Flip flop.

Dan has been down for a few days, which we love. He is great, I know he is mine but he IS great, take for instance this morning, he was driving down our road and a lady reversed out of her drive and backed right into his car...she stopped and of course was shaken, the first thing he did was ask her if SHE was OK and then told her not to worry about the dent because he doesn't care, it doesn't matter, he's lovely. And so very very loud.
The boys adore him and Eli particularly was his shadow this time.
H and I are very gentle, we don't do rough and boisterous, we let them do it and enjoy watching them wrestle and play but really we are very gentle and frumpishly polite, Dan and Jordan provide more than enough of the rough, boisterous, loud and ungentle. They love it, Seth REALLY loves it, Eli likes it from a distance and Isaac enjoys watching other people on the receiving end of it. Sometimes they are really rough, I often go to intervene and then see how actually, these little boys seem to love being shoved and picked up, flung here and dropped there...



See how Seth gets pushed over at the end? He loved it, laughed like a drain while I sit here thinking " ooh, oh...um....my precious!" and I keep my mouth shut and soak in the fact that my children adore each other,
I love that they go out of their way to spend time with each other, they are not afraid to hug, kiss, smack, shove, punch, squeeze, tease, laugh. They help each other out, if one needs anything the others are there, without being asked. There isn't anything more precious to a mother than to see this kind of love between her children.
Yesterday, Dan, Jordan, Sophie, Mel and Joshua went to Somerset to see Nanny and Grandad H. The first one's parents, the first one was going to meet them there.
When they got home, Sophie said she had had a great time and that "even dad was lovely" That is the first time ever that she has said anything positive about her dad. What a huge step forward for her. I spoke to her before she left and told her that she should remember that Nanny and grandad are old and also not very well and that if she could, she should try to make sure they had a lovely visit with them.
Sophie cannot pretend, she can't act as though she is OK, if she isn't. She can't pretend that someone isn't getting on her nerves, if they are. She has never been able to be near her dad without being surly, argumentative and feisty.
Yesterday she was happy, she enjoyed the day and was able to see that her dad is not the devil in disguise.
Both the boys said that he had seemed out of place, that he was ill at ease and seemed unable to enjoy the day, which is sad because it should have been an incredible day for him and one that is very unlikely to happen again, his parents, all his children and his grandson all together for the day. How sad that he didn't bask in that day. I often wonder if days like that make him see just a glimpse of what he doesn't have.

The is is a 4 generation picture, Joshua, Jordan, the first one and his dad, Joshua doesn't look like anybody but the other 3 are obviously related!



Dan took Eli and Seth swimming today, Isaac won't go because there is altogether too much splashing and throwing in for his liking. He came with me, shopping.
On the way home, quite out of the blue in the middle of a pleasant chat about toys, he said " I want to know where babies come from!"
"Pardon?"
"where do babies come from?"
" Heaven"
" I mean, when they are in your tummy, where do they come from?"
" Do you already know? Why are you asking?"
"No, I don't know and I am asking because I want to know "
" Well, you just said, they come from their mummy's tummy"
"I KNOW that, but I want to know how they get IN there"










Oh dear.
I'm not saying I am fluffy about the whole birds and bees thing, I think I have proven that I am able to hold it together when my kids talk to me and somehow they do seem to talk to me about things I would really rather they didn't. ( when I hear people say how they want their kids to feel free to discuss ANYTHING with them, I don't buy it, really, there are many things you do NOT want to hear your children tell you, take my word for it.)
It's just that there wasn't a bit of warning, no preamble, no hint that this was on his mind, not even a mention of his wondering... why he suddenly wanted to know RIGHT THEN is what threw me.
So, I said, " well, the mummy has an egg and the daddy has a seed....and daddy puts his seed into mummy"
"Oh don't be so ridiculous!"
I swear he said that! I knew, pretty much, that going any further with this conversation would be futile because, well it gets MORE ridiculous doesn't it? He I think I got myself some breathing space to work out how I will explain the rest, to him and Seth because let's get it over with at once I say.

Flip flopping from one subject to another, taking charge of myself is working. Allowing myself to be afraid of flying and saying I won't do it, has helped me feel better, ( as if anyone was forcing me to do anything so frightful and hideous, for heavens sake being invited to wonderful places to meet splendid people, poor me!)
I have stopped hashing and rehashing the shall I? shan't I? nonsense, in fact not thinking about it at all is refreshing.
I am not dieting, hopefully I will soon get back on track, what I am doing is eating 3 meals a day, good meals, not picking and junking, saturdays are the day I will eat a little of what I fancy and perhaps very soon I shall be right back to feeling great again.
I already feel much better without stuffing my face every spare second, here's hoping I remember for a long time that my mood is in my hands, not in my mouth!

Flipping again..does anyone have ANY idea why, when I hit post, the last word of one line is repeating on the next one? It drives me crazy to read what I have written and see the same words repeated, I absolutely don't write it that way but have no idea what the cause of that mystery could be! Any help would be great.