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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

That'll be lovely, thankyou.

I am having the toughest time updating this blog....I wonder why? Life is good, full of happy and exciting things, the new eating is going so well I am now excited to do it ( instead of incredibly grumpy and resentful) It was SO slow, I would go to get weighed and whoppydoo 1lb off, I would slump out of the Drs office and mumble about how it was going to take YEARS, I said YEARS to see any change and why bother and then well bother because the alternative is to get BIGGER yegads! I am SO happy that I reach that same weight and size and so far never any further because my 'save yourself' switch clicks on, I know it is frustrating to yo -yo but I will take that over just getting bigger and slower and more miserable any-day.
It was slow and I hit a 'what to do' bend in the road. I decided to try a new plan and I cut out bead, completely, I was having bread at lunchtime, just 2 slices, or a pitta bread. I cut that out totally and what a difference. I felt better, completely different, not sluggish anymore. I now have a new relationship with bread, formerly my most favourite of foods, I now know that it is probably the worst thing for me.
I am almost relieved to accept that to feel well and lose weight I have to avoid it completely.
I made homemade vegetable soup and have that at lunch time, crackerbreads and low fat cheese are a great snack.
Today I went to get weighed and dropped 4lbs! What a change, so now I am super enthusiastic, almost want to add exercise to the plan to see if that doesn't help as well ( and yes, I know it will but just let me get used to the horrifying thought a while will you?)
I see hope shining brightly before me......hoorah! Fat be gone ( and a little quicker if you please!)
I love that I am not hungry, that cooking food is now fun again. I love shopping and buying brightly coloured food again.
I love feeling as though this can only get better, I can choose now, before I was trapped and hating that feeling.
I want to write more about Sophie but I'm not quite ready, suffice, for now, to say that she is doing so well, we have had some great talks, lovely times and again, that is all looking as though it will just keep getting better.
I had a blast at the airport with the 3 big kids and Mel. My big children are quite the funniest and most outrageous people. Daniel and Jordan are the most hysterical double act is impossible to be near them and not laugh, even though much of what they say ( especially Dan) is dreadfully politically incorrect. I love that I can spend time with Sophie, she is relaxed and not endlessly trying to impress, it is just lovely to be with her.
It's 7 weeks until we go away for our few days together, we bought the tickets today and everything is getting ready. She is excited, I am excited and we are both not a little amazed that we are here. Who'd have thought it possible to reach this stage after so many bad years, after such fighting and hopelessness. I feel as though I can breathe for the first time in years. I am still trying to let go, there is still a lot of looking over my shoulder and checking that the devil isn't on my back.
I find that when I get through a rough time, I do it by blocking everything out and getting on with it. When it's done, over, finished its then as if I am forced to keep watching all the bits I wouldn't see before, out of nowhere I get snippets of memory and then that awful gasping feeling while I take it in and try to accept it it over now. All the 'what if's', every 'if only' So many thoughts and emotions that I really don't want.
I will always be sad that so much of Sophie's life has been so sad but I am so grateful that we were picked up and guided through the worst times, that she sees so much joy out there for herself. That I have such hope and excitement for her. She did it....I so hope she keeps doing it!
For now I intend to grab every glorious moment, we will pack in as much happiness as we can so she sees just what life has to offer and everyone of them hers for the taking. Glory be!
Yes, that'll be lovely thankyou. No need to wrap it.



Blogger Cathy said...

Way to go on the weight loss! You are inspiring me to take baby steps...small baby steps. I had a salad for lunch instead of the roast beef sub with cheese and mayo! I don't know how you did it giving up bread. Between you and I, do not let Brian know but I have been having an affair with yeast. Yes, I love my bread. I eat bread with bread with a side of bread! Baby steps..

Oh so happy to hear about the turn around Sophie has done!You have such an amazing relationship with her now that she will cherish for the rest of her life!

Can't wait to hear all about your upcoming trip!

12:34 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am so thrilled about Sophie. I know that awful overwhelming feeling. I hope it never returns. Good job on your weight loss. I seem stuck at 10 lbs.

9:59 am  
Blogger Jenn said...

I'm like cathy - I like my bread sandwich - which is a slice of bread between two slices of bread.
Peanut butter sandwiches on unhealthy starchy white bread - guilty pleasure. Comfort food. I am going to go with more soups though. I like soup. You are inspiring me to eat soup - but not to give up bread - not just yet - baby steps indeed.
Sophie is doing so well - it's wonderful to hear how much joy she is bringing you. I can't wait to hear how your trip goes - I'm sure that will be a blog and a half - With pictures!

12:58 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You rock for your bread willpower. I suck at that.I love me some carbs. My husband laughs at me and asks me "Have you eaten today?" and before I reply he says "Have you eaten anything besides a carb today?". Cause I don't eat much and usually when I do its bread related or sugar related. :).

Sophie is so blessed to have you and you her. What a great plan to have a trip together.I hope that the trip goes wonderfully.

Hope you know what an amazing mother you are. You fight for your children with every part of you. You give yourself so much and I am so proud to call you my friend.

6:08 pm  

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