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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Well worth it.

I left a message today, to a mum who is feeling what all mothers of small children feel more often than most of us will admit, I just said that Whoa, if it isn't time to forget all that important stuff, you know, all the must do, have to do it because the Supermum badge is waiting, throw that book out the window and just have fun.
Kids screaming? Let them run in the sprinklers and scream with the fun of it all.
Making a mess? Good let them.
Have a day off, really. Don't do it, if you feel like you just can't. Don't.
I said that and I thought that I was really saying what we all know...and then, reading the replies from other young mums, realised that this is something I know THIS time, you know, with my second litter.
I was just about the most uptight, houseproud, supermum badge chasing neurotic young mum of 3 special needs single parent family children you ever knew.
I was damned if anyone was EVER going to look at my poor father abandoned babies and tsk tsk because well, OBVIOUSLY..you know...single parent.
Oh no siree, MY children would always be spotless and polite, people could knock on my door at any time of the day and night and VOILA.....clean skirting boards, tidy bedrooms, mugs hanging on correct hooks ( did you know mugs had special hooks? why yes, they do!)
I did all that and we played all the right games and we had picnics and we did lots of splendid things.
They were delightful little people, all blond headed and squeaky voiced. Then I woke up one day and they were all BIG and deep voiced, all hairy ( the boys of course) and well, for heavens sake if that didn't just sort of happen while I wasn't looking.
Oh.
Sad.
Sad only in that I have moment where I think of all the things we could have done while I was making sure they had socks that matched the T shirts that matched the stitching on the jeans ( you're laughing, I can hear you)
I spent SO MUCH TIME making things shine and tidy, which wasn't horrible at all, I love shiny and clean, I still spend a whole lot of time ironing and you can come and look at my washing line any time you like and it is a sight for sore eyes, oh I have a method that would make your hair curl and I suspect you would be tempted to take a picture ( I am , often but I stop myself because FREAK!!!!!)
The difference is that now...well I know that kids grow, in the blink of an eye. I know that messy front rooms and baskets of washing waiting to be ironed in the middle of the kitchen for days, do not damage a child.
The world does not stop spinning if I decide that staying behind after school so three little boys can jump in the school swimming pool for 2 hours.

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We all seem to sleep and wake up alive the next day if I don't cook a 3 course balanced meal because we drove home via the beach and came home sand filled and salty haired when the sun shines.

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When kids get weary of having to do everything properly and I get tired of teaching them every damned important thing like saying excuse me and not poking their brothers eye out with that stick....when we all feel like screaming bloody murder, well then that's what we do...we go to the park and ride bikes down STEEP grassy hills and SCREAM because WHOOOOOOOHOOOOOO that's belly flipping FEAR right there and its MARVELLOUS!
When we feel like throwing plates at the wall ..well then we go to the river and throw stones in the water.

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When we want to throw ourselves on the floor and kick our feet with frustration we go to the park and climb in the spiderman swing and swoosh and watch the world fly by.
That important stuff, the stuff we read GOOD mothers do?
It's not important all the time.
There is no badge for supermother. No medals or trophies handed out for mothers who get it all right, because nobody does. Ever. Get it all right.
All we can do is do what we think is right and have as much fun as we can doing it.
The very best trophy, reward, prize I have is when my big kids talk about being little.
Jordan said the other day " When I hear my mates talking about when they were little and the crap they went though, my childhood is like a fairytale, we had it really good."
When Mel tells me that Jordan talks about when he was little all the time and how he wants Joshua to have the same kind of life.
Just watching them, because they are such great people. It is all worth it.
Every moment I spent with my fingers in my ears, shut in a quiet room willing myself to stay there and calm down, don't give in to that urge to go and throw them out of the window. It's worth it.
With these little boys, I still have those days where it all seems so headbangingly frustrating, not as many because I have H here to help and also, I CAN look at the big kids and see how beautifully they can turn out even when you somehow stumble along winging it, as they say.
It's just the best thing ever to know that you don't have to be perfect to get things right, you just have to love them and go with your instincts.
Oh it is so worth it.
Jordan proposed to Mel on saturday, it was her birthday and he took her on a boat trip to see Dolphins, they went to dinner and then he took her on a walk along the pier where he proposed, when she said yes, he took her to the restaurant where they work and had birthday cupcakes and engagement cupcakes, a dozen red roses, champagne and balloons that light up..and all her friends.
What a great men he is and all that despite having to have clean hands and regular baths, no dad and a neurotic mother.
Well worth it.

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4 Comments:

Blogger sarah said...

Congrats to Mel and Jordan. Good boy your raised:)

They do grow in a blink. Looks like you guy are having great summer excursions :)

10:42 pm  
Blogger Colleen said...

Helen - you never cease to amaze me. It seems you blog on topics I need to hear . .just when I need to hear them. You, my lady, are amazing and I love you!

2:20 am  
Blogger Jackie said...

Congratulations to Jordan & Mel!

You are one amazing mommy!!

2:37 am  
Blogger Cathy said...

So, I'll be checking my mail for the wedding invite. There best be on for us or you have a lot of esplainin to do, Lucy!!

Congrats!

1:43 am  

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