The cause of all our worries!

Here he is, on what has been, for him, a good day.....the jaundice is beginning to set in and he is a bit yellow, which doesn't show too much in these pictures. He was thrilled to have pictures taken and posed quite cheerfully, especially for the ones where he bares his big old swollen tummy and shows off his oozing biopsy wound. I shall spare you all those!
Julie, I charged his smart card with your kinder than kind donation, he has a rather posh contraption that has TV, phone and internet and uses the smart card , he now has enough for a day or three to view, call and browse to his hearts content. Thankyou!!
He is now in a room with 3 other men and this has lifted his spirits enormously, he is a nosy old bugger and loves to know what is going on with other people, he now has plenty to think about other than how poorly he feels and is enjoying the coming and goings of the bustling ward. He told me today that the man across and to the right of him was up til 2am with his solicitor making a living will. I replied that I hoped he had been very clear in HIS will that I am his favourite child, not that it would matter as he hasn't a bean to leave, trust my luck! When I was a petulant teenager I often used to say that I knew I was adopted and that my REAL parents were probably rich.....so I reminded him of that, the gap in my teeth and my quick temper tell me that actually, the chances of my having been adopted are slim to none, I am my father's daughter.
I do want to make it clear that in my ramblings about the nurses etc I never for a moment wanted to complain about the care they have given dad, he is as cared for and pampered as they have time for, they have been kindess personified. Now we are allowed in to visit we can see just how fabulous they are with the patients I was just feeling so frustrated with not knowing anything, not being able to see him for more than 1 - 2 minutes a day and feeling as though he was suffering without any of us near him. It is soothing to our battered souls to see that even if WE are struggling, he is actually being kept in the picture and is being cared for so beautifully, our gripes seem so much less important.
I can say that this whole experience is exhausting, humbling, terrifying and we all feel so numb. I am almost fascinated by how differently we are all dealing with it.
You would think ( wouldn't you) that we would be feeling the preciousness of family, nurturing and savouring every second? How weird is it that actually I find myself wanting to look up gypsy camps to see if they want these boys, I would have swapped them for a sprig of heather and a basket of pegs without so much as a second thought today. My brain aches and my heart is weary and I kid you not, these kids have driven H and I to the edge of reason, if it weren't for the end of that tether we're gripping onto by the skin of our teeth, we might be quite mad by now. Are they always this bloody revolting or are my defenses down? Would I normally want to string Isaac up for throwing a sports bottle of juice at me? The fact that the lid was open might have pushed me over the edge, the added fact that he had a satanic grin on his face as he witnessed the spraying of me from head to toe was the very limit.
How bored am I with Elijah's biting?
How much longer can I care about whether Seth has curly noodles or pointy ones and not feel the undeniable urge to make him understand that they TASTE THE BLOODY SAME!!!!!
I had just wearily placed Seth in his bed, was just about to breathe that heavenly sigh of thankyou Lord...when Sophie, who is celebrating her 17th birthday this week as she will be away next week, decided that THIS was exactly the right moment to stomp up the stairs, dressed in army fatigues ( rather sexily jazzed up, though not as sexily as her friends thank heavens) yelling at me to take pictures........I took pictures, do you want to see ? In one of them is a girl who Jordan had described to me, she is stunning and SO beautiful, she is wearing pink and I think she is used to having her picture taken, I have a sneaky feeling that he hasn't actually ever looked at her face.


Just a feeling I have.
I hope they have fun, I hope even more that they don't wake me up when they get home.