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Location: United Kingdom

Yes...this is ALL about me, and mine. Marvellously self indulgent, feel free to tell me how splendid I am, leave comments, nice ones please, I have little kids and teenagers who can do the rude stuff. I am a grandma, to the glorious Joshua, I'm allowed to look frazzled and weary, I earned it. The older I get, the more I see that hanging on and being patient is worth it! They ( whoever 'they' are) are so right when they say you never know what is around the corner, it isn't always an articulated truck! It is vital to make the time for making memories, friends are the greatest treasure, I love mine. I am rich!

Friday, July 14, 2006

Fuss, with a capitol F, please.

I am still here....i think with the sunshine and Big Brother ( which is a bit gripping here lately) and the very idea of my birthday in 10 days, I haven't been updating like a mad blog updating obsessive person.
10 Days and I will be 44. I haven't ever made a big deal about my birthday since I was a little bit of a girlie ( and I was one of those once, honestly) but this year I want it all. Fuss with a CAPITOL F. Presents and breakfast ( or slimfast) in bed, cards and more presents and dinner out with H. I have told my children that I NEED a new phone, a skinny little cell phone that flips or slides. They are a bit sort of gobsmacked and I don't think they believed me because I always say 'don't worry about me' ( and they don't damn them). It's sinking in that I mean it though, it won't hurt them to pamper me for one day, will it? H is vey poor at birthdays, everyones' birthday not just mine, I am going to start working on him tomorrow. I feel the need for Fuss. Lots of it.

I have been having a miserable time lately with my head, having made such huge strides and getting so much better, to have this big backslide has been a wallopping great blow. I have had thoughts of hurting myself, not suicidal thoughts, cutting myself thoughts. I don't do it, but I want to. I understand the workings of a self harmer's mind. I am ( thankfully ) too worried about the fact that people would know if I ever gave in to the cutting urge. I pinch, hard. It does stop the pain in my mind but gives no relief. I am told that this is all part of the fact that I am feeling, after so many years of not experiencing any kind of emotion, now they are coming back they are all kind of exploding and for a while it might be overwhelming. It most certainly IS overwhelming and I can't say I like it, not even a bit. comes a day that is heralded as one to be celebrated, the day of my I need to be shown that these people are glad I am here. The trouble is, my birthday is 2 days before Eli's whose is 3 days before Jordan''s always lost and passed over somehow. Why do I care so much that this year it isn't?
I think it's just because there has been a lot of sadness, any reason for some fun and especially fun centered entirely around me, well BRING IT ON!

As hard as it is for me to take in the fact that I am almost 44...I really can't believe my baby, the Eli boy is almost 3. Still in nappies, we are trying to get him potty trained but the boy isn't for training. " Hey, I got big boy underpants, I do a wee in lem, wight now"
" No, wee in the potty, you'll get a lolly"
" No fantyou, I doin' a wee in neese pants....SEE? I did it, wight der, ona floor See it?"

I'm not sure what one does with such blatant disregard for lolly bribery, such lack of respect for brand new, Bart Simpson boxers, I'm tempted to beat him at his own game and forbid him to use the potty. Keep him in nappies. That'll show him.

Hey, it's it's only 9 days til my birthday....did I mention my birthday?


Blogger Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY Almost birthday you wonderful Woman you!!!

They BETTER treat you good I say!



2:59 am  
Blogger Julie Q said...

I hope you do have a great birthday Helen! :) I totally understand your feelings. Is it so hard for a teenager to make a cake or something!

I am willing to bet Eli will come around soon. They always do. :) Good luck with potty training.

5:09 am  
Blogger LosingSanity said...

I hope they make your bday a very special day for you!!!! Everyone deserves a special bday!

The potty Eli related to my Makenneh??? She just turned 3 in April and still not potty trained. I thought we had it..she was doing good using the potty, then stopped. I am trying to face the fact that she may start school in diapers....Hey, she may graduate from High school in diapers! LOL! OK, not really, but gee..when they know where they are supposed to go potty, why do they refuse to do it!

Good luck with the potty training! If you find a secret that works, please let me know.

1:53 pm  
Blogger -Lo said...

You should make everyone care about your birthday. In this hgousehold i have to tell chris what to do. He doesn't think of things, And ive spent too many years saying "Why can't you just be romantic??!?!?! Get some flowers? Light so flickin candles?!" well the truth is, i have to tell him what to do, and thats the way it is here.
So tell hubby "I want a cake and ballons and breakfast in bed. Make it happen, and if you dont there will be hell to pay." Then sit back and act It works for me. Every little bit eh?

You deserve so much every dy but especially on your birthday.

Shane didn't even START potty training until he was 3. He'll do it...eventually. Potty training sucks...

I hope you have a kick ass birthday sweets!
Now start telling everyone, ive learned with men that hints dont work! At least with mine....smooch

5:56 pm  

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