If you can't say something nice.....

Get on your blog and whine all you like, you're allowed to, it's the law.

I am stumped, blog wise because I can only seem to think about how much my back hurts. I had to go shopping today and as I leant on the trolley and shuffled behind all the old ladies stocking up on tea bags and women's weekly I felt a strange kinship with them. It'll be thick stockings and a blue rinse before you know it.

I have no idea what is going on and truth be told, I am a little afraid of finding out because it is definitely something strange.

I can't tell if it's muscular or if it's internal but it hurts, whine whine. Every evening when it hurts so much I actually whimper a bit I resolve that tomorrow I am going to see a Dr, then tomorrow comes and I talk myself into waiting a bit longer to see if it gets better. You could say I am taking it like a man!

Actually, if I were to give in to my tree huggy tendencies, ( the likes of which are getting stronger as I get older) I would say that the past few weeks I have been holding myself tense for some reason, I am battling some kind of slide into depression because I am sick of heading that way. It would be so easy to shut myself off and settle into that somewhat comforting nothingness. When I get tired , it feels quite nice to shut off, I just don't think I have any reason to feel depressed, so I am trying not too. That's quite hard work when for years you have given in to the clouds.

Actually I am sure that January makes most of us feel like switching off, crawling back into bed and waking up in April when the dreariness is over. Please.

I think also that not having something really great to look forward to makes it harder to just get up and get on with it all.

Things are great, they really are. I cannot complain, there are things happening that I never hoped to see, miracles in fact. I believe more readily that good can happen, I still have the tendency to wait for it all to turn to crap. I heard a phrase on the Simpsons today and it said it all " I am wallowing in my own crapulence" That says it perfectly.
Sometimes we can do no more than just enjoy the fact that we are crappy and grumpy. If it's not making other people miserable, just enjoy it, have a good whine, grumble, mutter as you drive along the road, swear at the wobbly trolley in Asda and then just get the hell over it.
I hope I get over it soon because I am getting on my own nerves, I want my funny back please and I want rid of this hurty back while I'm at it.