In no particular order...

You could be forgiven for thinking that these trips center around food, indeed, you would be correct if you do think that because honestly, if the USA know how to do something well, it is feed you!

Some more pictures from our stay in Boston....

She thought this would keep everyone from wanting the chocolate, she under estimates the power of the minty goodness.

Can't you almost hear that laugh? It is a loud and infectious one.

Come to SOPHIE little girl! Wherever she was, the little people ran to her.

Great street performers....

even out bathroom plug was happy to see us!

The Cheers bar, seriously good food!

Great time.

Home again, home again, Jiggedy jig.

We are home, awake for 28 hours, even my hair aches, I am trying to stay awake until I would normally go to bed ( although I did crash for 3 hours earlier!)
At the airport yesterday they told us that the flight was over booked and said that if we agreed to fly today they would pay a hotel, give us dinner vouchers and 2 return flight packages to anywhere Virgin Atlantic flies, we said yes right away and then they told us that we had to check on, go through security, wait 3 hours and THEN leave again and do it all again today.
Yes, that would be fun!
When they came to ask if we were willing to leave and come back I told them I was done, no way I was going through all that again. I am so happy to be home, I have such fun and love my friends, Cathy is the ultimate hostess, faultless in every way, it is impossible to not to have a great time.
I am touched by how much I was missed here, H has done such a great job of keeping it all together here, it was clean and tidy and was wonderful to come home and smell dinner cooking.
I love this family, Sophie was a total joy when we were away, she is shameless and over the top, loud and completely fabulous, no matter where we were, there was laughter, even on the plane she sat on someones arm and didn't realise until he moved, when she laughed ( and her laugh is SO LOUD) and said " HA!!! I didn't know my bum was even ON your arm til you moved!" he replied " Sheesh, I was BREATHING, I do that sometimes!"
She was chatted up by cab drivers, store workers, random people in the street, her boobs caused near accidents and raised eyebrows, her laugh made others laugh and she can talk the hind leg off a donkey, oh my goodness, she tells every person she meets the ins and outs of a ducks arse, even going through security she tells them every detail, I feel myself shaking my head when some poor innocent person asks her " how was your day?" because she will tell them, from start to finish, bless her heart.
She was great with all the little kids, funny with all the big people and it struck me more than a few times how just 18 months ago, when I first went to Boston how I had to make sure she didn't come back to the house while I was away ...now it isn't the same going anywhere without her ( and it gives me the chance to be so lazy, sit in the background and watch the show)
I have so many tales to tell and hope that my brain and fingers can work together to get it all written down soon! Right now my body aches and I am ready to curl up on the sofa and relax. H is asleep and relaxing for the first time all week, it's good to be appreciated, I certainly appreciate him and don't think I will be leaving him again any time soon.
I am so lucky to be able to do the things I do and then come home to these lovely people.

This is it.

We are here, in boston, right now Sophie and I are at Cathy's house, the gang has gone, after a weekend of meeting and greeting, laughing and eating, oh shopping too, the trouble with there being lots of people at one time is that actually, nothing gets done! so much time is spent waiting for people, trying to find people, watching people leave that when it is all over and done, you can't remember who said what, or what you did. What you do remember is the feeling, the friendship and the real and genuine affection. I don't use the 'L' word very often, when I do, I mean it.
I am always startled and also, thrilled by the HA! feeling of "would you look at that? I am sitting here with my imaginary friends who are REAL! How completely marvellous is that? I met some of the children of my imaginary friends this time, what sweet little people they are. Sophie was fabulous with them, the female version of the Pied Piper, wherever she went, there the little people were, they laughed and they laughed and it was splendid to see her with them.
I missed Jenn and Julie, we are at the same hotel as always and when we come down to breakfast, Julie isn't there, when we laugh, Jenn's laugh isn't there too. Jenn has been there though, a life sized cut ot of her, everywhere we have been, there she is but ( shhhh, don't tell flat Jenn but she's a little dull compared to the actual not flat Jenn, bless her missing heart she has tried, she has been to Vinnie Ts the Italian restaurant, the airport, the Mall and well, wherever we have been and we have taken pictures...which I will post when I am back at home)
there have been dramas, on the plane, in the hotel and all fire related, there is a theme and when I have more time I will post about that too, with pictures because, I tell you, wherever I am I think of my blog and even when I am outside at midnight, in my pyjamas, with no bra or even shoes on, I take pictures of fire trucks and fire engines and other people in their pyjamas. I actually did that twice, because it happened twice. The elevator is broken because it jammed and so now we get to run up and down stairs with bags of shopping and cases of water from Target because even if I am on holiday, I am not paying $1.50 for a small bottle of water when I can get a case for $5.
I love that we are here for a week, still 3 more days to go to Michaels and all kinds of glorious places. We are going to Sara's house for dinner, we have been to outlets and Malls, we shall go to even more, but honestly, the best part of all, is just being here and laughing. I lost my funny over the weekend, you know that thing happens where there are lots of people and you find yourself thinking ' Be funny! Right now, go on, FUNNY...do it. Nope, can't.funny is all gone.' Yep, that happened, I did that thing perfectly, I suspect everyone was blown over by how totally unfunny I was.
Naturally, as soon as everyone left I became the most hysterical person in Boston, line after line tripping off my tongue and barely a soul to hear it, the fact that cathy can hear it makes it all fine because she laughs so LOUDLY, it is infinitely satisfying to make her laugh.
There is always much laughter at these meet ups, that's worth flying for and that's saying something when you are as scared as I was this time, this time was a doozy, I got through it by becoming so furious with myself that I refused to give in to it and hold onto the seat in Dans car and beg him to take me home, please, don't make me do this thing, this terrible horrifying thing of going away and having fun for 6 days and spending money I have been saving for months.
My heart has had many moments of taking pictures, those heart pictures that last forever. Heart pictures record phrases and moments so much better than photographs and this trip has stored so many.
I heard Sophie say " I hope I have a son like him one day" when she was talking about her big Brother. I have felt almost indescribable love for her this week, because she is growing and learning and is so much less afraid of letting her sweetness show, the steely shield she used to hide behind is almost all gone, she is such a sweet person and I made her. I am so clever.
I have many pictures to post and stories to tell but I need my laptop and my glasses, poor broekn glasses and pooor Me, missing all kinds of bargains because I can't see anything but a blur unless it is 3 inches from my nose.
We will be home on friday.
I have learned, more than ever, that I really don't belong anywhere that H isn't. I can have fun and I can laugh but I miss him so.
I adore my children and I miss them when I'm not with them but they aren't mine to keep, they are just to borrow while they grow and when they are grown and Ihave done my job, they will leave and just visit....H is mine to keep. I don't have to get used to the idea that one day he will leave and just visit. I miss him very much.
We are headed back to the hotel so I will finish for now...excuse typos and mistakes...just love them because they are mine!!!

5, 4...anyday now.

5 days.

In 5 days Sophie and I will be jetting our way to Boston again, I can't believe it is 10 months since I was last there, it's like a home from home ( but with someone making my bed for me and never having to cook dinner, no kids and lots of fun shopping, nothing at all like home then!)

I feel differently about this trip, I am nervous about the flight but I do know that as soon as I am at the airport I will be fine, splendid Diazepam to help me on my way, aid sleep through the first half of the flight, dinner and a movie and I will be almost there. It's great to know what to expect when I get there, lovely hotel, Cathy's house, Target ( Oh how I love Target!)

There is a small meet-up on the weekend, just a few people, I was dreading that part of it because I just can't seem to do crowds and new people, the fact that it is a small gathering is great, we'll be fine.

I am looking forward to craft shops, outlets, restaurants, malls....heaven indeed. A whole week this time, usually a long weekend, this time we threw caution to the wind and booked a whole week. I think that's long enough for me to miss the children and certainly enough for them to miss me.
H always gets a little excited when I am going away, he looks forward to doing things his way and having sole charge of things like the remote control for the telly. Oh poor TV is in for a whole week of the History channel and Star Trek, I'm sorry telly.

Usually, when I am away, by day 3, H is noticing that good heavens above, she must actually DO something when she is here because this isn't looking good at all, he is also tired, very tired.

I offered to cook meals and freeze them but he declined my offer and said he is fine, he likes to cook, it will be fine. I know it will be fine, he is perfectly capable and thankfully the boys are in school for 5 of the days I am away.

