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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Does that hurt?

Yes it does, the next question is how much?
I don't feel pain quite the way most people do, I feel something that hurts and I know I don't like it but usually it doesn't stop me doing anything I need to do. Until now.
Whatever this is hurts. A lot, real proper hurting of the kind that makes me hunch over and yelp..or just fall asleep, for hours, without any problem at all.
Stomach hurt? Sleep for 3 hours, wake up, ouch still hurting? Sleep another 2 hours.
I have seen my doctor and have had blood tests and what not, I went back again yesterday because I can't pretend anymore that it isn't hurting so much I can't stand it. Everything hurts, breathing, coughing, blowing my nose, walking, standing, sitting down, laughing, not laughing.....hurts. Sleeping doesn't hurt and I am doing more of that than I have ever done in my life.
On thursday, I got up, went shopping for an hour, slept for 3 hours, picked the boys up from school slept for 2 hours, went to buy the bread and oranges I forgot in the morning, had to stand leaning on the trolley for 20 minutes to get the strength to get back to the car, sat in the car for 15 minutes to get the energy to drive home, went home, and slept again.
Yesterday I told Eli his friend could come and play after school and so I had to stay awake and make sure he didn't kill himself at my house ( and really, why are other peoples' kids so what's the word, different and a bit worldly and not sweet and touching. Also, is it only me that feels enormous sadness my a 6 year old who has absolutely NO idea how to play with toys and dinosaurs and you know, other kids because "well, really I only play with my nintendo DS"? Heartbreaking.
I took him home at 6 and then, well I went to bed and slept until 8.30 and didn't have a jot of trouble going back to sleep at midnight. This is not right is it?
My doctor told me yesterday that she wants me to have an ultrasound very quickly, the fact that my always fat belly is bloated beyond all reason, the endless urgent need to pee, the crippling back ache and dragging pain up there and down here....does not a well me make.
She said that I have to call on monday and set up an appointment and if they tell me they can't make it an urgent appointment to call her and she will make it an urgent one, she also said that if the pain is unbearable I have to go straight to the A and E department at the hospital.
That's where the dilemma begins, I have babies without pain relief, I had major surgery twice and took nothing more than paracetamol afterwards. I'm not sure what level of pain is bad enough to warrant a hospital trip.
I know that the pain I am feeling is telling me that something is amiss and to me it is miserable, I am at the stage where I cannot think of anything else, as I do what needs to be done I am doing nothing but imagining how great it will be when I can stop doing it and sleep.
Last night, around 10pm I knew that I had to get to the hospital...except I couldn't get to the hospital without calling an ambulance and I draw the line at that. I wasn't screaming or writhing in pain...because I have only ever done that as Seth's huge head was about to burst out of my ageing hoo-hah and also once or twice before the morphine kicked in when my gallbladder was a throbbing and infected lump inside me right before they removed it.
I didn't go and just as well because today I am feeling better, better enough that I can move and I have eaten a ham sandwich without the fear that it will have to come out again at some point and dear heaven, if that won't just about finish me off.
I still have the most dreadful soreness and don't come near me in case you actually touch me and then I will weep level of discomfort. It feels like it is just having a break before it comes back and comes back REALLY HARD!
My lovely doctor told me yesterday that I first went to her with this pain in January...which floored me, I was thinking that it started about 3 weeks ago. She told me I should have come back much sooner but I always do like to see if something will just go away, I am pretty sure that whatever this is, is not going away on it's own.
Why am I even writing this? Because I always like to look back and read and remember once it is all over. And I really want this to be over.
I did google a few of my symptoms but of course only learned that I have a dreadful disease and am not in for any laughs anytime soon so raspberries to google and big old high fives for pain medicines that work and are lovely and all mine.

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4 Comments:

Blogger justLacey said...

That kind of pain only happened once. I think it was my appendix and even that passed and left the soreness. About 7-9 months later I had to have it removed when it flared up again and perforated. They must not suspect that, but surely woman...GO TO THE EMERGENCY.

10:55 am  
Blogger sarah said...

i hope you are feeling better soon :)

7:59 pm  
Blogger Colleen said...

Feel better and I hope you get some answers soon!

1:02 am  
Blogger Tired Mom of Six said...

Helen - please, PLEASE take care of yourself. If one of your children were feeling this way, you'd do everything to make sure you had answers ASAP. You deserve the same!!!! I love you & mist you and want you to feel better!

1:51 pm  

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