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Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Saturday, September 05, 2009

In one peace.

My husband is nothing if not smart, you can't catch him out no matter how early you get up in the morning.
I've tried.
Sometimes I know I am trying and other times, I have no idea at all.
Take last night.
I sent in a request for my medicine, my anti depressants to be precise. A small dose, I have to say that I haven't really noticed a huge difference since taking them, I know that I sleep more, much more, like a regular person even. Most days, around 3 or 4 o'clock I am so overwhelmed
with weariness that I have to sleep. It's not a 'ooh a nap would be lovely' need, it is a ' if I don't lie down and sleep the sleep of a comatose person I might just drop in a heap' kind of need.
I sweat, which I hate but it isn't a terrible and debilitating sweat, just an unkind kind of sweating and actually, only when other people are just as hot and dripping. I can deal with that.
The gradual improvement in my anxieties have been so gentle as to have me believe that it is nothing to do with the meds, it is all just ME getting better.
Anyway, I emailed my request and as usual, they say they didn't receive my email, I went into the reception area at the doctors and arranged to go back later in the day and collect a script. Which I forgot to do, for 3 day.
I felt perfectly fine, in fact better than fine, I went 3 days without crawling upstairs at 3 pm to sleep, oh let me sleep.
I was in fact, pretty lively and did things like take all 3 boys shopping, at once, on my own, on purpose.
I took them to a very large supermarket about 15 miles away ( I don't know, why DID I do that? ) we walked in together and I felt upbeat and confident that this would be fine.
7 steps into the shop I was stopped by a man in a smart suit who said " Madam, may I ask who supplies your electricity?"
"Yes, you may" I said as I continued to walk past and then " N Power" over my shoulder as I bid a hasty retreat.
"Oh but Mada........"
"NO TIME!" I said.
Up one aisle, down another, 3 little boys still relatively happy and close by. Any mother with 3 young children, especially boys knows that there is a very fine time limit to shopping with them. In, see, grab, buy, pay, out. That's how it is done. These creatures can turn in a second, one moment there, the next all 3 in a different direction, slipping, knee sliding, climbing, touching, running, more skidding....hell breaks loose in a split second.
Up a 3rd aisle
"Ahhh, MADAM! Yes, N.Power, let me take just a moment of your time"
"Hmm, have you ever been shopping with 3 boys, aged 6, 8 and 9? Have you?"
" Yes"
"Oh you so haven't, but if I pretend I believed you for a second, did you ever think it a wise and sensible move to stop, with those 3 boys and talk to someone about changing electricity companies?"
" Why yes, if I thought it would save me hundreds of pounds, why yes, I would!"
"The Internet is a marvellous thing! I shall do all that on the Internet when these children are not with me! BYE!"
When I next walked by him, he pretended he didn't see me. Clever man.
Not as clever as H though.
So, I was feeling pretty good and thinking that maybe I didn't need to take the anti depressants anymore. I think maybe I needed to get over that slump and I did and maybe I wouldn't bother with them anymore.
Until someone suggested that maybe going cold turkey wasn't a great idea. Who'd have thought? I know that other people don't do well with that, that other people get snippy and short tempered and other people don't realise that is even happening. I was pretty sure that for me, this was OK, I was actually feeling really good and it was so nice to not feel so leg draggingly weary all the time.
( heh, Seth is so my son, this afternoon I told him he had to sit down and just relax for a while, he sat down and said " Oh but THIS movie? This is heart lurchingly dull!" that's my boy!)
So, chatting online, Cathy suggested that I maybe start taking the pills again and take her advice, no matter how good I may be feeling, take the pills, for the sake of the children.
Hrumph.
What can she mean? Sake of the children? Why I am mother earth practically.
So, while I was chatting and reassuring her that all is well, I am FINE, really FINE, perfectly bloody fine! I turned to H and said
"Have I been behaving any differently the last few days?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I ran out of medicine and I feel so much better without it and I was wondering if you have noticed that I am any different, that's all"
and then he showed me how smart he is, how quick thinking and wise because he looked me right in the eye and said
"How do YOU think you have been?"
That, ladies and gentlemen is how to stay married and in tact, with head in one piece and with a wife who thinks the sun might well shine out of your backside for 23 days of every month ( give him a break, he can't be perfect all the time ) How to ensure peace reigns.
I started taking the medicine again.
I am flying to Boston in 26 days, I need all the help I can get, I am meeting new people and the flying fears are beginning to surface, I hope the meds will squash those back down again.
I am miserable about being fat and frumpy, excited that I will be able to buy clothes that fit and don't cost a fortune, fed up with the double chins, happy that no-one else will care at all how many chins I have.
I am so looking forward to shopping after scrimping and saving ( oh the joy of saving for weeks and months and picking up, putting back and saying 'No' and then getting on holiday and being able to just go for it!)
I love the hotel we stay in, love that it is now familiar to us and feels like a posh home from home. I love Hotels, especially in the States, over here I don't think we know how to do it, far too expensive and not at all as welcoming as the ones I have stayed in in the States. ( unless you opt for the really great hotels which are lovely and such a treat. I loved going away when I was a nanny, staying in hotels that know how to make you feel welcome and pampered.)
I am so excited and at least I know that the flight, 7 hours, is acceptable and passes quickly enough. The one home is even better as it's an overnight flight and shorter due to wind direction or something.
Quite a few people are coming, new people, which freaked me out for a while, now I am OK about that, I am pretty sure I won't disgrace myself or scare too many of them and so far, people I have met in Boston have turned out to be quite splendid, I shall assume that will be the case this time as well.
We are going for a whole week this time, enough time to do all kinds of extra things, more time to spend laughing and shopping.
Oh how exciting it all is.

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3 Comments:

Blogger justLacey said...

Maybe a different med would help you and still allow you to have the energy to do what you want? I am glad you are excited about going on the trip.

10:12 pm  
Blogger Colleen said...

Can't wait to see you Helen!

12:05 am  
Blogger Cathy said...

Well, that darn Cathy should listen to her own advice cause everyone around her was a raving lunatic and a I-so for the last 2 days. Yes, that Cathy didn't take her happy pills for 2 days so everyone around her has decided to be complete and utter jerks. I shall take it tonight before going to bed and somehow, everyone will know cause tomorrow they will all be so much nicer!

C'mon 26...I can NOT wait to see you...hug you...shop with you...eat with you...take pictures of your food on your shirt....

mwah...love you so!

3:28 am  

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