I don't do any last minute scrubbing or tidying or anything at all, having learned that when I do that. when I leave my house all shiny and sparkly and I come home to chaos and mess and piles of stuff everywhere, I get very cross, really very cross and I feel as though my lovely time away has been spoiled. So, when I leave and it is higgeldy piggeldy, when toys are out and the front room is lived in...and I come home and it looks the same, all is well, Oh look, I am HOME. Hoorah.

Great plan, works every time.

When I think about how close this trip is, my stomach lurches and I feel terrified, then I am excited and remember just how lovely it is and I tell myself off for STILL being this afraid and do lots of talking to myself about how fine it all was last time and the time before that and actually EVERY time. I remind myself how every time I am so gloriously and splendidly surprised I am at how quickly those 7 hours pass by. "Self! It will be fine" I say and " Oh, OK then" I reply and somehow I get through another day....actually there is a pretty great consequence to being this worried and by wanting time to SLOW DOWN because I CHANGED MY MIND!!!! And that would be that time FLIES by, when you are so excited and can't WAIT, time goes so slowly, oh it drags and every day seems like a week, when you are scared to death and really REALLY wish you had bought new carpet or had a dental appointment you can't get out of or perhaps a hysterectomy, you know something like THAT other than this trip, this whatonearthwasIthinking trip. Well, then, Sod's law means that the time FLIES and you are not sitting around waiting. It gallops towards you in a terrifying way, like some laughing circus clown.
See, look, I said 5 days and now it's 4 because I scared myself into just shutting up and had to just turn the computer off.
I have been buying treats along the way, chocolate mostly, yesterday Sophie and I weighed the bag that we have been putting the treats in. 48lbs. FORTY EIGHT pounds of chocolate! Whoops.
Neither of us can think of what else to take, the plan is to buy clothes over there so we will pack some underwear and maybe 2 days worth of clothes, toothbrush.....blah blah blah.
I might not blog to much now until I get home, pretty sure every day before will be more of the same, scared, excited, scared excited...... and I won't be taking my laptop with me, so this is it unless something fabulous and noteworthy happens.
See you when I get home! ( unless you live in Boston, in which case, see you in 4 days! )

Oh the rain.....

I'm taking this personally now, rain and more rain, every single day. The boys, seem to be enjoying a week long video revival, they raided the boxes of old movies in the workshop and are happily vegging out and working their way through them, one. after. the. other. I grateful for that because other options are few and far between, rainy day soft play areas are always so overcrowded and miserable as every other mother in the area heads there for some relief from the trapped inside feeling.
Crafts are difficult because Sophie has the dining room, so we have no table or space.
We are on a pretty tight budget lately, money has gone down, bills gone up, same story for everyone so I hate to complain ( although I do, because it's my JOB) We do have exciting things planned and so I am squirrelling away every spare penny, not hard to do when it's for a splendid treat.
Boston, in 8 weeks, oh my. Actually, shall whisper this I'm not scared about the flight yet, amazing that is! In fact I find myself terrifically excited about the whole thing, apart from leavening H for a whole week with the boys, I hope he can get through it by telling himself that it is his turn next, when I get home he has just a few weeks until he goes to L.A to stay with his dad for a week, taking Seth too. I am more nervous about them going away than about my own flights.
Oh, the thought of shopping and hotels and waking up to go out with Cathy and Soph, meeting up with Sara, Di, Colleen, Jamie, laughing and eating, having my bed made for me everyday. Heaven. A whole WEEK. We are going to New York for a day, splendid.
Cathy did invite us to stay with her, which is so kind, I declined though because I adore her and women need their space, a place to escape and break wind, we need to enjoy that lovely feeling of relaxing and then looking forward to meeting up again the next day, I love to shut the door and flop into bed knowing I can snore and grunt, wake up and paddle about ( And Sophie sleeps though anything, I can share a room with her and put the lights on, she won't wake up until you yell "BREAKFAST!" in her face) Also, when going on a Holiday it is of the utmost importance to feel as though the world is catering to your needs, that heaven;y part of stying in a hotel when you can get up, take a shower, dump your towels on the floor, leave your bed unmade and when you come back again MAGIC!! All tidy and fresh...oh that's one of the best parts and I suspect, if I stayed at Cathy's and waited for that to happen, she might not like me quite the same way.
When you stay at someone's home, to me, it is important to make sure that your hosts are left in no doubt that you are grateful to them for having you, my mum always taught me that you take a gift, you pay your way, you help out and when you leave, you leave your hosts feeling as though you brought more than you took away.
I am nothing if polite and obedient to my mother, so I am staying in a hotel, that way I can be lazy and inconsiderate. Honesty is the best policy, I think I refused Cathy's generous invitation by saying something like " stay at your house? ARE YOU KIDDING? If I do that, I will have to say things like " can I help?" and will have to make my own bed and talk to people after 9pm.....I adore you, can you call the hotel for me please?"
I love that I can say that to her and she doesn't, even for a second take offence, in fact, truth be told I bet she even breathed out a sigh of relief because she is like me in that she loves her own space.
Staying for a week will mean that we can take our time to decide where to go and what to do, we can have a truly splendid time.
Just as exciting is the fact that Cathy, Brian, Matthew and Jenn are all coming HERE..yes to England!! I am so beyond excited about that and every time Sophie and I go out she will say
"we HAVE to bring them HERE" I think we need 3 months to show them everything, we will meet them at the airport, stay in London a day or two to do touristy things and then come back here to eat cream teas, drive tiny roads, see Castles and then weep at Jordan and Mel's wedding.

What a lovely day that will be, the wedding is at Torre Abbey, in the Spanish Barn, they are having a Hog roast and a bar, a disco and a day to remember indeed. Having my friends there too will mean the world to me. How exciting to be able to be the hostess and spoil my friends for a change, I can barely wait.

When I am in Boston, I shall be stocking up on Halloween stuff for our annual party, this year we are planning on hiring a hall, last year in this little house was a nightmare, if we hire a hall we can let them run riot and not have to tear our hair out! I am excited to find costumes and loads of goodies to bring back with us. The outlets will be waiting for us, what's a trip to Boston without going to the outlets? Ahhhh, heaven indeed.

I won't need to stock up so much on all the basics, like Parmesan cheese etc because H can do that when he goes...all fun for me then!

Thankyou blog for taking me away from this rainy and bleak day, that took me to 30 minutes of piddling excitement. 8 weeks to go. Hoorah.

Here I am.

Wow, I'm here....what day is it? I thought I had skipped the jet lag this time but it would appear that I was just too busy to notice it on whatever day it was after I got home ( thursday? ) I don't think it's as bad as last time but being awake and of any use to anyone is perhaps too much to expect. Add to all that the fact that at some stage I pulled a muscle that starts at the bottom of my neck and goes right down to my left bum cheek and all in all I am a sight to behold and hear ( ooh, ah, ow, grunt)
I did really well yesterday and then went to pick the boys up from school, I sat outside with a flask of hot chocolate and a magazine and suddenly at 3.15 I was overwhelmed with the need to sleep....bizarre need, head bobbing and snapping backwards, waking up, nodding off, waking up....I think I must have looked drunk when it was time to walk to Eli's classroom, it took all my efforts to walk in a straight line! I fell asleep when I got home and slept for an hour which was nowhere near long enough for my grumpy self. Sophie decided she had to go out and has lost her key so at 2am I was still awake waiting for her to get home, she is not my favourite person right now, her stay in Boston was wonderful but seems to have given her the opinion that she is some kind of precious diva who can do as she she pleases and her inferiors will be happy to sit by and cater to her every whim......today is so back to earth day for that girl!
I was never so glad to see H come downstairs with his poorly neck as I was at 2.30 so he could make sure no ne'er do wells came in through the unlocked front door before the precious ' Oh just leave the key outside somewhere.'
We are looking so festive here, I found a beautiful thick Christmas tree at the christmas tree farm and it looks so grand and smells so beautiful. This year I think the boys are old enough to enjoy looking without touching, first year since 2001 we have had ornaments at the bottom of the tree, the past 7 years we have had all the pretties at the top and bare branches below, Eli does every now and then feel he must move the odd ornament and we will find 3 on one branch but otherwise it is a beautiful sparkly thing to behold.


I loved hanging the ornaments, special memories and new ones bought and given this year too.





Joy


Peace


And a little lacking in Faith..poor Angel needs a nap.






A pretty mantle


Some lights and greenery up the stairs


And Santa in the hallway ready with a song and good cheer!






And a baby under the tree for good luck!

