I believe in Angels.

Sometimes, I will realise that something is over and the feeling I have is overwhelming. In all the tough times in my life there seems to have been a pattern, realisation, panic, getting through it ( which involves not thinking but just doing, head down, deep breath and get on with it) quivering fear as I realise I have done whatever it is that needed doing, followed by a period of mentally hiding, trying to not think that it may be over. Then, when I see that it is really and truly over, that seems to be when I fall apart for a while, when I just collapse and shake and shut down for as long as it takes. I hate that bit, more than the part when I am actually living though whatever nightmare life has thrown at me.
Whatever has happened, I have only ever asked once that it not happen, that I won't have to deal with this awful thing and that was when I discovered when Sophie was using drugs, I remember that day praying hard and telling the Lord that I couldn't do this, I couldn't do it, please don't make me do it. Please.
The next day, Dan stepped in and he took her away and he saved her. For a few months, he kept her safe and he watched her, he gave her a job and somewhere to live and he gave me time to get ready. She left Bath after a few months and she came back down to Devon and she carried on right where she left off and she did it the way she does everything, she gave it her all.
She moved from filthy, terrifying place to hateful, dark place. She mixed with the lowest of the low and she was a skinny, dirty and she was hurtling towards hell. I would meet her and feed her and walk away.
She would come to the house and ask to stay and I would ask her if she was ready to do things differently and she would say no, she couldn't, she liked her 'friends' and they liked her and I should accept that she could choose her own life, so I would tell her that she couldn't stay with us because I had 3 little boys and when SHE was little, I protected her, I kept her away from people that could harm her and I had to give them the same childhood that I had given her. I told her that in this house we have rules that keep us all safe and well, that we have rules to enable everyone living here to feel secure when they walk in the door and while she was living her life this way, she couldn't be here and take that away from everyone else.
She would scream and cry and beg to stay here and I would say no, you can't, you are choosing not to. One night, as I drove her back to the house she was staying in, she cried and cried and when I pulled up in front of the house she begged again for me to take her home and then she said " All I want is for you to love me, all I want is for you to hug me like a normal mum would and you don't even do that, do you? You don't do ANYTHING for me!"
I held my breath for a minute and then I said " Sophie, for 19 years I have been the only person to do everything for you, I have fought for you, fed you, taught you and stood up for you. I spend every day and every night waiting for someone to come and tell me you are dead, I wonder every moment of every day where you are and who you are with, I try not to think about how you are feeding yourself and what you are doing while you are with these people you call friends, tell me how I can possibly allow myself to have ANY fluffy feelings towards you? Where, in amongst all that terror and worry can I possibly find some cosy huggy emotions? All I Can do right now, while you are choosing to live your life this way is to make sure you are fed and remind you that should you ever decide that this life you are living is not what you want anymore, you can come home" and then I sent her into the house she was staying in.
I went into town one day and as I walked past a pub, at 10.30 in the morning, a pub that has outside seating, I heard her call my name and as I heard her she flew out of this pub seating area. She was, as always, loud and over excited and she said "Come and say hello to my friends!" I walked over to the table she was sitting at and saw 3 other people, all of them either in their 40s or they had had such a miserable and tough existence they looked much older than they were. All 3 were heavily tattooed, necks and faces included, one woman with yellowed skin, 2 men with missing teeth and nicotine stained fingers and I looked at this child of mine, 19 and beautiful and then back at these other people and a miraculous thing happened .... I was told once that wherever I went, evil would feel my presence and would hide itself from me. That sounds like a strange thing for someone to say but often in my life I have had people say things like this to me and I always take notice and remember what they have said and this day, I watched as evil tried to hide from me. Each of those people that was with Sophie, as she told me their names ( all made up names of course, Maz and Biffer etc) each one of them tried to slither away, none of them would look at me and they all tried to make themselves shrink under the table. I said goodbye and I walked away with the hairs on my neck standing on end and my skin crawling. When I saw Sophie the next day I told her that these people were not her friends that they were bad people who wanted to drag her down as low as they were, that they wouldn't be happy until she was as miserable and low as them. She argued, of course and off she went again.
When Sophie came home, long after she had stopped taking drugs, when we were beginning to put the whole experience behind us, we were driving one day and she said " I'll tell you something really weird that happened when I was into drugs and stuff. Do you remember that day when I was at Weather*spoons and I introduced you to those people? You know how you said they weren't my friends and that they just wanted to make me as bad as them? Well you were wrong, they were dealers and I did used to get drugs and stuff from them, well, after you left, one of them ( and she said his name but I choose to forget it and also, he is now dead, of a drugs overdose of course, so there's always that) well, he looked at me and he said " Sophie, I don't know what happened right then but what the hell are you doing with us? Why are you doing any of this shit? Whatever your reason, I won't ever give you drugs again, not ever, don't even ask because I don't want you to do this crap anymore, don't be like us, stop doing it. I'm not ever giving you drugs again" and he didn't, not ever."
