I think, therefore, I am.

You've only yourselves to blame, you're all out, having lives and being busy and not blogging, nothing for me to read,to early to be cleaning and ironing.....hmmmmm. Kids in bed, H is busy, what to do, what to DO? Think, that's what.
When I think, I get confused until I sit and write and things become clearer to me.
Here I am then...are you ready for the thoughts of my head on a saturday evening?
I have been thinking lately about how what we think affects the way we behave. The saying ' I think, therefore, I am' has always puzzled me. HOw can what you think make you what you are?
I am beginning to see how it is true.
During a particularly low patch when my mind was so clouded I couldn't see anything clearly, when the things that came out of my mouth were mean and ill thought through, I told H that because I felt so unloved and so ignored I had, the night before, looked up an old love online, not contacted him, just googled his name. That'll make him pull his socks up I thought, it'll be roses and romance from here on in, surely. Not so. He very calmly told me that as far as he was concerned I had committed adultary and he minded that, very much. ( honestly he is so calm about stuff, sometimes I almost long for him to you know, yell or something)
I was gobsmacked for a moment, hmmm, what can he mean, how can googling a name mean I had cheated? I'll tell you how.
If you are miserable enough to google a name, you are on the path to following through.
Would I have googled that name if H had been by my side? If we had been looking online together for something, would I have said " oh while we're here. let me look up Mr once upon a time?" Of course not. Already cheating.
What if, one night, after a miserable day or maybe a fight , ( one sided of course because H doesn't do fighting, much) I clicked on that little button that would tell me where Mr once upon a time is now? Step closer.
Maybe he would email me back....step closer.......no harm? you bet there IS harm. Every email that could pass between us takes away from something I could be giving H.
Then we get to the stage where, and you know it's true, where actually emailing him, Mr wonderful, who never sighs when I spend too much at Asda, who never wants me to put laundry away because it's been in the kitchen a fortnight, who will never fall asleep when I can think of more fun things to do...well that is much more exciting, there is payback there, he thinks I am the bees knees, he loves me, he loves me.
So, I rush through the dull stuff here, I hurry them, these people. I get irritable because these people, this man, is keeping me from the real one, that one who means so much, I long for them to be somewhere else so I can spend time that my family deserve, to find things that will make him happy. To write to him, the other one. My mind isn't here because I don't want to be here. My heart definately isn't here because somehow without even leaving the house I have sent it away, allowed it to go elsewhere.

I think, therefore I am.

Every day we make choices that can make or break who we are. Just the way we think can alter the whole course of who we are.
I don't believe it is as simple as saying ' think happy, be happy' because there are times ( and don't I know it?) that we have no control over how we feel. Most of us have the capacity to choose what we do about things though.
I can say that something I have learned is that when we are sad, one of the very best ways to deal with that and lift ourselves is to serve others. If we look too hard into whether we are happy, if we have what we want....chances are we will see that we aren't, that we wish we had something more. If we are anxiously engaged ( I love that phrase) in serving others, in trying to enrich the lives of other people, there will be payback every time. Cast your bread upon the waters ( and it will comeback buttered) works every time.

Look at my Julie bo you can read that post and see how excited she is....she WILL be happy, this will be a great week for her. It never fails.
I want me some of that happy.
I did a thing or two myself this week that has given me goosepimples when I think of the faces of those who will be on the receiving end. HAPPY.

I think, therefore I am.

I have been reading from the sidelines, some serious blog drama . The basic tale is one mean blogger has made several good and funny bloggers incredibly sad, frightened and has pulled the comfy rug of blog life from under them. I found the mean blog and read it and well, it's mean, Just mean, oozes misery and spite and mean . MEAN. Did it make me fearful? No. I read and I felt sad for the mean one. She has a few comments from some pretty sick individuals who were encouraging her to go even further, be even meaner. Ack.
The people she hurt? hundreds of loving messages and a couple of stupid mean ones. Support from good people in their droves. Smooshy cyber hugs and love for their cute babies. They will bounce back and thrill us with their fun and happiness again.
The mean one..nothing good for her.....she will become meaner and less liked and even meaner and even less liked, whoppee for her. I bet she has a furrowed brow and a pinched face.

She thinks, therefore ...you know, she is.

You know I keep flippantly saying how I am trying to be like Jesus? I'm really not being flippant. There is a childrens' song called ' I'm trying to be like Jesus' and I love the words, even though I actually forget them sometimes.

I’m trying to be like Jesus;I’m following in his ways.
I’m trying to love as he did, in all that I do and say.
At times I am tempted to make a wrong choice, but I try to listen as the still small voice whispers,

Love one another as Jesus loves you,
try to show kindness in all that you do.
Be gentle and loving in deed and in thought,
for these are the things Jesus taught.


Janice Kapp Perry, b. 1938.

See? We all have to start somewhere and that seems like a gret place to start, I think, therefore.....well the possibilities are endless.