She's making a list and checking it twice.

Things that will always, without fail, spoil any feelings of peace and goodwill to all men ( that are in this particular house, although it would more than likely have the same effect if I saw it in your house too.)

Used tea bags on the kitchen work top.
Dirty spoons on same kitchen work top.
Coffee jars and sweeteners and bakery wrappers and yes, well.....on kitchen work tops.
Puddles of pee in the bathroom.
More puddles of pee in the bathroom.
Dirty towels hung back up ( WHY?!)
The inability to just THROW IT AWAY, who really believe that the 2 bites of now stale cookie is ever going to be eaten? It isn't, throw it away. DON'T leave it on the counter thinking some starving child will be grateful for it later.
Doing any type of crafts with these boys. ( yet still I keep trying, every single day.)
People who are congested, clearing that congestion, while they are sitting next to or near me. All day. Loudly. Shudder.

Things that make my heart sing at this time of year especially.

Home made gifts waiting to be delivered.
Little boys running like wild things to be first to ring the doorbell to deliver the gifts.
The sound of crackly paper and people behaving furtively ( which any other time of year might well be very alarming.)
People watching. ( as in watching people, not people, watching.)
Empty supermarkets at 6am.
Christmas tree that have been upright for 2 whole days and look pretty and sparkly.
Christmas smells of cinnamon, cloves, pine, oranges.
Little boys of 5 who hear their big brother saying Santa is fake.

Things I have picked up, put right to my mouth before putting down again ( today this is)

Turkey and cranberry pie bought at Fermoys which is like a slice of heaven and will surely be available IN heaven, should we ever get there.
Crispy bacon ( that I cooked with pancakes for everybody else and instead...I had a Xenical because oh I want thinness more than crispy bacon. ( I think)
Ready salted crisps.
Turkey and cranberry pie that, until I cut it up and served to Grandpa and H, with pickles was calling my name so loudly I was almost deafened.
Buttery toast.

Things I am determined to do and will endeavor to do cheerfully.

Keep putting down that food that tastes oh so good yet does me so much harm.
Keep doing crafts with these little boys because we will make memories dammit.
Keep fixing the tree, every evening so it looks pretty and festive and telling myself this is probably the last year it will be irresistible to little hands.
Smiling and keeping my mouth shut ( unless I am doing crafts and then all bets are off ....try it, I dare you! With MY kids I mean, not yours who are sure to be sweet and thankful and wide eyed with festive wonder at such a treat as to be making christmas crackers and tasty treats in the kitchen, with happy christmas tunes playing.)
Reminding myself that it is indeed a blessing to be the mother of a large family, to be the one they all seem to need ( at the same time usually)
Remembering that to some people, ( several of who live in this house with me) the upheaval and lack of normality at this time of year is not a positive thing that it is worrisome and unwelcome..and not punch them in the head when they behave in a less than festive fashion ( and I do mean the grown up people, not the little ones who do actually have at least the childlike joy left in them that helps with the fear, because yes, it is all insane and not normal but OH MY GOODNESS....new toys any day now! )
Enjoy everything around me this week ( apart from things listed in the first list, obviously!)

What we ( yes WE as in ME TOO!) will be eating on christmas day ( because I changed my mind and am cooking on the say not Christmas ever, after all!)

Turkey, Pheasant, Duck.
Stuffing rolled in bacon.
Roast potatoes, parsnips, mashed swede and carrots , brussel sprouts, peas.
Gravy and Lacey's cranberry sauce.

I am almost determined NOT to buy mince pies, christmas cake, christmas pudding, clotted cream. All these things are irresistible to me but so unnecessary, if I thought I could just have a taste and be done, I would go for it but this is me, H loves it all too but the boys don't so it will be H and me eating it all and neither one of us needs it. At all. I did see some really grand mince pies the other day, a pack of 6, I might get one pack of those and the smallest clotted cream I can find. I read the other day that one slice of Christmas cake has the same amount of calories as a Mac Ds meal, a cheeseburger meal. Is it worth the misery and self loathing I know I would feel if I regain weight, if I have to redo any of the lbs I have lost.
I am taking Xenical this week because all the baking I have done has just been too tempting, I am sticking with it because the thought of the side effects if I eat anything fatty is just horrific to me, I took Xenical today and was amazed at the amount of times I almost popped something in my mouth as I was cooking.
I think if I can take it this week I am sure that by the new year I will be right back on track and out of temptations way. I can't say just how thrilled I am to feel this way. I have lost more weight in shorter time spans before but this is the longest I have ever felt so positive and determined. Every day I can feel this way is like treasure to me. I still have so much fat thinking going on, I know that I am not 'cured,' that being fat and miserable is still rooted deep inside me, that keeps me determined but some days, it also tries to make me give in, tell me I'm not worth trying for, what's the point? Those feelings are getting less and further away. Wonderful.

I like lists I do.