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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

101 subjects.

Sometimes ( though not often) I have a dilemma that I long to blog about and then I think, hmm maybe I shouldn't, because it is about someone other than me, like my children, who are a part of me and so usually I think, they're mine, I can talk about them, what can they do? They won't even read this until I am dead and even then who will think to give them the link and say " she loved you, most of the time, you drove her insane more often than not but she does love you, did, past tense, she's dead, here read what she said about you" Who? No-one that's who.
I had such an occasion recently where Sophie ( yes, Sophie, some things never change) was going through something that made me SCREAM inside, and want to talk her to death,

( there is a very suspicious smell in here, what can THAT be? Hope the mouse didn't die in here under something, hope it died alright but not where I am going to smell it)

anyhoo, she made me want to teach and tell her and advise her and tell her TO STOP IT...but I didn't because a) She is a grown woman, albeit only in body, the rest is taking it's sweet time to catch up. b) when anyone tells Sophie to do anything, advises her, teaches her, she feels it her duty to prove them wrong and go right ahead and carry on, only more. c) sometimes I get sick of the sound of my own voice, rattling on to the wall, as if anything I say might somehow sink into a mind belonging to a child I gave birth to and actually making a difference.

So, I kept my mouth shut, which was SO HARD let me tell you. That's all I will tell you because it's her story and it's over anyway now. It worked, my keeping my mouth shut, she worked it out and I must say, she did it beautifully and with a certain amount of charm, if we discount her being arrested that is. Bless her big mouth and all, some things are never going to change, she still hasn't learned when to shut HER mouth, even when she is being restrained by a policeman and thrown into the back of a paddy wagon. I could tell you all about THAT experience as she is quite proud of it, which is why I yawned and said " how fascinating, did you get a fine because THAT would take the fun out of that for you wouldn't it?" seems she didn't, I should probably call the local police and tell them next time to fine her, she might think twice then.
So, today I was dilly dallying about whether to share her latest annoying phase, I mean how much do I want to share? I tell myself that recording all this will help me, when it's all over, to look back and say " OH MY! I forgot all about THAT....and oh how I will laugh, but then I realise with a sinking heart that, well it doesn't appear that it will ever be over because she KEEPS DOING WHAT SHE KEEPS DOING!
She is ->this<- close to losing her job, the one she is good at that pays her every month and keeps her somewhat busy during the day. Does she care? Nope, not at all. I, however feel sick at the thought of her not having this job. And that's all I am going to say about it because....dull. Very dull and repetative. I went to the movies this evening, with my friend who lives right here, in this very town, darn it if I don't keep forgetting I have friends who are right here, so obsessed am I with my over the sea friends that I forget I can call people here and say " shall we go out" and they say " yes, why don't we" and no-one has to get on a plane! For heaven's sake that's great isn't it? Flying across the ocean is marvellous and I am excited that I shall be doing just that in 6 weeks but going out, having fun and being home in time for bed, is pretty fabulous as well. So we went to see " the Ugly truth" which was very funny and romantic and quite rude in places. Whenever I watch anything vaguely romantic I feel sort of sad because Oh how I love romance and there isn't any, anywhere near me, H is many things, romantic isn't one of them. I believe he did that a couple of times when he was younger, with someone else and now, well we're older and wiser so no need for any of that is there? I talked to Jane and all the way home we were planning ways to get H to at least remember that I am here, I mean he knows I am HERE, someone is doing the laundry, he knows I am here, someone is bringing shopping in and putting it in the fridge after all. HE just seems to forget that I am here, me..the wife, he knows the mother of his children is here because his children are everything to him, he knows Helen is here because darn it all if she doesn't just keep talking to him all the time, always with the talking. I just think he forgets that THIS me is here, the one that no-one else sees, the one that really likes being with HIM, that H, not the daddy one or the spiritual giant, the H only I see, the one that is just mine. We talked ( because women do that ) about how to get him away from being the daddy for a while. When I came home, he opened the door for me ( see? He is such a gentleman, 10 years together and he opens the door for me, he also cooks dinner and cleans up so that I can get ready to go out and he puts the boys to bed and stays here with them while I fly across the world to be with my friends, he is a splendid specimen of manhood ) and we said hello and before I had a chance to say a word he said " you know what? I think we need to find a babysitter and start going out on friday evenings" and then, not 5 minutes later he said it again. Dan is down next week, I will ask him to stay here while we go out somewhere and we shall indeed be Helen and H and not mum and dad, just for a while because it's so easy to plod from day to day, week to week and forget who we are and what makes it all worthwhile. My friends are having a blast in Canada, pictures and texts, facebook status updates, so much fun, much laughter and of course, friendships being made and strengthened. I love the internet, where would my life be without it? I met H online, that's the best reason for loving it, I have made such great friendships, real honest to goodness ones , slipped up a couple of times without too many awful consequences ( egg on my face and a sense of 'how was I that stupid?) but all in all, wonderful people who, without the internet I wouldn't know...which doesn't bear thinking about, not at all. So I won't. I look at the pictures, I see all the laughter and the see Jenn and Julie, in pink and blue wigs, Cathy with her face splitting from ear to ear as she sees her friends arrive, as she arrived in Canada. I see pictures of stores and airports, hotel rooms and in every one, smiling faces, huge smiles and genuine joy. Life is all about memories, I am so lucky to be able to make memories that will last forever, with my children, my family and my friends, ones that I will smile about when I am old and have so much time on my hands that sitting near a window and remembering is something I get to do a lot. I thought I would be sad about not being in Canada but I'm really not, I get calls and speak to the splendid ladies ( and even hang up on them! Yep, that would be me, chat chat.....oh OK, bye bye, just as I hit the end call button, I heard someone say " HI!" click. Gah. ) and I get texts and updates and it just makes me so excited for Boston. The best part of these friendships for me, is that we are all different, different ages, different religions, different lifestyles, none of that matters, somehow all these women ( and the group keeps growing) have one thing in common, we all seem to find the same things funny and we are all keen that whoever is nearby feels happy to be there. Such kindness, behind the scenes and in your face, no-one ( I hope) ever feels left out, nobody is on the sidelines unless they put themselves there, some people like to take a back seat and others love to be right in the middle of all the fun ( I, personally and a shy and retiring sort and am always quietly in the background taking it all in. Yes, that would be my role. ) It amazes me that so many women, from all over the world, from so many backgrounds can have so much in common. Friendship is a beautiful thing. You're never too old, too young, too rich, too poor, too clever, too simple to be a friend or have friends. However, you can think you are too rich, too clever, too important and then....well then you lose your friends. Thinking isn't always the best way to being a friend, doing is what counts. What you say might be important, what you do is what matters.
Today has been a lovely day.
Tomorrow, I hope will be as lovely. Isaac is being baptised tomorrow. He said he wanted EVERYONE to be there and see him being baptised, luckily I didn't take him at his word, we have told very few people and this evening he said " I only want my family there" There will be a few more people there and I so hope he can deal with that, when the moment comes for him to be baptised, we can always send everyone out and keep just a few people there, nobody will mind at all. I am a little nervous as we have kept it really low key, I haven't organised it all to death, it's going to be ( I hope) a gentle, quiet time that he can remember happily.
How did he get to be 8 so quickly? Glorious Isaac.

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