I am excited about Christmas this year, we are almost all ready, some food shopping to buy and that's it, ready for some fun and memory making.

H survived his night at the airport, I did indeed send Barry to terminal 5 and H was at terminal 3 all along! I am such a caring and loving wife that I remember thinking how long the night was going to be being unable to sleep from worry.....and woke up at 7am after a good 7 hours sleep!
I am so happy to be home, I had a glorious time in Boston, every minute filled and happy, such wonderful friends. I never cease to wonder at how much I love these women, when I see them it really feels as though we are together every day, not a bit of self consciousness, just an immediate and sincere welcome. I never feel the need for reassurance, I never feel as if I am being left out or forgotten, very often in a group of people it is easy to feel overlooked or left out but with my Boston friends there is none of that, everyone is loved and equal. I am so happy to know these women and although I don't think I will be travelling any time soon I know that when we do meet again, it will be just the same.

Oh how I would love for everyone to come here next time, to be the one waiting and organising trips out! Although I know what Cathy means when she says that being the one left behind when everyone has left is a miserable feeling, she says we all have the excitement of going home and seeing our families again and she is just left feeling lonely...Thankyou Cathy for welcoming us so beautifully, for giving me your sofa and a cosy blanket while you and Sophie go upstairs to your department store..I mean attic and root through the rails and totes of clothes and goodies!
Cathy brought down her jewellery box and started to hand Sophie 'old' necklaces, bracelets, anklets .....Sophie is a clicking clacking jewellery store on legs, we went out to dinner and I saw that one chain and bracelet looked familiar.....a matching Tiffany chain and bracelet, remarkably like ones that Cathy had sent me links to....one day weeks and week ago she and I were online chatting and I mentioned that I would love to find a trinket for Sophie to remind her of the trip she and I took together, I meant a little chain and charm in silver that she would treasure for ever. Cathy immediately began sending links to the Tiffany website with ' How about THIS?' ha ha ha ha ....oh yes, that's possible! I laughed and said how beautiful all of these things were but really, No. NO! That is not what I meant, I meant something for $20 or so that she would treasure simply because I had bought it for her on our trip....and then I forgot all about it because it seemed enough that we were taking the trip and because we needed to concentrate on paying for the flights and hotel and saving for the shopping trips.
Cathy emailed me one day and said that she had been shopping and she had bought Sophie a lovely watch, to remind her of her 'time' in Boston, she is so generous and kind and I knew that Sophie would love her present.
So when we were eating and I recognised that necklace and bracelet.....I looked at Cathy and said " Excuse me....those trinkets were not 'just old ones' were they?"
She read out some things from the menu and asked if we wanted to share dips and chips as a starter...
" Cathy, did you buy those pieces from Tiffany's for Sophie after I said she did not need them?"
She told us what she was gong to have for dinner...
"CATHY O! What did you DO?"
"Well, you said no and I couldn't help it and .....what are you having for dinner?"
That's Cathy all over, generous to a fault, in fact it got to the point where I said to Sophie, " keep your eyes straight forward, don't look like you love something, don't pick anything up or say " that's nice" or she'll buy it!
The thing is, it wouldn't make the slightest difference if she never gave us a thing, I hope she knows that she doesn't need to ever give us anything but her time, she doesn't have to send us anything but her love. Just being her friend is enough, just laughing with her, sitting with her, talking to her and knowing that we are her friends is more than we could have wished for, she is the funniest, kindest, most gentle of souls and that is why I like being her friend. That and the fact that she gets lost as easily as me ( and she lives there!) and has the sweetest little boy and a 20 year old that we are determined will marry Sophie! Friendship made in heaven I tell you!

I was very touched by how much H missed me this time, he hugged me so tight when I got home ( and he got back from his night if waiting at the airport!) and said " I couldn't get anything done right when you weren't here" which is as good as saying he knows what I do when I am here....I do so much when everyone is asleep or out that it must seem as if I don't do a much at all, going away highlights just how much I do do...and that's always a good thing.

I have to say thankyou to Sarah, who reads my blog and mailed a book to me, it's called ' Losing your pounds of pain' and is about breaking the link between stress and overeating, I am so excited to start reading it, Sarah I have lost your email address and just had to say thankyou, that Grandpa brought it with him and I am about to start reading.
I was so proud of myself while I was away, I did eat a couple of 'bad' foods but for the most part I ate delicious meals that stayed withing the lines of healthy and beneficial....for some bizarre reason it has been near to impossible to stick with it now I am at home, being so tired and busy it is too tempting to stuff whatever I can find in my fat old mouth! I have no idea if I have gained weight, lost it or stayed the same, I will be weighed on tuesday and I am not sure if I am looking forward to that at all. I was so disheartened to see all the picture taken in Boston, I look every bit as fat and double chinny as last time darn it! My clothes tell a different tale though and I am about ready to throw out 2 more pairs of trousers that are too big and baggy...slowly and surely I will get there, if I can get through this unexpected tough week!
Well, it's nearly 11am and I am still in my jamas, better get going and start to plough through the work that needs doing around here.
I am back and ready to get going, just as soon as I wake up and lose the foggy brain feeling.
Real life, here I am, be kind to me.

Hello from Boston!

Well, here I am. Incredible to be here again, the fact washes over me in waves every now and again and I am really rather emotional about it all.
The journey here was not fun. Usually, as soon as the trip begins, excitement joins the terror and somehow the mix of emotions helps me get through the whole ordeal of flying. this time however that just didn't happen, all the way on the 5 hour bus trip to the airport I was overwhelmed with fear and nausea...and then I puked and I puked and I puked....thank goodness for a near empty bus and a working toilet!
I would have given anything to turn around and go home, dearest Sophie tries to talk to me and make me feel better but even having to think of replying made me want to throw up again!
We got to the airport SIX HOURS before the flight, that was a long 6 hours, we ate a sandwich and we read, we walked and we shopped a little, we couldn't check our bags in until 3 hours before the flight was due to leave so for 3 hours we dragged our bags along with us.
When we checked the bags in, one of mine was too heavy, so hoorah for being organised, inside the bag were more bags, travelled light on the way here but packed extra holdalls and backpacks for the trip home.
( oh and I am writing this at 7am , in the hotel lobby while I have some laundry going, I hate to take dirty washing home with me, you just know that is the one time you get searched, when you have a bag full of stinky clothes! If you want telling why I was awake at 6am...you're on your own!)
We got on the plane and I took my magic medicine, that stuff is heaven, within minutes I feel gloriously warm and crash, instant sleep to take away the fear...knocking at least an hour or so off my flight. Well that's what should happen, if you don't have a Sophie with you...
" Ha! Your face is going all red...are you warm? you ARE warm...you look like you are about to go to sleep.....are you? Are you falling ASLEEP? " As if that wasn't bad enough, through my heavenly groggy oh wonderful sleep moment I could hear her saying to the lady to her left " look at my mum! Heh.... she's is falling asleep....ha! I can't believe she can fall asleep right now!"
That kept me awake and have you ever had to stay awake when you are full of enough tranquillising drugs to floor a horse? That is not a fun thing to try and do. The result of having stayed awake and fought against what my body wanted to do was to get twitchy, really REALLY crampy and spasmy.....oh it was a living nightmare ( although I wasn't afraid of crashing, which was a plus) after 3 hours I took the pain meds that stop the muscle spasms, on an empty stomach. You know what that means don't you...oh yes, the return of the nausea and heaving.
I spent the last 2 hours standing near the toilet, praying over and over and begging for relief. The supper was served and the misery of smelling cheese and salmon and watcing people shoving food in their mouth, having Sophie ask me if eating might help and did I want to try some....just having to open my mouth to reply made me drool and have to walk back up the aisle to be near my safe haven of cool air and lavatories.
The great thing about all that is that the thought of the trip home is not at all a worry for me, whatever happens (barring a crash of course) will not be as horrendous as that trip over here.
The flight is an hour shorter, Dan is meeting us and driving us home, no 3 hour wait for the bus, no 5 hour journey in a hot stuffy coach. Oh joy of joys. Piece of cake.
Also, when I take my tablet as I settle in my seat? Sophie is getting one as well, or two even! If she even looks at me I will jab her in the eye with a plastic fork. Our flight is an evening one, the lights will be dimmed, we will have a light supper, not a heavy meal, she will be tired from all the marvellous fun we are having ( and we really are having fun, she is delightful and so fabulously excited in a touchingly childlike way about everything.)
I miss H and the boys, it is such a treat to have this time with Sophie, to rest and shop, be with these friends of mine that are so loving and accepting, this time though I long for H and the boys to be here too. It is not in any way spoiling the trip, we are truly having as perfect a time as I imagined we would, I just know that for me, this is it for a long time. I have been able to do this twice in one year, that is enough. I know that we have other things our money has to go on.
I have pretty much been able to do all our Christmas shopping, the boys have heart's desires and I can picture Christmas morning with joy and excitement....huge relief!
Sophie has been spoiled and spoiled some more, she has been generous and funny, touching and sweet.
She is as loud as ever, has proven me right in my explaining that she has no social graces or shame....she has done everything I thought she would do. She went on her date last night with George ( Cathy's son) and was endearingly terrified, to the point where, bless his heart, she insisted that rather than go out with George, he must come out with us, a 20 year old man with a group of 10 women, his mother's friends! He did it, I adore him! Then Sophie and he went out on their own...they came back to the hotel at 10.30 expecting everyone to be in one room having a party..they found me in my 'jamas. refusing to let them come in! George went home and Sophie and I watched a movie.
She has said over and over that she never thought friends could be like this, that she has never been so accepted and loved just for who she is, she is seeing how life can and should be and told everyone at dinner one night that she never ever wants to go back to how things were, that life is too good to risk every losing what she has now.
I haven't taken many pictures with my camera, I have been taking them with my heart. Somehow this is mine for the keeping, I will take a few and I did take the best picture last night of her when she was back and in her new monkey pyjamas....a sight to behold I tell you!
I think today is a quiet day, we have filled our suitcases and have no room for more shopping...although I could so easily keep going, I love to shop over here, I do want to pick up more decorations but they will have to be little ones that can fit in tight corners!
I think H misses, me, it never hurts for family to realise what we do and appreciate that even if they don't see or notice what goes on while they aren't looking, there is a lot of work done for them. I am excited to be home with them and decorate for Christmas, to welcome Grandpa and have a lovely time over the holiday period.
Time to go and see if the washing is dry and then our day will begin.
I have stuck to my diet beautifully, we have eaten some great food and all of it healthy and delicious, great to know it can be done!
3 more days of fun here to be had.....I am off to enjoy them!