She has guardian angels and although they couldn't ever stop her using her free agency to do what she chose, she was kept as safe as she would allow herself to be.
She came to me, not long after that and she curled up on the floor, at 1 o'clock in the morning and she howled and said she couldn't live that way anymore and I knew she meant it.
Maybe one day I will write more about what happened next because it's worthy of note but not today because that's not what I came here for.
The next phase in my pattern of dealing with hideous life crapola is an exhausted and grateful exhalation. A long moment of ' Oh, it's done, I did it, it's actually and honestly over' and then I am consumed with such feelings of relief and I feel as though I can pick up my head and begin to look around me.
That's where I am right now, with my Sophie girl.
I cannot get enough of her, I love being with her, I can spend all day with her and not feel I need to pull my hair out at the roots. We do the most ordinary mundane things together and we enjoy it, I have no trouble hugging her or kissing her, she doesn't feel the need to talk incessantly to keep my attention, she isn't loud and annoying ( sometimes she is because that's who she is but now she is that way when the mood calls for it, not because she just wants TO BE NOTICED AND HEARD AND LOOK AT ME!) Today she came shopping and not fun shopping, grocery shopping and she was intrigued, she is very young in many ways and she still seems to be under the impression that if I want money, I can just click my fingers and it will appear, she is under the impression that the shopping fairies come and fill the cupboards and pantry and that no-one has to actually pay for any of it. I am driven to despair over this girl's inability to manage her money in any way, shape or form, every month she gets paid and no matter how much she gets paid, it is spent within 2 days, in fact if it lasts 2 days I am impressed. She doesn't buy anything that can be seen or appreciated, it just POOFS into thin air and alcohol, she might buy an item or two of clothing that will quickly tear or get lost. As soon as her money is gone she starts to ask to borrow money and the whole cycle begins again. I have managed to stop H lending her money because he would just lend it to her and lend he some more and when she was paid, she would pay him back, have even less to spend and here we go again. So now I am the only person that lends her money and I lend her very little and I make sure she pays it all back.
So, in my quest to help her see that if she wants her money to do more for her she has to be wise with it, I have started to let her see how I make mine work for me. Instead of telling her to mind her own business when she asks how much I have, I tell her and then I show her what I have to do with it and how it is possible to make it work for you.
She will ask for money and I will say I don't have any to give her and then she will see that I buy something and shriek " you said you never had any money!" and now I tell her " no, I said I didn't have any money to give you, this is how it works Sophie. I get x amount and I decide how much of that I can/will spend. I take that amount out of the bank and then I spend it, when THAT money has gone, I have no money to spare, I tell myself that and I tell you that and that is how I do it. The money left in the bank is for other things, I don't borrow money, I don't have loans to pay for things, if I want something and I don't have anough cash to pay for it, I don't have it. The way to have money waiting for those things you would like or need is to put money to one side when yuo have it and forget it is there, tell yourself that you don't have any money to waste or buy nonsense with. I never, ever pay full price for anything because no-one needs to." Today I took her with me while I did a big shop and by the end of the day she was SO EXCITED! We parked outside her friends house as we waited for the boys to come out of school and she was telling her friend's mum what we had been doing. Such a mundane thing to do and to see her so excited and I hope, watching the message sink in a bit was such a joy.
We went to 4 supermarkets ( which is what I always do) and we bought, in bulk, whatever we use regularly that was on sale, buy one, get one free and even some buy one get 2 free offers. I do this at least once a month and that means that we have enough food and supplies that we can always live on what we have without ever having to go out and buy things that we use a lot of at full price. At the checkouts I have her my purse and let her pay as I packed, at each shop she would say something like ' How much do you reckon this will be, I bet it has to be at LEAST £168' and then when it was half that amount she would get so excited and squeal about how much stuff we had bought and how it was 'OMG you so bought like £300 worth of stuff for half that amount!! Why would anyone ever shop any other way, right that's it, I'm gonna tell everyone I know they should do this because now you don't have to buy anything for WEEKS do you?" It was so good to show her that it is possible to keep hold of your money until you see how it can work in your favour.
I am not expecting any over night miracles, I am hoping that she just might want to try it for herself and rather than run out and spend her wages in 2 days she might make it last a week and then next time 2 weeks, it'll be a long old haul but it is so exciting to do things with her and for her to actually listen and believe me!
She is trying to lose weight, we're doing it together and she is listening to me, she has cut right down on her drinking, which I'm sure will make a huge difference and she'll lose weight quicker than I do. I can't tell you how wonderful it is for her to ask my advice and then take it.
I am positively wallowing in my 'it's over, for real and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I like it' moment.

