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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

I wonder...

Do I feel this way for in these feelings are justified or do I feel like this because the inbalance in my brain makes me think things that aren't there?

Am I those things he said I am or does the depression make me think I am? ( and why do those crippling and damaging things said to us, stay with us, always?)

Would medication help this awful feeling or mask it?

Is it me...or every other bugger?

Sometimes, if only I could creep out of my head and see things from the outside so that I could get it right. So that I could know.

Whatever, this is not a good place to be, I am not a good person to be around and I am so tired.

I don't think this will ever be over, that makes me more tired. And also, more sad.



Blogger sarah said...

I wish I had the answers for you. I wish there were days I could see from the inside out too. I hope you feel better soon.

10:48 pm  
Blogger noname said...

Us being our own worst critics and all, yeah, sometimes I'd love to see from the outside, too. Our view of ourself is so tainted and skewed in comparison to how others see us.



11:32 pm  
Anonymous Leiani - W. Australia said...


2:44 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How incredibly difficult it is when our minds try to fight us. I am so sorry sweetie that you're going through this. I love you so much.

You are what *HE* says you are. Lean on Him and see where His hand leads you. You're so hard on yourself and put so much on yourself and He wants us to put some of that on Him.

Wish I could hug you in person. Wish I could be there to tell you how wonderful you are. Wish I knew whether medications would help kick things back into gear. Wish you knew that even at your worst you're still His and still one of our best friends. You're so special Helen. Love you girl.

3:03 am  
Anonymous Sara McGinnis said...

See a homeopath! I know a very good one! And i think your fab ...warts and all :-P

8:26 am  
Blogger Tired Mom of Six said...

Helen you are glorious and wonderful and someone I admire SO very much.

If getting meds means that you will see what I see, I say do it. It makes me so sad to see you feel badly about yourself and know that you have panic attacks, etc.

Take care of yourself, my friend. You are important not only to me, but so many others! I love you xxxx

1:29 pm  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

I can mildly relate to the feelings you describe, having suffered with depression most of my life. I have no answers though. The meds are probably worth a shot. Every person is different, so I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all solution. I hope that you are able to find some peace and feel better. I have something I would love to share with you via email....but because my last email was hacked, I lost all my addresses. If you are interested, email me at It's from my Stress Management Course I took last semester in college.


2:58 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Wow Helen. I could have almost written that word for word.

I hate the hard days. The days I don't like my own self. And lately, there seem to be a lot of them. :(

I do hope today is a good day for you. I'd send you cyber hugs, but I know you are not a fan of them. I shall keep you in my thoughts today though. :)

12:20 pm  

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