And we're off!

We are all packed, tickets at the ready...I am trying so hard not to think too much about the flight, wouldn't you think it would get easier? This is the 3rd flight in the last 12 months, not bad for someone so scared of flying is it? I have told myself this is it though, for a long time I shall invite people to come and see me for a good long while after this one!
I am so excited to be there, see my lovely friends and have some fun.
Sophie is very touching and quite rightly reminds me that this is her first ever holiday. It really is, bless her heart, she's been dragged from pillar to post but never really been anywhere where she is invited and wanted and everything is there for her to enjoy. I know she is going to have the best time. ( and so, I must add, shall I!)
So much to look forward to, from beginning to end we have all kinds of plans, the most exciting is just being there, I am of the mind that every woman should experience at least once, what happens in Boston. It is almost impossible to describe, it is emotionally huge. Much crying, with laughter and also heartfelt emotion. There is complete acceptance, I am such a private person ( one that shares her whole life with the internets it's true but in real life I am private and relatively shy.)
In Boston I can truly say that everyone is completely themselves, no acting a part, no trying to impress, just a group of women that came together through an internet site and somehow became the best of friends.
I love the internet!
Sophie and I have really worked to earn this trip, today as we waited for Eli to come out of school Sophie was begging for Mac Donalds, she was SOOOOOOOO hungry and she just neeeeeeeded fries and food that was right there. It was great to say " Sophie, this is it, this is the last day we have to say NO..this is the last day we have to find what is there and eat it! Tomorrow we can enjoy that feeling of letting go, we can choose where we eat, what we eat, we can shop, buy fripperies, pretty things, gifts, new clothes....it is right there and we are about to grab it.
It is depressing to have weeks and months of no, can't, nuh uh, leave it, put it back, don't even look at it, stop even thinking about it. I have this great trick where I go shopping, I put things in the basket and I walk around and then...I put it all back! It feels like I have been shopping...all without the paying for it at the end! It isn't fun but when the time comes to look at what you did, when you can dig deep and gather in all you have saved...oh that is the sweetest feeling! I can't wait for Sophie to feel that. This is the very first time she has worked and saved ( and oh it has been painful, what a long, long 3 months it has been!) and I am so excited to watch her enjoy what she has worked for. She has everything set out in her spotless room, clothes for tomorrow, makeup and jewellery....the best part is she really doesn't know just how wonderful this will be.
I think I will be taking more heart pictures than camera ones, I so hope I can remember everything, I am not taking my laptop, there is a computer in the lobby at the hotel but I don't think I will be blogging. Hopefully I can remember it all when I get home, also I hope jetlag is kind to me, it knocked me sideways last time, this time I have so much to do when I get home.
Grandpa arrives the same day we return. Then we have 2 weeks until Christmas, I will have all the wrapping, decorating, baking, school plays etc. What fun we shall have, I need to be awake for it all!
So, I am back on the 10th .....Boston, here we come!

Nearly there.

There is much excitement in our house this evening, Grandpa called to say he is coming for Christmas, we love grandpa and we really love to have him come and stay. I love getting ready for his visits and always try to make his room cosy and welcoming, have the house tidy and warm. It all goes to pot very quickly but as long as it is clean when he gets here that's alright with me.
Sophie and I are leaving for Boston on Thursday, our bus leaves at 5.45am, we get to the airport about 10am and out flight isn't until 4 in the afternoon. Time usually goes quickly enough and nerves help to keep me busy. I am excited when I manage to push aside the thoughts of the flight.
I have a fool proof way of preparing to leave H in charge for any length of time, I make sure every stitch of clothing is washed and ironed and that's it. I don't go around cleaning and making beautiful, I don't tidy and organise, I have leaned that when I go crazy making everything spotless and then I come home to chaos ( because H can clean or he can take care of 3 little boys but both at once? Not so well!) well I get cross and the trip I had seems spoiled, so I leave it untidy and I come home to nothing having been changed and all is well.
So, grandpa is coming and would you believe it, he is arriving the same day that Sophie and I get back from Boston. Uh oh.
We get back at 5am and Grandpa arrives at 12.30. H always takes the bus to meet him from the airport, he loves to do that and I think it is important, when you have flown all that way to have someone meet you. The bus trip is long and after 10 hours on the plane, then had to go though the customs and immigration it is just comforting to have someone with you to get on the bus and make that last leg of the journey.
So we have a couple of problems, one is that there is that gap between Sophie and I getting back and H having to leave to meet his dad. ( I am pretty sure we can get that worked out easily enough though)
Then we have the problem of getting the house clean and ready for grandpa....Sophie and I will have been travelling for 15 hours by the time we get home, we'll be dealing with jet lag that is crippling on the way home ...last time I pretty much slept for 2 weeks. What fun it will be to get back here and have to clean the whole house, move Seth in with the littler boys and turn his room into a lovely escape for grandpa. I think I might do that before I leave and shut the room so they don't get in and wreck it again!
H could do the room and I know he would quite happily but he won't do it the way I would.
( control freak? Who? Me?)
I am just beginning to actually allow myself to think about going back to Boston, it was such an overwhelming experience last time. I wasn't ready for all it did for me and it took a long time to come down from the high and to believe that I had been lucky enough to be there and share in that time. To be able to go again is a huge blessing, I really don't take for granted being able to do this, I haven't allowed myself to think about it until now because it is SO exciting! I hardly know what to think about first....actually I do, the very best bit of the trip is meeting the people, that first moment of seeing those faces and the undiluted joy of it all is indescribable. Last time, of course, we had never met before and it couldn't have mattered less. The minute I saw them felt as if I had always known them and they were all exactly as I imagined.
Julie and Jenn had driven from Canada and were planning on creeping into the hotel, having a nap and then calling us to let us know they had arrived. Heh....they didn't plan on my walking out of my room just as they came out of the elevator. I was SO thrilled to see them, in my normal thoughtless way I wasn't about to let them go and relax before I squeezed them and squealed like an adolescent girlie!
Meeting Cathy was like just meeting up with my oldest and dearest friend, Cathy is the newest kid on the Babyzone block and while the rest of us have 'known' each other for years online, Cathy only found us last year and we are SO glad she did. She is the kindest, funniest person you could ever hope to meet and I can't wait to see her again THIS WEEK...I am intrigued to see Sophie and Cathy together and am pretty sure that it will be a sight to see and hear. Oh yes we will hear a lot of Sophie and Cathy when they are together.
I am sad that some of the wonderful girls that came in June can't make it this time, we will miss them so and we will talk about them remember their fun and glorious selves the whole time.
We are holding our breath waiting to hear if Rachel can join us, she has her ticket and her room is booked, she is also 34 weeks pregnant and has to get the all clear to fly, this baby girl is so special to all of us, we so want to see her mommy and rub that belly while she is still inside. Rachel was my room mate last time, I love her.
I am so looking forward to seeing all the Christmas decorations in the stores, can't wait to go shopping in Target. Walking around the outlet stores, eating in the food hall, going out to eat in the evenings. Ahhhhhhhhh. Bliss.
The thought of those few days of not having to cook, clean, even having my bed made for me, is a little piece of heaven. Such a treat to stay in the hotel, heaven to be able to walk away from all the daily drudgery of buying bread and milk, replacing toilet rolls, emptying bins, picking up paper and socks and empty cups. All the planning and scrimping and saving, all the headaches and hand wringing is so worth it when we get there!
Please can we have the next one in England though? Can we? I would so love to be here and being the one to welcome and plan and chauffeur. Lovely thought!
So, rather than spend the next few days pottering about and slowly packing I am now going to be rearranging rooms, trying to do whatever I can before I leave that hopefully won't be undone the minute I leave! I have to pack and decide what clothes to bring with me. The sensible thing would be to take very few clothes and buy new ones as I am right at the point where I should dump what I am wearing now as they are big and unflattering, I'm sure if I were to start wearing clothes that fit I would look slimmer...I'm not sure I am ready to do that yet though. Who knows why the idea of letting the weight loss show is so worrying to me? I think it may be that in the past, whenever people have started to comment on my having lost weight I stop...something in me panics and I have stopped losing weight. I don't feel the same anymore, I don't feel as though that will be an issue this time at all but still I feel wearing smaller clothes is a big step. Maybe I just want to be able to wait until I can wear much smaller clothes, not just a size or two but go from huge and baggy to look at me! Skinny! ( wouldn't that be great, to somehow hide losing weight and keep wearing fat clothes and then one day just getting up and putting on regular thin peoples' clothes?)
My jeans are falling apart, I really have to let them go soon because they just aren't good anymore. I'll look when I am over there and hopefully find some that make me feel good. I really like the feeling of wearing clothes that are really too big! I was ironing some trousers today and thought " hmm, I have lost 6lbs since I last wore these" that was a good thought to have and I hope to keep thinking that way.
I have to go to the council early in the morning and try to get the whole mess of the rent cleared up, I hope I don't have to jump through too many hoops and that they get on the case and issue that money to me before I go away, it really does mean the difference between managing and being able to do what I want to do for the boys' Christmas. Never a dull moment around here is there?
Eli was so much better today, his tummy seems to be fine and isn't bloated anymore, thank goodness for that. We need calm and stress free days until Thursday and beyond..please!

