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Humilty, elation and rage.
I am at home, after 8 hours of extraordinary emotions and experiences. For the most part is has been a day of such joy, such peace and greatness, the smallest part has been rage filled and questioning.
Jane arrived and dad saw her, he looked at her and was happy she was there. He has been peaceful and relaxed and we have had some spiritual highs. Our family has enjoyed such a time of immense togetherness. Nothing, I hope, will detract from that.
This evening dad had an hour and a half of such hideous pain, despite enough drugs to floor an elephant he was still aware and still crying in pain, still so afraid of the feeling that he was falling and begging for help. I asked how much more he should take and then remembered that this has been such a short time, he could have been going through this for months, even years.
I thought of Christ when I saw that through the pores in dad's swolled legs he was weeping fluid. Christ bled from his pores so great was his agony and still He said " Thy will be done." I left because in room 4 there is such a feeling of peace, such an overwhelming calm, my anger doesn't belong there.
I drove home and stopped at Sainsburys and bought treats and pop for my boys, we are going to have our friday night of American Idol and fun.
If my dad dies while I am away, it was meant to be. My mum is fantastic, she is so strong and so righteous and so dignified. I adore her. My dad is so strong that I am in awe of them both. Honour thy Father and Mother that thy days may be long. This is one commandment that has never been in the least difficult. Honour demands honour, they are the most honourable parents any child could be blessed with.
Then sings my soul, my saviour God to thee, My God, how great thou art.
Jane arrived and dad saw her, he looked at her and was happy she was there. He has been peaceful and relaxed and we have had some spiritual highs. Our family has enjoyed such a time of immense togetherness. Nothing, I hope, will detract from that.
This evening dad had an hour and a half of such hideous pain, despite enough drugs to floor an elephant he was still aware and still crying in pain, still so afraid of the feeling that he was falling and begging for help. I asked how much more he should take and then remembered that this has been such a short time, he could have been going through this for months, even years.
I thought of Christ when I saw that through the pores in dad's swolled legs he was weeping fluid. Christ bled from his pores so great was his agony and still He said " Thy will be done." I left because in room 4 there is such a feeling of peace, such an overwhelming calm, my anger doesn't belong there.
I drove home and stopped at Sainsburys and bought treats and pop for my boys, we are going to have our friday night of American Idol and fun.
If my dad dies while I am away, it was meant to be. My mum is fantastic, she is so strong and so righteous and so dignified. I adore her. My dad is so strong that I am in awe of them both. Honour thy Father and Mother that thy days may be long. This is one commandment that has never been in the least difficult. Honour demands honour, they are the most honourable parents any child could be blessed with.
Then sings my soul, my saviour God to thee, My God, how great thou art.
posted by The other me | 7:27 pm
3 Comments:
I pray that he doesn't have to feel that pain again. I am so proud to know you.
Hugs.
I too hope he doesn't have to feel pain that bad again Helen. You are such a strong person.
It is good you went home to spend some time with the boys.
You are just truly amazing; your family too! How wonderful that you are all able to pull together and find joy in something so sad and painful. The togetherness will help everyone through the times ahead.
And it was good of you to spend time at home with the kids and H. Im sure they enjoyed it. It has to be hard to feel torn to some degree btwn spending the final days with your dad and yet being there for your kids and H. You have seemed to find a balance and maintain strength through all of it.
You are such an amazing woman!
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