Probably, the most fun we have ever had.

Oh I had such fun yesterday, my niece, Gemma got some tickets to' Britain's got talent' in Wales and she, Sophie, Mel and I went to see the show.
Gemma drove because I am such a ninny when it comes to finding new places and Wales, as we all know is a whole other country, I have found it often and driven past that "Welcome to Wales sign" when I am trying to find Bath, which is in England and not in Wales at all, but I was pretty sure that if I had wanted to find Wales, we would have landed up in Scotland and it was a treat for someone else to drive me for a change.



Gemma's car is the same of mine which gave me a sense of all will be well also so I had no worries about going in her car and not being in control, which is usually my favourite thing in the world.
I drove the boys to school and tried really hard not to hear people talking about snow storms and extreme weather warnings because SIMON COWELL! ANT and DEC! FUN! Snow, shcmow, this is England and Wales and we don't get snow, we get a little fluff every 15 years that looks pathetic and never sticks to the ground, no English snow was going to make us give up seats for one of the best shows in the country!
Off we set....Brrrrr, cold but no snow.....of course. Actually it IS cold, brrrrrrrrr.....Gemm, it's cold! "Yeah, stupid heater is broken ( whack whack) yep, broken, never mind, car works....
Turns out Gemma is almost exactly like me when it comes to driving, she is so scared of driving to places she doesn't know and worrying about if she will find somewhere to park or get lost and be forever driving in circles asking where she is and will she EVER GET HOME?!
Gemma's nerves make her need to pee and so we stopped to wee and also to watch various eyes pop out of heads as Sophie walked past different young men as they ate burgers and drank tea. It's almost a game and I think it's very funny unless the man in question is in his 50s and slimy looking, it then becomes a game of keeping mother from punching slimy old man and nagging Sophie to cover up and hide some skin and IT'S SNOWING FOR HEAVENS SAKE, you'll CATCH YOUR DEATH!


( I love this picture because we are all in it but I look like an old biddy with a lally bag, albeit a very posh Coach Lally bag!)

Actually, apart from the bizarre quirk that Gemma's car has of disliking travelling at 60 miles an hour, when it makes a worrying grinding noise as though she is driving in 2nd gear and maybe she change that or something, we arrived in Wales without a hitch. We found Cardiff ( or Gemma did) found a parking spot ( £12 !!! Good heavens Simon Cowell, for no-one else would we pay £12 to park!) and even found the theatre easily.



There didn't appear to be too much of a queue either which was miraculous, only an hour or so to wait and no queue? Miraculous indeed, also incorrect because as we walked to the back of the queue it kept moving and getting further and further away from the entrance. No matter we were THERE and had TICKETS and this was SO EXCITING!
Shame then that we had nothing to eat and daren't leave the line for fear of never getting in. Mel mumbled about how THIS is where you need a man with a tray of sandwiches and before we blinked, there he WAS! A man with a tray of hot bacon and sausage baps! MMMMMMM, delicious and so welcome.


And Mel is not going to share any of hers!

We did mention how a man with hot chocolate would be more than welcome but to no avail.

