Eli, Eli.......Oh.

Elijah Henry, even writing his name makes me happy, I love his name, I adore him, every floppy, puppy eyed, sticky out eared, grimy nailed inch of him.



He is 6 years and 9 months old. Still, there is rarely a day passes that I don't look at him and wonder what life would be like if we had chosen not to have him, to stop after Isaac, when my body was so weary and getting old for having babies, when the desire to have a break was so strong..what if we'd gone with that decision and not listened to the whispering ovaries that said 'just one more, there is just one more' I am so happy that we had him.



From the day he was born he has been a joy, totally delightful. As a tiny baby, if he would cry, all it took was a murmur of his name and he would stop. He was the kind of baby that makes a mother yearn for more, except when he was born, I knew. I knew that this was my last baby, that he was everything I needed.



He has always been completely different to all my other children, I can look at all the others and see similarities to each other, Dan and Seth are very similar, Seth is also very like Sophie in some ways, Isaac and Jordan are very alike, Elijah is his own person. Unique in every way.



He is gloriously ditzy, he forgets everything, usually before he even knew it. He falls over a blade of grass, he drops, breaks, loses. It's what he does.



He likes shoes.



He mostly likes other peoples shoes, he cries when we make him wear his own shoes because they are BORING and STUPID and he HATES THEM.



Every single day we will tell him to get his shoes and he says he can't find them, then he brings a pair of shoes belonging to someone else and PLEADS to wear them and he is so sad when he isn't allowed to wear some basketball boots that are 4 sizes too big, oh it is so sad and his day is going to be MISERABLE!



On sunday, just as we got to church he said "Oh. Hmm, I forgot to put on my shoes" Now I can understand going outside with your slippers on and then laughing at how you nearly went out in slippers....I am not sure I understand how you can walk outside with nothing on your feet, climb into the car and then wait 10 minutes before realising you have bare feet.



Lately, maybe the past few weeks, Eli's devil may care attitude to life has become less cute and more frustrating.



I began to wonder if he had always been *this* dotty or if it just seemed worse because he is older.



I started to watch him more closely and become disturbed by what I saw.



He is still delightful but less endearing. He is more 'away with the fairies' than is appropriate for someone who is nearly 7.



He doesn't seem to understand the simplest of instruction.



I spoke to his teacher yesterday, it seems that right at the same time I was seeing things I don't like, she has been feeling the same.



He is not working at school. At all, he is disruptive without seeming naughty. He is not rude...he is just 'vacant'



He is not naughty, he just doesn't do what is expected or explained to him.



He reads beautifully without understanding what he is reading.



He can spell beautifully but cannot write a sentence that makes much sense.



He has forgotten how to play with children, he now runs after the 'naughty' kids saying they are his friends, when we speak to them they tell us that they aren't his friends and that they aren't playing with him, they are running away from him because he is annoying.



He stares at the teacher when she asks him to do anything and he seems to understand and then he does something completely different to what he was asked.



I went to see my Dr today and discussed all this with her and she is sufficiently concerned that he has been referred to a pediatrician.



Funny how now I seem to be thinking back and seeing all the signs, like his running away in London, twice. Most kids of 6 can understand " stay here while I read this board" and stay there, they have enough sense to know how scary getting lost would be. Eli didn't grasp that and even when he had been lost once, he STILL didn't get that he should stay close to daddy. He was then happy to walk up to a total stranger and say " I lost my dad, can you get him back?" At the time, although I was horrified at his wandering off, I was still in the land of "bless his dopey heart"


Like today, he wandered away from us and I was calling and calling, couldn't find him, couldn't hear him, my heart was pounding and then I found him, standing behind a pile of boxes, with his hand in the air because his teacher says ' don't shout out, raise your hand' which is great at school but outside, in crowds, when you are lost? Not helpful!

He went to a birthday party and there was a bouncy castle outside, picnic rugs and all manner of fun things. There was a small gate leading to the car park and a low wall. I told Eli that he must not go out of the gate, that there were cars and it was dangerous, I also explained to the parents at the party that he was prone to wander and asked that they just keep an eye on him when he was outside. I got back to collect him 20 minutes before the party ended and sat in the car reading, there were a good few kids playing outside and I watched them for a while, then I saw Eli come outside, run around a bit and then that little stinker climbed over the wall into the car park, he didn't see me sitting there and right as I was about to shout to him, the dad saw him and called him back in.
The thing is, as it happens, I told Eli he mustn't come out of the gate.....so he climbed over the wall. Problem mummy? Huh? But I didn't go out of the gate! Bless his straight thinking little head.



I feel stupid. I have been drinking up his eccentricities because they are so refreshing and sweet, I should have been noticing that this is not OK.I have no doubt that he will be fine, it might be hard work getting him there but he will be as fine as can be. I'm not sure it is possible for him to be more splendid than he already is, he melts everyone he meets such is his sweet self .

He is Elijah, no matter whether his most splendid points are because of some disability or just because, nothing will change who he is.