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Right you, Army.
Listen up. See this?
That big weight lifting boy is mine, but you have him today. He wants to be with you and have you yell at him and make him hurt in a muscle burnng kind of way. He is happy to think of himself as one of yours. I like him being happy but I hate the idea of him being one of yours.
He's huge see? 6' 4" or even 5", he's still growing and has to duck when he walks through the doorways in our house.
He is tough and people hit him a lot when he is out because they want to be the one to be seen punching that great big hard boy there...that one, mine.
Even though he is huge, he is still my boy.
He has been my gentlest boy, my most loving and snuggly boy. He lost 4 years of his childhood to a monster who thought he had the right to take innocence, for a sick and twisted kick .
Tough luck monster, I won. Me and God. You didn't ruin him. Go to hell.
See that? I made this man. Me. What he is, I did that..... and listen to me army...you'd better take care of him because when you mess with a mother...you're messing with something bigger and more fierce than you will ever have had training for. You won't find a weapon stronger. You'll never face an enemy more dogged than a mother who is watching out for her child.
This mother is a particularly fierce one when it comes to this boy. I caught him and I saved him and I made him able to face this world again.
My heart has been ripped out and stomped on because of this boy, this man who is now so strong and happy, who is unafraid of anything or anyone. I held him when he was a shattered little boy, damaged and afraid of even Santa, the little boy who had screaming night terrors for 2 years, who would see the monster come back for him in his sleep every night. EVERY night. I chased that monster away and I held that little boy until he got his courage back, until he refound joy and woke up every morning with naughty in his heart and fun in his soul.
You don't want to face me if you don't look after this boy army. You don't.
This thing, this sending him to you, this smiling and cheering and telling him how exciting this is for him. It's too much for me.
It feels too much but it won't be.
I will do it because I am a mother and I love this boy until I ache.
Feeling like this, today, has made me see that maybe I still need some help, my mind is still so fragile that it can't do this on it's own, chinese man or not, some more help is needed.
That doesn't make me weak, it makes me a mother. One who has had to face too much where her sons are concerned and finds it too hard to face anymore for them unaided.
I will pat his back and hug that lanky body and jump with him when he gets those damned brown envelopes telling him he is a step closer to being with you more than me.
I am a mother.
That means thinking of these people you grew and love and give your heart to before you think of your own heart, you hold their hearts and their souls and you wrap your own heart in steel so it will stay in one piece when it wants to shatter.
You let them go when you want to tie them down, you let them be where they choose to be and you smile when really, the tears are burning the back of your eyes and your soul is moaning because you need them here. Right here.
This boy of mine, the second son..... I know he will leave and he will be yours too army.
The thing is, the difference is, you won't love him and your every reason for being is to train him and teach him to be UNsafe. You will send him to the very places I would hold him back from. You will want him to be hard and unfeeling when I have taught him to be gentle and compassionate.
He will listen to you and obey you and want to please you and make you proud. Please don't abuse that. He is mine. Look after him. I already am proud, he and I have fought a battle most difficult and we won. He can't make me more proud.
He will come home to me later today and will tell me how he loved the day, how he wants to have passed and will die if he doesn't get to live with you.
I will tell him that he will pass that you will want him.
And I will worry that if he does pass and if you do want him, he will die.
That big weight lifting boy is mine, but you have him today. He wants to be with you and have you yell at him and make him hurt in a muscle burnng kind of way. He is happy to think of himself as one of yours. I like him being happy but I hate the idea of him being one of yours.
He's huge see? 6' 4" or even 5", he's still growing and has to duck when he walks through the doorways in our house.
He is tough and people hit him a lot when he is out because they want to be the one to be seen punching that great big hard boy there...that one, mine.
Even though he is huge, he is still my boy.
He has been my gentlest boy, my most loving and snuggly boy. He lost 4 years of his childhood to a monster who thought he had the right to take innocence, for a sick and twisted kick .
Tough luck monster, I won. Me and God. You didn't ruin him. Go to hell.
See that? I made this man. Me. What he is, I did that..... and listen to me army...you'd better take care of him because when you mess with a mother...you're messing with something bigger and more fierce than you will ever have had training for. You won't find a weapon stronger. You'll never face an enemy more dogged than a mother who is watching out for her child.