Even being in that line was fun. Mel was so excited and said over and over again how much she hoped there would be cameras and if there were, she was going to WAVE at them and get their attention, she was going to be on TV and she wanted CAMERAS! Where are the CAMERAS?
Eventually she started to say " a camera is coming! It IS, look CAMERA..it's COMING a camera is really coming!!! LOOK!
"what?"
"A camera, a CAMERA! Look it's COMING!"
"Mel what are you saying?"
"I said a CAMERA IS COMING Oh my gosh...a CAMERA I am going to be on it, on TV!!!!!"
"WHERE?" said I and looked up and there it was no more than 3 inches from my face! I bet I looked heavenly at that distance, what a shot! Where is Mel? Her chance for fame!!!
ON THE GROUND! Really, she was on the pavement, curled up with her hands over her head!
"what are you DOING? "
"It was so close, I didn't want to be THAT close!"
For heavens sake, she laughed til she cried.....after she got up off the dirty cold ground that is.



It was cold and we stamped our feet to keep them warm, it did stay dry though which is a blessing, rain would have been miserable and the snow was light and pretty and a novelty...proper British snow. We took pictures of the crowd,



Of ourselves...


Let me tell you, that picture there is my favourite, from now on EVERY picture I ever take of me is going to be from that angle....look how there is no double chin! Look how youthful I look...why did I not know of this trick before? I love that picture, it is now on every profile and signature I own online...look at ME...I am 15! Hoorah!
I will not be posting any of the ones we took from below, where we are all looking DOWN on the camera..although I am sure the others will post them on Face book, mean minxes.




Warm those hands Mel ( and look at Gemma...she is more like me and has standards and is a good girl....a little disturbed by Mel warming her hands on Sophie's bosoomers!)

pictures of the queue behind us...



And being bored and pretending to be a pantomime donkey...



And cameras filming us...


And before it, we were in the theatre, The new Theatre, Cardiff, and it was warm and toasty and so unbelievably exciting!



We were like kids in a candy shop, the STAGE and the BUZZERS and the NAMES IN LIGHTS! Just like on TV! but we are really HERE!







And then the show began..we were allowed to take pictures of the judges and Ant and Dec, then we had to turn off cameras while the show was being filmed.


SIMON COWELL!!


Judges at the table with buzzers that were so LOUD.


Ant and Dec who are very beautiful but SMALL, very little indeed.

The show was fabulous, great acts, terrible acts, enthralling acts. The best parts were the inbetween the acts where they had the funniest man I have ever heard, he was great and really had us all roaring with laughter and shocked at how rude he was about the bad acts!
The best part for me, was watching Sophie. This is the kind of fun she should be having, I wanted to watch HER ( and I did) I wanted to make her whole life feel this way, to see her laughing and having such real fun, safe fun. I took picture after picture of her laughing and I watched her every minute because this is how I love to see her.







We were in the theatre for 4 hours, every minute was fun. We watched the filming of ' Britains got more talent' which is an after show programme shown on ITV 2 when the main show has ended. It is hosted by Stephen Mulhern and is as much fun as the main show. We saw him in a box just above us and watched him as he watched the show. When the show was over we got told off for taking pictures while he was still filming, when he was done he called over and waved and let us take pictures, so I called up and asked if Sophie could have her picture taken with him. Bless his heart he said he would come and meet us and we took a picture, no-one else was allowed to pose with him as he had to carry on with his work.....what a treat for Gemma, Sophie and Mel!



Hearing Sophie and Mel thank us over and over again, watching them laughing and dancing, seeing then have such real good fun was so touching to me, I was quite teary coming home because they kept saying how this was something they would remember forever and how this was probably the best fun they had ever had.
It really snowed as we drove home and Gemma did such a great job, she got us home safely and all was well until we got home...it had snowed so much and was so icy that the car wouldn't make it up out hill, no gritters on the smaller roads, so Sophie and I walked up the hill, somehow! What a funny end to the day, slithering up such a steep hill and sliding back down every now and then.
A lovely, precious day of memories and laughter and I can hardly bear to wait until April when the show airs and we can sit and say " we saw that! Oh she was terrible, oh she was SO funny!"
Glorious times.

Hello from Boston!

