so..what works ?

I need, after my outpouring of misery the other day, to make it plain that my whole life is not taken up with sadness. I am, so often able to see immense joy in many things around me and hooray they are the simplest of things that make my spirits soar.
Today I wanted to pick up some plants...lawks a mercy hang on tight.... she might be getting the gardening thing! Mum warned me that sometime around 30 I would begin to see beauty in nature and feel a longing to watch things grow....so I admit it , in this I am retarded but in a very sluggish and almost childlike way the awakening has begun.
H is prone to think of things and be totally gung ho about them and then forget that he was the one to start a trend or fad! He needed, around january, to buy seeds for the purpose of having a marvellous learning experience with the boys..now I am no Percy Thrower but I'm pretty sure that not much is going to sprout in January but never the less, some seeds were bought ( and a veritable nursery supply too I might add, I could almost see a home farm in the distance supplying friends and family with juicy produce fresh from our garden)
Fast track to the end of march when we had a very touching evening with papa and daddy helping 2 little boys plant some seeds. It was, for my mum and I, almost tear jerkingly moving to be bystanders in the experiment, both Dad and H are true aspergers men and Seth and Isaac both have the same tendancies but with the joyful and blissful exuberance of childhood.....just picture 2 very 'rigid' men trying to plant straight rows of seeds with 2 little boys who both have very set ways of thinking how things should be done. If ever there was an example of patience that had to be it!
" oh oh..NO PLEASE put that seed HERE,...it should be in straight lines....Oh but the soil is going all over the ...oh you ARE good boys aren't you doing a beautiful job..." Whilst watching the lip biting and knuckle clenching I had to feel admiration for these 2 men who were determined to have a great time with their sons / grandsons.....common sense told both mum and I to stay as far away as possible though!!
So now we had several trays of seeds and where to put them ? Hmmmm of course no-one had thought THAT far ahead and so they went where everything with no home goes..out in the laundry / toy room. Thankyou gramma for knowing how painful that would be for ME and thankyou gramma for bringing around a mini greenhouse...which H erected outside and put the seeds in..never to go near it again!
Now, I am not a fluffy person, never overtaken with emotion at the sight of a cutsie wutsie puppy, I am perfectly able to look at it and see steaming pooh on my carpet and chewed table legs, Kittens are sweet but I can see flea bites.....babies almost get me but I have had 6 and have learned that they big and answer back much longer than they are wobbly headed little smoochies who smell divine! But I simply cannot see living things neglected...so the seeds became my project, I transplanted them into little pots and watered them well and by golly they GREW and grew and I would mention how they were growing and say how they should probably be planted outside now...oh well, I found some fabulous tomato and runner bean plants for 40p outside the corner shop. ( and they are already planted as I caught H in a digging mood and lo and behold we're in business!
The journey to buy the plants was spectacular, as distracted as I am on many occassions it is impossible for me to drive in this part of the country and not notice just how beautiful it is, as hurried as I may be, I never feel cross stuck behind a herd of cows on the way to milking with udders almost scraping the tarmac ( almost been there before I had my reduction, so much sympathy is given to said cows no matter how long it takes them to swing their way to the milking shed!)
I am forever stunned at the simple beauty by which I am surrounded ......just a glimpse of such treasure on a clear bright day is enough to lift my soul.


Thankyou for natures own anti depressant!