And then there were five.

Isaac's birth, memorable purely for the bizarre nature of it. 11 months and 16 days after Seth's powerful and hideously painful birth, I was a complete wreck at the idea of doing that again, it is true that the pain of childbirth is lost quickly, just not that quickly! I could still remember every moment ( although the pain only lasted 40 minutes it was BIG intense pain) I thought that this time I would spoil myself, get the much aclaimed epidural and see how the other half do it. I have watched more 'baby story' and 'birth day' on the TV than I care to admit and have been gob smacked by the women I have seen lying with perfect hair and make up, pushing out their babies without so much as a grimace....WHAT THE ?!?!?! How is THAT possible? I am very good at birthing babies, most impressive in my capabilites and mother earthedness ( cool word, I made it myself!!) but, it wouldn't be a televisable event, unless it was for a comedy channel. When my children are placed on my stomach it is odds on that they might actually sink so far down they could be lost forever, my hair is plastered to my head and my cheeks and nose are beet red from the enormous pressure and strain. I have seen women wear makeup into the delivery room MAKE UP!! MAKE UP??? The very idea is so alien to me I feel I am on a other planet. I wanted some of that sweat free, pushing like a lady type of birthing. Please.
My cervix is of steel..holds those offspring in there until ( with the exception of Jordan) they are artificially blasted out with powerful drugs. So, quite calmly on August 10th 2001 we went to the hospital in Torrance where Isaac was to be encouraged out with every available means. We did have one problem in that there was no-one to look after Seth, so the plan was that H drive me to the hospital and leave me there to do the necessary and would try and dash in for the finale...hmmmmm, thousands of miles away with not a friend or family member and the thought of pain, so, with not too much excitement did I walk the halls to the labour and delivery suite.
I waited in that room for my nurse to arrive and when she did she was somewhat suprised to see my lonely self and in order to make her feel a little more at ease I told her that this was the nearest I would get to a day off so she wasn't to worry as the thought of having a few blissfull hours without having to talk to anyone was actually beginning to feel like a treat to me. The procedure began .....ahhhh drips, I.V needles and such...4 attempts and enormous bruises later I began to feel a bit girlie and said " Now, I think that having had 4 babies without pain relief I have done my bit for mankind, I have never received a single medal for my hours in labour and my lack of lovely soothing stuff to help me through, so, tell me about the marvellous Epidural"
They told me and I enquired as to when one would be available, how marvellous to be told that I could have one immediately, " well, what are we waiting for, get the man in I say"
How unbelievably civilised!! I had my epi and took out my book ( Bridget Jones edge of reason) and I lay in my peaceful room and read and laughed and dozed my way through the day. I'm told the pitocin was working but my book was so good I couldn't have cared less, I rather hoped that it would take a while as it was all so bloody great!
Of course I would see someone every now and then and tell them I was fine and didn't need anything and at some stage they thought maybe, if it wasn't too intrusive on my day, they ought to check and see what was happening...I am ashamed to say that I can never remember what time things happened, but whatever time it was they checked me told me I was at 4cm and left me.
Ahhhhh 4cm, got plenty of time for a nap...ooooh, hang on, don't like THAT feeling "HELLO!! HELLLOOOO! Oh excuse me but I can feel something and I don't want to, I was told I wouldn't have to and I can, so can I have some more of that marvellous stuff so I can read some more book please? OW! NNNNGGGGGGGGGGG ( sound like a cow straining for big pooh there) yes I need some more stuff, now, actually, just humour me and see what's happening down there because NGGNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGG something is DEFINATELY happening and my babies do come really quickly once they decide they want out"
" oh, you're 10cms but the baby is high and so won't be coming yet, have this mask, lie on your side and I'll be back in a while" off she went, knocking the buzzer on the floor as she went. Luckily I had managed to call H ( who was at Black Angus with all the other males in the family eating like Lords, not sure I have forgiven him for that yet actually) told him I was at 10cm and he'd better high tail it over to me pretty darn quickly if he wanted to hear the fat lady sing ( or scream, he could choose but the chances of hearing much singing were remote to say the least)
So, facing away from door, numb from the chest down, oxygen mask on, no buzzer and the comforting beep beep of the heart monitor suddenly slowed right down...and went lower and lower as the feeling of a head also getting lower and lower was so exceptionally strong I knew it was coming out ..
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPP IT'S COMING OUT!!! THE BABY IS COMING OUT!!!!!! CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME? MY BABY'S HEART IS TOO SLOW AND IT IS COMING OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing, no-one one, the monitor was saying his heartbeat was at 50 and this was so serious I was frantic, I screamed and yelled and wept with fear and frustration until I felt a hand on my arm and heard that gentle voice that was H.
" Oh it's coming out, I can't make them hear me and the heart beat has been at 50 for so long, it's not coming up again and I tell you the HEAD IS OUT!" Poor H, not one for being down the business end of childbirth, much better at the flannel on forehead end....he looked and flew out of the room yelling " hello! the baby is coming OUT!" and all hell broke loose, a room full of people ( like buses, you don't see one for hours and then there are so many you have no idea which one you need) and someone telling me that it is really, really important that this baby is born now...no need to tell me again lady, I took a breath and shot that kid out in one! No heartbeat, no breathing, just a floppy, very blue baby. He had been coming out in the bag of waters, the cord had come down and his head pushed down on it and got jammed. No oxygen for too long and now I know what I know I am more furious than ever that I didn't make more of a fuss......it is thought that Isaac's speech problems have been more to do with oxygen starvation than the autism, he sounds, when he speaks as if he is either very deaf ( which we know he isn't) or as if he has had a stroke. No matter really now but if that IS the case it could have all been so easily avoided.

He was ( of course) breathing soon enough and he cried. He REALLY cried and he didn't stop for 5 months, he screamed for probably 18 hours out of every 24, every day for 5 months and I have to say that was the most miserable time of motherhood for me. I am in awe of women who have lots of babies that do this, I was nearly insane with it all.

My stay in hospital was horrible, I was homesick, I was ignored and I had no-one visit, except H who popped in for 20 minutes, once. I prefer not to think about it too much as it was a sad time.

When he stopped screaming, my Isaac became the total joy he is now. I am so in love with this boy I gave birth to. His face is complete perfection, as is his soul.
If I have eternity to think on it I will never know why I have been so blessed. I am a believer that "where your treasure is, there will be your heart also" I do long sometimes for some trappings, for some posh stuff and a car that doesn't choke and die at traffic lights but MY treasure can be mine forever. When I hear " you can't take it with you" my heart sings because guess what? I can.