Well, here I am. Incredible to be here again, the fact washes over me in waves every now and again and I am really rather emotional about it all.
The journey here was not fun. Usually, as soon as the trip begins, excitement joins the terror and somehow the mix of emotions helps me get through the whole ordeal of flying. this time however that just didn't happen, all the way on the 5 hour bus trip to the airport I was overwhelmed with fear and nausea...and then I puked and I puked and I puked....thank goodness for a near empty bus and a working toilet!
I would have given anything to turn around and go home, dearest Sophie tries to talk to me and make me feel better but even having to think of replying made me want to throw up again!
We got to the airport SIX HOURS before the flight, that was a long 6 hours, we ate a sandwich and we read, we walked and we shopped a little, we couldn't check our bags in until 3 hours before the flight was due to leave so for 3 hours we dragged our bags along with us.
When we checked the bags in, one of mine was too heavy, so hoorah for being organised, inside the bag were more bags, travelled light on the way here but packed extra holdalls and backpacks for the trip home.
( oh and I am writing this at 7am , in the hotel lobby while I have some laundry going, I hate to take dirty washing home with me, you just know that is the one time you get searched, when you have a bag full of stinky clothes! If you want telling why I was awake at 6am...you're on your own!)
We got on the plane and I took my magic medicine, that stuff is heaven, within minutes I feel gloriously warm and crash, instant sleep to take away the fear...knocking at least an hour or so off my flight. Well that's what should happen, if you don't have a Sophie with you...
" Ha! Your face is going all red...are you warm? you ARE warm...you look like you are about to go to sleep.....are you? Are you falling ASLEEP? " As if that wasn't bad enough, through my heavenly groggy oh wonderful sleep moment I could hear her saying to the lady to her left " look at my mum! Heh.... she's is falling asleep....ha! I can't believe she can fall asleep right now!"
That kept me awake and have you ever had to stay awake when you are full of enough tranquillising drugs to floor a horse? That is not a fun thing to try and do. The result of having stayed awake and fought against what my body wanted to do was to get twitchy, really REALLY crampy and spasmy.....oh it was a living nightmare ( although I wasn't afraid of crashing, which was a plus) after 3 hours I took the pain meds that stop the muscle spasms, on an empty stomach. You know what that means don't you...oh yes, the return of the nausea and heaving.
I spent the last 2 hours standing near the toilet, praying over and over and begging for relief. The supper was served and the misery of smelling cheese and salmon and watcing people shoving food in their mouth, having Sophie ask me if eating might help and did I want to try some....just having to open my mouth to reply made me drool and have to walk back up the aisle to be near my safe haven of cool air and lavatories.
The great thing about all that is that the thought of the trip home is not at all a worry for me, whatever happens (barring a crash of course) will not be as horrendous as that trip over here.
The flight is an hour shorter, Dan is meeting us and driving us home, no 3 hour wait for the bus, no 5 hour journey in a hot stuffy coach. Oh joy of joys. Piece of cake.
Also, when I take my tablet as I settle in my seat? Sophie is getting one as well, or two even! If she even looks at me I will jab her in the eye with a plastic fork. Our flight is an evening one, the lights will be dimmed, we will have a light supper, not a heavy meal, she will be tired from all the marvellous fun we are having ( and we really are having fun, she is delightful and so fabulously excited in a touchingly childlike way about everything.)
I miss H and the boys, it is such a treat to have this time with Sophie, to rest and shop, be with these friends of mine that are so loving and accepting, this time though I long for H and the boys to be here too. It is not in any way spoiling the trip, we are truly having as perfect a time as I imagined we would, I just know that for me, this is it for a long time. I have been able to do this twice in one year, that is enough. I know that we have other things our money has to go on.
I have pretty much been able to do all our Christmas shopping, the boys have heart's desires and I can picture Christmas morning with joy and excitement....huge relief!
Sophie has been spoiled and spoiled some more, she has been generous and funny, touching and sweet.
She is as loud as ever, has proven me right in my explaining that she has no social graces or shame....she has done everything I thought she would do. She went on her date last night with George ( Cathy's son) and was endearingly terrified, to the point where, bless his heart, she insisted that rather than go out with George, he must come out with us, a 20 year old man with a group of 10 women, his mother's friends! He did it, I adore him! Then Sophie and he went out on their own...they came back to the hotel at 10.30 expecting everyone to be in one room having a party..they found me in my 'jamas. refusing to let them come in! George went home and Sophie and I watched a movie.
She has said over and over that she never thought friends could be like this, that she has never been so accepted and loved just for who she is, she is seeing how life can and should be and told everyone at dinner one night that she never ever wants to go back to how things were, that life is too good to risk every losing what she has now.
I haven't taken many pictures with my camera, I have been taking them with my heart. Somehow this is mine for the keeping, I will take a few and I did take the best picture last night of her when she was back and in her new monkey pyjamas....a sight to behold I tell you!
I think today is a quiet day, we have filled our suitcases and have no room for more shopping...although I could so easily keep going, I love to shop over here, I do want to pick up more decorations but they will have to be little ones that can fit in tight corners!
I think H misses, me, it never hurts for family to realise what we do and appreciate that even if they don't see or notice what goes on while they aren't looking, there is a lot of work done for them. I am excited to be home with them and decorate for Christmas, to welcome Grandpa and have a lovely time over the holiday period.
Time to go and see if the washing is dry and then our day will begin.
I have stuck to my diet beautifully, we have eaten some great food and all of it healthy and delicious, great to know it can be done!
3 more days of fun here to be had.....I am off to enjoy them!

