do stuff.
Today I feel like that...tiny weeny little sparklings of enthusiasm to be something more than I am, to embark on new things.
So here is a list, maybe this time next year I will dig it out and see if I did any of them. Be warned some of these things will be dull, some ridiculous, some surprising and some, forgotten because by the time I get around to actually writing the list they will have dribbled through the holes in my mind and be lost, possibly forever.

a) Learn to quilt and then quilt, like a mad lady, all kinds of quilts but especially splendid memory ones. I long for evenings filled with me making beautiful quilts and squinting at swatches and squares of material and visualising their magnificence

b) Play the piano, this has been a lifelong desire, I actually feel so sure that I can already play ( and I can sit and plonk in a pleasing way) What stops me getting on with it? A fear that actually I can't play and then I will be sad that I was wrong. Also I can't read music, at all..so there's something I would need to learn first and I am lazy.

c) I just deleted this one because I want it very much and as I was typing it seemed ridiculous and I can't have that, so what I intend to do is actually work on it, begin to make it happen and when it doesn't seem ridiculous I will tell you, I promise. It is a life changing and exciting plan and one that has been hatching for a long while. Intrigued? Very good.

d) Change Sophie's life.
I began today and although it is sure to be a long road, I know we can do it. I am seeing tiny steps she is taking on her own and so we decided that we would encourage her, it will either work or it will come back and bite us so hard we'll bleed.
Today, after a long discussion with H last evening, we told Sophie that if she gets a job, she can live here.
She can pay us £50 a week keep and she can turn the dining room into her own room, she can do with it what she will. When she has a job. We told her that this is a plan that will be up to her, it will be reviewed every 3 months, she cannot bring people back here, she will be responsible for her room and any behaviour that will be detrimental to the family will mean an immediate change of our minds, she must not speak to us with anything but respect, no more yelling and threatening behaviour. ( which I am almost loathe to say has been missing, hate to jinx that!) This is for many reasons, firstly for me because I cannot live another day with the uncertainty, I hate to see her floundering and afraid to get a job because she is afraid of what that may mean.
She has applied for and is following up on, job applications, we wanted her to have an extra incentive to find one and work. She will have to furnish the room herself and prepare for when she moves out, so buying her own bed, TV etc will ( we hope) encourage a feeling of worth and a desire to look after what she has.
She needs to feel as though she belongs, I want her to now that she has to play the game, that she can belong as long as she keeps doing her part.
She is here anyway, I can't see how that will change, we decided that she may as well know where she stands and hopefully see that this as a chance for her to be happy and work her way up to moving out on a good footing.
When I told her today I told her just how nervous I was to even tell her what we decided for fear of having it all backfire on us. She reacted just as I hoped she would and also immediately asked if she should go and thank H...I told her that words mean little to him and that we would both much rather she show us she is grateful by the way she behaves and use this chance we are giving her.
One step at a time, to help her change her life I just have to go one step at a time ....she had a Drs appt today, that she made and arranged, I reminded her that she should ask for a refill for her meds at the same time, she replied that she did that last week and it is waiting to be collected when she (or I) have the money for it. HUGE. ENORMOUS! She did that without a single reminder. Joy. I will find the money so she doesn't have to go without, I hate to risk any chance of a good thing being ruined.
Oh now I forgot what else I was going to list, hopeless, get off on a tangent and forget everything else. Maybe it will come back to me...maybe it won't!