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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, May 17, 2009

If you're happy and you know it...

You might like to leave because I am so annoyed this is the only place I can think of to let off steam before I punch someone. ( H)
I will say first, that I understand that there was a good intention behind what annoys and saddens me right now but in this instance, because I so clearly stated that I did not want help, I am merely angry and very sad.
I am not a computer geek. I know what I know and it is enough to do the things I want to do, the things that I enjoy online.
I have favourite websites ( 3 actually, not so many) and I have favourite blogs. 73 at last count. I have them saved, where I can find them easily and click and read and leave and be happy.
Most of all I have my photographs, every one right where I want it. Each one, cropped, edited, saved, named, in files that I know, remember can find and use, I can post them, send them to be printed, share them, delete them. I CAN FIND THEM.
This is MY laptop, pretty much the only thing in this house that is MINE AND MINE ALONE.
I am precious about it and I make no apologies for that. There are 3 other working computers in this house, all are grander than my laptop, 2 of them are considerably more expensive, considerably more flash and gadget filled. 2 of them are IN THIS VERY ROOM.
I do not allow games on this laptop and to use it you must ask my permission. It is MINE. Ask and you might recieve. Tamper and you shall face my wrath.
I don't care about new downloads or faster this and thats, I could care less about GBs and techno babble. I just like MY LAPTOP, the way it is, the way it works, the way IT WAS.
This morning, again, just like a few weeks ago, I came down and H, bless his heart but damn his interference, has changed it all again. Downloaded some new programme that will 'make it all faster' make it all SO MUCH BETTER....NO! IT WON'T!! What it has done, just as it did last time he changed it all, is just CHANGE IT ALL. Everything has gone. Everything. All my pictures. GONE...oh saved somewhere right over there in that expensive extra hard drive, OVER there, not HERE ..not on my laptop where I can GET TO THEM! Not anywhere accessible to ME, the person who took the bloody pictures, who saved them and edited them and put them WHERE I COULD FIND THEM!
I have no blogs in my favourites, not one...oh yes, there is a little file box on my new screen saver, the new one, with fish on it, not the old one with Jordan and Eli on it, the new one with all the short cuts muddled up in a lump on the left, not the old one where they were right where I expected them to be, oh no.....a folder named OLD FAVOURITES is right there ( or is it named old FAVORITES because American people spell things differently to English people, even on an English persons laptop....yep. just checked and all my blogs and links are in the Old FAVORITE folder. ) so I can go and click and save and do that ALL OVER AGAIN because what's an hour or 38 between family when it will all work so much better now?
I liked vista, there I said it. It worked, perfectly for me, it did what I wanted it to do, every single time. I would open my laptop and click and I was transported to the place I had chosen to go to. Every simple, single time.
I could close my laptop down and miracle of miracles, when I came back, it was waiting for me.
Then H helped me and changed it to windows something or other because he has that and he LIKES that and it has been the bane of my internet existence ever since, my laptop freezes, it dies and won't turn back on, I have to remove the battery and shut it all down and then restart it and here we go again...that was annoying but I knew ( eventually) what I was doing and it annoyed me but I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING!
This morning, I wake up, come down and see fish..and my heart sank, I saw a sweet note saying " I downloaded ( whatever the hell it is this time, who knows or cares really") for you, it should work better now " and I felt a fleeting moment of "aww " before the much stronger, much longer lasting feeling of "ARGH!" set in.
Why don't people in this house ever listen to me? I mean really listen. I could sit for hours and tell you how every person under this roof ( and not under it, if I gave birth to them) thinks, how they feel, what irks them, what makes them happy.
I know how H works, I know that he doesn't like me buying him clothes and even though I often see shirts or trousers I know he would love and I am sure he owuld look GREAT in, I don't buy them because HE DOESN'T LIKE THAT.
I know he doesn't like potatoes and would rather have rice, I know he doesn't like certain TV shows, so I won't watch them if he is in the room. I know he doesn't like door slamming ( too bad sometimes, better than punching someone in the face, though considerably less satisfying)
I know that he doesn't like eating out in England and I suffer that because I love him, I go with other people.
He doesn't like big family outings and even though that makes ME sad....I let it go.
So, why, WHY is it SO hard for him to hear what I say? Why can't he grasp that even though it is alien to him, even though HE doesn't feel that way, I DO.. AND THAT IS PERFECTLY OK.
I don't care if there is a new programme, couldn't give a stuff how many features it has, I don't want it. I like what I like, I want what I know and what I want more than anything is for him and everyone else in this family to appreciate that this one thing, this one little box with it's lovely screensaver, chosen by mine.
Just mine.
Stick with your fancy schmancy top of the range newfangled thingamajig, change IT as often as you like, store all your stuff on whatever hard drive you like, in whatever corner of whatever room you choose but LEAVE MY THINGS ALONE! I can't even download music onto my iPod who in the name of all that's stupid am I ever going to find MY photos when they are hidden in that box thing that isn't, in anyway, attached to MY computer, oh I am just so MAD right now.
I know that crying over this for the last hour or so is ridiculous, it's a small sweat get over it. To me though, it is so much more than the fact that yet again I have lost everything I saved on MY laptop, it is the fact that yet again I have been ignored and made to feel as though my feelings don't matter, made to feel as though what I want doesn't count because I just don't get how much better it will be now. I do not want to be shown how right you are...let me be happy in my stupidity.
I am so tired of endlessly trying to be tactful, think of other peoples' feelings, be considerate, thoughtful, patient when quite clearly, no-one else in this house gives a toss.
Annoying that H was sleeping when I came down today, infuriating that by the time he comes down I will be ready to find the kindest way to tell him how displeased I am, I am sure that because I do that, because I am always so careful to word things the way I wish they would be said to me, that is most likely the reason why it doesn't sink in, if he were to be faced with a scarlet faced, raged filled me, yelling about how he DIDN'T LISTEN AND LEAVE MY DAMNED LAPTOP ALONE!!!!! He might remember.
Perhaps the " that was so kind of you, but" approach isn't working because he hears the " That was kind of you" and switches off.
I am safe putting all this down into words because he won't read it, too many words, not enough pictures.
Match made in.....where was this match made? Some kind of warped joke shop is my guess.

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Blogger Tired Mom of Six said...

Is it wrong that I would feel the same way? I don't like other people messing with my things - probably because I don't have much that is just mine.

I'd send you hugs, but I know it's not your thing! lol ;)

3:46 pm  
Blogger Julie Q said...

Oh, I long for a day to have my own computer! And no one will touch it! My big girl might pass on her "old" laptop to ME when she gets a new one. And it will be all mine!

So, I'm with you Helen. :)

4:04 pm  

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