Saying it as it is.

I just read this quote from a woman who lost 100lbs in 17 months....inspiration is what I need!


This 15 months would have passed by no matter what I did, but it was the little day-by-day, moment-by-moment, workout-by-workout choices I made that added up to big changes, not some huge, one-time life-changing event. No magic pill, no easy solution - just baby steps and a fundamental shift in thinking about exercise and eating.

See, this is what I need, she said what I have been trying to say in that, however long this takes, well that time would be passing anyway, if I can lose even a pound a week, well eventually I will get there. If I don't..it's all downhill!
She has some tips and I am looking into some of the things she did..oh by the way she has TWELVE children. I wish she had a blog! I know that the key for me is now exercise, I have to find something that is doable for me and that may well be more cleaning, scrubbing, car washing, anything that feels worth doing and gets me up, out and moving.
I sent the letters off that I wrote yesterday and feel very much better, I also made a couple of those dreaded calls to arrange some payment schemes for bills that have got way out of hand, it'll be tough but at least I have peace of mind and some idea of how they will be paid, no more hiding letters that arrive and ignoring phone calls from 'withheld' or 'unknown' numbers ( actually I will still ignore those, if you don't want me to know who you are before I speak to you, I am not going to speak to you!)
I've been sliding down the can't pay won't pay slope, I am pretty good at only buying what we have the money for, keeping outgoings to a minimum etc but every now and then some bills get overwhelming, I can't see how I can pay them and I shut my eyes to them for a while, all the time worrying more about them than if I just faced up and found a way to deal with them. Our water bill is huge, I got a letter, after signing up for low income social capping, saying that payments were £16.15 a month, COOL....set it up at the bank and have been paying that every month. Seems that was a wrong calculation ( and lets face it, I think I had a clue!) so I started getting " you haven't paid us" letters...which I ignored because I couldn't pay more.....anyway today I called and now have a much bigger, tougher amount to find each month, I will do it. I just won't like doing it! Now I have to get brave and tackle an outstanding gas bill....soon. Maybe!
I can hear " how does she go to America twice in one year then?" Well because twice now I have decided that I wanted to. That's it. I did it in June.......when I got home I felt so bad because I really shouldn't have done it. We don't have the means to do this kind of thing without seriously sacrificing and the fact that I did do it made me feel dreadful. I played serious catch up for 3 months when I got home and phew, did it. All straight!
Then, before I knew what I was doing I started a whole new lets do THAT again....and I am going to say here and now that unless I win the lottery or miracles happen, this is the last time I will do it. It is ridiculous to pretend that this is an OK thing for me to do. It really isn't, it is selfish and impractical ( and also completely wonderful ) I can justify it by saying that while I am there I will be spending money that I would have spent on Christmas anyway, I will be buying what I would have bought anyway.
I have a husband who insists that I do it, he refuses to even hear a word about it being selfish, unnecessary etc, he says it IS necessary and he loves the women I go to meet, they are the exact kind of friends he would have me have, he loves them because they love me and because they make me a better person.
I am also justifying this trip by telling myself ( and now you!) that the time I will be spending with Sophie will be worth even more than we have spent on getting there and doing this. She needs this time with me and I need the time with her. I am praying that when she experiences the bond that is between us all as friends, when she sees what real friendship is, what true and unconditional love between friends can be like when she sees and feels that SHE is worthy of this kind of love....she will continue to see that the way she is taking her life is worth all the work she has put in, that going back to her old life will never be something she wants to do.
She is having a rough time right now because it has taken a lot for her to get this far towards this trip. I wanted it to be tough, I wanted her NOT to have any spare money, I wanted her to put everything in to get to Boston and she has. It is just 2 weeks an 2 days, we'll be there. It can't come soon enough for her ( or me) now.
It IS a good thing we are doing. Sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven.....bring them on!
When we get back though, I am going back to being realistic Helen. I like sleeping easy, paying bills, being thrifty. I don't think I chose to live this way, given the choice my life would be very different. I think though, that life has a habit of giving us what we need. I am very glad that I am able to make what we have go a long way, I will look on these trips with such fond memories but I have to admit that I can't keep doing it.
I shall make sure that this trip is one that Sophie talks about for years, until she is old and grey....I shall make sure that we both have a blast, how could we not when we are meeting the people we are meeting?
Oooh, lets make it a great one!

It's all about communication!

