Wow...that'd be great!

Well, I went to get weighed today, feeling not at all hopeful...the past two weeks have felt hopeless and really I thought that I had fudged up, the thing is, I am so used to eating to numb any feelings, old habits die hard, take yesterday for example, I was rushing and it got to 5pm, I popped over to mum's house and thought " well, I will pick up some fish and chips, it won't hurt..." I didn't of course, we had chicken and roasted vegetables. but the thought had been there, several times I have stood in the kitchen holding a packet of crisps....and then put them back. I crave the salty deliciousness of chips and crisps, I love them! I have learned though that 2 cracker breads at 16 cals each with a thin scrape of peanut butter gives me the same satisfaction. I lost another 4lbs! I can tell you I walked out of there on such a high, the nurse was great and is beginning to get excited for me. I told her that the next weigh in needs to be in 3 weeks as I am going away ( I am! Boston! Next week!!) She said " Oh have a great time and remember you are on holiday, if you can just stay the same I will be thrilled! " Stay the same? I think not! I absolutely intend to eat delicious food, I will choose whatever looks good at the time but I really don't want to use the tip as an excuse to slip back into old ways.
OH!!!! I just went over to my diet blog, I kept it even when I went and gained all the weight back, I never knew why I didn't just wipe that out, delete it, every time I log on to write this blog I will see the link to that one and for nearly 2 years I have been so cross at myself for giving up, mad that I gained all the weight I lost and more, I still kept it though and I am SO excited, I went back and read it.... first of all, I see that I didn't gain back all the weight I lost last time and most exciting of all is that I am now 5lbs lighter than I was back then, when I felt so good and as though I had achieved so much! I look at the picture I took when I felt so much better and can't believe that I am 5lbs lighter now



I read how these jeans fit me and I was excited...and shhhhhh, guess what, these are the ones that I am wearing NOW, that I can get on and off without undoing. I had no idea that I was here, at this point. I don't feel like I did then, I still feel big and embarrassed. I do know that I have still been wearing my big clothes, the same ones I wore before I started this new way of living. A couple of old favourites have gone because they were uncomfortably baggy but I still wear the huge shirts, hiding away in them. I think it may be time to start wearing some smaller ones.
I know my PJs are huge, gloriously swimmingly loose and comfy, I love that I still pick out something to wear and am surprised when it fits and then is comfy and then even too big.
I am glad that I still feel as though this is the beginning, I don't feel as though I am slogging my way though this.
I know that this IS still the beginning. I can keep going, keep being excited to find new foods
( and also some old recipes, I forgot about some of the great meals I made last time, I am so glad I have that diary still there. I thought I had been doing this much longer than I actually have this time....oh I so wish I could bottle how this feels, I would be a millionaire!
I am excited about thursday, we always have a thanksgiving dinner, we invite friends over and we always have a great time. This year we have invited a lovely couple to come and eat with us, the husband visits us every month as a home teacher from church, he is such a humble man, a real gentleman, kind and funny and I actually think that he is the closest thing to a friend that H has had for many years. I am so excited to have him and his gentle wife here in our home, to be able to relax and get to know them more.
I have done all the shopping for our dinner, turkey, baked ham, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, bacon wrapped stuffing, green bean casserole, biscuits ( American dinner ones not cookies!) good old Asda! We will have gravy and cranberry sauce, I am making pumpkin pie and I bought cherry pie and apple pies too.
I intend to eat whatever I like, I don't see myself eating dessert because I really don't enjoy that any more, I will eat everything else though because I can! I will cook it all the healthy way, no dripping butter etc, I realised today that this is a way of life, I think this is how 'normal' people live, eating sensibly and eating good food and sometimes splurging...not the way I used to do it, which was the opposite, binging with the odd day off ( if I was sick!) I really do eat everything I enjoy and I enjoy everything I eat. I still go to eat some of the crap I used to eat and then I catch myself and give myself a good talking to, or rather, I just remind myself that I don't need that anymore, the comfort I used to get from food comes from elsewhere now. I have done things differently this time in learning, as I go along, what various foods do for, or against me.
Oh how I hope this doesn't stop anytime soon!
H is really impressed and is, can you believe it, not stingy in his praise, good heavens! That helps, when you're told how well you are doing it certainly makes you inclined to keep doing it. I love that he is joining in too, I fancy his shirts are a bit looser too, of course he is nowhere near as splendid as me and he still eats crusty bread and butter, he can't help it, some people just don't have the iron will do they?
So, a good day today, a little more hope and a lot more enthusiasm to keep on keeping on. Marvellous.
Look, I had to go and look at more pictures that were taken last time, this one is to me, unbelievable...I know I don't look this thin now..yet I am 5lbs lighter? I will have to have Sophie take pictures tomorrow and put on a tighter T shirt, I don't believe it at all!



If I do look like this now.... well whoobloodyhoo that'd be just great!