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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

£84 Million!

Someone won £84 million this week on the lottery. I think we all day dream about 'what if' what if we bought a ticket and then won. Do you imagine it? I do. there is something so improbably and gloriously idle about the idea of winning vast amounts of money, no work, just spend £1 in the newsagents and BINGO, no more worries.
I'm not sure that last part is true though because if I had woken up on saturday and discovered that I now had £84 million, I am pretty sure that I would be terrified. What on earth would you do with all that money? What a huge responsibility that kind of money would be.
When I indulge in the 'what would I do?' dream, I start off, as everybody does by paying off all debts of my family, no mortgages, no loans left for anyone. I buy a huge plot of land or an entire street of glorious houses and we all live close to each other but in our own homes ( thankyou very much!) I vary in where these homes will be depending on how much imaginary money I have won that week. Sometimes modest homes, sometimes great big estates with land and titles!
I imagine emailing friends and telling them that they can choose a home or pay of the one they have, I pay for school for people who want to further careers, I set up childrens' homes in foreign countries, pay for IVF for people desperate for babies.
My favourite part of my dream, after all the lavish and fun get togethers that I will host for imaginary internet friends, is the part where I search for people who need a break. I imagine walking around town looking at families who are obviously trying but need a break. I imagine finding people like us, who are happy, who have all the important things in life but who need a boost and then I just hand it to them. I imagine having the wherewithal to say to people "look, here's this house, it is safe and clean and has everything you need, you can live there for as long as you care for it, you can call it your own, make it yours and the rent is such that you will be able to pay without being afraid but will appreciate what you have and take care for it."
I like dreams, I like that you can choose them and change them, I love the way they make you feel. I like how they make ME feel.
I think though, that my 'what if' dream wouldn't be winning £84 million. Mine is usually 3 or 4 £million. I dream of enough to buy a reasonable house with a garden, a safe house where Elijah can play without escaping, a house built well enough that it won't need constant repairs. I don't mean a mansion because really, too big and too grand would mean too much upkeep and even when I dream I am practical.
I 'need' about £300,000 for my absolute dream house. Imagine having enough to buy a dream house but not enough to do that and share your luck with those you love. That's no fun is it? So £2 million would do for me. I'm not greedy at ALL am I?
I would even be happy to be able to rent my dream house if it meant I would never ever have to move again. If the winner of that £84 million should read my blog and decides that s/he will invest in property, can you buy a nice 4 bedroom house with a big garden and high walls, here in my town please and let me rent it forever? I will look after it and love it and promise not to bother you with minor worries. No leaking, damp or rats and I'll be forever pathetically grateful. Thankyou.
The rats are back here. I can't stand to go into details again because it's more of the same, it's as stressful and miserable as it ever was before, just somehow more hopeless.
Dreaming of winning the lottery is just that, it is dreaming, it picks me up and lifts me out of this situation quickly, without having to make plans that mean thinking years ahead.
I know that for me, the real way out of this is to plan long term. It's unavoidable and it's daunting. The plans and ideas I have aren't even a sure fire way of getting us a new life. They are the only ones I have though so that's where I am heading. While I start on the road, when I am fighting and straining and working along the way, I will indulge in a few dreams of the 'what if' variety because somehow they make it all seem easier.
I will also ask myself why some people DO get the 'what if' for real and wonder how they find that when it happens, if it is as miraculous as we all imagine or if it actually terrifying. Oh wouldn't it be kind of great to find out for ourselves?

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4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Helen,

First of all WRITE A BOOK! I would totally buy anything you wrote! Ever hear of "The Secret? rent a copy of the DVD or borrow one....

11:44 am  
Blogger The other me said...

Funny you should say that..shhhhhh I have actually started a book. It will take a while though, this is one of my long term plans.

12:03 pm  
Blogger Lolo Langstons said...

Jeremy and I often daydream out loud about the day we win the lottery. It is never an "if" it is always a "when", lol. Considering that you can't even buy a lottery ticket in Utah this isn't likely, lol. But I am driving to Idaho this week and have some money set aside for a few scratch tickets. If I win I will personally come and rid you of every single last rat! It is so unfair and I can't even imagine. My nerves would be absolutely shot.

4:13 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good on you darling! I have also begun to write but alas my current situation leaves with no time( for now rest assured) I am also putting up a blog and goodness knows what else I will be up to in the next while! BTW It's Genny for some reason I cannot log in with my google account ;)

I cannot wait to get my hands on yer book! You will sign it right? x0x

1:30 am  

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