Have I done any good?

It occurred to me today that I have nothing to blog about that is breath taking, nothing that will make anyone reading it gasp or cry, feel and sit still and pray.
Isn't that great?
I read a blog today, followed a link to Tuesday's blog and my heart is so full. What can be done to help parents having to live with this kind of pain? What a difference this one little girl will make to so many lives as people across the world pray for her and her family. She is a baby and in such a short time is changing lives. Her parents write so beautifully about her.

How is it that we can enter into peoples' lives with a click of a mouse and read such intense and heartbreaking stories, feel the pain and hopes of people we have never met and will never meet?
How amazing that we can pray for people across the world, hope for them and send messages of love and support.
Sometimes I feel I am intruding on these most intimate and life altering times, I can feel uplifted, discouraged, helpless all in a short space of time by just reading the words people share.
I have used my blog to share such secrets, to relieve so much pain and sadness and I am so grateful that life for me right now isn't sad.
I am waiting on a date for another tribunal and today I realised that I am not interested anymore in proving the state of my mind. I am not interested in trying to convince strangers that I am depressed to the point of being incapable. I felt enormous relief to decide that I am not going to hold back on life anymore in case someone thinks I am lying.
I don't care if they stop money from me, in fact they already have, for weeks we have been living on reduced money because until I prove I am useless, they don't believe I am.
I'm not useless, let them keep the money. We can cope, we are coping, we're doing it and you know what? It feels great to know that if I feel like stepping outside that fear controlled hole I have lived in for years, I am going to do it.

If I want to try something new, I will, if it's scary..too bad. If it fails, so what, I'll try something else.
Too many things have kept me strapped into a corner, too much life has passed by with me holding back, holding in, waiting for disaster.
I read some of these blogs that are full of courage, bursting at the seams with such bravery and real fear and I feel so small. I have nothing to hide from, nothing to fear and every chance to take what life I have and make it count.
I want to make it count somehow, to do good and change something.

I love the Hymn, have I done any good?

1. Have I done any good in the world today?
Have I helped anyone in need?
Have I cheered up the sad and made someone feel glad?
If not, I have failed indeed.
Has anyone’s burden been lighter today
Because I was willing to share?
Have the sick and the weary been helped on their way?
When they needed my help was I there?

[Chorus]Then wake up and do something more
Than dream of your mansion above.
Doing good is a pleasure, a joy beyond measure,A blessing of duty and love.

2. There are chances for work all around just now,
Opportunities right in our way.
Do not let them pass by, saying, “Sometime I’ll try,”
But go and do something today.
’Tis noble of man to work and to give;
Love’s labor has merit alone.
Only he who does something helps others to live.
To God each good work will be known

It's been so long since I did any good, put myself out to change someones life, even in a small way, being so wrapped up in how sad my life was I forgot to look and see how I can brighten someone else's day.
On monday we talked to the boys about service, about how doing little things for others can make a difference in someones life and make our own so much richer. Then we took them to do a couple of little things to show them how easy it is.
It is easy and I hate that I forgot that for so long.
I am grateful to the internet for the way I can travel the world, enter lives, learn about how others live. See how great my world really is.
I think that maybe I am better, that at last I can see how sad those things were that I experienced, that I saw, that I had to hear and feel and endure but they are over. I am sure that my trials aren't over, they never are, we can't learn if we don't have to fight sometimes. Those trials are though, they can't make me sad any, more because they are done, finished, over.
There is so much good in this world and I want to get out and see some of it. I want to do even more of it.
Sometimes, all we can do is pray, for little girls like Tuesday, so many children facing such huge battles.Sometimes prayer is all it takes. I believe in miracles. I have seen so many.