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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

A time and a season.

I had a beautiful day today, in fact, so far this week has been wonderful. I am tired of being overwhelmed by the boys, they outnumber us and of late they have been winning! I decided that this time, with 2 weeks off school, we would win. I would plan and be ready for the little gits and would not find myself feeling completely bedraggled and worn down.
What a triumph it has been, I can scarcely remember enjoying their company so much for a long time.
On Monday, we made stuff, delicious stuff, Easter goodies. More than any other time of year, Easter makes me see what I have to be grateful for, so many things.
When I was growing up, the most memorable thing about any holiday was always seeing my mum busy, she always made such beautiful gifts for people and was so engaged in making sure so many other people had something to remember, a memory and a moment where they felt thought of, remembered, cherished. I love knowing that about my mum and especially that it was EVERY holiday, EVERY special day. We never knew who these treats were for, where they went, who got them....we just saw how hard she worked and how completely she gave of herself.
I want my children to remember the same of me. I want for them to grow old and STILL see me doing it, I want them to desire to do the same and so when there is a holiday we make beautiful things and always on a monday, we deliver them. I love that they get the joy of giving, that they can't wait for it to be THEIR turn to ting the bell and hand over the goodies.
This week we thought of all those people that work to make our lives easier, the church leaders who miss time with their families so we can attend meetings, people who visit us every month without fail just to see if we are OK, aunties who teach us at church. ( and Grammas who just 'are') We had a great day making and a splendid evening delivering.

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On tuesday, we drove to Cornwall. We ( Sophie and I) took the boys to where we were living when I met H, we showed them the house and the park right outside the house, we took them to the places I used to take Sophie, Dan and Jordan when they were little. I remembered and I was almost shocked by how old Seth looks lately, how grown up and I took pictures that when I looked at them later, made me sad because he even sits like a big kid now.....

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See what I mean?

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I loved this house, I did, it was my pride and joy and I never walked into it without feeling I was at home. I left it to marry H and I don't regret it at all. It's lovely to visit old places and remember all the times you had there.

On wednesday, I paid Sophie to take the boys out on a picnic. Genius! Then she took Seth and Elijah to Jordan and Mel's for a Bar-B-Q. She didn't take Isaac because on the way home from the park, he ran away. Tired of the company of so many ( Mel, Jordan, Josh, Sophie's friend and her little sister, Mel's friend and her baby) weary of it all he ran home, crossed roads, bolted out from between cars and scared the very life out of all the adults.
I was shopping and H was napping, Jordan ran like the devil and found him already at home, when I came back he ran to me, sweaty headed and asked if I would please just squeeze his head. He spent a couple of hours with H and I, he cleaned windows and scrubbed various objects out in the yard, glorious solitary activities that calmed his soul and quietened his spirit.
Later, we were able to explain why he can't keep running away because although we know HE knows the way home, he doesn't know who he will meet along the way or what might happen on the roads that he ran across.

I am concerned ( on a side note) about H lately, he is even more withdrawn and unwilling to leave the house, apart from the odd walk to Asda to pick up bread. He will walk the boys to school and that's it. Church on Sunday, nothing else. He isn't sleeping at night and is sleeping too much in the day. He is so rigidly in a routine that it disrupts any thought of a family day out.

Anyway, today, Sophie and I took the boys to the Aquarium in Plymouth, what a glorious day.
The boys have been divine, so happy to be entertained, busy, organised and ferried hither and thither, they have been funny and have been a joy to be near.
We spent about 2 hours in the car driving there and back and places in between and we sang, all kinds of songs from Queen, we will rock you, to songs from 'A sound of music" we were happy and we knew it and we clapped our hands, we sang Old Mac Donald and of course the chorus, in our house, is ALWAYS "Eli- Eli -Oh"
I laughed so hard when this song came on the iPod that I swear I popped something in my nether regions....I think my womb almost shot out there for a moment!


Isn't that laugh just the best ever? That's a real belly laugh that is, I love it! The fact that the boys laughed and Sophie laughed made me laugh even harder.

Sophie and I went shopping with Seth later this afternoon, on the way home, I was so overwhelmed by what a lovely time I have had this week that I quite suddenly and without much warning, burst into tears.
'What's the matter?' asked Sophie, in consternation.
"Oh....oh, I've had such a lovely day and soon, you'll all be grown up and have your own lives and no-one will ever want to go out with me, I'll be stuck at home with H sitting in an old chair, probably wearing a cardigan and he'll be telling me how much curry sauce is at Somerfields but he won't actually want to go out and buy any, you'll all be having a lovely life and sometimes you'll take me out because you feel sorry for me and you'll get cross because I am slow and need to pee every 5 minutes ( this is where Sophie pointed out that I am already like that, which brought on a new snot cry fest)he doesn't want to go anywhere with me and it doesn't matter now but when you're all grown up ( she's 20 for heavens sake! She still likes coming everywhere with me!)it will be me and him and he'll get cross because I bet I am a fat old cripple and end up needing him to get out anywhere and he'll tell me I don't NEED to go there and we're fine right here and we'll sit and watch 'Diagnosis Murder' and I'll be watching for ideas of how to get away with throttling him and hiding his cardigan somewhere no-one will ever find it ( and he doesn't have a cardigan, I bet he WILL though, I bet he will) I will live for sundays because I will get to go to church and see all the young people who will ignore me or do that patronising patting thing ( and actually, in truth, I didn't really say ALL this at the time, I am just getting carried away with the theme in the right here and now)
Eventually I calmed down and from the back of the car came a little voice that said "I'll buy you a lovely new frock every now and then so you feel nice, you're right though, I probably won't take you anywhere"
"Seth", I asked, " does it worry you when I cry?"
He thought for a nanosecond and then said
" Hmm, well, the level is so minute as to not even have a number"
Such compassion from one so young!

Do you want pictures of the Aquarium and lunch at Pizza hut? Here you go then.

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How great are my kids?

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( Isaac just loved those sharks)

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Is there anymore fun to be had than getting your own whippy ice cream?

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Why, yes, Eating it!

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Or just covering it so many toppings that you can't even think of eating it but you admire it as a thing of beauty!

When I had a bath this evening, I got to thinking about how soon, my kids WILL be grown but I have a grandbaby, there will be more and I will take THEM out and then, well then, how much more glorious will it be because I shall take them out and when we are done, I shall take them home and drop them off and I won't have to feed them or bath them, I shall wave them goodbye and go home and sit next to H, in his cardigan and I shall tell him all about it while he nods and doesn't hear a word. I shall make a nice tea and watch Coronation street, I shall put my feet up and look around my tidy house ( with the exception of the area around H which will, I am sure be as cluttered and chaotic as it is now, perhaps either dustier or less dusty, I haven't decided yet whether I shall be a slummocky old lady or a dusting devil with anti macassars on her paisley couch. I think I shall be shiny and everything in it's placey, time yet to decide)
There's a time and a season for everything, I am sad as the time for me to have young and tiny children is hastening past but I can look foward to all the joys to come.

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2 Comments:

Blogger Colleen said...

I just have to say you are amazing!
XX

12:02 am  
Blogger sarah said...

I adore you and your stories. prayers to h. so glad sophie is coming into her own...

8:43 pm  

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