Oh how I laughed!
The set up here is that I hold the purse strings, call me a control freak...because I am! We tried it the other way with H being 'in charge' and it didn't work, H was not good with money.
I say he was not because he wasn't and now? I think he might be, sort of. Can't be sure because things work well this way, why try to fix what ain't broke, as they say.
All our money goes into my account and I deal with it, I pay bills, make decisions ( although big things like a car, which is the only 'big' thing we have ever bought) is done together, I think, persuade, discuss and then we buy ( what I choose, obviously!) Often I have to persuade H that he wants exactly what I want and he always agrees, there are times when I have to tell him to trust me and he does and then " Hey! Look at that..we chose well!" Like when I bought the leather sofas and he was distinctly not for that idea and I told him that he would be, as soon as he saw them and saw how grand we would be and for heavens sake would you just see how I bought them for £235 on Ebay and they cost 5 times that new!! And just as I predicted, he was so proud of our thriftiness and smart auction buying ways.
Anyway, I know that when I have had times where I am not in control and have no money at my disposal I am very unhappy, I am of the belief that every adult needs to have some money that is theirs to spend, even if it is a small amount, enough to buy a magazine, cake from the bakery or a daily newspaper, it is enough to save the soul. Having no money, at all is soul destroying.
So, every week H has some money that is his to spend, he can buy whatever he likes and will never have to answer to what it goes on. He actually rarely spends it ( annoying sometimes!) he buys things like packs of go-go crazy bones for little boys that have done extra homework, he will take 3 little boys into town on a saturday I know! all 3! at the same time....give the man a medal you won't catch ME doing that I tell you what! He takes them to the library, to the aladdin's cave that is the pound shop and they go to Warrens the bakery and buy a cake each.
He buys basketballs galore and that is his job because they must be specific basketballs, not colourful ones that look good, oh no.....I gave up even thinking of buying basketballs, not worth the scathing looks I got thankyouverymuch.
He lends Sophie money....even when I beg him not too, he is a softie and is rather more fond of her than he used to be and she is quick to tell me that she doesn't even bother to ask me anymore, she goes right to him. When Sophie is paid, her money goes into one of my accounts ( hark at me! Yes I have multiple accounts, 3 in the UK and 1 in the US of A...now ask me how many have money in them...I dare you!)
So her money goes into my account, I take out whatever she owes, divvy it out and off we go.
Last week, Sophie said " Did you give H the £50 I owed him? Only he said I still owe him £50 and I know I don't because you paid it to him, didn't you?!"
Oh arseholes.
I took it out, put it aside, paid for her ticket to Boston ( 3 weeks time we will be there!) I Robbed Peter, to pay Paul.....phew done. Until then when she reminded me that I took it out, put it to one side and then spent it, on who knows what but it wasn't anything fun, I guarantee it. Oh fluff under the bed as my dad would say.....now what? Now I had to find that as well as the myriad of other must be paid crap this month has thrown at me!
Anyway I told Hwhat I had done and we laughed and I said "so, I'll give you that back, when we've got it...heh, you know.....eventually!" All was well.
Then ...without going into boring detail, all hell broke loose on the money front and the trip is looming so gloriously close and I wailed and worried and then had the glorious idea of handing the reins to H....a bit.
Marvellous, if I go to Asda for bread, milk and carrots I spend £40 at least and occasionally I actually remember either the bread, milk or carrots....if H goes he comes back with bread, milk and carrots.....amazing isn't it?
So, I went to the cheapest supermarket there is, bought heavy and bulky goods like tins, toilet paper, washing powder and then I gave H £40 and said that I wasn't going near a shop, it was up to him....and I meant it.
Wow....thursday...nothing, friday....nothing, Saturday a loaf of bread, monday....nothing but some cream cheese, tuesday..."H, can you give me £5 for vegetables, I need to make some soup..."
" You want me to lend you some?"
"No...give it to me, out of the housekeeping I gave you"
"what housekeeping?"
"The £40 housekeeping I gave you to do shopping because you buy what we need and I buy what we want....and we have to save money"
"Oh, that's what that was? I thought that was the £40 from Sophie!"
See? He listens to everything I say.
I have never seen our fridge so empty, I was so good though, I didn't whine about how mean he was being because I was hoping he would be! He was even better at it than I thought he would be and all because he hadn't listened / heard a word I said!
He had a great day on wednesday though and spent the rest of this weeks housekeeping so I didn't say something like "hey you only needed £10 this week, cool here's this weeks tenner!"
This week I didn't even go and buy the heavy stuff, I handed H £60 and he is on his own, I am not going near a supermarket which is hard for me because I do love to shop.
H is marvellous, everytime he buys something he puts the receipts on the fridge, now if I were in his shoes I am pretty sure that is not what I would do, I would shop as cheaply as possible, try really hard to make sure some of that money was left and I would count that as my bonus.
I am told I am like my great Nana, who was married to a bit of a meaner, he would ask her the price of various foods, have her make up a list of everything she would need for the week, add it up and give her the exact amount. She then would buy ( for example) pork sausage instead of beef, small differences like that and she would save what little she had managed to knock off the balance and when she had saved enough, she would buy herself some jewellery. That's my kind of girl!
H is so into doing the shopping and I am finding little memos to himself of things he has noticed are low...I think we may hang onto this new plan, when I get back from Boston and don't have to count every penny, I think we will still share the shopping because he loves it as much as I do and it really does save money. I can't resist a bargain, I buy things in bulk because I like to feel I am saving money, sometimes it does save, sometimes I just end up buying stuff we simply do not need.
I am very ready for a shopping spree, I can do this whole not spending thing, the scrimping and saving, the look but don't buy...but only for so long! I am ready to christmas shop, Target shop, any kind of shopping. Bring it on.
5 weeks until Christmas, that's close isn't it? 3 weeks to Boston and today H said grandpa is hoping to visit before Christmas. I hope he lets us know when very soon, I love that H will get a day or two in London, he is due a break and he loves to go and meet his dad, spend a day in London and then bring him back. It'll be lovely to have grandpa here again, he hasn't seen this house and hasn't visited us here for 2 years or so, I can't wait to have him here again.
I don't even feel nervous about flying this time ( yet) I have my drugs and they worked so well last time I know that if I feel scared I shall take one of those marvellous little tablets and wake up an hour or so into the flight! I'll even have Sophie to nudge me if I snore, perfect!
3 more weeks, that's all. Marvellous.

Whoops!

That video I posted yesterday? Um.....well seems he actually said it to his teacher today! She asked him something and he didn't quite hear and so he said it, loudly "WASSER SAYIN???" Whoops, he said she replied " I beg your pardon? What on EARTH are you saying young man?" And he had to stay in at playtime for causing disruption ( because you know the kids all laughed!)
I would think she was pretty stunned to hear that from him as he is normally very quiet and well behaved, I guess he just enjoyed the laughs he got from saying it at home.

For a few days I have had that annoying throat thing where you keep feeling like you're about to be sick and get a sore throat/ head cold but nothing comes of it. Today it slammed in, my goodness it HURTS!
Isaac has been coughing fit to bust every night, poor boy, fine all day and then at night he coughs so much he gets so mad, he is tired and naughty. Looks like we are headed for a family virus deal, I think we can say for sure that winter is really here!

I am ready for Boston, tickets should be in any day now, I have $s enough to pay for the hotel, shopping and meals, I have to get the bus tickets and shall do that this week I hope.
I have ideas for the boys for Christmas, so intent are we on making this time of year all about memories and traditions, we want to be sure to buy for the boys things that we know they will be excited about, remember having. Isaac is very drawn to a safe / money box that Seth has, he loves it, he tries to open it and work out the combination, yesterday he said how he wishes he had a safe of his own to keep his treasures in...I told him that that is something that would be great on a christmas list and his face lit up...he said he is definitely adding that to his list! Such a 'boy' gift, this year is an exciting one for me, the boys are at ages where the magic is still very real, I am sure that this will be the last year we have 3 'believers' ....oh how sad when real life creeps in and the magic starts to wane. I blow raspberries in the face of those who are so politically correct that they refuse to tell 'lies' to their children, I think it's just stealing some magical moments from a child's life, moments are so few and far between when we can believe in such things, I am all for every chance to bring that sparkle to the eye of a little person. So far I have never seen sadness in a child when the reality becomes known, rather I have seen in my children an excitement that they get to join in with the littler ones, pumping up the excitement and thrills of Christmas eve.

I am going to look at clothes for me and I absolutely must not, under any circumstances buy any grey shirts! If you look at my rails of clothes, grey, grey, black, brown, grey, black, grey, blue. I rarely wear the blue ..unless it is DARK blue, nearly black blue. I like darker colours and every now and then I get brave and daring and buy pink or red and then they hang, on the rail...never to be worn! I truly do not need any more grey T shirts though. I don't.

I am excited to look at pretty things for my house, I love the home decor stuff in the US, I could fill a shipping crate and completely decorate my home without thinking too hard about it at all, beautiful things. I can't wait to see the Christmas decorations and buy some new ones.
I need to buy Seth some Hanes boxer shorts, he is his father's son and is particular about his undergarments, he is down to 2 pairs of Hanes boxers and Santa will be bringing him new ones.

