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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Second verse.....

Ha! You had that sinking feeling, didn't you? That 'oh no, she's going to say " same as the first" feeling'. I could but, well. BORING.
So, I shall tell you about how beautiful my new home ( not house, oh no, home thankyouverymuch) smells. Not even a whiff of acrid damp smell, not a hint of stink.
Now anyway.
H and I got the keys today and we scrubbed and shampooed, we washed and soaked. Lovely and beautiful and citrusy, fresh and lung fillingly emotional.
I am emotional ( could you tell?) I am relieved and have that feeling that comes when you are 10 steps away from the end of a marathon ( I imagine, as if I would know, really, what that feels like. At school I was always picked to run the 800 metres race, purely so that everyone else would know for sure that they wouldn't be the last to cross the finishing line.) I can see that I am this -> <- close to being at the end of this horrible experience but my legs hurt ( for real, actually not just hypothetically) and my lungs are bursting and OH IF ONLY I could just not have to do this last bit. If I could sneak away and come back on monday night to see all my things in that new house and sigh.
I went back to the house this evening, all alone and I can't tell you ( but you know I'll have a damn good try) just how peaceful I felt. The carpets are the most splendid of quality, the ones here are the cheapest, thinnest, no underlay crap. When you walk, it feels as though you are thumping along on concrete. The new house? I can't wait to walk on them in my bare feet. H shampooed them today ( the carpets, not my feet) lovely clean kirby shampoo smell, beautiful, clean bright carpets. Old fashioned and especially the front room one, sort of ugly but give me good quality ugly over cheap plain, crud any day.
The new home had a very faint smell to it, only a bit of empty, dusty unloved smell, not the dogshit, vomit, damp stench of this one. No oozing black or fur, not even when I looked ( and you know I did!)
Not the unrealistic grandness of the barn ( I will always be happy about having lived there for those 8 weeks, I felt like a posh gal for a while and as though I was someone else, truth be told I think I have delusions of grandeur, I felt more at home in the barn than anywhere else, although I knew it couldn't last) This is home. with all the possibilities of home, of settling ( oh please) with the little things that will annoy and the marvellous things that will wrap me around and make me feel secure.
I can imagine people just dropping by, I have dreaded people coming here, really hated it, I don't like being here myself, why would I expect anyone else to suffer it?
The barn was the other extreme, we entertained the whole time we were there, wonderful ( and unrealistic!)
Now we can just be. We can breathe ( clean fresh air...such a treat) we can relax, we can enjoy and we can share.
We are walking distance to everyone and everything.
Sophie? Well, she's Sophie. She has been a bear today but she is worried. There are things I can do, more that I can't. I can't be ill anymore. I know it isn't going to be as simple as saying ' stop being ill' but I want to believe that I can change something.
It is time. Yikes.

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