For some people, it is all so effortless.

The first one is one of those people. No matter what he does, he manages to do it all so spectacularly wrong, screwing it all up as royally as it is possible to screw. Sometimes even making headline news while as he goes. ( and not in a 'I must send this newspaper to ALL my friends and family because I am just so PROUD way, having said that, he did, in fact send me the newspaper he was in, when he beat the living daylights out of his girlfriend, in front of his young son, right as an off duty policeman walked by, because to him, no publicity is bad publicity and LOOK! AM IN THE PAPER! " He was suspended from his job as a prison officer on full pay for a year for that nugget, which was not his fault of course, she MADE him do it)
It is a very long time since he has managed to incur a heart thumping rage in me, for many years he has been nothing but a slightly embarrassing hiccup in my growing up years. He gave me 3 glorious children and then went merrily on his way, neither helping nor hindering my efforts to raise happy, responsible adults. I take that back, he certainly did hinder my efforts where Sophie is concerned, he played with her little mind and damaged her tender soul in a relentless barrage of uselessness.
He has been married again since our divorce, to a lovely woman, who bore him another son, lived with him for several years and eventually, they married, two months after he married her, he left her, for someone else, you know, who understood him. He said he married the 2nd one because 'she wanted him to marry her' and he didn't know how to say no.
It is a miracle that somehow, my 3 children from this man have managed to avoid the terminally stupid gene that is so prominent in him. They did get the funny gene and the good looking gene, praise the Lord ( and that is not said in a flippant, blasphemous way I hasten to add) they missed the idiot gene. I think he owns that one outright.
For several glorious years, he has been absent from our lives, when he has a new girlfriend, he pops up out of the woodwork and invites them to stay so he can fleetingly give off an impression of a caring and involved Father, sadly, when the kids are with him, there is always a stunned and uncomfortable silence, one that is only broken by Daniel belching or Jordan swearing, Sophie, the last time she saw him, hid under cushions on Jordan's sofa, in a fetal position, when she was coaxed out she became a hissing, spitting, swearing embarrassment to all around her. Bless her sore heart.
He surfaced briefly when Joshua was born, 'Grandad' he came to visit, with grand gifts ( which made me cry because I had no money to buy anything BIG and SHINY at the time, no matter I realised after a short pity party, I helped that boy enter the world, saw him take his first breath, no frippery will ever surpass that blessing)
He came and took photos of himself kissing his grandson and then he left.
Joshua is now 16 months old and wouldn't know 'grandad' if he stood up in his soup.
So, then he popped up again, to say he had a new girlfriend and he was moving in with her and wasn't SHE lucky? The usual invite to the children arrived, always a place for you in my ( her) home, he said. "Ha!" They said, "thanks for that."
This summer, Dan, Jordan and and Mel took him up on his offer and they went to visit the new woman and the old git, in their home. The girlfriend, it seems, is not a fiancee and she decided that she wasn't really interested in his children, these adults, that appeared out of nowhere and who look very much like her love. She sat in a different room and when forced to breathe the same air, sat sullenly without speaking.
So, the first one is taking a 3rd one, another wife, 3rd time lucky......I doubt it.
Here's the kicker, he has chosen to get married just 2 weeks after Jordan and Mel. He is not helping financially with Jordan's wedding to Mel, I suspect that when the time comes he will even say he is too busy with his own wedding to attend his son's ( we can but hope anyway)
That's not all, his wedding is in a swanky hotel, he is insisting that his children stay at the hotel, at the cost of £200 a night, the reason for this is, that if all his guests stay at the hotel and pay £200 their wedding will be FREE, you know, cost them NOTHING.
There is also a dress code, everyone to wear, black or gold.
Today, a stupid note arrived, in handwriting that is not familiar to me ( which means his girlfriend wrote it) saying nothing more than " Keep Nov 6th free for when the first one marries the 3rd one who will rue the day she ever set eyes on him" That's it, Keep the day free.
Why should they? I can't imagine anyone on his side giving a monkey's nipple about attending yet another meaningless ceremony where this man promises to love, honour and cherish a woman, til death do them part, for the 3rd time. I certainly can't envision them all being happy to PAY for the pleasure.
My children are adults, they can decide for themselves whether or not they attend and I am pretty sure that because they are kind and honourable people, they will go and they will pay that extortionate fee for a room to stay in. Sophie is saying she won't go, he hasn't even given her the courtesy of actually telling her he is getting married, she read it on his Facebook page. I hope she doesn't go, I am certain if she goes she will be ignored and come away feeling even lower than he already makes her feel.
I am sure Daniel will go and hope that Jordan and Mel are too busy having a glorious time after their own wedding to bother about such an expensive and pointless journey.
I wish I could meet him in the street just so I could spit in his eye and tell him I wish him everything he deserves.
The marvellous thing is, I don't have to do, or say anything, he has his just rewards, his children scorn him, his grandbaby doesn't know him, he has nothing of worth that belongs to him. He has chase happiness all his life, whilst running away from the very things that would make him happy if he stopped trying to up the ante.
I have all the joy he threw away, I know all that...it's just that sometimes, just sometimes I would so love to look him in the eye and LAUGH. Just for the hell of it.