I have to find a Nativity scene, it needs to have at least 12 pieces to it. Beautiful but not too expensive, it is for a new tradition that we are starting with the boys. The plan is to leave a piece of the Nativity on someone's doorstep every night for 12 days leading up to Christmas, we will leave Baby Jesus on Christmas eve. The boys will LOVE doing this, they love to ring the doorbell and run away leaving a treat behind, someone did this to us one year and it was so exciting, once we worked out why we had a cow, shepherd, ox......about day 3 we suddenly worked out that this was a Nativity, we tried so hard to catch who was leaving those pieces on our doorstep! ( I am pretty certain that the family we have in mind for this year does not read this blog...we're safe I hope)

I love that we are staying in the same hotel as last time, it was a great place to stay and so comfortable, I am going to try and stick with my diet, not because I am completely marvellous and string willed but rather because I am not! If I slip for a week, go back to eating all the wrong things, I will have to start all over again when I get back, that first week or so of changing the way you eat is so painful, I am not about to put myself through that again, I am sure that I will be able to eat delicious foods without going too far from the new way of living....I am taking slimfast with me for breakfast too, I have found that if I start the day with a slimfast I am fine all morning, I know it will be a test to sit surrounded by delicious bacon and eggs, cinnamon rolls etc and not dig in but I still have a long way to go. I was weighed today and lost 2lbs... which means a lb a week, I am trying to lose 2lbs a week, which is sensible and encouraging, less than that and I feel disheartened. I have a horrible feeling that I am going to have to start exercising soon.....oh how I hate that word, even the thought but I think that my body is beginning to get used to the amount of food I am eating, it is slowing down on the weight loss, I can't eat any less without serious misery so I will have to increase the level of exercise (which lets face it, is going to be pretty easy, though not fun!)
I wish I had a cycling buddy, I love riding bikes and would happily do that with a friend along some country paths...and I love swimming, I don't love putting on and being in public in a bathing suit...but am working on that because the alternative is walking and jogging and we all know how I hate all that malarkey! Oh the whole idea of exercising makes me want to throw a tantrum!
It is now 1.07am, of to bed I go where I hope not to dream of jogging and gyms....I leave all that dreaming to H who can tell tales of such vivid dreams every single night. Me, I just snore and sleep.

Liar Liar, pants on fire!

More Boston what'ya know!
How could I forget to tell you that I got lost in America? I did, pretty well too I might add. We went to a particularly great outlet place, my kind of heaven, lots of shops, it was very hot and we started off staying sort of close to each other and then splitting and then meeting up again. I am so easily distracted in places like that and very quickly forget that other people exist when I am drawn towards the shiny things.
I bought half the Nike store for Seth and Isaac, new bras for me and then ...oooooohhhhh look at THAT store, I found High school musical cologne for BOYS....and another store.......YEAY! Pretty soon I realised that it was a really long while since I saw any of the other girls, no matter, grab a coke and sit in the shade near where we came in, I am so smart, how good was that idea? Perfect. Well it would have been had I been anywhere near where we'd come in, my sense of direction came to the fore again...the totally wrong end of course.
20 minutes of waiting there I began to realise that I had made a wrong choice, so off I went again, waiting half way down the main drag for a sighting of just ONE person I knew..tum de dum...nope.
Eventually I made my way to a lady with a sunglass stall outside and asked her if she knew where I would find a payphone ( remember stupid cell phone didn't work anywhere but the airport) she ummmed and ahhhed and said she KNEW she had seen one somewhere about.....oh LOOK there it is, 3 feet in front of her face where it had been forever!
That would, you would think be the end of my being lost, excpet how do your payphones work in the US?? What the flip? I pumped coins in, stood, like a moron with my cell phone getting Cathy's cell number and over and over " Please dial the area code" clink clink, all the quarters would come back " please do not dial the area code" clink clink here we go again, who knows what I did to actually make it ring but thankfully I did....and I heard Cathy and she called the search party off and we all met up again, all safe and sound.
I told them that I probably would have just sat until the whole place closed knowing that someone would have found me for sure then!
I was so frustrated when we went back to the car and I saw at least 2 sets of stores I hadn't seen before...darn it!
Shopping is the best in the US, Target is like heaven to me and the outlets are so great, I found a set of plates identical to the beloved ones H had to leave behind at his dad's house......he was every bit as excited as I knew he would be by them too. Everything I bought I would hold up and exclaim over the price and then halve it to convert it into pounds...cheap as chips! I love shopping at the best of times but oh my, how I loved those outlet stores and Target, oh lovely target!!
The boys have stopped puking, I have woken up a little bit more, I think I am coming out of the fog.....hooray!











Oh Gretchen , how we love you and your bendiness.




These pictures are a mix of ones we all took, we set up a photobucket account and put all our pictures on there, if I used your pictures girls, thankyou!
You can see just how much fun we had, it took a while to believe it was over but never say never...the friendships have just begun, they will never end.

The to-ing and fro-ing.

So, the biggest and most frightening part of the trip to Boston ( that I am, can you tell, reluctant to let go of or stop talking about yet) was the travelling part. Flying, I hate it. I can't quite put my finger on why I hate it so, I loathe that feeling of being shut in and trapped, unable to leave, stay right there lady, we'll let you off when WE let you off. I hate that. I do.
I caught a bus to Heathrow airport on thursday and stayed the night in Nana's feather bed, which is very old...my dad was born in it, in fact he was conceived in it and it is was it was way back when.
I so want to hate the very thought of sleeping in that bed but , no kidding, it is so comfy....so I sort of slept, in between jumping awake and thinking about the flight. 5am I was up and dressed and ready, to off we went, that meant I was at the airport by 7am....my flight was at 10.55, I had much time to fill.
I was remarkably calm, for me, at an airport. I was very impressed and thought that maybe my diazepam ( shall we call it Pam, in a friendly way, because I do feel friendly towards it/her) might not be needed.
I filled time with browsing in the shops, I bought tweezers because I knew a big old black wiry hair was sure to shoot out on my chin right before I landed in Boston ( ha! foiled that bugger all right!) I bought some magazines and I was ready. As I would ever be.
I stayed calm and all sort of well travelled and would you look at ME about to jet off to Boston right up until I went into the departure lounge, where I became a shivering and quivering wreck. I was given an aisle seat so that I could escape and not feel trapped ( escape to where exactly? Who knows, I just knew it helped to know I could just get up and not have to climb over anyone)
I sat still in a my seat and wondered if I was about to die from the fear, I texted Jordan and asked myself a thousand times why I was doing this, what makes me battle my fears in such a colossal way? Other people who are afraid of life, go for a walk and tell themselves how brave they are, maybe they just stay at home and say 'what the hell?' Why then, do I feel the need to make myself do these things that terrify me so much?
After 20 minutes of such terror I decided that , look, lovely Dr gave me Pam, for just this purpose, so take one, do it.....help yourself. So I did.
Hmmmmmm, time to board, on we went, I found my seat and was relatively happy, sat down, buckled up and ........

.........I woke up when dinner was served! I slept through the taxi-ing, through the whole take off, and when dinner was served I woke up. Only I could do that I think, sleep through the entire shaking and being thrown back in your seat, the roaring of engines and gathering speed...and wake as soon as a whiff of food is in the air. I love Pam.

