Out to lunch.

You know, I am pretty certain that very little happens accidentally.
The older I get the more I can look back at the most lifechanging events and say "AHA! That's why! " or " of course, why else?" Even the smaller things that we go through, that happen, that befall us, well I think we can use every one and find some positive reason for it all.
I said yesterday that I had begun to feel for a while that the internet was becoming less important and more uncomfortable for me. I didn't do anything about that because I like it, I felt in control and really..what harm.
Well then, then I was forced to make some changes and decided that this was the time to do what my heart had been prompting me to do .
I wrote that post yesterday and felt really good about it all, not even a twinge of doubt, just a sort of wondering what I would do next.
I went out to lunch with Jane , my friend who I have known since the days before bosoms, well before I had any anyway. We grew up together and her mum ( auntie Dell) and my mum ( mum) were friends and were a bit irreverant together and we would be at each others houses where we would just be kids.
Then growing up and marriage and divorce and kids happened and different countries and counties and lives and all that. Then I came back to England and hooray if I didn't go and move here where Jane is, yeay...except my stupid head would shudder as I tried to imagine even trying to be sociable and so we have had happy chats but that was that.

Today we went to lunch and it was smashing......I set off and met her outside the restaurant and in we went and sat down. I was so happy, felt somehow more free than I have in years......I enjoyed the feeling for a while and even wallowed in its unaccustomed presence until I realised it was because I had forgotten my bra! I was so embarrassed that I felt I had to tell the waitress ( who was my niece, so that's fine) because well...why keep that kind of embarrassment to yourself when it can be shared?
When lunch was over we walked back to my house ( past the bakery or actually through the bakery, of course) we sat and laughed in the front room for a while, picked up the boys and Billy and just as Jane was leaving, we heard a "whoohoo!" and there, on the doorstep was another friend of many years, someonw who has been around as long as I can remember and who has also lived in the states and come home, who when she came home moved here too ( because this is, quite honestly THE place to live ) that wasn't very long ago and we have done lunch since then...but here she was, just dropping in, and then WE sat and laughed and ....don't you just love it when a plan comes together?
Decision made, unsure of where to go next and look.....the rest is just happening, falling into place. It feels good this relearning to be sociable, the renewed discovery of how great life can be if you just take a big breath and jump in.
I have to say that the last day or two I have been so touched by the emails I have had, such love and concern for me and confirmation that the world is actually a nice place, the internet world is as wonderful to me as ever, what is more wonderful to me is that it isn't as necessary, isn't my lifeline anymore.
I think I will always love the internet, I got me a husband that way after all. I just see that for me, it's no longer more important than what is right in front of me. I'm not saying that makes me better or more clever or braver than anyone who still needs or prefers what can be found online, just that my need is less now, my balance is restored.
The blog is here to stay, this is something that I do need and I love it. It's my journal, I love reading back and seeing where I was last year, how I felt right then and it's something that my children can read much later.
Thankyou for asking me to stay, thankyou for telling me you like me. I like you too!
I love the people who have come out of lurkdom and said hello, I love that!

I'd sort of like to tell you how distraught I have been over all the bru ha ha and drama in blogland and that dear H has been telling me how perfect I am and all is well and wait for you all to tell me the same, even though i walk down the street and go to lunch with no bra on because I have no shame and get some great reading and stuff...but I can't.
I told H what had happened and what I had done about it and he, of course, said " oh good, well done, hmmmm where's that pumpkin pie? " and that was that. See? Fine.