This mother is a particularly fierce one when it comes to this boy. I caught him and I saved him and I made him able to face this world again.
My heart has been ripped out and stomped on because of this boy, this man who is now so strong and happy, who is unafraid of anything or anyone. I held him when he was a shattered little boy, damaged and afraid of even Santa, the little boy who had screaming night terrors for 2 years, who would see the monster come back for him in his sleep every night. EVERY night. I chased that monster away and I held that little boy until he got his courage back, until he refound joy and woke up every morning with naughty in his heart and fun in his soul.
You don't want to face me if you don't look after this boy army. You don't.
This thing, this sending him to you, this smiling and cheering and telling him how exciting this is for him. It's too much for me.
It feels too much but it won't be.
I will do it because I am a mother and I love this boy until I ache.
Feeling like this, today, has made me see that maybe I still need some help, my mind is still so fragile that it can't do this on it's own, chinese man or not, some more help is needed.
That doesn't make me weak, it makes me a mother. One who has had to face too much where her sons are concerned and finds it too hard to face anymore for them unaided.
I will pat his back and hug that lanky body and jump with him when he gets those damned brown envelopes telling him he is a step closer to being with you more than me.
I am a mother.
That means thinking of these people you grew and love and give your heart to before you think of your own heart, you hold their hearts and their souls and you wrap your own heart in steel so it will stay in one piece when it wants to shatter.
You let them go when you want to tie them down, you let them be where they choose to be and you smile when really, the tears are burning the back of your eyes and your soul is moaning because you need them here. Right here.
This boy of mine, the second son..... I know he will leave and he will be yours too army.
The thing is, the difference is, you won't love him and your every reason for being is to train him and teach him to be UNsafe. You will send him to the very places I would hold him back from. You will want him to be hard and unfeeling when I have taught him to be gentle and compassionate.
He will listen to you and obey you and want to please you and make you proud. Please don't abuse that. He is mine. Look after him. I already am proud, he and I have fought a battle most difficult and we won. He can't make me more proud.
He will come home to me later today and will tell me how he loved the day, how he wants to have passed and will die if he doesn't get to live with you.
I will tell him that he will pass that you will want him.
And I will worry that if he does pass and if you do want him, he will die.
posted by The other me | 8:11 am
8 Comments:
Oh Mum! Bless your heart! This boy of yours will be ok! He is so wonderful, and the man you have shaped and molded in him will grow and shine, and that love will make you all ok too! God bless him and you and all yours! Just trust our heavenly Father! He had a Son Too! Plus Your other boys will learn from his shining example! Kiss, King
Well said mummy. I believe you would take on the whole British army for him, just as you and he and God took on the demons and monsters, that was a bigger fight, and they lost. The army doesn't stand a chance against you and him and God. He will be a shining example to the army, to your boys and to all of those he comes into contact with.
Hellsbells.
I am proud of him too. It is a scary thing for a mother to let your son go in the military.
Bobby is thinking of doing the same damn thing...
((HUGS))
I held myself together until the last line. This post is just amazing. Some day he needs to read this. You are brave and I pray that God will continue to give you the strength to stay strong. Part of what makes you such a wonderful mum is you know when to let them try their own wings and you don't try to hold them back. You taught them, you molded them into the great ppl they are and then you give them their wings. I cannot even imagine the feelings that you feel right now.
God has walked beside Jordan and helped carry him through before and He will be by his side every step of the way into the future.
God Bless Jordan and his willingness to serve and protect his country!
~Hugs~
Good ole Mr. Happy was in the army and he came out a better man for it! What a wonderful post about your son...I'm sure he will be fine too!!
If one of my boys choose to enter the military, I will just be beside myself Helen. I would not hold them back though. I would be strong, like you, and let them go.
You have raised a wonderful young man. I am sure he will make you more proud than you already are of him.
first of all, he is gorgeous. you should be proud. and i am glad that you are. he is amazing, i love how huge he looks next to the little ones.
be very proud and hold him close until he leaves. i can not imagine saying bye to my boys if they ever decide to do that...
As a mother of a four year old boy...that is so so painful...they are always our babies aren't they?
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