That'll be lovely, thankyou.

I am having the toughest time updating this blog....I wonder why? Life is good, full of happy and exciting things, the new eating is going so well I am now excited to do it ( instead of incredibly grumpy and resentful) It was SO slow, I would go to get weighed and whoppydoo 1lb off, I would slump out of the Drs office and mumble about how it was going to take YEARS, I said YEARS to see any change and why bother and then well bother because the alternative is to get BIGGER yegads! I am SO happy that I reach that same weight and size and so far never any further because my 'save yourself' switch clicks on, I know it is frustrating to yo -yo but I will take that over just getting bigger and slower and more miserable any-day.
It was slow and I hit a 'what to do' bend in the road. I decided to try a new plan and I cut out bead, completely, I was having bread at lunchtime, just 2 slices, or a pitta bread. I cut that out totally and what a difference. I felt better, completely different, not sluggish anymore. I now have a new relationship with bread, formerly my most favourite of foods, I now know that it is probably the worst thing for me.
I am almost relieved to accept that to feel well and lose weight I have to avoid it completely.
I made homemade vegetable soup and have that at lunch time, crackerbreads and low fat cheese are a great snack.
Today I went to get weighed and dropped 4lbs! What a change, so now I am super enthusiastic, almost want to add exercise to the plan to see if that doesn't help as well ( and yes, I know it will but just let me get used to the horrifying thought a while will you?)
I see hope shining brightly before me......hoorah! Fat be gone ( and a little quicker if you please!)
I love that I am not hungry, that cooking food is now fun again. I love shopping and buying brightly coloured food again.
I love feeling as though this can only get better, I can choose now, before I was trapped and hating that feeling.
I want to write more about Sophie but I'm not quite ready, suffice, for now, to say that she is doing so well, we have had some great talks, lovely times and again, that is all looking as though it will just keep getting better.
I had a blast at the airport with the 3 big kids and Mel. My big children are quite the funniest and most outrageous people. Daniel and Jordan are the most hysterical double act ..it is impossible to be near them and not laugh, even though much of what they say ( especially Dan) is dreadfully politically incorrect. I love that I can spend time with Sophie, she is relaxed and not endlessly trying to impress, it is just lovely to be with her.
It's 7 weeks until we go away for our few days together, we bought the tickets today and everything is getting ready. She is excited, I am excited and we are both not a little amazed that we are here. Who'd have thought it possible to reach this stage after so many bad years, after such fighting and hopelessness. I feel as though I can breathe for the first time in years. I am still trying to let go, there is still a lot of looking over my shoulder and checking that the devil isn't on my back.
I find that when I get through a rough time, I do it by blocking everything out and getting on with it. When it's done, over, finished its then as if I am forced to keep watching all the bits I wouldn't see before, out of nowhere I get snippets of memory and then that awful gasping feeling while I take it in and try to accept it it over now. All the 'what if's', every 'if only' So many thoughts and emotions that I really don't want.
I will always be sad that so much of Sophie's life has been so sad but I am so grateful that we were picked up and guided through the worst times, that she sees so much joy out there for herself. That I have such hope and excitement for her. She did it....I so hope she keeps doing it!
For now I intend to grab every glorious moment, we will pack in as much happiness as we can so she sees just what life has to offer and everyone of them hers for the taking. Glory be!
Yes, that'll be lovely thankyou. No need to wrap it.