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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Friday, July 11, 2008

When Helen met Howie. ( ETA at the end!)

Oh my, that cracked me up, H's mum calls him Howie and if ever there was a man less like a Howie then H would be him ( he / it?!)
I said before that I met him online, on LDS singles dot com, can you believe? I had no idea about computers, none, couldn't type to save my life ( yes, I know, fellow chatters some things never change but you do manage to get my drift as a rule I think) Friends at church were messaging suave Americans day on and day out and I couldn't understand what the deal was. After all going out to dinner one evening we went back to Lin's house and I asked her to show me what this newfangled contraption was all about and where all these irresistible men with high morals and Godly attributes were.
Well, my eyes! She logged on and began to run through the thousands of men, one after another while we all sat saying "oooh, he's nice"
"Yikes, sad hair"
"Argh, no! he may be a mormon but that one looks like a murderer, in fact I swear I saw that mug shot on Crime watch just last week"
"Oh for heavens sake! He's trying to meet woman why is he wearing a tank top?"
" Nope"
"ewwwwww"
"Hmmmmmm"
and I went home.
My sister however had had her interest tweeked and she decided that she was getting in on that act indeed she was.
Anyway we drove back and forth to dads house typing very slowly to her men of choice and i went nowhere fast.
Eventually, one day as I was chatting ( in real life, in a kitchen as it happens) to my mum, she told me to sign myself up. For one month. YeGads.
I did it purely because she never tells us to do anything and this was so extraordinary that I did it out of sheer obedience.
I signed up for one month, put my picture on ( any old one that mum just happened to have that didn't make me look to gormless or startled) and that was that. June 26th 1999.
The next day I got a message, drove to dad's, saw a picture of the smiliest face under a bald old head and instantly sent a message back, dear smiley H.
We messaged back and forth until the July 4th holiday weekend and then I called him.
We spoke every day for several hours, laughed and learned and talked ( and therefore ran out of anything to ever say again, hence his now rationed 7 words every 3 days)
In September I flew to visit him. Me, I flew, on my own to L.A. On my own, to stay at his HOUSE ( no meeting in a wide open public place for me, no fly across the ocean and stay with him. So sensible.)
I got to LAX and nervously went through customs, did all that scary stuff, grabbed my bags and went to meet my love interest. Who wasn't there. At all. Anywhere. Hell.
I waited on the sidewalk ( hark at me, sidewalk indeed, had we been in England it would have been the pavement but this was LA where they have sidewalks, dammit and I was standing on one. For 20 minutes)
Then, suddenly through the exhaust fumes and balmy evening mist there he was. A little Indian man. With bandaids on his hands.
He wasn't Indian of course but he looked it, to me, right then and actually, people often asked him where in India he came from.
He was really quite slim when I met him, which never does anything for me...in fact skinny men scare me a bit.
I had a shocking moment of WHAT THE HELL HAVE I DONE HERE?
He did too, I saw it, the deer in a headlight look.
We went to eat and that was when I began to see that H is H. He is just who he is and he is not, never has been and never will be a people pleaser. He does not do 'show' he does 'good'
HE was taking me to eat so he took me to where the food was good. If I hadn't been so completely terrified I might have eaten something and enjoyed it but this place was SO SCARY!
It was mexican food and was where Mexicans go and live and eat and it had scuffy old formica tables and mis matched chairs and no-one spoke English, or wore shirts much.
Now, H has an English /American dad and a Mexican mom. I do not have a prejudiced bone in my body...I love people and I don't like mean people. That's it.
I am English and I have been down in Devon most of my life, to suddenly be in this place of so many different people, where my only experience of LA has been TV shows of guns and shootings and robbing and big old bad place...well, I was a pathetic mess of 'let me go home'.
We went back to his Dad's house and went for a walk and I knew I loved him. I had absolutely NO idea why.
I was there for 2 weeks and honestly he was quite awful to me. I put him in his place a few times, cried a bit and enjoyed myself too.
I have no clue what got me through the next few YEARS.
I went back in November, with 3 children and a suitcase each.
We got married on November 27th, in the Bishops back garden with our 4 children, the bishop and his wife, H's dad, brother and sister and her husband.
It was a beautiful day, with neither of us knowing what we were doing apart from being completely sure that it was the right thing. I have always been sure, through thick and thin and as the years go by, I love him more, his eccentricities are more touching and splendid.
I completely understand him and just as I see inside Isaac's head, so now I can see inside H's mind. ( when I want to and in truth, sometimes I just leave him in there all on his own because it makes me tired being in there with him, much to busy. I like being inside my head where it is quiet and empty.)
Seth was conceived on our wedding night and he kept us together when several other people, circumstances and happenings would have torn us asunder.
In all honesty, this last year has been a time of learning for H and I, we feel that at last we are lifting up our heads and seeing each other.
I am so glad that I followed my heart and not my head, that I did what I knew was right for me and mine.
Lovely H and his smile. He is perfect for me and I think, quite probably the very best daddy my boys could ever ask for.
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( and yes, that is H's biggest boy, Rob...a bigger version of Elijah if ever there was one!)

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*ETA* wouldn't you know it? Note to self, stop writing about how great H is, everytime you do he turns into a great big arse. Do the Gypsies buy husbands or is it just naughty children? I have been up all of 12 minutes and wish I hadn't bothered, could be a long day.

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8 Comments:

Blogger Jenn said...

I loved those pictures Helen, and hearing the story of H. He is so amazing with those boys - I hope someday to meet him (if I'm not too terribly scary) because he is definitely good, and I think wildly hilarious in a subtle sort of way, much like my brother - also a man of few words. He looks like he's got a bit of a gleam in his eye - I bet he has a good sense of humour.

11:03 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So that who Mr Helen is! What a pleasure to read all about him and how you 2 met.
Hopefully he will be able to make the next BZ meet up so we all get to see how truly splendid he is!
Love you
Cathy

12:23 am  
Blogger Rachel said...

Love it! What a great story. So proud of you for following your heart.

Love you!

1:59 am  
Blogger noname said...

Great pictures. Each one tells an interesting story. :)

That feeling it was right, that makes all the difference doesn't it? My first meeting with Mike was a very blind date at Pizza Hut (I didn't know he'd be there....my friends set me up) and I couldn't eat a thing either. Or barely look at anything but the table. A few days later and I knew I had to see him again. The rest is history. :)Thankfully we were both in the same town, lol.

2:14 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For your ETA: Don't ask for money from the Gypsies. See if they will take him for free. Just make sure that you don't give them a receipt so they can't return him ;)

Love you...
Cathy

12:33 pm  
Blogger justLacey said...

I'm so glad he's not too skinny anymore. I think it makes him more handsome. When I see the picture of Rob (who is also quite handsome) I see what H looked like when he was young and how Eli will look when he is grown. This was a wonderful story. Quite a brave adventure for someone who sees themselves as timid.

3:18 pm  
Blogger Stetch said...

Wow--all the pics I've seen of H and the kids over the years and I'd never noticed how much Rob looks like him and how Eli resembles them both. Cool! lol

Fun story--amazing really! How things work out, huh? lol

2:36 pm  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

Great story.

7:57 pm  

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