Coming home promised to be even better, a night flight meant that I got to take Pam AND my regular night time meds....hell I should have slept through til we landed.
I was just as afraid of the journey home, I tried not to whine about it too much but I could feel myself being quiet and worried.
I knew my bags would be too heavy but thankfully grandpa had put some money in my account and I knew that would cover the excess charges. I packed as well as I could, wonderful Cathy has some things that just wouldn't fit and is shipping them over for me, off we went to the airport.
I didn't think I would cry when I left but I did. Not sobbing old meltdowns but a definite filling up of weepy eyes. It's such a long way...we can't just pop over and see each other, we can't all just call and meet for lunch...this was it, who knows when we will be in the same place again, if ever. Who could not cry?
I had to pay $100 excess AND remove some bits and bobs from one of the cases, those checked in and I was left with a very heavy carry on, filled to bursting but luckily never weighed. I went through security, put my bags and phone etc through the X-ray machine and "Ma'am! You appear to have a large liquid container in your bag"
"Oh, no, I think I have gummy bear vitamins but no liquid"
"Ma'am, you do, a LARGE liquid container...."
"Oh..OH..it's maple syrup, my friend from Canad bought it for me and I didn't want it to break and I thought it would be safe in that bag and I wasn't thinking and I didn't think...oh I am so sorry!! Let me get it ..."
"STEP AWAY FROM THE BAG MA'AM!! do NOT touch the bag....."
How on earth do people smuggle drugs or dangerous things? How do they not sweat into a melting puddle? I was a complete wreck and it was maple syrup for heavens sake, that they kept...and let me go, phew, no lock up or 'Brits banged up abroad' episodes on my behalf.
The flight was great, less than 6 hours and I must have slept through a good bit of it ( though not dinner of course, never that!)
Arrived in London just after 6am and had to wait til 8.40am for a bus.
Hoorah, at last here we are a big old double decker bus, with tables. I got my seat and was pleased that I had a table all to myself.
For about 10 minutes. Then I was joined by a couple, in their 30's. They were obviously special needs and they sat opposite me across the table.
The man was fidgety and suddenly started to say
" I'm going to be sick, I am, I AM, I will be SICK...won't I? I really will be sick.....Can I sit with you?"
As he looked at me.
Oh my goodness, what to say? What DO you say if someone tells you over and over that they will certainly be sick and then ask if they can sit with you.
I said that maybe there were seats upstairs that were forward facing.
"Oh no, I can't do stairs, don't like stairs, can't do stairs, I don't go upstairs, I can't can I?" He said to his wife.
"No, you can't" she said and then she looked at me and said " He's disabled"
" Believe it or not" he said.
I did believe it, bless his heart.
My legs, by the time I got home were like puffy old lady ankles. So swollen I could hardly stop staring at them.
Jet lag has been a killer but I think on top of that is a sadness, such an empty sort of sadness because it's over, we have had months of preparing and getting ready with such anticipation and now it's done.
While I was away, I was so overwhelmed with love for H, who was so incredibly supportive, so excited for me, so uncomplaining and gentle about the whole trip and here I was, in HIS home country, doing all the things he loves, everywhere we went I imagined how he would love it, I chose food he would enjoy to eat, I made myself remember tiny details to tell him and I knew that I would probably never do this again.
I wish I could explain why I don't think I will, not on my own anyway, I think it's because it was such a treat, such a huge deal for us, we don't have the means to up and away like that too often, to do something of this scale means something else has to go, once is OK, now I have to do things that we need as a family. This house needs work, my car is maybe not going to last too long, there are many things that we can do with our money that will benefit our whole family.
We never know what the future will bring and perhaps it will be possible, I do know that for now I have to work on this house. I look forward to doing it too.
I have slept an incredible amount since I got home, really almost embarassingly long stretches of sleep, short periods of wakefulness and more sleep. I thought it was jet lag and I am sure much of it is....but I think it's sadness mixed in as well.
The boys, can you believe have yet another stomach bug, puking and crying..this time it seems to be a 24 hour thing, Isaac's turn tonight, Seths was yesterday and Eli the day before. I hope that's that. We have scrubbed and cleaned and shampooed the carpets and whoops...here we go again. Ack. Stinks.
I babysat for the big old chunky Joshua tonight, such a big boy already. When H has reloaded my photo shop programme I will download some pictures I took , he is spendid indeed.
I think I have written all I need to write about Boston, that really makes it over. Sad that is.

Boston. June 27th-30th 2008.

Oooh, I am awake, QUICK write something.....in truth I am only awake now because there are some men right outside my window sawing through concrete and hammering and more sawing and do they not KNOW about Jet lag? Do they care even if they DO know? I suspect not.

So, I am awake, though barely so, I honestly thought that as my stay in foreign climes was so fleeting, that jet lag wouldn't be an issue, oh how wrong I was.

So worth it though, every second of burning eyes and lead filled legs, every minute I feel as though I am on the edge of insanity is worth it.

I had the best time ever. EVER.

Boston is remarkably like England ( imagine that, New England being just like the old one, with refills.) Why doesn't the old England get the whole refill thing? America is so generous, England so stingy, Boston seemed to have the best of both worlds, American generosity and welcoming smiles, roads that to me, seemed reasonable and drivable ( to visiting Americans, apparently scary and undrivable) I liked Boston.

I loved, however, the people I met in Boston.

I don't think it would have mattered where we were, as each person arrived ( and I was one of the last ones) it was like meeting old friends, reuniting, not new meetings. Funny how surprised I felt when people looked just like their pictures...why I would find that extraordinary is beyond me but OH! LOOK! Jenn!!!! Just like her picture!! Hey! Cathy....I recognise you, and so on.

My family know that I don't hug, they tell me that they are sorry and all that but I will have to endure a hug, just a quick one, grin and bear it. I have always been a bit standoffish where physical affection is involved, husbands are the exception to that rule, children too, I hug husbands and children, everyone else will get a smile, maybe a handshake, if I am particularly enamoured of someone I have been known to rub and arm or pat a back but all that hugging stuff? Full on arms and chests and squeezing? Not me, never been able to do it....until this weekend where no-one knew that I don't do that sort of thing, I did it and willingly and often.

I loved these women.

My imaginary friends, these people on the other side of a computer screen, these women know more about me than people in real life, so safe to spill the innermost secrets, why, we know we'll never meet and so we can tell all, share everything and feel safe in the knowledge that it won't matter.

The beginnings of the trip, the initial idea are a blur to me, one day of saying how great it would be to meet up, a mention and a suggestion and before we knew it, all was planned, arranged, set up. Right back in March when it all began, I still thought that it was, for me a dream and I was safe because I wouldn't actually do it. I didn't bank on 2 of the other women wanting to make sure I DID go and buying my ticket for me. Hmmmm.......that made it real suddenly but still so far enough away that I could still enjoy the thought of it.

Julie and Cathy, I can tell you now that had you not been so generous, I would have backed out. I would have made the excuses that I wouldn't be able to manage it, I would have used that as a reason to stay safe and hidden and I would have stayed at home and remained an imaginary friend. Did you know I would do that? I wonder.

As the trip got closer, I began to panic, I so wanted to go and I was so keen to see these people, the thing is, somehow they all had me on a pedestal, kept telling me how great I was and how they couldn't wait to see the real me.

I was so afraid that the real me would be a let down, an anti climax....oh, is that it? Oh dear, she is so funny on line, uh oh, would you look at her, no wonder she never posts any pictures of herself...etc etc. I am so hard on myself and as a result am hard on the people around me, I feel so pathetic most of the time that I try to avoid inflicting myself on other people, best to stay at home, keep quiet, stay in the background, I knew that in Boston I wouldn't be able to do that, the best thing is, it didn't even cross my mind to be that way. I loved these women, I felt at ease from the very first minute, as I walked through the gates and saw the people who had been waiting all morning for me to arrive, I knew that it was alright to be me.

I have often bragged about my pelvic floor of iron. No stress incontinence for me thankyouverymuch. Let me tell you something, I laughed so much and so hard that I actually had to do laundry half way through the stay because darn it, if that pelvic floor didn't let me down. The laughing was of the eye bulging, cross legged, bend over and wheeze variety. Endless, one quip after another, so much humour, so many opportunities, if laughter is the best medicine I am stocked up on cure alls for the next 15 years.

When I came home, I was overwhelmed by a feeling that is hard for me to explain, I wasn't sad about it being over, because it isn't over, the friendships that we already had, the bond that we cemented in Boston are now lifetime friendships, I went to Boston knowing that I would have fun, I had no idea how incredible the experience would be.

13 women in one place at one time, impossible to believe that given that fact, we could all have fun, no-one being left out, everyone included and welcomed, so many different personalities, some loud and extrovert, some quiet and just soaking it all in, others organised and efficient, some going with the flow and laid back. Every one generous and giving. Such kindness compassion, giving, thoughtful.

There were moments of spirituality, testimonies shared, experiences recounted.

This is where I tell you that I just fell asleep for another 3 hours.....
The jet lag is kicking my big old bum I tell you what.

I want to share particular funny stories but am still too weary and foggy brained. I hope I can remember them all.
I did bring some treasure home, Isaac in particular is in heaven, Cowboy heaven. He looks divine, I can't look at him without getting teary because he is just so thrilled to look like Johnny Cash.




I am floored by the generosity shown to me by so many people, gifts straight from the heart and so perfect for us.
Gifts for Joshua, Seth, Isaac, Eli, me, Sophie, Mel.....I pretty much had a baby shower on friday evening...and didn't even have to have a baby, how great is that??

I am rambling because I can't say what I am feeling.
Sad because it's over, joyful because we did it and everything so exceeded any expectations.
I want to do it again but am being realisitic. Who knows what the future will bring, I know that whatever happens these people are my friends for always.



Back row....Michelle,Michelle ( 2) Jackie, Gretchen, Rachel.
Front row....Sara, me, Jenn, Cathy, Di, Jamie and Julie Bo.
We are friends.